Archive for the ‘parenting’ Tag

My son said something intellectual

Tuesday, November 28th, 2017

I picked my son up from school and we were listening to the Rugrats Christmas album. He asks me about what was it like when Tommy had no friends. I tell him there was never a time when he didn’t have any. He asks me about his age and when they first met and his birthday. I tell him Tommy turned one in the very first episode and all the other babies were there and Angelica and she always wore diapers over her pants. I never underdtood it but she doesn’t wear them anymore in the later seasons starting with the second one. She also has a birthday in the later seasons around season 3 and she turned three so that would have made her two and a half in the early seasons. But I never understoid diaper over her pants part and everyobe always said it was underwear. No it wasn’t because it was a diaper.

Now here is the good part, my son tells me diapers are a type of underwear. I play dumb and ask him “Who told you that?” And he said he just knows. I say I didn’t know that and he told me babies wear underwear but that is their underwear.

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My daughter got a new bed

Friday, February 17th, 2017

She had been climbing out of her crib lately and I lost the piece to unscrew the screws in the IKEA crib. My mother in law and her daughter brought over a toddler bed they bought for our daughter. The following day I took the crib down using a tool and it fit with the IKEA screws and I stuck them all in a baggie. Then I put the toddler bed together and I used a regular screw driver because of the kind of screws they were. But I couldn’t fit the sides on properly so I left them off and my daughter loves her new bed. She was so happy to have it.

 

It doesn’t have to be intentional for it to be abuse

Sunday, November 13th, 2016

This is controversial because many people will disagree that abuse can be unintentional. I have talked about before in this blog how I can see myself doing financial abuse due to my money anxiety so that was why my husband took over the finances. I was driving him crazy with my anxiety about money he felt he couldn’t live a life because I would freak out if I found out he had spent a dollar and I was already talking about taking away his cards so I wouldn’t have to worry about him spending any money and having anxiety. This wasn’t about control, it was about my comfort zone and to relieve my anxiety to make my life calmer and to feel in control of my life again because of the unknown and my husband wasn’t supporting that. This is an example of unintentional abuse and how a mental illness or a disorder can attribute to abuse.

What about a parent who isn’t aware their kid has a disability because they look normal and seem normal. Asperger’s is a hidden disorder and so is ADHD and anxiety and other things that makes the kid act different. So what if the parent was unaware their kid had anxiety so they were always getting mad at them for their fears and over reaction and calling them a baby and forcing them into situations they feel uncomfortable in. At age six I was forced to ride on a big ferris wheel and my mom and dad didn’t care about my fear of it and the reason why I was scared was because I was worried it would give me this feeling in my stomach that some rides give you and I didn’t like that feeling and I had been on a ferris wheel that gave me that feeling so I felt too nervous to ride on one again that went too high up. Lot of people will agree that it is cruel to scare your child but that is what my parents did to me, they scared me and forced me into something I feared and got mad at me for crying and for being scared and didn’t give rats ass. I would call this unintentional abuse. I don’t think they did it to be cruel. Most people are not afraid of ferris wheels so how were they supposed to know my fear was real? They were ignorant then. My dad is still ignorant about my anxiety. I don’t fear ferris wheels anymore. Back then being forced on it was like walking the green mile or walking to the torture device because you know what is going to happen and you don’t know what is going to happen like how much pain you will feel, if it will hurt or not. That was how I felt going on that ride. I didn’t know how bad it would be, how much it will be scary and how bad the feeling in my tummy would be when we go down. I realize I probably did have anxiety as a young child but it wasn’t prominent then so no one knew. Instead I would be told to stop or being called a baby so therefore my feelings would be invalidated and I did feel then as a young child that my mom didn’t care about me. I just assumed then she knew because I didn’t know my feelings were not normal and my mom had assumed my feelings were normal but was over reacting or just whining. Ironically my mom is against people scaring kids and breaking them by making them fear you so they will listen but yet she did the exact same thing  to me when I was a kid. Then the time I didn’t have anxiety about being dumped on the side of the road because I figured I would just hitchhike home, my mom was mad because I didn’t have beg her to not leave me on the side of the road. Yes that is fear right there you are doing to your kids and you say it’s not good to scare your children?

Then there is ADHD. I can’t count how many times I have read online by people who grew up with undiagnosed ADD or ADHD, they always got in trouble for losing things and always got in trouble for not being able to sit still or pay attention or for forgetting things, etc. It was as if they were abused. I would call their abuse unintentional because no one was aware of their ADD then. I can’t imagine how hard their life must have been the the anxiety they must have had growing up and the low self esteem.

But because abuse implies intent, people will say they were not abused or say someone they know isn’t abusive because they know their partner or child doesn’t do it on purpose. Then of course when someone has a mental illness, their victims may still call them abusive and say their actions are intentional.

What about those who suffer from NPD or BPD, they tend to lack self awareness. They may not see themselves as being abusive. I noticed on the forum on Reddit by BPD victims that the borderliners tend to rewrite history so they have “amnesia” about their abuse they did to their child or partner. Jerry seemed to have rewritten hers when she said she did none of that stuff I said she did except for “taking too long” to give me back my Dish Network piece. Also people with BPD don’t realize they are being manipulative and may not see their behavior as manipulative because to their perspective they are just trying to get their needs met like everyone else. But that never matters to the victim. It only matters what the borderliner is doing, not their intention behind it.

Then there are people who have NPD and they also seem to lack awareness of their own behavior so to me it seems like their behavior is unintentional if they are unaware which is why it’s probably a disorder, an illness. Many people disagree that personality disorders are a mental illness and want to keep these separated from mental illnesses. But the truth is mental illness is also a spectrum. It can range from evil to none evil. Maybe people like to separate personality disorders from a mental illness because they don’t want the stigma on mental illness.

In a way I do feel sorry for those who have NPD and BPD because they are their own worst enemies and they didn’t choose to be that way and I can’t imagine having those disorders and hurting people and not even being aware and seeing myself as the victim. I cannot imagine having a disorder only to find out my own emotions are wrong and my feelings are wrong and not knowing when they are valid and not being entitled to them. We often hear that everyone is entitled to their feelings and that people should trust their gut instinct but that doesn’t seem to apply to those who have BPD. That only applies to “normal” people. Most stuff we read out there is aimed at normal people assuming whoever is reading it is “normal.”

I have anxiety but stuff I find online about what to do about yelling at your kids, none of the advice I read is helpful because it’s all about staying calm and stuff but what do you do if your kids are the ones giving you anxiety and you can’t be calm unless your kids stop? There is no parenting articles out there aimed at parents with autism or anxiety about yelling at your kids. And too much yelling is abuse so that would mean I am doing unintentional abuse.

Because abuse often implies intent and also has a bad stigma to it, no one wants to see themselves as an abuser even if their actions are abusive. Even the loved one doesn’t want to see their child or partner as abusive especially if they have trauma or a disorder or came from an abusive background themselves where they grew up around anger and abuse or neglect. I didn’t want to see Jerry as an abuser when I was with her so I always defended her and made excuses for her like she has anxiety, she is worried about what people might think of her, she has PTSD, she has AS so she is just being honest, her ex called her a pedophile so now she ignores me if I am not acting mature enough for her. But all that did was it hurt me and I let that all happen instead of sticking up for myself and now I have myself to blame. So that is why I will never ever let anyone abuse me again and no disorder or mental illness will change that and only their actions and how they treat me matter, not their intentions and I don’t care what their intentions are or if it’s on purpose or not. I need to care about my own mental health and protect myself from any abuse. I also need to stay away from anyone who is abusive. I still get triggers to this day from certain things I read when something reminds me of Jerry. I even had to block someone on a forum when she made a trigger post and what she was writing were similar feelings to what Jerry had so I took a great dislike to her and blocked her because she was triggering. But I wasn’t the only one who had blocked her because she had left that forum and I saw her posting elsewhere online saying she was ignored because people didn’t agree with her views. Her views? Is she shitting me, she was a bigot on ABDLs and then pulling the “I still love you” crap like Barney. Ugh.

Now here is an article that talks about unintentional abuse but it’s about parents doing it:

Understanding Unintentional Abuse

 

 

My daughter is sick

Saturday, October 29th, 2016

I now know why my daughter has been acting up and been so ruley lately and naughty. She was sick. I feel like a bad mother sometimes because I can’t even read these cues about how a child is feeling like if they are in pain unless they do a pain cry or if they are sick or what. I just cannot tell. But my husband made the appointment for Friday that same day and after I went to work, my mom took my husband to the appointment with my son and daughter and they were in the office and she was not happy. She even hit the doctor. It turns out she has two pink eyes and a ear infection and was given medicine for it. It was my mother who said she might have a pink eye and to make an appointment so my husband came and got me and I looked the number up online for the health clinic and my husband called and I gave him the health insurance card for my daughter.

Good thing I have other people around because I cannot imagine what would happen if my kids got sick and I couldn’t tell because of their lack of language skills to tell me. My son can talk but would he be able to really explain to me? My daughter isn’t able to tell me her eyes hurt or tell me her ear is sore and tell me how much pain she is in. I would end up neglecting my kids unintentionally and that is a form of abuse so it would have been accidental child abuse.

My son might not need an IEP

Tuesday, September 20th, 2016

If he keeps this up, he might not need one by next year.

My son has been enjoying school. He loves it. I have gotten no complaints from the teacher, he has been doing his school work and he’s told me he has been playing with other kids at recess. Today they played camping. Yesterday they played Zombie. I am so proud of him. I guess the doctor was right that he was just immature and he has made a big stride this past summer. That makes me think he doesn’t have ADHD. He has been doing better with taking care of his toys.

I shared with my mother today how good he has been doing in school due to no complaints so I think he might not need an IEP by next year. My mother of course disagreed and told me that my son told her the other day that he is too afraid to play out in the field because he might not be able to hear the bell. Instead of playing with the boys, he will stay and not play with them. I told her he could just follow the boys back to class and he would know when the bell has rung because he would see them leaving. My mom told me that is a good way of doing it but not for him because he is afraid he will be so into his game he won’t notice the bell. So I am seeing he is aware of his problem with over focusing and zoning the whole world out around him so he is too afraid of not coming inside when recess is over if the bell rings and he doesn’t hear it. My mom says he has some anxiety and she will address this with the teacher at the parent teacher thing tomorrow. I am working so I wouldn’t be able to go but my mom is going to take my husband there making it mandatory for him.

My mom also told me a funny story about this weekend. My son goes up to her and tells her “Mom won’t take me to school” and my mom goes “that is because there is no school today” and my son asks why and she tells him that the teacher isn’t there and my son asks “is she sick?” My mom goes “No, she is home and so are the other kids, none of them are in school today. It’s family day today, all the kids are having family day.” She also told him tomorrow will be family day too and all the kids will be home having family day. I told my mom I did tell him it was Saturday and you don’t go on Saturday. My mom told me he doesn’t understand  and doesn’t know his days of the weeks yet. My son was even ready for school that day and he came up to my mother telling her I won’t take him to school.

He really likes school.

Parents being illogical.

Monday, March 28th, 2016

We have a 3 year old boy and hes getting completely out of hand. It gets to the point where hes screaming, kicking, hitting, screaming “leave me alone”, all the time. Yes it is when he doesnt get what he wants or when we tell him to do something and he refuses. We have tried time outs, light spankings, sending to his room for the night, and our last resort has been taking away all of his movies and toys. But it doeant seem to phase him. Hes normally an amazing caring kid but this monster is taking over our lives and making me and my husband fight. He refuses to listen, and it seems all the punishing we do doesnt seem to work. I have super high anxiety and all this screaming thats coming from our son is ruining my mind. I need advice, i need some support and i need to vent. Is there anyone else out there that has had a similar experience that they feel goes beyond the “terrible twos or threes”? – ps sorry for errors and grammer im on my phone.

On Reddit this was posted by a parent. She posts about how nothing works for her child and he won’t listen and throws tantrums when he doesn’t want to do something they tell him to do. These all sound like concerns. Also the fact he is aggressive and she labels him as a monster and asks if anyone has similar stories about how they feel that goes beyond the terrible twos and threes. Another concern there.

So I said it looked like ODD to me and it’s time to talk to the pediatrician. I get 18 down votes so that is my record so far for down votes. People get offended over a label and a suggestion and even my responses are being down voted. Someone said it looked like a normal three year old to her and someone else told me ODD is too young to be placing on a three year old.

All these parents seem to be forgetting that the OP wrote this goes beyond the terrible twos or threes and why did she have it in quotes? Also why is she calling him a monster? Does this sound like normal behavior to anyone? It doesn’t to me if she is labeling him as a monster and saying it goes beyond the terrible tows and threes. Parents in the thread  are being illogical.

Hey if your kid is taking a step above the means, call their doctor, tell them your concerns, they may refer you to someone to get your kid tested and there might not even be a label. They may see some things and tell you what they recommend.

And I saw another poster ask if the parent is doing rewards for good behavior and made a comment about light spanking and then said to look out for ASPD. Two down votes.

But yeah read the post in the quote box and tell me what you think?

 

 

More abusive children

Sunday, January 3rd, 2016

This is why we have to often tell them no and not give them everything they want or else they turn into entitled brats and behaving like narcissists when they don’t get their way.

My son will call me a bad mommy whenever he doesn’t get his way and I just ignore it. I don’t give into the insults and this behavior is normal at this age when kids try to tell their parents how mean they are or how they hate them. My youngest brother used to just say he hates us and my middle brother didn’t really do that whenever things didn’t go his way. I don’t know what I did but my mom told me I would yell and scream and bite and scratch and she never gave in. My son will just act up and not listen and he will go “bad mommy” when he doesn’t get his way and I still don’t give into him. Do that in public, I don’t take him out again. He is stuck at home. I will even remind him this is why I don’t take him out whenever he starts acting up and I tell him I won’t take him out for a real long time if he doesn’t listen to me. I am not there to please my child or to make him happy or even there to be his friend, I am there to be his parent and do my job as one. If your kid never gets mad at you, you are not doing your job.

http://www.smh.com.au/national/she-terrorises-us-how-entitled-children-are-making-their-parents-lives-hell-20151218-glqtl0.html

Tuesday, December 29th, 2015

https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/3yo9hu/childrens_behaviour_needs_addressing_or_parents/

 

This made me cringe because when I was reading it, I was thinking poor parents because I thought their kids were out of control so they were doing their best to keep them under control.

Before I had kids, I used to just think kids who acted that way was a result of bad parenting but after having my son, I see kids are sometimes beyond your control because they have their own personalities and their own attitudes and you can’t always control them. I have had to hold my son before and there is he struggling and screaming and I am having anxiety on the inside because I have no idea that I am being judged or not because of the way my son is acting. I have left places because of that behavior but this was an airport so what were the parents supposed to do? They maybe had a plane to catch so should they miss their flight? Maybe they are going to a  funeral? Maybe a wedding and they are taking their kids with to show them off and so their families can see them.

My son is full of energy so he gets rambunctious and bored. When he gets bored, he acts up and misbehaves and nothing can get him to calm down and to be good. That is why I avoid taking him out, I try to avoid long lines and I refuse to being him anywhere by myself because it’s too overwhelming. But yet he acts better when my husband is with so I know he can help it. My son has been upset when we would leave places and I would refuse to turn the stroller around and let him back inside because my mind was made up and he had disrespected me enough and wouldn’t listen to me so this was his lesson. But you can’t do that in a airport.

I sometimes do wonder if my mom is right that he has ADHD because that would explain his rambunctiousness and why he can’t wait and why long lines are hard for him while two year olds seem to have no problems waiting in long lines. My son just easily gets bored. I got bored when I was a kid and it was torture but I wouldn’t start getting hyper and acting up and being impuslive and running around like him and not listening. I think he can help it but it’s very hard because it is possible to finally break him but it’s very hard. see the My mistake of bringing my son to a Zelda concert. Why was I finally able to break him there? Because it was after remission and I sat in the empty seats this time where no one sat and I had power this time because I could remove him from the auditorium once it started again and I let him cry out in the lobby and scream because he wanted to go back inside and I wouldn’t let him. I was punishing him for not listening to me during the performance so we were now out there watching it on the screen. I told him he had to show me he could be quiet first and listen before we go back inside. So after a long time of his tantrum and then he was quiet because he was playing his 3DS, I reminded him of the rules again and I brought him back inside and right when he started to act up again, I told him if he didn’t sit still and be quiet, we would leave again and this time he was still as a statue. He did want to be there and the poor kid just looked bored because I made him sit still and follow the rules. I finally had power so he listened and could finally help himself all because there were all these empty seats which was a fortunate because it gave me power as a parent. But I did learn to never bring him to one of those things again unless it’s Disney on ice or a Children’s Play. He would have to show me first he could listen and be quiet and sit still before I take him to one of those things again where you have to be quiet and sit still and not move around in your seat and play in it and not make any sounds.

I used to think people were stupid and didn’t get it if they made me do certain  things before I was allowed to do something but now after having kids I get it now because I now want proof he can do it before I actually have him do something. I do not want to take risks and bring him somewhere only to waste money or to ruin it for others and I did think about leaving and was going to but couldn’t because I couldn’t get up during the performance with all the people in the way so that was why I sat in the empty seats with no one around and why I brought him to the lobby to teach him a lesson and I did feel bad for the people around me. What if they had just told me I can take him out and they get out of their seats to let us by and I would thank them for letting us get up during the performance because I was struggling to control him and to get him to listen and follow the rules. I didn’t yell or raise my voice. I never even take my son to movies because I worry he wouldn’t be able to sit still and be quiet and I miss half of the movie and money is wasted so before i would take him to any movies, he would have to show me at home he can sit still and be quiet by doing that during movies at home. Plus movies are expensive now anyway so it doesn’t matter because I wouldn’t be taking him there anyway. Maybe if it was a rated G movie that might be fine because it will be filled with kids and there will be talking and noise and it’s the time for parents to try and teach their kids movie theater rules and G movies are a start before they go to any PG movies. But I think my son would be more disruptive than other kids because he is so hyper and rambunctious and gets bored even if he does want to be there and see it. he has to be moving and making noise. when my son was able to be quiet and sit still at the concert I wonder how much energy he was actually putting into following the rules than being able to enjoy the concert because he had to use most of it on being still and quiet? Like my mom told me, it was all unfair to him and she agreed I did screw up and made a mistake. Then he had to get punished for it because I had to be consistent. Every time he wanted to play Mario Maker, I always had to remind him about the concert and his behavior there and that was why he didn’t have the game anymore so he understood why we didn’t have the game anymore because I had to tell him why by bringing up the concert and how he acted there.

 

But back to the Reddit post, the parents there chewed the OP out and he took it well. Then it was locked because it violated the rules there about creating drama. I was going to say that some kids are more rambunctious than others and parents can’t always control them no matter what they do so sometimes holding them is the only way to keep them from running around and what would he rather have, kids running around and parents doing nothing or having them do something about it by holding them down because that is the only way to keep them from running around. Kids are not puppets so they don’t always respond to punishment s or consequence no matter what you tell them at the airport. What kind of punishments can you give them there and what if there was nothing to take away to punish them? What if they don’t care about if you will take something away on the trip such as their game system or their favorite toy? What if they don’t care about a time out there? Also as someone else had mentioned, what if the children were special needs and were having a sensory overload?

 

My daughter’s first accident

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2015

I saw a wet spot on the floor so I thought my daughter had spilled something so I threw a towel over it. I smell it and it smelled different so I wondered if her diaper had leaked. I picked her up to check her diaper and saw she didn’t have one on. So that was the diaper she had handed me, it was hers she took off and I thought she had found it in her room or something my husband or my father had left in there when they changed her from last night. I noticed she had a wet spot in her night gown so I took it off and tossed it down the chute and my socks too. I put a clean diaper on her and put Hello Kitty duct tape around her diaper to keep it on. She tired to take it off still but couldn’t. I showed her her potty chair again and told her if she is going to be taking her diaper off, she should start peeing in this potty here, not on the floor. She instead kicked at it and picked it up and threw it on the floor.

Toddler logic, they don’t want to wear a diaper but yet they don’t want to use the potty.

Can psychopathy come and go?

Sunday, October 4th, 2015

Every time we hear about school shootings or animal torture, we always hear the word psychopath for those monsters that did it, same as for when parents kill their kids including disabled ones.

I have always felt I had some characteristics because lack of remorse is one of them. that is just something I never grasped, I cannot understand why someone would do something wrong and then feel bad for it. Why would you want to do something bad in the first place?

I remember as a kid I would sometimes do something wrong and not feel bad for it. For example, when I was six or seven I took a pack of gum from the store after Mom had told me I couldn’t have it. I took it off the shelf and opened it and my mother caught me eating it when we got home. She asked me “Were did you get the gum?”

Me: from the store

Mom: Why?

Me: I wanted it.

Mom: But I told you no you couldn’t have it

Me: But I wanted it.

So my mom took it from me and finished putting the groceries away and took me upstairs to my room and made me take some coins out of my piggy bank. She was going to teach me a lesson about if I want stuff from the store and what money is used for. She took me back, told the cashier what I did but she says “Oh that’s okay.” Mom tells her “No she is going to pay for this gum so she will learn her lesson.” So the cashier lets me pay for it and then she hands me back my gum. “Here is your gum dear.” My mom tells her “No, it’s going to be thrown away now, she can’t have it.” The cashier tells her I had paid for it and my mom tells her if she lets me keep that gum, I will think it’s okay to take things from the store. Other customers who were there thought my mother was nuts but an elderly woman said “No that is being a good parent.”

My mom and I left and my mom tossed the gum out and I was mad because I had paid for it not seeming to understand why I couldn’t have it.

So you see, a normal kid would feel bad for taking the gum without paying for it, but me I didn’t care. I was not embarrassed nor even felt bad for breaking the law. I would have just learned if I wanted something, just take it and mom would have to let me have it so that is why she threw it away so I will know there is no point in taking things I want if my mom will just not let me have it. Did I have no remorse because I didn’t understand how it would make others feel around me or did I have that psychopath trait? Even as a kid I had a hard time with feelings and understanding them. I knew of laughing and crying and mad and yelling but I didn’t really understand why they felt that way. Feelings are abstract and I was very concrete. According to my mother I was loving and would pick up on her feelings as a toddler because I would act different around her. She called it a gift. I must have lost it then.

I also teased others kids and didn’t know when to stop and I loved to provoke people to see their reactions and do things to see how people would react and I didn’t seem to care how I made others feel. Did I not understand their feelings and their reactions or was that the psychopathic tenancy?

But as I got older I wanted to be a good person and not evil so I changed my behavior. I compensated. I still don’t feel a lot of emotion so I feel I still lack empathy. I can watch the news and not get really upset like most people do but yet whenever I read stuff by Sarah Burleton, I just want to punch her mother and I feel hate for her because of what she did. I cannot imagine torturing my own child or shooting at an innocent goat. Instead of rehoming the animal, Nancy had decided to shoot it with a BB gun to hurt Sarah because it was her animal. The goat would destroy things on property and eat the flowers and Nancy hated it.

I always got violent thoughts but was never strong enough to execute them to seriously harm other kids including my bullies. I realized at 14 I was too nice to do that but that means I don’t have enough psychopathy in me to do it which is why i believe when people do school shootings, they must have been a psychopath because they had enough in them to execute such an action.

When I was 16 I was having a lot of anxiety and more meltdowns because my family would not keep the house neat so it was stressing me out. Then my dad brought home Squeaky. That caused me tremendous anxiety and it literally made me go crazy. Crazy to a point that I changed as a person. I started to mimic Frankie to get my way so my life would be easier. I also wanted to kill Squeaky and was getting compulsions to drown him in our pond. I believe I would have done it because the only thing that held me back from doing it was fearing i would go to a mental hospital and I wanted to torture him too but was also afraid of getting institutionalized. My mom had already threatened to send me away once so I was forced to stop trying to have ODD. I was having nightmares about the dog and nightmares that my mother had stopped caring about me so she was letting kids be mean to me. I believe I was getting close to killing the animal but then something happened, he got hit by a car and died. That saved me from turning into a psychopath. Thinking of the fact that that dog would have made me go crazy makes me think of this song here:

What could a puppy possibly do that would drive someone to kill the poor thing? Well when there is the OCD, the anxiety, the depression, emotional issues, and the fact the dog wouldn’t quit pissing in the house because no one would watch him and the fact no one would let the person keep them crated or keep the puppy outside would do it because the person had reached their breaking point and couldn’t handle it anymore so they killed whatever was giving them the stress.

What would have happened if i really did kill the animal, I would have been a psychopath and then be recovered from it because I would no longer have all that anxiety and stress and my OCD wouldn’t be so out of control because whatever was causing it had been removed from my environment.

So what would that mean for someone who is at risk like I am. Well first of all they shouldn’t have a pet that can’t meet their standards due to their mental issues. My dad should not have brought home that animal but we had another dog but she met my standards because she always peed outside and she didn’t wreck things. But even if someone would be at risk to kill an animal, it is very unlikely it will happen because first of all if they had a pet, they would either keep the pet locked up or outside and if the pet was still a nuisance, they would re home it than torture it and kill it which is why I say Nancy could have kept the goat fenced in part of their land or get rid of it by rehoming the animal but no she had to shoot it with BBs to punish her daughter. Also they might not live with anyone who has an animal they can’t stand nor would they get in a relationship with someone with it. They would problem solve first before going crazy and for me it would take me a lot before I go crazy and become a psychopath which is why it always scares me to imagine how I would handle a severely autistic child or someone severely handicapped because I worry I would be one of those parents who kills their disabled child. I did try to problem solve with our puppy by keeping him in his crate or outside but no one would let that happen so I got worse and worse and having violent thoughts about our puppy. I used to tell stories in my therapist’s office called The Abusing Adventures of Squeaky and my therapist found them funny and told me his office was a safe place for these stories. Back then i thought he was evil and not a normal animal because he wouldn’t go outside, he would just hold it and wait until he was inside to go so it made me think he was doing it on purpose and he loved going in the house. I can remember my therapist saying to me “Oh you thought he was defiant.” Even as an adult I still didn’t understand how a puppy can be so stubborn and I knew I couldn’t be crazy because he really did wait until he was inside before he took a piss. But no one seemed to believe me because everyone saw him as innocent. Then I started to think if dogs can have fetishes like humans, maybe he had a wetting fetish and loved going inside. It was one of my online friends who laughed and told me he wasn’t doing it on purpose and I asked what did he mean by that and she said he wasn’t doing it to upset me and he didn’t know it was upsetting me. I asked her why did he keep on doing it and she said he was probably just confused, he was a dumb animal. So I did my research and learned that he just probably had it backwards, he came from a pet shop so he always peed inside and thought he could pee inside and puppies when in a new environment, they find all these places in the house they could pee in so crating them is what you do because they will never pee in their bed or area like humans. so I was right about crating our puppy, it is not cruel, that is how you house train them. I wish I knew this at 16 years of age and I wish I was told this solution so i wouldn’t have gone crazy thinking I was trapped and there was nothing I could do. My therapist was correct, there was something I could have done but he wouldn’t tell me when I asked what could I have done? I was so defensive then because anyone who didn’t see it my way was against me. Anyone who treated me like the bad guy was against me so I always put on my defense. But my online friend understood me, she didn’t judge or go against me so I was able to listen and do some research. This is how you get through to people folks, you understand them, see their perspective, not judge them, and it is easier for them to listen because it’s easier to get though to them if you understand their side than treating them like the bad guy. If I knew this at 16, I would have been in control of my environment again and not go crazy and have daily meltdowns and try and mimic Frankie or even doing self harm or even squeezing the puppy or pushing it away with a broom or pounding my fists on his crate with him inside it or pushing it out of the way with my feet or broom whenever he is in it because I hated him and didn’t see him as an animal. It’s like how people don’t see someone as human once they rape a child or do child abuse so they use that to justify for them getting raped or beaten in prison, well I was justifying not seeing him an an animal to do my actions on him to release anger. I also would literally throw him outside because I hated him. We were both at war. But yeah maybe he was an innocent animal like everyone always said. But yet I still don’t feel bad. I must have that psychopathic trait. But that was me going crazy there because of the anxiety and stress and I had been pushed that far by my family so that is why i say my dad should not have gotten a new dog and we should have gotten rid of him. I think it’s wrong to keep a animal in the house with someone who is aggressive with it. That should be a form of animal abuse. But it wasn’t the dog’s fault either. He probably thought I was crazy because he didn’t know that him pissing in the house was making me that way. Plus I think he had it backwards about his toilet like I did when I was 2 and 3. But no way was I pissing in my diapers or on the floor or just in my pants to piss my mother off. What if she had abused me thinking I was doing it on purpose and that I was evil and I was no innocent child so she used that to justify the abuse? It wouldn’t have to be beatings or starvation or anything bad that would harm me or leave me any marks and injuries. I could have been hair pulling or being choked or squeezed or hit because those things would be hard to prove if she wasn’t leaving any marks on me. Yes people would be getting on her case about it and judge her harshly if they all knew than understanding her and seeing her perspective to get through to her. Instead I was put back in diapers because my mother figured I wasn’t ready. Problem was solved even though some people online have felt she did me a disservice when I told them that story about how she tried to potty train me and I had it all backwards so she put me back in them. But too bad puppies don’t wear diapers.  But I have heard horror stories online about potty training and some parents snap and abuse them. I couldn’t understand it until I was potty training my son and after but no way am I going to justify their abuse and I didn’t go abusing my son for wetting or messing his pants because he wouldn’t use the potty. But yes I did cry and I did get frustrated to a point where I just wanted to hit him and slap him silly and my dad thought he should be spanked when all I could do is put him in time out, take away a privilege for him, have him get a natural consequence; he wouldn’t be able to wear his big boy underwear if he got them all soiled and I am not going to be washing them until there is laundry. This was after he knew how to use the potty. I never punished him during potty training. He would go forwards and then regress again and that stopped when I had my daughter and poof he never regressed again so I knew he knew how to use the potty and he was just choosing to not go. I knew that all along because he would be good at going potty and then regress. Even with our washer down, he went potty in the toilet and didn’t wet or mess himself until the washing machine was working again so there is another hint that he was doing it on purpose. But I doubt he was doing it to torment me and I have heard of little kids wetting and messing themselves on purpose because they don’t want to stop playing to go potty. I can handle human pee because it’s different than animal pee so it doesn’t make my OCD go bad. It’s easier to clean up and to get rid of.

So can one turn into a psychopath due to the environment and their own mental issues and then not be a psychopath anymore once they are out of whatever caused them to be that way?

If I were seeing a therapist, I would be asking him/her this question,

BTW when the puppy did die, my daily meltdowns went away and my anxiety lessened. My mom also felt relieved when he died because he caused so much chaos on the household even though he didn’t do it on purpose.

I have also tried talking to people including my old therapists about my concern for psychopathy but all of them have told me I am not one if I am even thinking about it and also because I don’t kill and torture people. I am not Diane Downs or Ted Bundy. But is it possible to be one and not act on it? Diane Downs sure shot her kids once but had never killed anyone else or do anything evil before and no doctor ever thought she had cluster B disorders until after she did the crime. She has not done any others since but that is because she is in prison and what if she had gotten away with it, would she have done another evil thing? Would she have tried to kill her kids again? Not all psychopaths do crimes over and over like Bundy did or Dalmar or Gacy. I fact only very few commit crimes. But do I have any psychopath traits? Symptoms do overlap. What if I actually had psychopath traits and they were mistaken for Asperger’s when I was a kid because psychopathy cannot be diagnosed in kids until they are 18. But I have never tortured any animals or anyone so of course it would never be caught. But then again even autistic and aspie children have caused injuries and I have read bad stories online about autistic children being mean to animals. I was rough with them too as a kid because I didn’t really understand. My therapist I saw when I was 11 and 12 had to teach me. But I didn’t really torture them like psychopaths did when they were children. I would never dream of killing an animal as a child or wanting to harm them. I did try to get my cat to fight with our neighbor’s dog once but I wasn’t trying to harm my cat and I didn’t know a dog could kill a cat during a fight. Also I used to think my lack of feelings for others was due to my autism but then I started reading around 2009 that they do have empathy and they in fact feel too much so they get overwhelmed from it so it appears they do not care. I cannot relate to that, I feel too little in fact. I can see someone cry and not be affected by it. I will just know they are sad or upset. But then again I remember reading a story by John Robison in one of his books about how he saw an accident and the person was hurt so he was able to help the person without feeling anything, most people would panic and be upset what they saw and not be able to do a thing about it because their emotions would have gotten in the way. It didn’t mean he was a psychopath of course. I do hear how logical us aspie creatures are but yet that contradicts about having too much empathy so wouldn’t that mean they get in the way if they cause us to shut down? That just shows how different we all are. Maybe I don’t have psychopath traits. Like I say symptoms over lap. I was impulsive when I was a kid too and that is also a symptom of psychopathy. My parents even though I would be one of those school shooters so they made sure my grandfather’s gun was locked up at his house and that they didn’t have any fire arm around. She said I was so impulsive I would have done it without even thinking of the aftermath. Yes I even almost burnt down our barn once when I was 16 because I came home from school very upset so to calm myself, I drag the trash to the rotted wood pile, light it on fire and it burns and then the grass catches on fire and it got close to the barn but the fire didn’t get that far to catch it on fire. My parents came home and saw it and my mom told me how it’s part of my IEP whatever she was talking about and told me I get so impulsive so it’s part of my IEP and I said I don’t get impulsive and she told me to look out the window so i did and she pointed to the grass that was burned and told me “That is how impulsive you were, you almost burned down the barn because you didn’t even think before setting the garbage on fire because you were very upset and that is what happens when you are very upset you get very impulsive.” I have no memory of feeling bad for almost burning down our barn. But the barn didn’t burn down so no need to feel bad about it.

There are also other conditions out there that overlap with psychopathy like narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, oppositonal defiant disorder, conduct disorder, and reactive attachment disorder. I do feel that RAD is basically psychopathy in kids except they are created. I can remember my therapist mentioning conduct disorder to me but he didn’t say I had it so I must be cured from it then because I am not in that environment anymore where I was going crazy and heading for psychopathy or conduct disorder. Makes me wonder if it can come and go. There would be two different types, those who are psychopaths no matter what and the other type would be they are one when it depends on the environment they are in like are they stressed out and having anxiety, and have they reached their breaking point? Then once whatever was causing it is resolved, they no longer have it. That could be the case with school shooters too. they reach their breaking point and go crazy and do a killing spree. The Night Santa Went Crazy.