Archive for the ‘internet drama’ Tag

People saying what their first name is or not online

Friday, January 20th, 2017

Someone asked on a forum why some people feel free to tell her their first name and others don’t feel comfortable. She also mentioned some she has been talking to for a while she still doesn’t know their first name and doesn’t understand the secretive behind it and it’s not like the first name will give out their location or where they live.

I replied in it saying when you put your first name online and information like your personal experience and your problems, someone online can still pick you out and know who you are because they happened to know you in real life like from school or from work or they could be your ex. I would call it a coincidence because what are the odds of someone lurking on the same forum you go to you know in real life? Even if you don’t use your first name, you can still be picked out who you are just by what you write about yourself but if that happens the chances are they knew you in real life.

I forgot to mention on the forum that if it’s about something online and you were talking about a incident or your personal experience online, someone online can still pick you out even if they don’t know your name or where you live because they knew you from another forum so they only know you by the username they originally knew you as. I have kept recognizing a same user online I knew from a forum on other websites no matter what name she uses. Why? Because she is always talking about fat acceptance and talking about when she posted on a racist forum because they understood her and understood her hyperacusis about loud kids and she also keeps talking about how parents should keep their kids quiet and only take them to Chuckie Cheese. Even the childfree people have hated her and banned her from their forum and she gets banned from about every forum online she goes to. She once had a fit when a parent wrote how she had to do cut backs because she lost her job so she had to cut out luxuries so she cut the internet and this person called it child abuse because she was denying her children internet by canceling it just to save on bills and to get by in life until she got another job. Plus she has used the same username for other forums and then she started to use different names but it’s still easy to pick out who she is because she doesn’t shut up about fat acceptance and how kids should only be at Chuckie Cheese and she talks about when she posted on a racist forum. I told her if she will leave her past behind and quit talking about it fat acceptance, people won’t know who she is.  That is how people always figure out who she is. But unfortunately she made a very bad mistake and has to pay for it for the rest of her life on the internet because her past will always follow her.  Never join a racist forum and pretend to be racist and the fact she used her username she had used on other forums which was the worst mistake she could ever make. Even though that forum is gone now, people still know about it thanks to her past.

 

Advertisements

“I don’t do drama.”

Monday, October 10th, 2016

Often times I have seen people say on the internet that anyone who says this actually are the ones who do drama. To me this never made sense. It never made sense because people who don’t do drama would try to avoid it and walk away once it starts. I used to get into drama all the time online because I cared too much what people thought, I was always defending myself from false accusations and insults, but all it was doing was it was getting me into trouble and making me more if a target on forums and then it was upsetting me too much it would distract me at work because it would be too upsetting and stressful. So now I try to avoid it. I learned to not care too much what people think. I don’t argue anymore with stupid or talk to a brick wall or be a broken record.

I went on a forum and asked about where this logic came from about people who say they don’t do drama are the ones who actually do it. At first I didn’t get good responses and people weren’t seeming to take my question seriously so I replied in the thread saying it was serious and I really want to know why people think people who say they don’t do drama are the ones who actually do it. Then finally I got two good responses. The reasons I got were:

It’s people getting angry, feeling hurt, being challenged or attacked. Those things happen sometimes though, even among good people. I’ve yet to meet a married couple that doesn’t have some drama in their lives. People who say that they don’t like drama are saying that they don’t like it when people get upset, and that usually means either 1) they try to ignore it or 2) they get upset themselves. Those are, unfortunately, the two worst responses to somebody else getting upset because they escalate the situation rather than resolve it. It’s usually better to deal with drama by trying to defuse the situation. There are lots of ways to do that: calm in the face of anger works sometimes, humor is often great, getting a third party to come in and mediate can help a lot, or sometimes just being the bigger person and being willing to admit to mistakes.

So, TLDR, a person saying they don’t like drama is strongly correlated with that person having poor skills for dealing with drama when it occurs and therefore making it worse.

 

I’m one of the rare people who hates drama and for the most part, actually avoids getting involved in it. I imagine that people who hate drama, yet keep causing drama, are people who are addicted to outrage in some way. They tend to live in a bubble, and when they say they hate drama, they hate arguing because they want everyone to agree with them because they’re always right. When they exit their safe space and encounter other people, they start arguing with other people who also live in a bubble, and once two people outside their safe spaces and addicted to outrage collide, drama ensues. This should explain where a lot of outrage and drama comes from.

 

These two responses make so much sense about people who say they don’t like drama or don’t do it. They can’t handle to be challenged or attacked and drama is part of life and anyone has yet to meet someone who doesn’t ever have drama in their life.

So basically when someone says they don’t do drama, they are the ones who will just shut down and not discuss it whenever you disagree with them or have a different perspective so therefore they run away from the problem than trying to resolve it. They are more likely to keep things bottled up and not express themselves or speak up whenever something bothers them so instead of telling the person, they just hold it all in. Some people just don’t have good social skills when it comes to disagreements so therefore they turn it into a drama so instead of facing this issue, they run from it by trying to avoid it because of their lack of skills of dealing with it. I think people who have these issues tend to have problems such as anxiety. So they are not equipped to dealing with drama so they avoid it. So people who say they don’t do drama means all these three things so I wouldn’t put it it your dating profile or else people will think of these following things:

You have poor coping skills with a disagreement so you make things worse

You want everyone to agree with you

You won’t tell people how you feel about things they have said to you or what they did to upset you so you keep it bottled up and then you explode because you never spoke up

You will not discuss things to resolve an issue or hear a different perspective

 

These are the types of people other people would want to avoid to so put “I don’t do drama” or “I don’t like drama” in your profile would make them steer clear of you because of the picture you gave them. Also people who put they don’t do drama indicates they have gotten into a lot of drama in the past so that might also give you a picture of them about how they always get into fights and they can’t handle it maturely so it does become a drama than a discussion. Also it could indicate silent treatments because you have gotten them so upset, now they don’t want to talk to you and they won’t even discuss it with you in a civil manner. Instead they would rather not talk about it and keep quiet about it.

Sadly I am someone who doesn’t handle false accusations well so I do try to avoid drama because I can’t handle someone thinking wrong of me and getting the wrong idea about me because it gives me anxiety and then I am obsessed about it and those thoughts are intrusive and they distract me and then I am very upset and I don’t like it. I always feel attacked or feel someone is trying to pick a fight with me when they have the wrong idea about me. Supposedly getting very upset about it means what they are saying is true but it boggles my mind why false accusations wouldn’t upset someone. So the reason why I try to avoid drama is because of the affect it does on me. But what I don’t understand is why this would mean they like drama. I watch Dr. Phil, I read books with drama in them, I also read internet drama but I do not like being in it. There is a difference. But I don’t understand how people who don’t like drama means they like being in it. That makes no sense because it always stresses me out and gets me very upset and then I can’t stop thinking about it and it affects me so why would I like being in it if this is what it does to me? So I avoid it to avoid this. Maybe some people don’t like people who avoid drama so they steer clear of “I don’t do drama” people for the reasons I listed above.

 

Feeling people want to silence me

Sunday, October 9th, 2016

Yes this is till on my mind and I still have stuff on my mind about it.

I feel people want to silence me so they are saying I am doing gossip and not confronting them about it.

They don’t want to hear I was harassed by other aspies and bullied by others with it and judged by others with it.

They don’t want to hear I was put down for my aspie traits and bullied for it.

They don’t want to hear I have gotten the same treatment and misunderstandings from other aspies I have gotten from NTs.

They don’t want to hear any examples of what has happened to me when I want to get my point across.

They want to limit my communication. My feelings. They want me to be silent and not have me talk about my personal experience and what I have gone through.

How do you talk without mentioning anyone subtly even if you are not thinking of a specific user online or not thinking of anyone on a forum you’re posting on? How do you talk without the stuff you have read online and learned from personal experience rather it was online or in real life or people you know who have had that experience?

How do I talk about my personal experience without insulting anyone?

How do you express your hurt and frustration and comfort without being seen as being sly or taking a dig at anyone?

How do other people communicate without doing all this?

Do I need to make very vague posts now?

Apparently it’s also offensive to try and figure out what part of me is the OCD, the anxiety, the Asperger’s and what is the burnout and what is the depression or anxiety and trying to figure this all out for myself so I know what I am experiencing and going through.

I’m a mess.

My style of communication is offensive to some people

Saturday, October 8th, 2016

some people.

Over the years I have always changed my way of communicating to avoid misunderstandings and to avoid upsetting and offending people and being taken the wrong way. I have learned to use I statements and talking about my experience and I even say where I got a information from like I will say “I read that” or say “I saw someone posting on Reddit about” or say “On babycenter” bla bla bla and say “I have actually seen people admit it” and I will sometimes post my opinion and then talk about myself so people know where it’s coming from.

But sometimes a person will still get offended or think I talked about them because they made a similar post earlier or because they think I have some hidden agenda in my post as if they think me talking about myself is my way of talking about other people. Do people actually do that? Or I make a post and a person might think I am taking a dig at someone or talking about other members on the same forum I am posting it on.

Just recently I had to go to a different forum and ask about why do people think when someone says they don’t do drama, they actually do cause drama. If I had asked it on the current forum, someone could think I was being sly again or taking a dig again because of something recent that had happened.

I am thinking of maybe start doing disclaimers in my posts like “I am not talking about anyone here, if you had posted something similar about this, this post was coincidental.” And start saying “I am not thinking of anyone specific when I wrote this.” And say “Society sees it as this” than saying “they are useless” and then write about why so that way people know I am saying it the way it is and how other people see it so they wouldn’t think I am thinking that. But then again I once wrote “it’s a fetish to society” and that person still took offense because she still took it as my word than that is what it’s classified as when she was talking about furries. But we were cool now so nothing between us anymore. We had a little misunderstanding. I hate those and sometimes they never get resolved, most of the time. No I am not taking a dig here or being sly, I am using this as an example for my personal experience. I have nothing against that member and that person doesn’t come to the forum anymore anyway.

So the bottom line is, no matter how I word things and how I say things and how specific I am, someone will still take offense. I shouldn’t tip toe and worry about it. Is this why some people have social anxiety?  Just as long as I am not insulting anyone or attacking them or being a Cruella De Vil, I’m fine. If someone wants to read into it and think I am talking about someone or them, that is their problem and not mine. Just as long as I am not getting any PMs from any moderators, I’m okay. I have nothing against anyone on that forum nor do I dislike anyone there and people I have disliked there in the past are no longer there and the ones I avoid. My reasons for disliking someone would be over a misunderstanding we had and it never got resolved, them being a jerk to me and because they were not nice people. I don’t think I should silence myself by not talking about my personal experience like “I have been made fun of for my aspie traits by other aspies” just because someone from that forum did that to me in the past on a different forum and is no longer active there and comes back occasionally or because someone on that forum could be guilty of doing it to another aspie in the past so they could think I was talking about them. This is not to take a dig at them or to be passive aggressive, I am only talking about my personal experience. I think I also have the right to say I have been misunderstood by other aspies so that shows they are also human and we are not going to always understand each other because we’re human. Again, I am talking about my personal experience and not taking a dig at anyone or being passive aggressive.

And seriously if a person upset me so much on there, I will go talk about it somewhere else or talk about it to my online friend. Or just write about it in my own personal journal on my computer where it’s totally safe and no one can read it but me and I usually wouldn’t read it again after typing it because I want no one to read it and that person too possibly because you never know what other forums they could be lurking on and you never know if that person might know people on the other forum and they could tip that person off and tell them about my post and they see it the wrong way. But I wouldn’t open another thread on the same forum talking about it and make a thread be about that person only. I think that would take balls to do it and it doesn’t tell anyone how much they have hurt you. Instead it’s seen as bullying and gossip and it won’t bring you “Sorry I misunderstood you, we’re cool now” and bam everything is over and we’re cool now and everyone is happy. It doesn’t work like that. I wish it did though but that isn’t how humans work. Instead they just get more defensive and it makes things worse so it’s best to keep it private.

I am taking a temporary break from the forum and I might come back next week and hopefully it has blown over. I find that most people actually forget about dramas that have happened and they don’t really care and they move on. So you can leave a forum for a few months and come back and everyone will act like it’s never happened and you can move on too and start going back to your normal posting. Just don’t visit the same threads again where the drama took place.

No this blog entry isn’t a sly dig and I am not being passive aggressive posting this. I don’t mention names and forum names for a reason because I have this blog linked on other websites and I try and keep things vague as possible to avoid any further drama. Only people from that forum will know I am talking about their forum and only that person will know I was thinking of them as I wrote this but I was also thinking of in general because I don’t know who else thinks this too and who also takes offense to what I say but says nothing about it.

But when I do return, maybe I won’t be doing those disclaimers, it depends on how I feel. Sometimes when you’re upset, you feel the need to do things but when you get over it, you don’t feel the need to do it anymore. You won’t know for sure until you’re feeling better and if you still feel the same way, then maybe it will be necessary.

While writing this I was thinking if I should even post this or just put it in my private document on my computer. I decided I should just post it here because this is my personal experience and this isn’t a rant about a user. Just about my personal experience of posting online and how I feel about it. I do hope people read about it and understand my communication better (I don’t know how else to communicate) so this is what it’s about. I had already posted about this on the forum.