Tough choice

Friday, March 3rd, 2017

I have been talking to someone online for four years now but unfortunately I didn’t know he was racist or a xenophobic until about two years in. I found out on accident. In the past I have tried to reason with him about his views by pointing out how flawed it is to judge a whole neighborhood and he would justify it like Muslim is a choice, disability or race is not. Then he has used statistics to justify his bigotry and used terrorist stories to justify his hate towards Muslims because of a small group of them that do terrorism and saying how only 30% disagreed with terrorism but yet still expressed hate about that group. Then he says you’re painting the world in roses when you don’t sprout racism and compared it to the Titanic sinking. Realizing I can’t change his views, I would just ignore it and let him do his hate comments and now it’s getting to a point it’s starting to affect me mentally. My head hurts and I can’t even take care of my kids because I am so upset and I am so exhausted I have to rest and I am so irritable. After he has apologized for upsetting me, he does his hate stuff again and now I am upset and sick all over again from my own anxiety because I am so upset.

My husband thinks I should take anti anxiety medicine but I told him this is just from my online friend and I find it ridiculous to take pills when you can just deal with the problem by cutting out the friend and problem solved, you’re better now.

Unfortunately this is what I am thinking of doing, cutting off contact with him and I told him if he does his hate speech again we’re done. Then I told him I better not hear his justification of xenophobia a character faced in my story at her work or his anti Holocaust talk.

My special interests has been my own stories I like to write and he is a fan of them and loves my Natalie character and he is the only one I can talk to about my stories but sadly he is starting to affect my mental health with his bigotry and I am left with a touch decision to think about if this is even worth it for my interest? If talking to him regarding my stories is going to make me so ill I am going to be lazy and be snappy and upset in real life and have a sore brain and be tired all the time, it’s not worth it. I need to do something about my health.

Now I know what my limitation is now when talking to people, once someone sprouts any forms of racism at me, cut them off because it will eventually lead to this and they will keep expressing it and you will learn more disturbing things about them when you talk about other things with them because they have the nerve to express it at you. I don’t even want to know what other disturbing things he believes in. I wonder if he thinks the earth is flat lol. That is an exaggeration I did there but my point is I don’t even want to know what he he thinks that would be so disturbing and yes there are people out there that really do think the earth is flat.




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