Archive for the ‘internet forums’ Tag

People saying what their first name is or not online

Friday, January 20th, 2017

Someone asked on a forum why some people feel free to tell her their first name and others don’t feel comfortable. She also mentioned some she has been talking to for a while she still doesn’t know their first name and doesn’t understand the secretive behind it and it’s not like the first name will give out their location or where they live.

I replied in it saying when you put your first name online and information like your personal experience and your problems, someone online can still pick you out and know who you are because they happened to know you in real life like from school or from work or they could be your ex. I would call it a coincidence because what are the odds of someone lurking on the same forum you go to you know in real life? Even if you don’t use your first name, you can still be picked out who you are just by what you write about yourself but if that happens the chances are they knew you in real life.

I forgot to mention on the forum that if it’s about something online and you were talking about a incident or your personal experience online, someone online can still pick you out even if they don’t know your name or where you live because they knew you from another forum so they only know you by the username they originally knew you as. I have kept recognizing a same user online I knew from a forum on other websites no matter what name she uses. Why? Because she is always talking about fat acceptance and talking about when she posted on a racist forum because they understood her and understood her hyperacusis about loud kids and she also keeps talking about how parents should keep their kids quiet and only take them to Chuckie Cheese. Even the childfree people have hated her and banned her from their forum and she gets banned from about every forum online she goes to. She once had a fit when a parent wrote how she had to do cut backs because she lost her job so she had to cut out luxuries so she cut the internet and this person called it child abuse because she was denying her children internet by canceling it just to save on bills and to get by in life until she got another job. Plus she has used the same username for other forums and then she started to use different names but it’s still easy to pick out who she is because she doesn’t shut up about fat acceptance and how kids should only be at Chuckie Cheese and she talks about when she posted on a racist forum. I told her if she will leave her past behind and quit talking about it fat acceptance, people won’t know who she is.  That is how people always figure out who she is. But unfortunately she made a very bad mistake and has to pay for it for the rest of her life on the internet because her past will always follow her.  Never join a racist forum and pretend to be racist and the fact she used her username she had used on other forums which was the worst mistake she could ever make. Even though that forum is gone now, people still know about it thanks to her past.

 

“I don’t do drama.”

Monday, October 10th, 2016

Often times I have seen people say on the internet that anyone who says this actually are the ones who do drama. To me this never made sense. It never made sense because people who don’t do drama would try to avoid it and walk away once it starts. I used to get into drama all the time online because I cared too much what people thought, I was always defending myself from false accusations and insults, but all it was doing was it was getting me into trouble and making me more if a target on forums and then it was upsetting me too much it would distract me at work because it would be too upsetting and stressful. So now I try to avoid it. I learned to not care too much what people think. I don’t argue anymore with stupid or talk to a brick wall or be a broken record.

I went on a forum and asked about where this logic came from about people who say they don’t do drama are the ones who actually do it. At first I didn’t get good responses and people weren’t seeming to take my question seriously so I replied in the thread saying it was serious and I really want to know why people think people who say they don’t do drama are the ones who actually do it. Then finally I got two good responses. The reasons I got were:

It’s people getting angry, feeling hurt, being challenged or attacked. Those things happen sometimes though, even among good people. I’ve yet to meet a married couple that doesn’t have some drama in their lives. People who say that they don’t like drama are saying that they don’t like it when people get upset, and that usually means either 1) they try to ignore it or 2) they get upset themselves. Those are, unfortunately, the two worst responses to somebody else getting upset because they escalate the situation rather than resolve it. It’s usually better to deal with drama by trying to defuse the situation. There are lots of ways to do that: calm in the face of anger works sometimes, humor is often great, getting a third party to come in and mediate can help a lot, or sometimes just being the bigger person and being willing to admit to mistakes.

So, TLDR, a person saying they don’t like drama is strongly correlated with that person having poor skills for dealing with drama when it occurs and therefore making it worse.

 

I’m one of the rare people who hates drama and for the most part, actually avoids getting involved in it. I imagine that people who hate drama, yet keep causing drama, are people who are addicted to outrage in some way. They tend to live in a bubble, and when they say they hate drama, they hate arguing because they want everyone to agree with them because they’re always right. When they exit their safe space and encounter other people, they start arguing with other people who also live in a bubble, and once two people outside their safe spaces and addicted to outrage collide, drama ensues. This should explain where a lot of outrage and drama comes from.

 

These two responses make so much sense about people who say they don’t like drama or don’t do it. They can’t handle to be challenged or attacked and drama is part of life and anyone has yet to meet someone who doesn’t ever have drama in their life.

So basically when someone says they don’t do drama, they are the ones who will just shut down and not discuss it whenever you disagree with them or have a different perspective so therefore they run away from the problem than trying to resolve it. They are more likely to keep things bottled up and not express themselves or speak up whenever something bothers them so instead of telling the person, they just hold it all in. Some people just don’t have good social skills when it comes to disagreements so therefore they turn it into a drama so instead of facing this issue, they run from it by trying to avoid it because of their lack of skills of dealing with it. I think people who have these issues tend to have problems such as anxiety. So they are not equipped to dealing with drama so they avoid it. So people who say they don’t do drama means all these three things so I wouldn’t put it it your dating profile or else people will think of these following things:

You have poor coping skills with a disagreement so you make things worse

You want everyone to agree with you

You won’t tell people how you feel about things they have said to you or what they did to upset you so you keep it bottled up and then you explode because you never spoke up

You will not discuss things to resolve an issue or hear a different perspective

 

These are the types of people other people would want to avoid to so put “I don’t do drama” or “I don’t like drama” in your profile would make them steer clear of you because of the picture you gave them. Also people who put they don’t do drama indicates they have gotten into a lot of drama in the past so that might also give you a picture of them about how they always get into fights and they can’t handle it maturely so it does become a drama than a discussion. Also it could indicate silent treatments because you have gotten them so upset, now they don’t want to talk to you and they won’t even discuss it with you in a civil manner. Instead they would rather not talk about it and keep quiet about it.

Sadly I am someone who doesn’t handle false accusations well so I do try to avoid drama because I can’t handle someone thinking wrong of me and getting the wrong idea about me because it gives me anxiety and then I am obsessed about it and those thoughts are intrusive and they distract me and then I am very upset and I don’t like it. I always feel attacked or feel someone is trying to pick a fight with me when they have the wrong idea about me. Supposedly getting very upset about it means what they are saying is true but it boggles my mind why false accusations wouldn’t upset someone. So the reason why I try to avoid drama is because of the affect it does on me. But what I don’t understand is why this would mean they like drama. I watch Dr. Phil, I read books with drama in them, I also read internet drama but I do not like being in it. There is a difference. But I don’t understand how people who don’t like drama means they like being in it. That makes no sense because it always stresses me out and gets me very upset and then I can’t stop thinking about it and it affects me so why would I like being in it if this is what it does to me? So I avoid it to avoid this. Maybe some people don’t like people who avoid drama so they steer clear of “I don’t do drama” people for the reasons I listed above.

 

My style of communication is offensive to some people

Saturday, October 8th, 2016

some people.

Over the years I have always changed my way of communicating to avoid misunderstandings and to avoid upsetting and offending people and being taken the wrong way. I have learned to use I statements and talking about my experience and I even say where I got a information from like I will say “I read that” or say “I saw someone posting on Reddit about” or say “On babycenter” bla bla bla and say “I have actually seen people admit it” and I will sometimes post my opinion and then talk about myself so people know where it’s coming from.

But sometimes a person will still get offended or think I talked about them because they made a similar post earlier or because they think I have some hidden agenda in my post as if they think me talking about myself is my way of talking about other people. Do people actually do that? Or I make a post and a person might think I am taking a dig at someone or talking about other members on the same forum I am posting it on.

Just recently I had to go to a different forum and ask about why do people think when someone says they don’t do drama, they actually do cause drama. If I had asked it on the current forum, someone could think I was being sly again or taking a dig again because of something recent that had happened.

I am thinking of maybe start doing disclaimers in my posts like “I am not talking about anyone here, if you had posted something similar about this, this post was coincidental.” And start saying “I am not thinking of anyone specific when I wrote this.” And say “Society sees it as this” than saying “they are useless” and then write about why so that way people know I am saying it the way it is and how other people see it so they wouldn’t think I am thinking that. But then again I once wrote “it’s a fetish to society” and that person still took offense because she still took it as my word than that is what it’s classified as when she was talking about furries. But we were cool now so nothing between us anymore. We had a little misunderstanding. I hate those and sometimes they never get resolved, most of the time. No I am not taking a dig here or being sly, I am using this as an example for my personal experience. I have nothing against that member and that person doesn’t come to the forum anymore anyway.

So the bottom line is, no matter how I word things and how I say things and how specific I am, someone will still take offense. I shouldn’t tip toe and worry about it. Is this why some people have social anxiety?  Just as long as I am not insulting anyone or attacking them or being a Cruella De Vil, I’m fine. If someone wants to read into it and think I am talking about someone or them, that is their problem and not mine. Just as long as I am not getting any PMs from any moderators, I’m okay. I have nothing against anyone on that forum nor do I dislike anyone there and people I have disliked there in the past are no longer there and the ones I avoid. My reasons for disliking someone would be over a misunderstanding we had and it never got resolved, them being a jerk to me and because they were not nice people. I don’t think I should silence myself by not talking about my personal experience like “I have been made fun of for my aspie traits by other aspies” just because someone from that forum did that to me in the past on a different forum and is no longer active there and comes back occasionally or because someone on that forum could be guilty of doing it to another aspie in the past so they could think I was talking about them. This is not to take a dig at them or to be passive aggressive, I am only talking about my personal experience. I think I also have the right to say I have been misunderstood by other aspies so that shows they are also human and we are not going to always understand each other because we’re human. Again, I am talking about my personal experience and not taking a dig at anyone or being passive aggressive.

And seriously if a person upset me so much on there, I will go talk about it somewhere else or talk about it to my online friend. Or just write about it in my own personal journal on my computer where it’s totally safe and no one can read it but me and I usually wouldn’t read it again after typing it because I want no one to read it and that person too possibly because you never know what other forums they could be lurking on and you never know if that person might know people on the other forum and they could tip that person off and tell them about my post and they see it the wrong way. But I wouldn’t open another thread on the same forum talking about it and make a thread be about that person only. I think that would take balls to do it and it doesn’t tell anyone how much they have hurt you. Instead it’s seen as bullying and gossip and it won’t bring you “Sorry I misunderstood you, we’re cool now” and bam everything is over and we’re cool now and everyone is happy. It doesn’t work like that. I wish it did though but that isn’t how humans work. Instead they just get more defensive and it makes things worse so it’s best to keep it private.

I am taking a temporary break from the forum and I might come back next week and hopefully it has blown over. I find that most people actually forget about dramas that have happened and they don’t really care and they move on. So you can leave a forum for a few months and come back and everyone will act like it’s never happened and you can move on too and start going back to your normal posting. Just don’t visit the same threads again where the drama took place.

No this blog entry isn’t a sly dig and I am not being passive aggressive posting this. I don’t mention names and forum names for a reason because I have this blog linked on other websites and I try and keep things vague as possible to avoid any further drama. Only people from that forum will know I am talking about their forum and only that person will know I was thinking of them as I wrote this but I was also thinking of in general because I don’t know who else thinks this too and who also takes offense to what I say but says nothing about it.

But when I do return, maybe I won’t be doing those disclaimers, it depends on how I feel. Sometimes when you’re upset, you feel the need to do things but when you get over it, you don’t feel the need to do it anymore. You won’t know for sure until you’re feeling better and if you still feel the same way, then maybe it will be necessary.

While writing this I was thinking if I should even post this or just put it in my private document on my computer. I decided I should just post it here because this is my personal experience and this isn’t a rant about a user. Just about my personal experience of posting online and how I feel about it. I do hope people read about it and understand my communication better (I don’t know how else to communicate) so this is what it’s about. I had already posted about this on the forum.

Collection of my “offensive” comments part 1

Wednesday, October 5th, 2016

Of years I have been posting online, people have always gotten provoked or offended by things I have said. I realize no matter how I word things, someone will always take offense. I can use I statements, someone will still take offense. I can even talk about my personal experience, someone will still take offense. This is the internet and I am sure this happens to everyone and I have seen it happen to others. So I decided I am going to start collecting my own comments that have offended someone and put them here for entertainment for others to read. I even started thinking about starting a game thread online on a forum saying “I am offended” and it could be about anything silly like “I am offended that they cancelled Parenthood” or “I am offended someone said online they got a new puppy.”

Now on with my “offensive” comments. These ones here have been recent.

This seems to be a pattern I have noticed and I am not sure if it’s a coincidence.

In A Teenager’s Journey written by Richard Pelzer brother of Dave Pelzer, he wrote that his mom all of a sudden didn’t remember any abuse she did to him so he thought she was a schizophrenic.

In one of Sarah Burleton’s books, she wrote in there about her younger sister Emily telling her how their mother has no memory of doing any abuse to her and having a donkey on her land whom she killed and Emily was really worried because she wondered what if her mom really was sick.

I think I have heard of other stories about abusers forgetting what they did to their victims.

Now for the final part, I finally got a message from my ex also denying all the abuse she did to me. The only thing she admitted was the Dish network thing and apologized for “taking too long” to give it to me and sorry it put me through suck stress. I think she meant to say such stress.

Do they really get amnesia or are they just pretending to not remember? Why does this happen? Is it gaslighting they are doing to mess with our heads?

Someone in the thread made it personal saying to me and everyone else who responded to my thread that we all must be perfect and never hurt anyone. Then he starts talking about in his post how people make mistakes and how you can hurt people without being a psychopath and saying you can hurt people and have a conscience and also saying  you can hurt people and accept responsibility for your actions. Then he asks if people should just up and kill themselves and they make a mistake and if we think so little of people who have offended us and so on, just a lecture he gave us.

First of all I was only asking if abusers forget their abuse or not, this had nothing to do about being perfect or not every have made a mistake ever.

That person did tell me later in my other thread that it was nothing I did wrong and it was just him because he could identify himself in my post and said I was fine and didn’t mean to upset me.

Sometimes so called self diagnosers with AS don’t even know what it is. I didn’t know what it was when I was first diagnosed. For a while I just thought AS was a set of behaviors and flaws and being a target for being discriminated and targeted and being rejected because that is what I had read about it online long before they had blogs so I could to what I was reading about it even though not all of it fit. So I had always worked on my behaviors to get better so I often question my symptoms since I keep hearing how exhausting it is to keep it up while it’s been the opposite for me and how it’s a lifetime condition and supposedly you never get better from practice. So confusing. Maybe I was just socially awkward and just had a bad personality and it got me diagnosed because of my anxiety and low self esteem and because of my incompetent school staff and other mean kids who were intolerant of differences and because I was trying to be “normal” to better myself so I could be “normal” and be liked and have friends. After all some people just need to have this condition to feel better about themselves and feel it’s not their fault for their failures and how others treat them.

I talked about myself here though I have never self diagnosed. But back then before we had blogs, all we had were “webMD” articles so it was all vague what I was reading about Asperger’s.  I keep questioning my symptoms and wonder if my mom is right what she says to me about myself. I do often believe I was only diagnosed with this because of my anxiety (my mom said the same too), mean kids and their lack of tolerance for differences (my mom also says they were just mean kids), incompetent school staff, me trying to be normal because I didn’t accept myself and I had a narrow view on the word normal. Also Stanley Turecki did write in his book that some difficult children do get diagnosed. I don’t think all people who are different always get diagnosed because it depend son their life factors, what kind of people they are with, their personality, how they handle things, but however if they are having struggles like I did, a diagnoses will be given. A diagnoses means getting the help and support you need, the education, it also opens more doors in your life so you can be normal. I don’t know if an anxiety disorder diagnoses alone would get me to where I am now.

But someone took this comment personally and made it be about them and said I was very judgmental to those with AS and self identifiers and said what she has gathered most so called self diagnosers actually seem to do a lot of research before coming to their conclusion. Then said before she got her diagnoses, she had the necessity to self diagnose and trust her it was not something she wanted to be part of and then said she made very sure there might be something to it before she even believed herself that is may be a possibility. She did say more too but it bothered me that she took offense to my comment and didn’t take it literal. So I said.

Um I did say SOMETIMES and SOME self diagnosers. What happened to your literal thinking? Oh wait, aspies are people too so they are not going to fit every symptom in the book so hence not taking me literal.

Yes they are human so of course they won’t always be literal and they will also read into things too that are not there just like anyone else. I don’t think many people are a textbook case and that is pretty rare. Because I get so sick of people taking my comments personally and taking them out of context and making it all about them, I acted this way because other people have already done it to me in the past and sometimes I get so fed up, I don’t get nice about it.

The post thinks I question other peoples diagnoses which is what she said in her reply to this comment even though I said nothing about the diagnosed. She also said I was being sarcastic in my response. She said said I make the forum not a good place to be and I am one of the people she needed to avoid because of my “BS” I say angers and stresses her. Then said “But that is just an excuse right?” and then said I don’t care and I lack insight and compassion and and have no understanding.

Then of course that member goes on starting a thread about me and talks about it and other members she has a issue with. I of course don’t respond in it because I don’t tell she was upset and I didn’t want to trigger her more so I sat back so she could calm down and plus even apologizing for getting her upset wouldn’t do any good and telling her what my intention was because she would just call it gas lighting and say my apology was fake because I wasn’t sorry for what I wrote, I would only be sorry for she got upset. And I know how that would come off to her. Then she left the forum and did come back but left again.

But I figure this is how she feels about herself  in my post I wrote and my post just triggered her so she took it out on me. But so far she hasn’t apologized or admitted her bad at her end.

These kind of topics used to make me feel uncomfortable too about autism being over diagnosed, people pinning this label on themselves to give themselves a reason for why they were outcasts and easily picked on and targeted and for their failures and to have an excuse for their social failures and how others treat them and for being different and also reading how doctors will purposely misdiagnose autism in kids so they can get the services they need that is only available to those who have an autism diagnoses. But once I realized the issue was I was just insecured about myself, these comments quit bothering me.

Doesn’t have a job and isn’t looking for one

Their home or room is a big mess

This is based on my personal experience.

I posted this on Reddit to the question “What are red flags for a room mate?” and I could a couple responses that indicated offense taken but I didn’t let it bother me. They were “Sounds like depression” and “Hmm. Being that guy, I just worked my ass off for a few years so I could focus on studying instead of working during university (at least for the first couple of years).” That person said more of course but it’s not very relevant. At least they weren’t defensive responses like the other two have been to my previous comments.

But this comment got 291 points so far. It can be a good thing but sometimes it’s a bad thing because people on there sometimes upvote comments if it’s so bad or something totally stupid so everyone can see it. But I don’t worry about that.

I was talking about Jayden here when I made that comment.

More later.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Narcissists moderators

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2016

I will being using abbreviations for names in this blog to avoid drama and for privacy.

I remember years back in 2010 about the great moderator purge that had happened on Wrongplanet (WP). For a few years there had been abuse going on on the forums, WP members being harassed by a WP mod, members getting banned unfairly, and I would hear about all of this on other forums and some other members would just leave the forum due to harassment from a mod. There was one particular user I enjoyed there and her name was MD. She heard the stories and left the forum and went to Aspiesforfreedom and I felt sad she left WP because I enjoyed her posts and then she was back to WP posting. Somehow she had formed a bond with one of the moderators named SB and they got along well, SB answered all her questions. But SB would be nasty to certain people and even though she had never been nasty to me, she has ignored my questions when she would send me a PM and I lost more trust in her and that told me the rumors I were hearing were true.Then one day she got nasty with me because I didn’t know a WP member was banned I talked about and I didn’t know which member she was talking about so I told her that and somehow that made her mad so she sent me her “final warning” and it was real nasty and she accused me of kidding with a kidder and the rest of it made no sense. Why was she so angry? Why did she think I was lying? What rule have I broken now? There was nothing listed in the rules about correcting moderators or telling them you didn’t know a user was banned so I had faced abuse for the very first time from a moderator and I was next in line. This had deeply upset me. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut about it so I talked to people about it on forums, to my online friends, I even got banned from WP for posting about the nasty warning I had received from SB in one of the I2 threads. A I2 user named CA told me it looked like SB is gunning me down now. She had also told me she had been showing my PMs to MK, and AP, and L. I didn’t know why that was relevant for me to know and why would I care? I had nothing to hide and I wasn’t doing anything wrong so why did she tell me this? What was she thinking?

I also felt SB had been giving me special treatment because she was never nasty to me, she could have just banned me if she wanted to because I was a member on Zomgaspies and I2, she could have banned me when I would get into dramas with other WP users and we had one member there who was a red piller and I did break rules by attacking him because he was a red piller. He would attack women in general, blame it all on them, say mean things about them and always said they were dishonest and had double standards. But I stopped after SB confronted me about it and I didn’t say anything else to him and I would moderate myself and delete my humor thinking it might be taken as an attack. Also when I would accidentally break a WP rule because I didn’t realize it fell under the rules like for example the time I asked about people taking problems from a label and making it it’s own condition calling it executive dysfunctioning. It’s like taking branches from a tree and putting it in a pile and giving it its own name. That was an analogy someone used to tell me they understood what I was asking. But anyway I had linked to a thread from Aspiesforfreedom about the discussion and somehow that was considered an attack on another forum so I had learned that linking to other forums about something is an attack. I knew not to do that again. Another rule I can remember I accidentally broke is asking who is the severest aspie on the forum because that was considered an attack despite how aspies there like to talk about how they would never cure their autism and how they like having it and talking about neuordiversity and how it’s a difference and not a disability. Ironic isn’t it? I was never banned for those mistakes like other members would have been. But later on this was used against me that SB was giving me special treatment, why was it my fault? Should I have done something about it? Should I have told her to stop being nice to me and treat me how she would treat others? I was just happy she wasn’t being nasty to me and that I wasn’t her victim. I felt special because I was not her target. Why did she like me? I didn’t want her abuse nor did I want to be her victim. Who would? What would you do if someone was giving you special treatment and they had a rep for abuse? I was afraid of her no matter how sweet she was to me. I didn’t want to piss her off. But then somehow that one line took her mask off and she turned against me. Then she was sweet in her next PM asking me when does my break from WP start because I had told her about wanting to do that but I told her I had changed my mind and I will just lurk.

But anyway after I had posted about her unfair warning on I2, I was banned from WP within three hours after the nasty PM sent and I had done nothing else that would break a rule on the forum. I hadn’t posted anything else so I know I hadn’t done anything and I knew it was my rant about her that did it because I could no longer log into my account, the forum was unviewable because when she changed my password and deleted my email from the account while I was still logged in, it glitched so the whole board was blank like it was a bug. I thought off and on if it was a glitch and I wasn’t banned because I could remember a girl name HB was banned because her password never worked and SB helped jer reset it and it was some bug she had. I also remember another user named PK, her password also quit working so she created a new account and SB banned her third account but helped her reset her password for her MK account. I wondered if that was what happened to me so I tried to get the same issue fixed. Maybe I wasn’t banned. I contacted AP about it and he told me I wasn’t banned and this was a week of me fretting over all this because of my OCD and wondering if I was banned or was it a glitch and then I was thinking it had to be a glitch and it was a coincidence. AP told me I was not banned or I would have gotten the words stating I was but I told him my password was not working and it was lost so I was not able to recover it so he offered to reset it and I let him and he told me the password and I was back on the forum posting. I got over the nasty PM and moved on with my life. After all I was not her first victim and won’t be her last victim and she had been nasty to other members before but that is just SB. Things were good for a day and then it said I was logged out but yet I was still able to send a PM and it still acted like I was logged in because I could still make posts and my user name was showing and yet it said I was logged out and my password quit working again. Was this another glitch again but yet I also felt I was being harassed and knew it had to be SB because she was the person I had a problem with. I told AP about it and I decided to I better test this out to see if this is a glitch or am I being harassed so I used my husband’s abandoned account. He had only made one post and I got his permission and he didn’t care about his account because he had no interest in the forum. I could not let this go unless I got answers and I needed to figure this all out. I made posts and after about six posts, the glitch happened again so I knew it had to be a moderator. I even signed my posts with my username so everyone would know it’s me and I had to see if the password would quit working again and it did so I knew this could not be a glitch. I had even posted under my SG account about the glitch and that got unanswered so I used my husband’s account when I could no longer see the forum. Then the next day my SG and my LC accounts were gone. I asked AP about it and he didn’t know what I was talking about so I showed him and I remember I was talking to him on the phone and he asked if he could call me back. I said yes and I went to sleep trying to put the issue aside. I just wanted answers and I would just move on if I have to or try to anyway after I get my answers. Then three hours later he called me back and told me he thinks someone did it and I told him i think I know who and he asked me “who?” and I said “SB” and AP had that same idea too. Then we hung up and I got on the forum and I could tell there was something going on and I remember a guy on i2 named P posted a thread about missing accounts on WP and that sparked attention from members on the forum and I decided to create my third account to tell my story about this abuse and I didn’t want to jump to any conclusions yet unless I was absolutely sure there was abuse going on. I decided to look that that thread again and I was still unsure if it’s a glitch but yet I am thinking I am being bullied by SB and one member is thinking it’s all a mistake because he didn’t believe mod abuse can happen on boards and that they can bully members. Then there is MD who is also doubting the issue and thinks it could be a virus on my end giving me problems. Then I remember a mod from Aspiesforfreedom (AFF) telling her the problem would have happened on other forums too I go to if it was a virus. He also told her hackers are not interested in forums. I should also add a member from WP was banned for posting this because her password had quit working and she was not able to recover it:

http://www.psychforums.com/asperger-syndrome/topic46083.html

The thing about this “project” was for members to come to the forum who have been mistreated by the mods, mostly SB to keep on posting their stories about the abuse and flood the forum and there will be too many of them to even delete those posts in time. But coincidentally it had happened because no plan had ever seen set for it and it was spontaneous. Once I found out AP had removed all his mods until he sorted the problem out, I went to the other autism boards and told everyone about it so they could go back and tell their story so that is what happened but instead it turned into a drama and personal attacks on the mods including on MD. That totally made it look like that was why they were banned in the first place.

There was one other thread with the drama in it too but that got removed.

But after the incident SB was banned, the mods got their mod privileges back, AP banned the returned users which I thought was QM at first. I told AP about A’s mother being banned and her ex boyfriend because they thought it was her but he told me they would have to contact him. I am sure these two members being banned was an innocent mistake because they had all shared the same computer so one of the mods banned the two accounts and left A’s account or was she banned too at that same time, I am not sure but she was also banned too.

I feel I was hard on MD because I said on another forum she was stupid because she would not believe what SB did and was still in denial about it and I even showed her screen shots of the evidence but she said it didn’t make sense and told her nothing. I had also did an impersonation of her on I2 because I was hurt by her and I did it to blow off steam but realizing now that SB was a narcissist, not just someone who had autism or multiple personality disorder, MD was under her spell. She was manipulated by her and of course none of our stories would add up because SB was so good with herself and her stories to make us all look crazy. MD even thought I was paranoid and thought anything I said made zero sense. Narcissists will do crazy things and do things that make no sense and then the victim will look crazy because it will not add up. And sadly people fall under their spell so they side against the victim. So MD if you are reading this, I forgive you and I am sorry for how I acted and behaved about you.

Also I had found out I was not the cause of this whole thing, many members sent PMs to AP about the situation and my former friend SBI sent AP something too and even though this mess was over, why was I still upset about all this? All because I had been wronged by MD? I even threw a celebration for SB getting banned and not having her mod privileges back because my whole life I had always been helpless and not able to defend myself and this time I felt like I had stood up for myself so I had to show her. I had to show everyone I was not defenseless and I can defend myself and be strong and I am the wrong person to mess with. But that got seen as bullying. Even as a kid I would get in trouble for standing up for myself when I would fight back. A few people had told me I was paranoid and MK told me my paranoia was remarkable. He had also taken SB’s side. But I found out over a year later when a new WP mod named MLA who was now retired and banned from the forum for telling a user he was paranoid posted a moderator log in the private section on I2 and it took place right after the moderator purge. I skimmed it and only read parts that were being said about me and I learned that MK and L were both paranoid moderators and they thought I had an agenda in my posts even though I didn’t and it was all because of I2. SB had told SBI and MD in PM I had broken too many rules and I knew instantly that was BS because I only broke some, not a lot. Even MK told me I had broken too many WP rules and he also told me right after the incident that I was provoking members by talking about William Fruend and I asked him how was I provoking them and he said I was bringing up a terrible past so I had learned that talking about William Fruend was a violation of the rule because it falls under provoking members. But yet I saw SB break that exact same rule too after the moderator purge by also mentioning his name. MK claimed I kept on breaking rules after being warned and told me how he had kept working with me. We barely even communicated in PM and it was only SB who would send me a PM sometimes. I do remember one time when I asked MK about something regarding something he sent me in PM and he didn’t answer. He of course denied he ignored my questions. Mk even said when I said I would stop attacking KM (redpill user) I insult members hours later and he called it all BS I was doing. I had no idea how I was insulting members. If I was insulting members, why was I never told about this, what were the insults? Were my social skills this bad I have no idea what I am doing?

I did find out in the mod log by L that I “broke” another WP rule and that rule and I forget what that post was I made but he said it broke the rules even though I didn’t see it falling under any rule. I can’t remember if it was me posting in a troll thread or posting in my former friend’s thread when she decided to try the forum again or if it was a thread I posted asking what members had they stalked on WP meaning whose profile have they viewed and read all their posts from but I could see L was paranoid because he thought I was being a trouble maker and he said there was no point in warning me because I won’t take notice. I then found out from reading that part is the whole time the mods didn’t warn me if they thought I was breaking a rule and of course I wouldn’t take notice if they don’t answer my questions and if they don’t tell me what rule I broke and if they are not concrete and once they tell me what rule I did that broke the rules and tell me what that violation falls under, I make a mental note to not do that again but it won’t tell me what other behaviors would fall under that rule.  You can have a rule about “do not be an asshole” This rule is vague, asshole is a relative term. So someone could post their political view about adoption. The persons says putting a baby up for an adoption is very cowardly and selfish and bam that person gets a warning being told when they said that (showing their quote from their post) it breaks the “Don’t be an asshole” rule. Now that person has learned that calling people selfish and cowards for putting their babies up for an adoption falls under that rule but it sure won’t tell them what other things would fall under that rule because asshole is a relative term. When you read rules on the board, you interpret them your own way and what they mean to you but you learn by trial and error from your mistakes and you don’t do that again. This is how I learn but they thought I was doing it on purpose just because I was not a mind reader. I mean seriously, “don’t be an asshole” I could think someone is being an asshole because I don’t like their opinion so I report them to the mods for being an asshole. This is an actual rule on a forum I go to, WP has no such rule.

But anyway I had found out MK was behind the whole password not working thing and he also knew about my accounts being deleted and he even admitted in it PM on another forum after denying it on WP. I even found out DW who I thought was an okay mod knew about it too but she seemed to have denied it also and told me SB would do things even if they didn’t want to but felt it was right. I am thinking she was manipulated by SB and I am realizing MK was also a narcissist because his behavior makes more sense now and L might have been an okay mod even though I have heard some bad things about him. I was even starting to give MK a benefit of the doubt hoping I had been wrong about him and he wasn’t bad as SB but sadly I was right about him the first time after talking to him after he was no longer mod. I no longer believe the things he told me like insulting members,m breaking lot of the WP rules, he even used my past against me, my mistakes, and the time I tried to get myself banned from WP to join the banning party on I2 and then I was unbanned and I didn’t even try to get banned again and it was very obvious he would look for posts on I2 by me and say I was breaking the WP rules even though there is nothing listed in the rules about the rules applying on other forums. He even though TT impersonator was me even though that was my former friend doing the impersonation. I even suspect just from reading the moderator log that they thought I had more accounts than I did and they might have thought they were talking to me when they weren’t or that could have been one of MK’s manipulation tactics to make me doubt myself. I even emailed the log to SBI, TID, and SC and they read it and told me it did sound like they thought I had more accounts.

Maybe my social skills are better than I realize and it was just me being gas lighted when I was told I insulted members and that I kept breaking WP rules and MK was just paranoid. If not a narcissist, he was crazy and paranoid if he believes it. But our stories not adding up all makes sense now because narcissist are very clever people and can make their victims look crazy and MD was manipulated, not because she was bad as SB. She was also a victim of narcissism. Even BB said something about it to MD and he actually knew SB did does this and she was having her fooled. Narcissists are very sneaky bullies and then they play the victim and act like their victim is the bad guy to look innocent. But anyway she acted shocked when she heard I posted on other forums about her being banned and I said I did do that and she said it hurts her feelings which was ironic because she couldn’t dish it out what she dished in. SBI stood up for me by telling her she deleted my accounts. Then she was trying to manipulate him in PM and he told me about it and didn’t believe her. He told me that she told her I broke too many rules and he searched through my posts that were left in members posts because they were quoted and he searched my posts on other forums and didn’t find anything flaws in them. He investigated and did his homework before forming an opinion and taking sides.

But this took me over a year to get over it thanks to the mod log because I got my answers. Now I realize MK and SB were both narcissists and they do a good job making the victims look bad and I have been told by a few people I am paranoid. Even MK said I was paranoid but that was part of his game to make me doubt myself and because they do accusations and make no sense, you are not able to defend yourself well because you don’t understand where they are coming from. They will claim you did this or that and say they have a record of it or say they looked at the time stamps. So how many people told me I was paranoid, three. Now I am going to hit Google now and do a search about narcissists victims being called paranoid and see if they have also been called paranoid.

If it weren’t for me having OCD, would this whole thing have happened? Hard to say.

Thanks to it, I couldn’t stop talking about it and thinking about it and trying to find answers so I was over focused on it for days after the nasty PM incident and the fact I don’t like to be wronged or falsely accused and I couldn’t move on so this happened. Were other people sending PMs to AP about SB because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, hard to say. Because it’s in the past and I am no longer worried or affected by it, I do not care anymore and don’t wish to seek these other answers. I felt I was the wrong person to be messed with because of my OCD and I can’t keep my mouth shut when something has really upset me and the fact how much it upsets me when I am wronged and falsely accused. But I am sure that is a lesson people have learned about me. I even unintentionally caused my school counselor to get fired because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut about his comments so my therapist wrote a letter to the state of Washington with my mom’s permission talking about me in it and he lost his license and can never work with his and he was fired and this all happened after we had moved and child porn was found on his computer.  But sadly I cannot find any record about him online when I search his name. It’s as if this never happened like he doesn’t even exist. I could find no such story online either because the story is too old and it happened in 1998.

I did hear from PK on AFF that lot of the former members did return to WP. I am not sure how he got that information. And my deleted posts did return to the forum after AP did the upgrade. A broken promise he finally did after four years of waiting before the upgrade took place. I thought they would never return. But I feel forgiveness for both SB and MK.

But after the whole moderator purge incident, AP decided to unban SB and she would try and goad me to attack her to get me banned and I was too smart for it. Other members could see her agenda and HB thought it was so pathetic of her.

MD also left the forum after the moderator purge and occasionally her name would pop up on the forum in one of the older threads when it would get bumped and I would click her name and saw she had been to the forum and she is only lurking. I don’t know if she still goes there or not. SB comes to the forum occasionally and MK was banned by AP and I think L still comes to the forum too who also eventually lost his status as a mod.

But why was it so hard to move on from this? Because I was a victim of abuse and abuse is hard to move on from. For other people it was nothing because they had never been a victim of it or never been a victim of a narcissist. You can’t understand if you have never been through it and some people might refuse to believe it because they don’t want to think a moderator can abuse their powers and harass members and then make the victim look crazy but ignorance is a bliss. Also it might make them feel safe when they think that because just as along as they think only you have to do something wrong to get banned or treated that way, they think it can’t happen to them if they are decent members. Also if someone claims to be banned for no reason, observe their behavior and how they react to people and how they handle their feelings and if it’s negative, then they probably were not banned for no reason at all. I have seen very few banned WP members get banned on other forums and I can assume that is the reason why they were banned on WP so their ban was legitimate. I have only been banned by mistake on zomgaspies when they had a spammer and somehow my IP got on their ban list but that got fixed, I created a sockpuppet on the forum because other members were so I decided to join in and ST decided no more lame sockpuppets and banned my sockpuppet and others, I was banned from a politic forum because I let an online friend pressure me to join it and pressure me to troll it and I didn’t want to because it was boring so he asked for my password information and I gave it to him and he started to spam the forum with my posts from WP and that got my account banned but I didn’t care. Then I have been banned from Asperger and I2 because I had asked to be banned for 30 days because of a drama, one of the dramas was about the SB incident and I was being accused of gossip and being a bully because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut about it and we had a troll there named Changeling. To this day I don’t know who that troll was. But someone from that forum named E thought I was being paranoid when I told her he obviously knows me on other forums because of what he knows about the SB incident and about me and she thought he was just some random person who had never seen me before and it was all a coincidence what he was doing and I was just being paranoid. She was one of the three people who accused me of it. And one other forum I was banned from was from when I was 18 because I felt wronged by the forum owner because I was attacked by two teens on the forum so I defended myself instead of trying to ignore them. So I spammed his forum to try and bring members back to the other forum where the drama took place to it would be active again and he didn’t want me and two other teens posting there and he didn’t care who started the drama and who the victim was. Those were the only times I have been banned from forums. The rest I was never banned from. To this day I have no idea why my old friend attacked me on that forum and his online girlfriend and why my old friend turned against me. That was something I always wondered and it also took me months to get over and now it’s way in the past, I don’t care anymore and I don’t see those people around anymore who would now be 27 and 26. Do I think they were narcissists? Neah I think they were just immature teenagers and maybe they have grown up now because they are now grown. Now today if someone insults me, I just ignore it than react to it. That could be the reason why R didn’t want me on his forum because I was too sensitive and too vulnerable to abuse and I don’t react well to verbal abuse so it was easier to not have me on his forum. But once I started to toughen up, people started to leave me alone and if I ignore the insults, other people will see I do not care and will also leave me alone. If I am truly being harassed, well I will tell a moderator and they will tell that member to back off and leave me alone and to ignore me or I could tell them myself to leave me alone before involving a mod. But that forum was unmoderated so I had no way of asking for help and the owner wasn’t around and it was one of those messages boards where older posts bump off the forum from newer posts. So all I could have done then was just simply ignore it and would those teens have backed off or just keep doing it and even if they kept on doing it, those teens would have been the ones who couldn’t post on the forum and I would have been allowed and I wouldn’t have had a problem at all. Sometimes defending yourself is not an answer. But I also feel forgiveness for those teens. But the other forums I have never been banned on nor have I ever gotten messages from mods over and over except for on WP but it was gradual and it started in late 2009 and I counted seven total from SB from September 2009 to Jan 2010 which is when the nasty warning took place. SBI thinks it might have been all planned months before it took place. I am sure this is how it started for some members and then the PMs got closer and closer together and then they left because they also felt harassed. Even I was thinking about leaving WP in fall of 2009 but that place was too addicting. But MLA found a pattern while he was mod and he noticed that members who have had their accounts messed with were all members on I2. Very interesting so he would forward it to A to have him reset their passwords so they can log in again and start posting. I had always knew there was some vendetta against I2 by SB and I figured I had that password problem with her and the nasty PM from her was because I am on I2 and that moderator logged confirmed it because even MK had something against that forum too as indicated in his posts. So at least I knew I was correct and I even copied the whole log and saved it to Microsoft word and it’s now saved onto a disc. I saved it to show online friends and ask for their opinion and the only criticism I had gotten was do not put usernames in polls without their permission. I asked for their opinion because I wanted to hear feedback to see if I was reading it right and had interpreted it right like did they think I had more accounts than I really had. Did they think I had more than five accounts they thought I had. Even DW believed it and I told her on AFF in PM I only had two accounts and told her I had accidentally posted from my ex’s account because he was still logged in when I used his computer while we were living together . I checked his account after my accounts were deleted and his was still there but the account someone used to impersonate me was also one and it was very obvious it wasn’t me because of the terms they were using. They could have bothered with IP addresses but because I had posted from my home, my parents, my ex’s computer, my aunt and uncle’s home, it gave me different IPs which I explained to MK and DW. I have been accused of using a proxy by A and MK and sneaking back on the forum by MK. So does this even look good? Not at all because they can just use that to justify thinking other accounts were mine. Plus being on I2 and putting my rants there than on WP and doing stuff on i2 I wouldn’t be able to do on WP due to the rules, that also didn’t look good either so I can understand why some members would leave that forum and only stick to WP which is what HB did. I was naive to think it wouldn’t affect me on WP and they could use my posts there against me especially my humor and I basically set myself up and these narcissists used it against me to make me look like the bad guy, the evil villain and MK tried to convince me I had destroyed WP and he acted like I was the worst person ever online and the worst bully and said I was a professor troll and tried to say I contradict myself and listed examples of how I provoke people. He was very good. He had me worried for months that I am misunderstood and people will misread me and my intentions and told me the truth hurts. Well I shouldn’t have asked. I just wanted to know what he had against me. But have I had any problems on WP in the last five years, not at all. Even members have left me alone and have not insulted me or attack me. Occasionally I will get attacked but I ignore it. I wouldn’t want to make myself vulnerable to abuse would I? I also try to avoid drama. SB tried to exploit that in me by trying to bait me in her posts because I have been in drama before with other WP members and I saw her agenda so I had to be strong and not worry what others may think, she also knew I do not take false accusations well so she wrote something in her post about being a man or something that had been mentioned in rumors by banned members on zomgaspies when I wrote that people have said about me that I am straightforward., then she wrote something others have said about her that was untrue and I never said that about her. I knew she only wrote that to bait me so she could find a reason that my post broke a rule and go to A about it to get me banned. When that didn’t work the banning glitch started to happen and DW kept fixing it but she wouldn’t believe it was intentional someone was doing. I told A about it and he said there are no ban glitches so I asked him about why do I keep getting banned and he said it was maybe that MK guy and I said he wasn’t even a mod anymore and A said he was a mod. This kept on happening and my ban kept being uplifted and I was pregnant with my son at the time and it was stressing me out so I decided to take a break from that forum but the banning glitch had stopped and a week later after the trip from Montana, SBI came to me with the news telling me what A had told him, MK and L and SB were all behind it and I was shocked. I asked how and he told me A had found out one of his users still had their mod tools and they put that member up to it and MK had been banned. I couldn’t understand why L would be behind it. I did confront MK about it and that is when he told me that stuff and he of course denied he was behind the banning and said I was foolish for believing it but it didn’t make me a bad person. But SB had fucked off finally. Then I saw her in my autism group in 2011 and she flat out ignored me like I wasn’t there. That eased my worries because I didn’t have to worry about her giving me any trouble. I was relieved and if she thought her silent treatment was going to upset me, wrong. She only came to the group twice and I never saw her again. The only thing that was creepy about seeing her there was how nice she was and you wouldn’t guess what she could be capable of. She also looked different than she did in her photo online but I can confirm to everyone that she is definitely not a guy. I have no idea how that rumor even started.

Mk did start his very own forum and I never participated on it but I did join it to spy on it and to check it out using a different email address, signing up from my husband’s parents’ friend’s house during a barbecue. SBI joined it too and blew his cover there but things still went fine for him there. SBI told me MK wouldn’t stop emailing him and then those emails stopped when he joined his forum and blew his cover.

But never confront a narcissist. You won’t get the truth and they will gaslight you and make you out to be the bad guy and they are so good at it. Discard everything they have told you. Either he is super paranoid or he is a very good pathological liar and they lie to your face. I have been told he is very manipulative and SBI thought he was lying to me. He probably was if he was a narcissist. But he has not messed with me. SB hasn’t messed with me in six years. They move on.

Reactive abuse

Wednesday, December 30th, 2015

This is something I have been hearing recently but only by victims of former abuse. But when you do a google search, not much pops up about it because there isn’t much info about it like there is about anything else. Some things are just not very well known about so nothing much pops up  when you search it.

I have heard of abusive kids and that some of them get abusive because they are bullied or abused but I would think they would only be abusive to their abusers only. But in domestic abuse, the victim gets abusive to their abuser. They might start shouting at them and calling them every name in the book they can think of and say real hurtful things and I saw one blog post where a woman wrote how she likes to play games with people who have NPD and she wrote about playing them with her ex husband who was abusive.

I also know we are all responsible for their actions and it’s never anyone’s fault they are abused. I also keep hearing how the abuser will tend to blame their actions on their victim but my question is what if the abuser had been abusing you for so long you finally snap, is it their fault you had just abused them? What about a parent who had been abusing their child for years and years and then finally their kid snaps and starts to get abusive and is always hitting them and throwing and breaking things and screaming at them and it’s not done in self defense, is it the parent’s fault for their kid’s abuse?

What about in relationships where the abuser makes fun of their partner for their interests or dislikes or what TV shows they watch or what video games they play, so the victim starts to do them to annoy them and saying things like “What do you think of this TV show?” and waiting to hear them make fun of them about it or to say something critical you know egging them on, or they decide to eat apple sauce in front of their abuser and go “Hey look at what I am eating?” just to annoy them because they know how much their partner dislikes them eating apple sauce so they make snide remarks about it and be all critical and make fun of them about it. Is this the abuser’s fault?

When I was a child I used to just pick on other kids who were mean to me and bully my bullies back and not understand why this is wrong. Was it the bully’s fault I was doing this?

It doesn’t take me long to retaliate when I am treated wrongly or badly. Online I used to just post stuff on a forum to piss people off because I felt I was being treated unfairly. other members could get away with posting weird and creepy things and no one would bat an eye but when I would do it, people would bat an eye because I would get criticism and a negative reaction and then see someone else post the same thing I posted and people don’t react negative to it, you know how much that would hurt me? And this happened on an autism forum and it was very ironic because autistic people are always talking about how they are treated different by normies and how they discriminate us and there they were doing that to me. It made me lose faith in them and made me realize we are no different and this is human behavior, not normie behavior to discriminate. I was discriminated when I was a kid so what did I do when kids had different rules than me? I retaliated. I would deliberately break rules and do things other kids were doing because I wanted my rights, I wanted to be normal, I wanted to be treated like everyone else. I rebelled and my school thought I had a behavior problem when the problem was the injustice and all they had to do was enforce the rules on everyone and make them apply to everyone, not to me only. Even my therapist told them I was not the problem, they were. Then ten years later there I was getting all that crap again online this time. Members could talk about their fetishes but not me and members could talk about the same fetish I had but not me and no one ever batted an eye about them doing it. Is it possible the former mods used this against me in the future and saw me differently so it made me a target of their abuse? Possibly because they didn’t see how other members treated me and how I was doing similar things they were doing and for some reason I just stand out more when I do it while others just blend it and no one seems to notice it. For some reason I had always stood out more than other kids. Kids could get away with doing shitty things but when I would do it, it was a big deal and I was “evil.” Then as a young adult I stood out more for some reason on an internet forum even though I was doing the same things other members were doing. But did me retaliating made it the other members fault or the forum admin’s because of their discrimination?

I retaliated against Jerry for his emotional abuse but back then I didn’t know it was abuse, I didn’t know he was making fun of me so how I reacted to it would be irrelevant. but I would intentionally do things to annoy him like one time I decided to play a Barbie game on my original Nintendo and I said to him “look at what I am playing?” knowing full well I wouldn’t get a positive reaction because I knew he didn’t like kiddy things so he was very judgmental about it and he said “You should have been playing that ten years ago” and I said “I didn’t have this game ten years ago and we didn’t even have a Nintendo” and he kept saying how I should have been playing it ten years ago. I did the same thing with TV shows, I would tell him “Look at what I am watching’ egging him on to make fun of me and be critical about it and saying something negative about it. I would even drink from a baby bottle and use my computer and tell him “look at what I am doing” to show him how I am still an adult and it doesn’t make us real babies and he said I was doing it to piss him off so I did it more just to annoy him. I just didn’t tolerate his willful ignorance and bigotry. Was this his fault for what I did?

I am not proud of what I did and wished I just walked away than trying to educate and reason with him or staying just to piss him off because I didn’t tolerate his bigotry. I realize now he was a narcissist and you can’t argue with them or prove them wrong and even retaliating against their abuse and trying to show them their double standards and how ridiculous their thoughts are does not work. Also the fact it can backfire and you end up hurt at the end like I was. They can only see themselves and their side, they will not get your side or understand your feelings. They will just throw it back at you and make you out to be the bad guy.

One example was I was accused online by a new so called “friend” because she said I got her banned from a forum, the same place where I got discriminated on, and she starts to get nasty with me and say i didn’t have an ASD and she didn’t even know me or ask me anything about myself and she got real mean for no reason just because she thought I got her banned and her conclusion was irrational. She never apologized and she does contradict herself but anyway I was hurt and she never cared and she had the Dr. Jekyll and Hyde personality and I looked through her post history and saw she had done the same thing to other members on the forum and did attacks and insults and she says very hurtful things and always plays the victim. She is never wrong and everyone is a psychopath and manipulative and she is the good one. But anyway she hurt another one of my online friends and we were both hurt together so we went on I2 and she opened an account impersonating her and she started posting and I started posting pretending it was actually her and our intention was to get her to see how hurt we were by seeing the impersonation but instead it backfired. She turned it around and said how mean and horrible people we were. see there she was the victim and couldn’t see our side and apologized for hurting us and for her false accusations and for being nasty. She was just too blind to see how she hurts others and to see that she brings the bullying on herself because she is so nasty and abusive to people, people make fun of her and tease her and bully her as the result of it. They retaliate. I had seen people on I2 make fun of her and tease her and one of them even used her cousin’s account to do impersonations to tease her and she impersonated Temple Grandin and the narc fell for it. One of old online friends who liked to troll decided to impersonate her when she came back to the forum by having her username spelled back words and posted stuff pretending to be her. But I learned that making fun of her and getting back at her and trying to hurt her back does not work because she will never have remorse or see the harm she does for others. It will never occur to her that if everyone is a narcissist, she is the narcissist or that if everyone is a bully, she is the bully, or if everyone is a psychopath or manipulative, she is those things. Plus she hates being ignored so she will start to bait members and do insults and say real hurtful things to get attention and say provocative things. the forum admin knew right away she was narcissist and everyone agreed she is one when they looked it up. But was it still her fault for how we treated her?

But from personal experience it’s very difficult to mess with a narcissist and very dangerous. You would need to have a very thick skin and be a robot to mess with them. There will be gas lighting, it will be your fault, it will be all about you, you will be the bully, a psychopath, the abuser, they will just be the victim and there will be false accusations.

Now for more references on reactive abuse:

http://www.isthisabusive.com/tag/reactive-abuse/

https://anupturnedsoul.wordpress.com/2013/10/24/how-to-play-the-narcissists-game/

https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/comments/3yb2i2/reactive_abuse/

http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2008/03/reactive-abuse-what-is-it.html

Also Jayden told me about when he knew Frankie in his school, he told me how awful Frankie was and how he would pick on him. What did Jayden do, he told me he used to just pick him up and toss him on the ground. Was that Frankie’s fault that happened to him?

Also after reading the post in abusesanctuary, was I reacting to Jerry’s abuse and I didn’t realize it then? Was I subtly egged to do all those things to him? We might feel awful and see we were bad people in the relationship and how we shouldn’t have done things and then realize we might have been provoked and egged into doing it. I wouldn’t stop calling my ex for example and every time I called him, he was never available. I didn’t realize he was ignoring me. He still had my stuff, I still needed to break up with him and figure out the right time to do it, I didn’t like being in a relationship that felt one sided. was I the crazy ex stalking him? was I harassing him? How did I look to all his employers when i kept calling him or when she blew up at me on the phone cussing me out and hung up abruptly? Was I just reacting to his abuse and that was his intent to make me look crazy to justify his behavior? Then I basically took it away when I moved on when my mom told me he had moved on. Within a month I met another guy and then I was in a relationship with him not too long later and by then my ex did come back, twice, so that makes me think I wasn’t the abuser. Of course he kept my stuff and never dropped it off and I let it go because it was just cleaning supplies and laundry soap and all that can easily be replaced. I might have lost several of my clothes to him but I let that go and my paycheck and the money he owed me and the bumper I never got I paid for because he never went and picked it up.

Also another interesting thing I had read was how the victim can develop narcissist traits from the abusive relationship but it doesn’t necessarily mean they are on the spectrum nor does it mean they are a narcissist. It’s called reactive narcissism. I had read somewhere about the developing it in their abusive relationship but my question is does it go away when they are out of the relationship because they are no longer being provoked and abused so therefore they wouldn’t react to it? But there is still the PTSD.

Also more references:

https://www.reddit.com/r/abuse/comments/2hxvwk/please_help_me_understand_reactive_abuse/

https://mylifeinpajamas.wordpress.com/2014/06/13/he-makes-me-crazy/

http://narcissistsupport.com/forum/Thread-Sanctuary-for-The-Abused-Reactive-Abuse

But like I say there isn’t lot of information about it. You only hear about it from people who are not doctors or psychologists and plus some of the links I put link to the same blog post from abusesanctuary.

But of course what if you had a child that was abusive so you react to their abuse by being abusive back?

Is it any of our faults for reacting to the abuse if we become the abuser ourselves to our abuser? Also don’t confuse it with self defense. I don’t think Sarah Burleton was abusive when she punched her mother in the jaw. Her mom was choking her and banging her head on the floor so Sarah punched her and that was self defense but if she had kept on kicking her and starting beating on her and choking her back making her suffer for what she put her through over the years, then that would be abuse than self defense. That would be an example of reactive abuse. It’s not like she will do it to others. And she did think about doing that until her step father walked in the room so she didn’t do it, instead she just said she would press charges if anything else happened and she took her bags and walked out the door starting her new life without her parents.

But it is a relief to hear this is actually normal and no need to feel guilty or bad about it and I don’t need to feel I am playing the victim here because I wasn’t perfect either in the relationship and I also did things I shouldn’t have done. There is actually a name for it and how normal it is in a abusive relationship and I think that term can evolve to bullying and other abuse outside of relationships like how Stockholm syndrome had evolved from to mean for victims falling in love with their kidnappers to abuse victims loving their abusers in abusive relationships and defending them and their abuse.

But why is this very unknown?