Archive for the ‘violent kids’ Tag

I was right

Monday, April 3rd, 2017

So in my last post about the “offensive” comment I had made, not too long later the mother decided to give us in update with her situation so she posted that she had talked to her brother and his wife and to their five year old and it turned out he did it on purpose. The brother said they will leave and then the mother was unsure if she should take her kid into ER or not when she was showing worse symptoms. Then all the parents are saying in the thread how they should rush her into ER and don’t just sit there and wonder. Also others are telling her to kick the family out now. But yet not either of them knowledge how correct I was and didn’t even apologize for their down vote. So everyone is now acknowledging how the kid does have problems and needs help and to kick that family out now and she must protect her daughter. Well isn’t that what I had posted about in my “offensive” reply when I said I wouldn’t leave my kid alone ever and I would have kept everything locked away?

People are weird and rarely will anyone admit you are right and apologize.

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No one wants to believe a kid can be evil

Friday, March 31st, 2017

This comment got four down votes as of right now:

 

I believe evil exists and I believe some are born with it. Jeffrey dahmar is an example and it’s possible a child to be evil. But no one wants to believe it. That kid might be sick. If it were my kid I would be rushing for hospitals and psychistrists and putting locks on everything and never let the kid out of my sight. Are the parents not aware?

 

Some parent online made this post here:

This is going to be a long story

My brother has this 4 soon to be 5 year old that I wouldn’t trust leaving my daughter alone with. He does some pretty sadistic things. He hits my child on purpose and the smile on his face when he laughs and smiles about it gives me chills. When he was younger he use to bite his siblings and niece’s and nephew’s. He’s grown out of that stage but now he scratches, punches, etc.

Today I’m writing cause it concerns me of what he actually did last night and I’m concerned for my child’s health. I just had woken up to make my child a bottle of milk (she has SPD and still is on bottles. As I was pouring her a bottle of milk I poured myself a glass as well and when I took a drink it tasted awful, like pure rubbing alcohol. At first I thought it was the glassed I poured it in but then I smelled the jug of milk and noticed there was a bottle of rubbing alcohol on the kitchen counter that was empty. I got panicked, spilled it all down the drain and started searching up what would happen if it was drank (I’m in panic mode now) I’m not sure if the bottle I made her previously was contaminated or not but she has SPD so I’m hoping and praying that it wasn’t cause she would know. I have no proof he did it but I just know in my heart he did. He’s a little sadistic shit of kid.

Anyway should I take my child to the E.R. So far she’s acting fine in her sleep but I’m not sure. She had a fever earlier but I think that was cause to her teeth (she’s been complaining her teeth hurt) has a dentist appointment tomorrow. Once again I don’t know if the milk had been contaminated earlier or just 4-5 hours ago.

Also, my brother and his wife are temporarily staying with us and because they had a conflict with my other brother they were staying with about their kids. So I feel like if I bring this up they’ll be devastated but their kid is just too bad

So it’s offensive that if your kid behaves like psychopath and it’s beyond normal,  you look for doctors and mental hospitals to help your child so they won’t be a psychopath and they learn to control it and it’s offensive to keep everything locked away so your kid can use anything as a weapon and keeping them in your sight so they won’t do anything evil because you are watching and you can’t trust them for a few minutes or in the other room by themselves. Also the mother said in her comments the kid is actually five going on six. But no one wants to believe it a kid can be that bad and you did nothing wrong to make your kid that way.

They call him Chucky

Monday, September 12th, 2016

I think I am going to start posting videos and news articles of violent kids. I am glad some people are aware of it already. Maybe if more people make documentaries about it, people will get more aware and maybe more help will increase for these families and parental abuse will be taken more seriously.

They call him Chucky. I think it’s an exaggerated term they are using because the doll was out killing people and this boy doesn’t kill anyone nor does he injure anyone. He just terrorized his family and his 16 year old sister moved out and the parents were upset about it. She had to see a therapist to cope with his abuse. The parents have four children together. They said he is only violent at home but baloney because he has been kicked out of several schools for attacking other kids there so he now had to attend a special school for kids with behavior disorders.

They are able to seek the child help and then they finally threaten to put him in a home and that fixes him for the most part. He still had his moments but only rarely now. Gee what took them so long to come up with that threat?

Reading the youtube comments, it’s weird how many people think whooping him will solve the problem. Ironic that they think solving violence with violence is the answer. But perhaps they are talking about self defense here. Maybe they mean while he is abusing them, not after. But the mom seems to know how to fend for herself against him. She can hold him down, grab his arms to keep him from hitting her. She can wrestle him too.

Wikipedia gets it and some other webpages

Sunday, August 28th, 2016

When you google parental abuse, child abuse results pop up and other abuse results. But this page is one of the few results that pop up I am looking for.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_abuse_by_children

The other two pages talk about teens and young adults being abusive to their parents as if small children can’t abuse. I guess it’s because when a small child does abuse, you usually don’t fear your life or feel afraid of them and if they are grabbing knives and scissors, you lock them away and the matches too and anything that lights with fire. But I have heard of stories about parents fearing their child. Beth Thomas is an example of being a dangerous child when she was little. They even had to lock her in her room to protect her brother from her because she liked hurting them and she killed animals. Her parents had to renounce their adoption because it was the only way she could get help and to protect her brother. Then there is another story about Tom and Janice Colella who adopted a seven year old boy and still people turn a blind eye to kids being abusive and there still isn’t anything that protects parents from abuse from their children.

There are women shelters, there are services for elder abuse and abuse on the disabled, and even social services for child abuse but none for parental abuse. There are no laws about it. This seems to be a loophole in our law system about abuse. But of course you can charge your children with assault when they are teenagers but call the police on a child under 13 hitting you, the police will just laugh at you or get upset for wasting their time like what happened to Kelli Stapleton when she called the police on her daughter who was then 11 and by then she was calm and not doing her rages by the time they came. Despite her having a blog, still not much happened except she was getting money to help her daughter but still nothing because did they get another person to stay with them 24/7 to keep Issy off Kelli when she does her attacks? I assume they probably didn’t want to pay all that money for someone to be a bodyguard in the home who is bigger than Issy and can stop her when she does her attacks.

My husband thinks she should have been institutionalized because of her aggression and her inability to control it.  At least he understands parental abuse and knows how dangerous a kid can be but he reassures me it’s very rare for a kid to do abuse and those stories go on the media making it look common but those are just rare cases. Even Dr. Phil said Issy is the 10% of autism who are violent.

Parents may be going on the show about their abusive children and some may be showing videos online about it and photos of their abuse and the damage they do to the home, still nothing. That is why I am writing a fictional story about it and Steven tells my character in my story that putting it online doesn’t work so don’t do it. People don’t want to believe a kid can be abusive and violent so they will look for “proof” the kid is being abused and twist things around so if you are a parent and if your kid is harassing and bullying you and you finally get provoked by them, people will see that as the “proof.” I don’t expect my story to change anything because it’s fiction and not real life. The Bad Seed was fiction and so was The Good Son, none of the two baddies were real.

But yet Child of Rage didn’t change anything even though it aired in 1990 except Beth was actually abused when she was a toddler so she had RAD as a result of it and didn’t learn to bond or learn to have a conscious or learn empathy. Lauren Bennett of Lucky Otter’s Haven believes if they waited a little longer, she would have been beyond help because her brain would have been too far developed so at 6 and a half, she still had room to learn with the help she was given. She has been the only person I had ever heard about someone recovering from RAD. But at least her adoptive parents were given help and were taken seriously. They even made a documentary about it. So in my story Steven tells my character the only way to spread parental abuse awareness is to only show it to your kid’s doctor, show it to social workers, show it to your own therapist but do not put it on the internet because it doesn’t work.

I do wonder if Issy has a less chance in employment now because she is all over the web now about her aggression when you google her name. Plus there is a whole blog about her by her mother which is now dead. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to work with someone who tends to get violent when they get upset or mad but what if they had over came that? It will be on the internet. Despite there being a video about Beth Thomas, she still got her nursing job and she still got into college and now the video is online and she still seems to still be doing good with her life so the video didn’t ruin her. But I have seen some commenters saying she is in the closet sociopath or saying she is still probably one. Okay some people will still judge her and might not hire her because of her history if she goes for a different job.

More articles on parental abuse. The comments are interesting in the Empowering Parents article.

Signs of Parental Abuse: What to Do When Your Child or Teen Hits You

http://www.envisioncounsellingcentre.com/resources/parent_abuse.html

When Raising Teens Hurts: Parent Abuse by Dr. John Townsend

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/rise-in-parents-terrorised-by-their-children-7079798.html

http://psychcentral.com/lib/parent-abuse-by-teen/

http://www.internetjournalofcriminology.com/holt_parent_abuse_nov_09.pdf

https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-24/edition-3/responding-parent-abuse

 

 

 

Rehoming your adopted child

Thursday, March 24th, 2016

I found another blog I found through Harsh Reality (AKA Opinionated Man). This one stuck out to me.

https://adoptmomof6.wordpress.com/2013/09/10/rehoming-your-adopted-child/

While I hate domestic violence and abuse, I do still feel sorry for kids sometimes who are because of their background.I have noticed an overlap between RAD, ODD, Conduct disorder, and psychopathy. Only thing that has offended me in it was when she brings up autism when she talks about violence and I argue that just because a kid is on the spectrum does not make it okay for them to hit. It’s not okay for anyone to hit, it’s not even okay for toddlers to hit even if they don’t know what they are doing, an excuse parents make for their autism spectrum kids. I hope those parents are the minority and many of them actually don’t accept it and excuse it.

There have been families mentioned in the media about getting rid of their violent children whom are adopted. One mom in Arkansas or Nebraska (I don’t remember which state) left her 15 year old at the hospital because they had that loophole in their law that was meat to protect newborns but I don’t think she was adopted, I believe she had ODD or Conduct disorder and for years the state had failed to give her help so the mom used that law to help her (she appeared on the Dr. Phil show about it), there was another one about a mom sending her kid back to Russia who had RAD but the media left out facts about the parents had spent over $20,000 getting the kid help, the kid has threatened to hurt his parents and burn down their home, the parents had to lock everything away including knives that can be used as weapons, and then in Ohio there was a couple who left their nine year old at social services and he had also been adopted at three months and the kid had been in and out of hospitals and he didn’t wish to seek help and the parents feared their other kids safety.

So now to use some quotes from the blog.

Many don’t realize that in some states you can’t get help for your child unless you relinquish your parental rights

I knew this, this is what happened with Beth Thomas. Her parents had to give up their parental rights to her because that was the only way they could get her help and to protect her brother from her. Fortunately she recovered from RAD and is now a fine adult who works as a registered nurse in Flagstaff, AZ.

I also read another story in a magazine about a little girl named Elle. She was also very violent and the parents got her help for years until they had to give up their parental rights when they did finally found her the right help. The family grieved for their loss. It was like having a child passing away.

don’t want to do that and face abandonment charges?

But that Ohio couple did so this question makes no sense.

Well here’s the other option that parents are told…… if your child hurts one of your other children then the state can remove all of your children for failure to protect

I didn’t know this, I have only heard about one kid being removed from home due to aggression but not the other kids but I guess because there hadn’t been any accidents. But I say it’s a catch 22 because if you abandon your child, you face charges but if your kid hurts another kid in your home, you face child abuse charges. I was also told on Facebook that sending your kid to a hospital every time they are violent can result in you getting arrested for trespassing and child abandonment because they think you are being lazy and someone else told me sending your kid to a hospital is easier said than done. They would have to admit them and the insurance would have to pay for it so families can’t always help abusing their children by denying them a safe environment which is why I say laws need to change first.

I wish there were better laws to protect families from these kids but I wish there was a better system to help these children, especially RAD. From what I have read, it seems like therapy makes the RAD kids worse because many doctors don’t understand it and there is very little help for that disorder. Plus therapy for it seems expensive or otherwise all RAD families would be sending their kids to a RAD ranch in Montana and elsewhere that have ranches for them. I am betting insurance probably doesn’t cover it because it’s so darn expensive or otherwise parents would be sending them there unless they are martyrs or don’t know about the place. It’s very sad and frustrating that very little is known about RAD and that there is not much awareness.

And I am an asshole ignorant and an idiot for wanting families and other kids to be safe from violence. Ha.
People say how we must have passion for these children but no one says that about child abusers and criminals who commit crimes due to trauma because if you do the crime, hurt an innocent child, you’re a monster and deserve no sympathy. So when I made this comparison on fetlife about violent kids when someone posted a link to a blog post called “I am Adam Lanza’s mother,” I get a PM from someone who isn’t from the group saying ‘How the fuck is this logical” quoting that part of my post. Because I see the double standard right and see no difference between the two which is why I say they all need help. People have no problem saying to lock away the mentally ill or something when they abuse a child or kill them or commit a violent crime but yet when a kid does it, oh no you are an asshole, a troll for saying such a thing about them. Have some passion and sympathy for these children. But if they are an adult, fuck your illness and trauma and the bull shit you had in your life, that is no excuse for the murder you did/the abuse you did on your child/or any other violent crime you committed, I hope you go to prison for the rest of your life.

But hey when two ten year old boys, Robert and Jon, took James Bulger from a shopping center and tortured him and left his body on the train tracks for it to get ran over, tons of people were outraged and had no passion and wanted them locked away for life and were mad they were set free at 18 and given different identities.

There was another case in 1968, Mary Bell, who killed two little boys and she was hospitalized and let out at 23 with a different identity and yes she has been given hate for it too. She also came from an abusive background. Okay I won’t lie, I have seen people bash kids for crimes they commit or when they are violent which is why their identities get protected, especially on the Dr. Phil show and I have seen hateful comments about Beth Thomas on youtube despite that she is a different person from when she was a kid but yet parents get judged for sending their child back to their home country or leaving them at a hospital or leaving them at social services or giving them away to anyone. Oh the double standard.

This is the reason why I do not want to adopt and why I decided against it in my early twenties. The horror stories and I don’t want to be attacked by my child and fear for my life and I feel I will kill the kid in self defense and then try and cover it and I am the bad guy because people are too stupid ignorant to open their eyes to these kids. This is another reason why I am not a foster parent. I don’t think I could handle a violent child or a traumatized child. If having a traumatized dog was too much for me at 14 (my parents brought that dog home, not me so I had no say in it), I can’t imagine handing it in a child.

I will say some people are tougher than me to live this way when they choose these kids.

My bad habit of assuming the kid is bad

Monday, February 15th, 2016

Again on a forum, someone posted about their kid being violent with her who is almost 17. She has threatened to kill her, bullies her, attacks her, etc. Other members in that thread were telling her to drop her off at a shelter when she is 18 and another person told her to call social services and I said the same thing and then mentioned to threatened to send her off to a mental hospital if she hurts them again and that might just fix her.

There were some responses questioning the mother and someone on that forum found that one part of my response disturbing about sending off a underage child and she said there might be more to the story than what the mother is telling.

I understand why people would want to give a kid the benefit of the doubt when the parent says how abusive they are. Kids are innocent, they are not supposed to be violent and mean and have bad intentions. That is what we all want to believe despite the school shootings, the bullying, bullycide, kids killing their parents. But there is Henry Evans and Rhoda Penmark in the movies The Good Son and The Bad Seed and they are fiction but they are still a thriller because these were children who were supposed to be innocent but were capable of doing adult crimes and having no remorse and they were very manipulative and even experts have used them as examples about if one can be born evil or not. But it must he hard for lot of people to imagine there might actually be a Henry Evans and a Rhoda Penmark. Also being abused by your child is a terrible thing to go through so why would anyone want to think that could actually be true?

But I do admit I do have a habit of always assuming the kid is evil and bad and is very sick whenever a parent talks about how violent they are. I don’t even think about it could be retaliation abuse or the parents had screwed them up somehow while raising them, or that the parents are abusive so the kid is acting that way in return, especially if they are selective about their victims but then again real abusers are selective to their victims. They will be nice to everyone but treat their partner terribly and certain people.

Are there kids out there who are truly evil? Or are they just created somehow?

If you don’t allow your baby to bond, if you neglect them and don’t give them love, if you always spoil your child and let them have their way, don’t ever discipline them or give them limits or if you are too rigid and too strict, if you are abusive duh, don’t give your kid enough attention, you could end up with a out of control child and an abuser. Sometimes I worry about my kids going violent on me because what if I screw up as a parent and it leads them to aggression in the future. So I can understand why a parent might blame themselves when their child is that way because they don’t know what they did wrong and are wondering what could have gone wrong when they were younger. I used to blame Frankie’s mother on his ODD because I thought if she wouldn’t just given into him when he was younger and if she would have just punished him whenever he was mean to her and showed her disrespect, he wouldn’t have grown to be violent and an abuser and now she was afraid of him so she always gave into him and let him have his way. He had learned that habit and now it was too late because he was getting stronger and was up to her chest. It all starts when they are young but apparently ODD doesn’t work that way so I might have judged her too harshly. It’s actually apparent in a child young as three and the parent might think it’s the terrible twos but most kids grow out of it but ODD kids don’t so the parent knows something is wrong and consequences do not work with them. They don’t like authority, they don’t like being told what to do. When my son went through his terrible twos I used to be frightened because I worried I was going to have this child and start being abused by them but my husband had to keep reassuring me it was just normal behavior at that age and he will grow out of it. He told me this was just the terrible twos and he was right, it did get better. If it was ODD, surely he would have gotten worse.

Also I found out it’s rare for a kid to be this bad so those families that appear in the media make it look common. of my times I have been in special ed, we only had one boy who was a liar so he would get us into trouble with his lies, and pinched and hit other kids and called us names, and he only threw chairs once in class and then there was Frankie. The rest were never abusive. My husband encountered no violent special needs kids so he told me this was all rare. But I will randomly keep seeing stories online written by parents who are being abused by their child. It’s a possibility they could be written by trolls, they could be written by narcissists who abuse their children and are playing the victim, but what if you are the parent being abused by your child? I wouldn’t appreciate being treated as the bad guy and being accused of doing child abuse and having it all be blamed on me and I get no advice so any of these stories could be legitimate and we don’t know which story isn’t the truth or which story is the truth so how do we know if we are helping the right person instead of helping them harm their child more because we had been fooled into thinking their kid was just mean and evil and needs mental help? But then again if we ignored all these parents, then the parents who are actually being abused by their children wouldn’t get help at all and what good would that do for them?

There are forums out there for parents of kids with RAD or with conduct disorders and ODD. I don’t go to those places because I don’t like to hear about families being abused by kids and those will be too triggering for me and those parents are just there to get advice and support about how to handle their situation and how to help their children. I just keep my head in the sand because I am not going to those forums to read them. it’s not that I am pretending those things are not happening in families, I just don’t want to get all upset and feel angry and get mad about all the judgment these parents might be facing from other people because of their children and having it all be blamed on them or hearing the damage the kid has done to their families. I read on Reddit about a 12 year old girl lying about the abuse and getting her parents into trouble and the girl got diagnosed with ODD all because she didn’t get her way about something. I don’t even remember the details and I think I might have posted about it here already but I am not going to dig for it again. But that story made me mad for the father and I would have cancelled Christmas on her as other posters suggested but they got mad at the father for still giving her a Christmas.

 

 

If you have a violent child, no self defense allowed

Sunday, January 10th, 2016

A couple in their 50’s kept their 12 year old locked up in a playhouse with zip ties and fish hooks so she couldn’t kick down the playhouse. Their reason, she had behavior issues and it was to protect her siblings and her from herself due to violent outbursts. I wondered if she was that dangerous that they had to keep her locked up like she is a animal, why didn’t they seek help or did they seek help? Was she in any therapy? Also she was adopted according to DailyMail.  Why is every adopted child seems to be violent? I know of RAD is common in foster and adopted kids.

I was looking through the search engine at the articles about this looking for answers and they all kept saying the same thing and keeping it vague. All it kept saying was behavior issues, to protect her siblings and herself and that the siblings confirmed that their parents did keep her tied up. But they obviously kept her tied up for too long because she resorted to using herself as the toilet so that indicates they kept her out there for hours and she was excluded.

Well there is Dr. Phil, I wonder if they wrote to him for help. If I had to have a kid that was so dangerous that I was afraid of my child and felt I was in danger and my other kid too I would threaten child abuse or maybe murder to CPS so they could take that kid away from me but that would mean they would remove my other kid too so I can see why parents wouldn’t use this tactic to get help. But the thing is every time I hear about child abuse and that they were protecting the other kids or themselves from the child, that indicates the kid is violent and dangerous. This makes me have less sympathy for the kid because I do not like abuse and violence and I believe in self defense. What would you do if a disturbed child broke into your home and tired to attack you? I bet your first instinct is to run and get out of the house and run to call the police but what if it was your own child? What would you do? How would you protect yourself? How would you defend yourself? The first reaction about when a kid is tied up is to protect them and jump on the parents about it because it’s natural to see a kid as innocent and that they can’t do any harm to the parents or to other children. It’s natural to react about the abuse on the child than looking at the possibility the kid was dangerous because of the keywords, violent outbursts and protecting her siblings, and people gloss over this. But I have said before that not everyone should adopt kids because of abuse. It seems more common for adopted kids to be violent. That is why I will never adopt even if I could afford it. I don’t want a Chuckie in my home. I don’t want to be beaten or threatened or chased with knives. There is no law against parental abuse. Kids can legally do these things and it will be blamed on the parent. But if it was in reverse, the kid would not be in trouble for their abuse on their parent because the kid had been a victim of child abuse. But yet kids have gone to jail for murdering their abusers and I wonder what happens if a teen managed to tie up their abuser, would they get sympathy from the judge or would they face charges and go to jail? Though kids can be charged with assault when they are teenagers but lot of parents don’t want to do that because then that will affect their future and them from getting a job. Plus if the kid has mental/psychological issues or severe behavior issues, arresting them isn’t going to stop them from being abusive. But I wonder if they get locked up in juvie hall for assault.

Even Kelli Stapleton had called the police one time on her daughter according to her blog when Issy was about 11 only to have the abuse to be dismissed and trivialized by the officer because the kid was young. I don’t remember if Kelli had any marks on her from the abuse. So that just shows depending on the age of the child, calling the police is useless and I wonder what they do about severely autistic teenagers when they beat their parents and the police are called for domestic violence.

But there is still lot of information missing about these parents like if they tried to seek help for their daughter or did they not ever take her to any counseling and therapists for her behavior. Did they ever try to reach out for support from the state or from social services? And this was in Florida folks.

 

More abusive children

Sunday, January 3rd, 2016

This is why we have to often tell them no and not give them everything they want or else they turn into entitled brats and behaving like narcissists when they don’t get their way.

My son will call me a bad mommy whenever he doesn’t get his way and I just ignore it. I don’t give into the insults and this behavior is normal at this age when kids try to tell their parents how mean they are or how they hate them. My youngest brother used to just say he hates us and my middle brother didn’t really do that whenever things didn’t go his way. I don’t know what I did but my mom told me I would yell and scream and bite and scratch and she never gave in. My son will just act up and not listen and he will go “bad mommy” when he doesn’t get his way and I still don’t give into him. Do that in public, I don’t take him out again. He is stuck at home. I will even remind him this is why I don’t take him out whenever he starts acting up and I tell him I won’t take him out for a real long time if he doesn’t listen to me. I am not there to please my child or to make him happy or even there to be his friend, I am there to be his parent and do my job as one. If your kid never gets mad at you, you are not doing your job.

http://www.smh.com.au/national/she-terrorises-us-how-entitled-children-are-making-their-parents-lives-hell-20151218-glqtl0.html

Reactive abuse

Wednesday, December 30th, 2015

This is something I have been hearing recently but only by victims of former abuse. But when you do a google search, not much pops up about it because there isn’t much info about it like there is about anything else. Some things are just not very well known about so nothing much pops up  when you search it.

I have heard of abusive kids and that some of them get abusive because they are bullied or abused but I would think they would only be abusive to their abusers only. But in domestic abuse, the victim gets abusive to their abuser. They might start shouting at them and calling them every name in the book they can think of and say real hurtful things and I saw one blog post where a woman wrote how she likes to play games with people who have NPD and she wrote about playing them with her ex husband who was abusive.

I also know we are all responsible for their actions and it’s never anyone’s fault they are abused. I also keep hearing how the abuser will tend to blame their actions on their victim but my question is what if the abuser had been abusing you for so long you finally snap, is it their fault you had just abused them? What about a parent who had been abusing their child for years and years and then finally their kid snaps and starts to get abusive and is always hitting them and throwing and breaking things and screaming at them and it’s not done in self defense, is it the parent’s fault for their kid’s abuse?

What about in relationships where the abuser makes fun of their partner for their interests or dislikes or what TV shows they watch or what video games they play, so the victim starts to do them to annoy them and saying things like “What do you think of this TV show?” and waiting to hear them make fun of them about it or to say something critical you know egging them on, or they decide to eat apple sauce in front of their abuser and go “Hey look at what I am eating?” just to annoy them because they know how much their partner dislikes them eating apple sauce so they make snide remarks about it and be all critical and make fun of them about it. Is this the abuser’s fault?

When I was a child I used to just pick on other kids who were mean to me and bully my bullies back and not understand why this is wrong. Was it the bully’s fault I was doing this?

It doesn’t take me long to retaliate when I am treated wrongly or badly. Online I used to just post stuff on a forum to piss people off because I felt I was being treated unfairly. other members could get away with posting weird and creepy things and no one would bat an eye but when I would do it, people would bat an eye because I would get criticism and a negative reaction and then see someone else post the same thing I posted and people don’t react negative to it, you know how much that would hurt me? And this happened on an autism forum and it was very ironic because autistic people are always talking about how they are treated different by normies and how they discriminate us and there they were doing that to me. It made me lose faith in them and made me realize we are no different and this is human behavior, not normie behavior to discriminate. I was discriminated when I was a kid so what did I do when kids had different rules than me? I retaliated. I would deliberately break rules and do things other kids were doing because I wanted my rights, I wanted to be normal, I wanted to be treated like everyone else. I rebelled and my school thought I had a behavior problem when the problem was the injustice and all they had to do was enforce the rules on everyone and make them apply to everyone, not to me only. Even my therapist told them I was not the problem, they were. Then ten years later there I was getting all that crap again online this time. Members could talk about their fetishes but not me and members could talk about the same fetish I had but not me and no one ever batted an eye about them doing it. Is it possible the former mods used this against me in the future and saw me differently so it made me a target of their abuse? Possibly because they didn’t see how other members treated me and how I was doing similar things they were doing and for some reason I just stand out more when I do it while others just blend it and no one seems to notice it. For some reason I had always stood out more than other kids. Kids could get away with doing shitty things but when I would do it, it was a big deal and I was “evil.” Then as a young adult I stood out more for some reason on an internet forum even though I was doing the same things other members were doing. But did me retaliating made it the other members fault or the forum admin’s because of their discrimination?

I retaliated against Jerry for his emotional abuse but back then I didn’t know it was abuse, I didn’t know he was making fun of me so how I reacted to it would be irrelevant. but I would intentionally do things to annoy him like one time I decided to play a Barbie game on my original Nintendo and I said to him “look at what I am playing?” knowing full well I wouldn’t get a positive reaction because I knew he didn’t like kiddy things so he was very judgmental about it and he said “You should have been playing that ten years ago” and I said “I didn’t have this game ten years ago and we didn’t even have a Nintendo” and he kept saying how I should have been playing it ten years ago. I did the same thing with TV shows, I would tell him “Look at what I am watching’ egging him on to make fun of me and be critical about it and saying something negative about it. I would even drink from a baby bottle and use my computer and tell him “look at what I am doing” to show him how I am still an adult and it doesn’t make us real babies and he said I was doing it to piss him off so I did it more just to annoy him. I just didn’t tolerate his willful ignorance and bigotry. Was this his fault for what I did?

I am not proud of what I did and wished I just walked away than trying to educate and reason with him or staying just to piss him off because I didn’t tolerate his bigotry. I realize now he was a narcissist and you can’t argue with them or prove them wrong and even retaliating against their abuse and trying to show them their double standards and how ridiculous their thoughts are does not work. Also the fact it can backfire and you end up hurt at the end like I was. They can only see themselves and their side, they will not get your side or understand your feelings. They will just throw it back at you and make you out to be the bad guy.

One example was I was accused online by a new so called “friend” because she said I got her banned from a forum, the same place where I got discriminated on, and she starts to get nasty with me and say i didn’t have an ASD and she didn’t even know me or ask me anything about myself and she got real mean for no reason just because she thought I got her banned and her conclusion was irrational. She never apologized and she does contradict herself but anyway I was hurt and she never cared and she had the Dr. Jekyll and Hyde personality and I looked through her post history and saw she had done the same thing to other members on the forum and did attacks and insults and she says very hurtful things and always plays the victim. She is never wrong and everyone is a psychopath and manipulative and she is the good one. But anyway she hurt another one of my online friends and we were both hurt together so we went on I2 and she opened an account impersonating her and she started posting and I started posting pretending it was actually her and our intention was to get her to see how hurt we were by seeing the impersonation but instead it backfired. She turned it around and said how mean and horrible people we were. see there she was the victim and couldn’t see our side and apologized for hurting us and for her false accusations and for being nasty. She was just too blind to see how she hurts others and to see that she brings the bullying on herself because she is so nasty and abusive to people, people make fun of her and tease her and bully her as the result of it. They retaliate. I had seen people on I2 make fun of her and tease her and one of them even used her cousin’s account to do impersonations to tease her and she impersonated Temple Grandin and the narc fell for it. One of old online friends who liked to troll decided to impersonate her when she came back to the forum by having her username spelled back words and posted stuff pretending to be her. But I learned that making fun of her and getting back at her and trying to hurt her back does not work because she will never have remorse or see the harm she does for others. It will never occur to her that if everyone is a narcissist, she is the narcissist or that if everyone is a bully, she is the bully, or if everyone is a psychopath or manipulative, she is those things. Plus she hates being ignored so she will start to bait members and do insults and say real hurtful things to get attention and say provocative things. the forum admin knew right away she was narcissist and everyone agreed she is one when they looked it up. But was it still her fault for how we treated her?

But from personal experience it’s very difficult to mess with a narcissist and very dangerous. You would need to have a very thick skin and be a robot to mess with them. There will be gas lighting, it will be your fault, it will be all about you, you will be the bully, a psychopath, the abuser, they will just be the victim and there will be false accusations.

Now for more references on reactive abuse:

http://www.isthisabusive.com/tag/reactive-abuse/

https://anupturnedsoul.wordpress.com/2013/10/24/how-to-play-the-narcissists-game/

https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/comments/3yb2i2/reactive_abuse/

http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2008/03/reactive-abuse-what-is-it.html

Also Jayden told me about when he knew Frankie in his school, he told me how awful Frankie was and how he would pick on him. What did Jayden do, he told me he used to just pick him up and toss him on the ground. Was that Frankie’s fault that happened to him?

Also after reading the post in abusesanctuary, was I reacting to Jerry’s abuse and I didn’t realize it then? Was I subtly egged to do all those things to him? We might feel awful and see we were bad people in the relationship and how we shouldn’t have done things and then realize we might have been provoked and egged into doing it. I wouldn’t stop calling my ex for example and every time I called him, he was never available. I didn’t realize he was ignoring me. He still had my stuff, I still needed to break up with him and figure out the right time to do it, I didn’t like being in a relationship that felt one sided. was I the crazy ex stalking him? was I harassing him? How did I look to all his employers when i kept calling him or when she blew up at me on the phone cussing me out and hung up abruptly? Was I just reacting to his abuse and that was his intent to make me look crazy to justify his behavior? Then I basically took it away when I moved on when my mom told me he had moved on. Within a month I met another guy and then I was in a relationship with him not too long later and by then my ex did come back, twice, so that makes me think I wasn’t the abuser. Of course he kept my stuff and never dropped it off and I let it go because it was just cleaning supplies and laundry soap and all that can easily be replaced. I might have lost several of my clothes to him but I let that go and my paycheck and the money he owed me and the bumper I never got I paid for because he never went and picked it up.

Also another interesting thing I had read was how the victim can develop narcissist traits from the abusive relationship but it doesn’t necessarily mean they are on the spectrum nor does it mean they are a narcissist. It’s called reactive narcissism. I had read somewhere about the developing it in their abusive relationship but my question is does it go away when they are out of the relationship because they are no longer being provoked and abused so therefore they wouldn’t react to it? But there is still the PTSD.

Also more references:

https://www.reddit.com/r/abuse/comments/2hxvwk/please_help_me_understand_reactive_abuse/

https://mylifeinpajamas.wordpress.com/2014/06/13/he-makes-me-crazy/

http://narcissistsupport.com/forum/Thread-Sanctuary-for-The-Abused-Reactive-Abuse

But like I say there isn’t lot of information about it. You only hear about it from people who are not doctors or psychologists and plus some of the links I put link to the same blog post from abusesanctuary.

But of course what if you had a child that was abusive so you react to their abuse by being abusive back?

Is it any of our faults for reacting to the abuse if we become the abuser ourselves to our abuser? Also don’t confuse it with self defense. I don’t think Sarah Burleton was abusive when she punched her mother in the jaw. Her mom was choking her and banging her head on the floor so Sarah punched her and that was self defense but if she had kept on kicking her and starting beating on her and choking her back making her suffer for what she put her through over the years, then that would be abuse than self defense. That would be an example of reactive abuse. It’s not like she will do it to others. And she did think about doing that until her step father walked in the room so she didn’t do it, instead she just said she would press charges if anything else happened and she took her bags and walked out the door starting her new life without her parents.

But it is a relief to hear this is actually normal and no need to feel guilty or bad about it and I don’t need to feel I am playing the victim here because I wasn’t perfect either in the relationship and I also did things I shouldn’t have done. There is actually a name for it and how normal it is in a abusive relationship and I think that term can evolve to bullying and other abuse outside of relationships like how Stockholm syndrome had evolved from to mean for victims falling in love with their kidnappers to abuse victims loving their abusers in abusive relationships and defending them and their abuse.

But why is this very unknown?

 

 

Another violent kid

Saturday, December 12th, 2015

https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/3wkiyx/daughter_accused_wife_of_trying_to_strangle_her/

 

I was offended when someone suggested Asperger’s. How dare she associate violence with autism. But I don’t buy her violence and lying is part of her ADHD and I am glad others are telling the OP it’s not part of ADHD. I am thinking ODD or conduct disorder.