Archive for the ‘psychopath’ Tag

How I feel about those autism hate sites

Thursday, December 29th, 2016

Often times we will see articles about how bad borderlines are and what the red flags are and what makes them toxic people. I see the same written about NPD and psychoapaths and yes those are mental illnesses to rather people want to believe it or not.

I see the same with Asperger’s. I will see hate sites out there warning other people about being in a relationship with them and how harmful they are and how abusive they are.

Now what do I think of these sites, I believe these were created by women who were deeply hurt by their ex who happened to have it or believed they did. I see the same about borderlines too and NPDs and psychopaths and personality disorders. Some do armchair diagnose. I armchair diagnosed mine with covert narcissism but it turned out she was BPD  if she was telling the truth but I still feel she acted very narcissist and a covert one. Talk about overlap and some victims do believe covert narcissism and BPD are the same.

People will express their hurt differently. Some will just suffer in silent and only talk about things their ex did while some others will be hateful about their ex and make fun of them and their problems and make hate posts about them and hate pages on them while some do the extreme and make hates pages on their disorder telling everyone how bad people are with it and warning everyone to stay away from them. There is even a hate group on autism on the Delphi forums. It’s mostly women in it and not all of them are bad and hateful but those ones always stand out and they will make fun of their ex’s and hate on autism. Even the group owner is very hostile towards anyone who is on the spectrum ad will boot and silence anyone if she thinks you’re on it and she will even ban people if she thinks they’re aspies. She has gotten very paranoid and thinks a user from Wrongplanet is trolling there and making different accounts posing as an NT so she bans that user. I remember the time another NT was banned from that group because she was posting on Wrongplanet so the owner assumed she was an ASD but she took it well.

How did I handle my hurt on my ex’s. Well with Jayden I made fun of him behind his back so I even wrote a story about him making fun of my situation and in the story the girlfriend would get tired of him being lazy and not wanting to work so she decides to make him wear diapers so she gives him a choice, either he moves out or wear diapers and he complains how “retarded” that all is but because he doesn’t want to move back home, he goes with diapers. My husband would tease me about him from time to time saying “No wonder you wanted to put him in diapers, he was an adult baby.” When I watched an episode of South Park where the boys got addicted to a computer game and there was someone in the game who was cheating so the boys had to kill a bunch of animals to gain experience points to level up to kill off the character so he would stop killing other characters who didn’t have high experience points because he had so many. The user was fat and messy and lazy so I said to my mother they had made a whole show on Jayden and my mom laughed and said my little brother said that exact same thing and said this is something I should watch because it’s about my ex.

Then there was Jerry. I also talked about her for a while until my parents said they were sick of hearing about her and she was out of my life now so move the fuck on so I would talk to my husband about it and he listened and supported me. I also went on a posting rampage on Wrongplanet about her talking about the stuff she has said t me about me and other things and about how I was treated. I knew she lurked there but I just didn’t care. I wanted her to see my pain and suffering and after finding out about narcissism, I regretted what I did because it meant she probably enjoyed the pain she gave me and had  a good laugh at my suffering because I gave her the attention she wanted.

While I did those things, some will go out of their way and create websites or hate groups on a condition while some will make a blog about their ex and post their real name and I hear someone did actually do that on here and then within a week, her blog was gone and hadn’t been back up since. I did see someone who did that (I wonder if that was the same person) and her intent was to destroy him and to warn any other women who are dating him and when they Google his name they will find her blog and find other news articles about him the bad stuff he has done and the man will suffer forever and be ruined.

Then if course I have heard about women wanting to get revenge on their ex’s after being hurt by them. Reason why I am saying women is because the stories are mostly by them than by guys.

Every hurt person handles it differently.




Let’s Talk About Kevin (my thoughts)

Monday, September 12th, 2016

This post contains spoilers:


I have heard about this movie and it’s used as a meme online by saying “Kevin.”

I finally watched it on Netflix and the Kevin was obviously disturbed from the very beginning from birth. People have bashed on the mother saying she is a terrible parent and that she is the cause of how her son turned out. I disagree because she did try to bond with him, she did what all mothers would do. She held him, trying bouncing him, playing ball with him, teaching him words to talk, reading to him, teaching him to count. He was obviously intelligent because he knew lot of stuff already like he could count to 50.

Kevin took a dislike to his mother right away because he wouldn’t act “normal” to her. He bonded with his father and doctors said he was normal when Eva (the mother) showed concerned and thought he might have autism but Kevin responded to his doctor and didn’t ignore him like he did for Eva despite not saying a word in the office.

Kevin also refused to toilet train to egg his mother on as I read in one of the comments on IMDB and after pooping his diaper twice, Eva snaps and tossed him on the ground breaking his arm. Kevin surprisingly covers for her by making up a convincing story that sounds true . That part confused me there. But maybe he did it so he could torture her more because if he had told the truth in the hospital, they would have called CPS, Eva would have been arrested and he wouldn’t see his mom again so who would he go after next? His dad? But I am thinking of adult logic here instead of kid logic. Would any kid that young be aware what would happen if a parent hurts their child?

Kevin always ignored his mother except for when he was sick and then he pushed his father away and the kid liked to terrorize the mother and verbally abuse her and not treat her with respect.

Then finally he gets to his teens they and they are bonding a little bit but there is still no emotional connection between them and no conversations between them, only a few sentences and words and that’s it.

People say how the mother ignored the problems, she did try to get her kid help I but got shot down for it by her son’s doctor and husband. But when the dad did finally know, why didn’t they take him to a doctor is beyond me. But even if they did, he still would have manipulated the psychiatrist and he would have turned out to be “normal.”

The mother also seems emotionally distance herself and seemed to not also be able to bond with anyone but could with her daughter but you could tell she still wasn’t all there.

Why did Kevin pick his mother to be his true self around is beyond me.  He also did his “school shooting” but used bow and arrows to kill his dad and little sister and then kill students at his school locking everyone using the same method. Then he turned himself in.

He picked his mother to be alive by not killing her so she would suffer more. The mother also punishes herself by taking abuse from her neighbors and still sees her son in prison and makes a room for him for when he gets out.

I found this movie to be disturbing because Eva loses her whole family so I can understand why she would still have Kevin in her life because he is all she has left for her family and the fact how manipulative Kevin is and how charming he is and how he treated his mother. People harp on about how she did nothing about it but IMO that is irrelevant because he would have just manipulated the doctors and there wouldn’t have been anything the mother could have done to help her son. Instead she would have looked like she had Munchhausen Syndrome by proxy.

The movie did make me wonder if this is how parents of school shooters are treated.

But this was just a movie so it was meant to be a thriller so I don’t think anyone is going to take it seriously and parents still got blamed about Kevin go figure. He showed no signs that he was going to kill anyone (except the fact he got a bunch of bike locks and took them out of the box for his parents to see but how would anyone know what he was going to actually do with them?) nor was he violent except the fact he causes his sister to lose her eye by pouring some chemical in it. He might have been if his parents tried to be actual parents to him so that part is also irrelevant. According to peoples opinions online, the more Eva tried to bond with her son and kept on trying to show him love, the worse he got. So the mom was just being a “normal” parent and did what she was supposed to do so I can’t blame her there. How was she supposed to know it would make him worse?  But then at the end she finally figured out she had to be distance to her son and not bond or show love and that got through to him. But sadly she was too late.


Psychopathy vs narcissism

Tuesday, December 8th, 2015

I found another great blog.

I have read parts of it and so far it sounds like narcissism. It’s the overlaps again. How can you tell the difference? I will quote someone from Reddit. “A label doesn’t matter, only their behavior does if it was abusive.”

Let’s forget about labels right now in this post. Scratch off covert narcissism for Jerry. Now how will I describe him? He was a jerk, an asshole, he was very manipulative, he played games, he had broken promises, I was unhappy in the relationship and I didn’t know why. I couldn’t see anything wrong with what I could be so unhappy about. I was having low self esteem but that was because I was dealing with the hard truth. I was being held back because I couldn’t go and get a job. I didn’t know how to use the bus system, I didn’t want to get lost, it was all too stressful for me to know where to start, I had no way of applying for work if I didn’t have a working car, I couldn’t use Jerry’s car like he had said I would because he had changed his car insurance on it, I was depressed and trapped. He was also very judgmental and closed minded, bigoted, had very low self esteem and he cared way too much what people thought of him that it affected him and me. It affected him to a point where he acted controlling because he was way too worried what others would think of him. I felt I had to keep things bottled up or he would get mad and defensive and ignore me and take what I say the wrong way. I had to be careful what I said and how I worded it. Plus everything had to be his kid’s business and my ex boyfriend was unempathetic and very cold hearted. He had no intention of being more sensitive. Plus he thought he was always right. So you see, I don’t really need a label to decide if he was abusive or not. I didn’t even have the N label for him until this year when I had started to read about it. But I had already knew he was emotionally abusive and emotional manipulative after I had read about those two long after the break up. he also had poor money management and had this great fantasy about his life and thought he could make it happen. He also didn’t have a good touch on reality and everything was always someone’s fault, people were always screwing him over. He had the belief he could get custody of his son, he just had to keep trying and trying but in reality he was just living a pipe dream and wasting his grandparents money. He didn’t understand that the reason why no lawyer would take his case is because he had very little chance of winning so they didn’t want to waste his time and take his money because they were honest. But he found one lawyer who did take his case but I think he did that for the money and he needed people like my ex to make money. He was pretty naive. He was also willful ignorant and at first it was cute because he came off as very naive but then it stopped being cute when it was willful ignorance I realized.

You have to stop and think if he is the right person for you? Are you compatible? Are you happy in the relationship? I still wished I had left him sooner or not get with him at all when we met online. We might have been online friends or maybe he would have cut off contact with me still and I never see him online again or he never messages me or never responds if he felt there wouldn’t be a chance he will ever get with me and I would have just dodged a bullet. I might have still moved anyway and still live with my aunt and uncle and still meet my husband and still get an apartment but hard to say if I were to go back in time and do it all over again. It wouldn’t have erased the experience though because I still would have remembered. It would just mean it never happened because I turned everything back where I was 21 years old again and what if there could be a do over and everything from my memory past 21 years of age at the time is all wiped. How would I stop myself from dating Jerry and make myself listen to my parents about staying in Montana to get my car fixed? Would I have still met my husband? Would it have changed my future? Would I be a different person than I am now? I was lucky I got my self esteem back and myself and found myself again without feeling any shame and sometimes just sometimes I will still feel retarded and bad but I felt that way before I met him. He just made sure it was all true. I don’t think he left any permanent damage because I got counseling, I was told he was stupid, lot of things he said was bull. I just had to hear that from a counselor. She didn’t label him. I don’t even know if she diagnosed him or not, I never asked and not all therapists will label someone or even tell you what they have labeled you with. She just said he had low self esteem and felt bad so he had to make himself feel better by making others feel bad. My dad says the same thing. She also refused to call him ignorant and would rather use the word naive. I think naive is a nice way of calling someone ignorant and she was a therapist and therapists don’t talk bad about people so they will use other words like naive, non compliant, instead of ignorant or hypocrite. They will even say confused instead of saying a person is stupid. They are not Dr. Phil. But even he has acted empathetic towards his guests when he is trying to help them instead of using negative terms. After all if you want to help someone, you have to refrain from telling them they are this or that or else they will not listen and cling onto their ignorance even more and their issues even more and fall into victim mode. Plus he has his own TV show and people watch it so he doesn’t need to follow the rules if he is his own boss. People watch it for the drama. It’s out there so we watch it because we can. They are airing their dirty laundry on the show for strangers around the world and our country to see. I don’t know what other countries get that TV show. I couldn’t imagine going on there and airing my problems out there and then get judged for it because I had put it out there for everyone to see and to judge. But what if it was my only way I can get help because I couldn’t afford any therapy let’s say? What if my kid was having so many problems I didn’t know what to do and even my insurance didn’t cover it and I didn’t have the money so I go on that show to get the “free” help? That is why some people label him as a bully because he exploits people on the show and even though it’s their choice to be on there but he does it because he knows not everyone knows how to get help or can afford it so they go to him so they can get it and to get it, they have to show the whole world their problems and show everyone how crazy their child is and how awful they are. But there are times when they do not show the kid’s face but what is the point in that? They are showing the parents faces so that means anyone who knows those people would know who their kid is. I know their intent is to protect the kid’s identity but yet they are showing the parents so face censoring makes it pointless. Unless the parents are using fake names on the show and using a different disguise by changing their looks so no one can recognize them. Someone I know did that when he appeared on the show for Baby Brett, the adult baby. So if I had to air my dirty laundry, I would have to use a pen name and change my looks for the show to be unrecognizable. Then it would be relevant to censor out my kids faces. But if I had to be on the show, I think I wouldn’t even look at the comments because I wouldn’t want to see any judgments and having to defend myself and see any armchair diagnoses going around.

I think being discarded by an abuser is the best thing they can do for you. At least you go out and they let you go. In fact I might have dodged a bullet when he came back wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving  because I was already in another relationship and he might have tried taking me back and say how wrong he was and how much he had missed me and how he had changed and of course even apologize if I wasn’t in another relationship. Because I was still with my new boyfriend, he didn’t need to say those things and  that was when I last ever heard from him. And to be honest I might have made the mistake by going back to him only to be hurt all over again. But would I have repeated the same mistake by staying or would I have left this time instead of waiting for it to get better again because I had liked the Jerry I had met instead of the Jerry he was being again? But this is something I don’t get because why do these things again if you could end up losing your partner again? I think what he had learned about ignoring me is he will just lose me because I will just move on and get a new boyfriend. He didn’t even contact me again until he saw I had a new boyfriend and then he was quiet again and then he came back a couple months later which I always thought was strange. But I did respond to him because I had missed the good times between us, his stories, his charm. I missed the Jerry I first knew when we met and when we were talking online before I moved in with him. So when he was acting like nothing had happened between us, it made it feel things were back to “normal” again the way things were when we first met. But this is apparently a normal feeling.

Does this mean I have psychopath traits?

Monday, October 12th, 2015

The wish to hurt others is tied not to autism but to psychopathy

I have had fantasies to hurt others who make me mad and I used to have violent thoughts about my ex boyfriends and the only thing that held me back was knowing the consequences to my actions. I think my therapist had psychopathy confused with autism because he blamed my violent fantasies on Asperger’s and I knew then how much BS that was because after reading about it for over two years then, not one book or webpage ever listed violent thoughts as a symptom of Asperger’s.

So this also confirms my fear that I might be a psychopath or have just the traits but not enough to be one. But I think me not acting on it is more out of concern for me than how it would affect others or what destruction it might cause. But I wouldn’t want to take out a bunch of innocent lives who have never done anything wrong to me and it’s not about because I would go to jail, it’s because I am not that evil. I notice my violent fantasies have only been aimed at people who were causing me distress, hurt my feelings, been mean to me, affecting me with whatever they are doing to me. Remember in my other blog post where I wrote about wanting to hurt our puppy because he wouldn’t quit peeing in the house? Then I had a lot less meltdowns and anxiety when he was gone because he caused me tremendous anxiety so I wanted to literally kill him to end it all.

Can psychopathy come and go?

Sunday, October 4th, 2015

Every time we hear about school shootings or animal torture, we always hear the word psychopath for those monsters that did it, same as for when parents kill their kids including disabled ones.

I have always felt I had some characteristics because lack of remorse is one of them. that is just something I never grasped, I cannot understand why someone would do something wrong and then feel bad for it. Why would you want to do something bad in the first place?

I remember as a kid I would sometimes do something wrong and not feel bad for it. For example, when I was six or seven I took a pack of gum from the store after Mom had told me I couldn’t have it. I took it off the shelf and opened it and my mother caught me eating it when we got home. She asked me “Were did you get the gum?”

Me: from the store

Mom: Why?

Me: I wanted it.

Mom: But I told you no you couldn’t have it

Me: But I wanted it.

So my mom took it from me and finished putting the groceries away and took me upstairs to my room and made me take some coins out of my piggy bank. She was going to teach me a lesson about if I want stuff from the store and what money is used for. She took me back, told the cashier what I did but she says “Oh that’s okay.” Mom tells her “No she is going to pay for this gum so she will learn her lesson.” So the cashier lets me pay for it and then she hands me back my gum. “Here is your gum dear.” My mom tells her “No, it’s going to be thrown away now, she can’t have it.” The cashier tells her I had paid for it and my mom tells her if she lets me keep that gum, I will think it’s okay to take things from the store. Other customers who were there thought my mother was nuts but an elderly woman said “No that is being a good parent.”

My mom and I left and my mom tossed the gum out and I was mad because I had paid for it not seeming to understand why I couldn’t have it.

So you see, a normal kid would feel bad for taking the gum without paying for it, but me I didn’t care. I was not embarrassed nor even felt bad for breaking the law. I would have just learned if I wanted something, just take it and mom would have to let me have it so that is why she threw it away so I will know there is no point in taking things I want if my mom will just not let me have it. Did I have no remorse because I didn’t understand how it would make others feel around me or did I have that psychopath trait? Even as a kid I had a hard time with feelings and understanding them. I knew of laughing and crying and mad and yelling but I didn’t really understand why they felt that way. Feelings are abstract and I was very concrete. According to my mother I was loving and would pick up on her feelings as a toddler because I would act different around her. She called it a gift. I must have lost it then.

I also teased others kids and didn’t know when to stop and I loved to provoke people to see their reactions and do things to see how people would react and I didn’t seem to care how I made others feel. Did I not understand their feelings and their reactions or was that the psychopathic tenancy?

But as I got older I wanted to be a good person and not evil so I changed my behavior. I compensated. I still don’t feel a lot of emotion so I feel I still lack empathy. I can watch the news and not get really upset like most people do but yet whenever I read stuff by Sarah Burleton, I just want to punch her mother and I feel hate for her because of what she did. I cannot imagine torturing my own child or shooting at an innocent goat. Instead of rehoming the animal, Nancy had decided to shoot it with a BB gun to hurt Sarah because it was her animal. The goat would destroy things on property and eat the flowers and Nancy hated it.

I always got violent thoughts but was never strong enough to execute them to seriously harm other kids including my bullies. I realized at 14 I was too nice to do that but that means I don’t have enough psychopathy in me to do it which is why i believe when people do school shootings, they must have been a psychopath because they had enough in them to execute such an action.

When I was 16 I was having a lot of anxiety and more meltdowns because my family would not keep the house neat so it was stressing me out. Then my dad brought home Squeaky. That caused me tremendous anxiety and it literally made me go crazy. Crazy to a point that I changed as a person. I started to mimic Frankie to get my way so my life would be easier. I also wanted to kill Squeaky and was getting compulsions to drown him in our pond. I believe I would have done it because the only thing that held me back from doing it was fearing i would go to a mental hospital and I wanted to torture him too but was also afraid of getting institutionalized. My mom had already threatened to send me away once so I was forced to stop trying to have ODD. I was having nightmares about the dog and nightmares that my mother had stopped caring about me so she was letting kids be mean to me. I believe I was getting close to killing the animal but then something happened, he got hit by a car and died. That saved me from turning into a psychopath. Thinking of the fact that that dog would have made me go crazy makes me think of this song here:

What could a puppy possibly do that would drive someone to kill the poor thing? Well when there is the OCD, the anxiety, the depression, emotional issues, and the fact the dog wouldn’t quit pissing in the house because no one would watch him and the fact no one would let the person keep them crated or keep the puppy outside would do it because the person had reached their breaking point and couldn’t handle it anymore so they killed whatever was giving them the stress.

What would have happened if i really did kill the animal, I would have been a psychopath and then be recovered from it because I would no longer have all that anxiety and stress and my OCD wouldn’t be so out of control because whatever was causing it had been removed from my environment.

So what would that mean for someone who is at risk like I am. Well first of all they shouldn’t have a pet that can’t meet their standards due to their mental issues. My dad should not have brought home that animal but we had another dog but she met my standards because she always peed outside and she didn’t wreck things. But even if someone would be at risk to kill an animal, it is very unlikely it will happen because first of all if they had a pet, they would either keep the pet locked up or outside and if the pet was still a nuisance, they would re home it than torture it and kill it which is why I say Nancy could have kept the goat fenced in part of their land or get rid of it by rehoming the animal but no she had to shoot it with BBs to punish her daughter. Also they might not live with anyone who has an animal they can’t stand nor would they get in a relationship with someone with it. They would problem solve first before going crazy and for me it would take me a lot before I go crazy and become a psychopath which is why it always scares me to imagine how I would handle a severely autistic child or someone severely handicapped because I worry I would be one of those parents who kills their disabled child. I did try to problem solve with our puppy by keeping him in his crate or outside but no one would let that happen so I got worse and worse and having violent thoughts about our puppy. I used to tell stories in my therapist’s office called The Abusing Adventures of Squeaky and my therapist found them funny and told me his office was a safe place for these stories. Back then i thought he was evil and not a normal animal because he wouldn’t go outside, he would just hold it and wait until he was inside to go so it made me think he was doing it on purpose and he loved going in the house. I can remember my therapist saying to me “Oh you thought he was defiant.” Even as an adult I still didn’t understand how a puppy can be so stubborn and I knew I couldn’t be crazy because he really did wait until he was inside before he took a piss. But no one seemed to believe me because everyone saw him as innocent. Then I started to think if dogs can have fetishes like humans, maybe he had a wetting fetish and loved going inside. It was one of my online friends who laughed and told me he wasn’t doing it on purpose and I asked what did he mean by that and she said he wasn’t doing it to upset me and he didn’t know it was upsetting me. I asked her why did he keep on doing it and she said he was probably just confused, he was a dumb animal. So I did my research and learned that he just probably had it backwards, he came from a pet shop so he always peed inside and thought he could pee inside and puppies when in a new environment, they find all these places in the house they could pee in so crating them is what you do because they will never pee in their bed or area like humans. so I was right about crating our puppy, it is not cruel, that is how you house train them. I wish I knew this at 16 years of age and I wish I was told this solution so i wouldn’t have gone crazy thinking I was trapped and there was nothing I could do. My therapist was correct, there was something I could have done but he wouldn’t tell me when I asked what could I have done? I was so defensive then because anyone who didn’t see it my way was against me. Anyone who treated me like the bad guy was against me so I always put on my defense. But my online friend understood me, she didn’t judge or go against me so I was able to listen and do some research. This is how you get through to people folks, you understand them, see their perspective, not judge them, and it is easier for them to listen because it’s easier to get though to them if you understand their side than treating them like the bad guy. If I knew this at 16, I would have been in control of my environment again and not go crazy and have daily meltdowns and try and mimic Frankie or even doing self harm or even squeezing the puppy or pushing it away with a broom or pounding my fists on his crate with him inside it or pushing it out of the way with my feet or broom whenever he is in it because I hated him and didn’t see him as an animal. It’s like how people don’t see someone as human once they rape a child or do child abuse so they use that to justify for them getting raped or beaten in prison, well I was justifying not seeing him an an animal to do my actions on him to release anger. I also would literally throw him outside because I hated him. We were both at war. But yeah maybe he was an innocent animal like everyone always said. But yet I still don’t feel bad. I must have that psychopathic trait. But that was me going crazy there because of the anxiety and stress and I had been pushed that far by my family so that is why i say my dad should not have gotten a new dog and we should have gotten rid of him. I think it’s wrong to keep a animal in the house with someone who is aggressive with it. That should be a form of animal abuse. But it wasn’t the dog’s fault either. He probably thought I was crazy because he didn’t know that him pissing in the house was making me that way. Plus I think he had it backwards about his toilet like I did when I was 2 and 3. But no way was I pissing in my diapers or on the floor or just in my pants to piss my mother off. What if she had abused me thinking I was doing it on purpose and that I was evil and I was no innocent child so she used that to justify the abuse? It wouldn’t have to be beatings or starvation or anything bad that would harm me or leave me any marks and injuries. I could have been hair pulling or being choked or squeezed or hit because those things would be hard to prove if she wasn’t leaving any marks on me. Yes people would be getting on her case about it and judge her harshly if they all knew than understanding her and seeing her perspective to get through to her. Instead I was put back in diapers because my mother figured I wasn’t ready. Problem was solved even though some people online have felt she did me a disservice when I told them that story about how she tried to potty train me and I had it all backwards so she put me back in them. But too bad puppies don’t wear diapers.  But I have heard horror stories online about potty training and some parents snap and abuse them. I couldn’t understand it until I was potty training my son and after but no way am I going to justify their abuse and I didn’t go abusing my son for wetting or messing his pants because he wouldn’t use the potty. But yes I did cry and I did get frustrated to a point where I just wanted to hit him and slap him silly and my dad thought he should be spanked when all I could do is put him in time out, take away a privilege for him, have him get a natural consequence; he wouldn’t be able to wear his big boy underwear if he got them all soiled and I am not going to be washing them until there is laundry. This was after he knew how to use the potty. I never punished him during potty training. He would go forwards and then regress again and that stopped when I had my daughter and poof he never regressed again so I knew he knew how to use the potty and he was just choosing to not go. I knew that all along because he would be good at going potty and then regress. Even with our washer down, he went potty in the toilet and didn’t wet or mess himself until the washing machine was working again so there is another hint that he was doing it on purpose. But I doubt he was doing it to torment me and I have heard of little kids wetting and messing themselves on purpose because they don’t want to stop playing to go potty. I can handle human pee because it’s different than animal pee so it doesn’t make my OCD go bad. It’s easier to clean up and to get rid of.

So can one turn into a psychopath due to the environment and their own mental issues and then not be a psychopath anymore once they are out of whatever caused them to be that way?

If I were seeing a therapist, I would be asking him/her this question,

BTW when the puppy did die, my daily meltdowns went away and my anxiety lessened. My mom also felt relieved when he died because he caused so much chaos on the household even though he didn’t do it on purpose.

I have also tried talking to people including my old therapists about my concern for psychopathy but all of them have told me I am not one if I am even thinking about it and also because I don’t kill and torture people. I am not Diane Downs or Ted Bundy. But is it possible to be one and not act on it? Diane Downs sure shot her kids once but had never killed anyone else or do anything evil before and no doctor ever thought she had cluster B disorders until after she did the crime. She has not done any others since but that is because she is in prison and what if she had gotten away with it, would she have done another evil thing? Would she have tried to kill her kids again? Not all psychopaths do crimes over and over like Bundy did or Dalmar or Gacy. I fact only very few commit crimes. But do I have any psychopath traits? Symptoms do overlap. What if I actually had psychopath traits and they were mistaken for Asperger’s when I was a kid because psychopathy cannot be diagnosed in kids until they are 18. But I have never tortured any animals or anyone so of course it would never be caught. But then again even autistic and aspie children have caused injuries and I have read bad stories online about autistic children being mean to animals. I was rough with them too as a kid because I didn’t really understand. My therapist I saw when I was 11 and 12 had to teach me. But I didn’t really torture them like psychopaths did when they were children. I would never dream of killing an animal as a child or wanting to harm them. I did try to get my cat to fight with our neighbor’s dog once but I wasn’t trying to harm my cat and I didn’t know a dog could kill a cat during a fight. Also I used to think my lack of feelings for others was due to my autism but then I started reading around 2009 that they do have empathy and they in fact feel too much so they get overwhelmed from it so it appears they do not care. I cannot relate to that, I feel too little in fact. I can see someone cry and not be affected by it. I will just know they are sad or upset. But then again I remember reading a story by John Robison in one of his books about how he saw an accident and the person was hurt so he was able to help the person without feeling anything, most people would panic and be upset what they saw and not be able to do a thing about it because their emotions would have gotten in the way. It didn’t mean he was a psychopath of course. I do hear how logical us aspie creatures are but yet that contradicts about having too much empathy so wouldn’t that mean they get in the way if they cause us to shut down? That just shows how different we all are. Maybe I don’t have psychopath traits. Like I say symptoms over lap. I was impulsive when I was a kid too and that is also a symptom of psychopathy. My parents even though I would be one of those school shooters so they made sure my grandfather’s gun was locked up at his house and that they didn’t have any fire arm around. She said I was so impulsive I would have done it without even thinking of the aftermath. Yes I even almost burnt down our barn once when I was 16 because I came home from school very upset so to calm myself, I drag the trash to the rotted wood pile, light it on fire and it burns and then the grass catches on fire and it got close to the barn but the fire didn’t get that far to catch it on fire. My parents came home and saw it and my mom told me how it’s part of my IEP whatever she was talking about and told me I get so impulsive so it’s part of my IEP and I said I don’t get impulsive and she told me to look out the window so i did and she pointed to the grass that was burned and told me “That is how impulsive you were, you almost burned down the barn because you didn’t even think before setting the garbage on fire because you were very upset and that is what happens when you are very upset you get very impulsive.” I have no memory of feeling bad for almost burning down our barn. But the barn didn’t burn down so no need to feel bad about it.

There are also other conditions out there that overlap with psychopathy like narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, oppositonal defiant disorder, conduct disorder, and reactive attachment disorder. I do feel that RAD is basically psychopathy in kids except they are created. I can remember my therapist mentioning conduct disorder to me but he didn’t say I had it so I must be cured from it then because I am not in that environment anymore where I was going crazy and heading for psychopathy or conduct disorder. Makes me wonder if it can come and go. There would be two different types, those who are psychopaths no matter what and the other type would be they are one when it depends on the environment they are in like are they stressed out and having anxiety, and have they reached their breaking point? Then once whatever was causing it is resolved, they no longer have it. That could be the case with school shooters too. they reach their breaking point and go crazy and do a killing spree. The Night Santa Went Crazy.