Archive for February, 2017

Everybody’s got problems

Monday, February 27th, 2017

Yesterday when I was bringing my husband home from the store, I saw a big billboard saying 1 in 5 children have learning issues and attention issues. I told my husband that was a lot of kids so no wonder people with learning disabilities are considered normal. It’s so common.

I also remember seeing an article online about how up to 50% of Americans will have a mental illness so I thought “wow it’s becoming so common it will be normal.” Society has changed so what was considered normal then is now a disorder and behaviors are being pathologized. But that could have just been that person’s opinion. Here is the article here.

So my parents had been right about me being “normal,” they were just ahead of their times.

Now the question is just when does someone stop being normal despite having problems and a disability?


My husband only has seizures when he is anxious

Monday, February 27th, 2017

My husband has been taking care of his health again by switching providers and they are doing a better job. He has been taking his anxiety medication and he hasn’t been having seizures and hasn’t had one in months he says or maybe weeks. he only has them when he is anxious so he doesn’t really need to take any seizure meds, he only needs to take anxiety meds and it keeps his seizures away.

Welcome to the Dollhouse

Thursday, February 23rd, 2017


This is a very interesting movie to see and it’s considered a black comedy. But I don’t see anything funny in this movie but drama.

In this movie the story is about a 11 or 12 year old girl Dawn Wiener who wants to be popular but she is an outcast and socially awkward and gets picked on by teachers and other kids. This was made in the 90’s before bullying was taken seriously and before there was even awareness about it. In the movie it shows how one doesn’t have to be sexually abused to be an outcast or need to be locked in the closet and be beaten up to experience 7th grade as a nightmare. I thought “duh” because I already knew this because I had experienced it myself. I was that socially awkward girl and an outcast. But the difference is she doesn’t have anxiety so she didn’t have a breakdown or even regress and have an “adjustment disorder” and she didn’t act out due to all that teasing and harassment and not being able to be “normal.” Instead she had her special clubhouse where she could always go to and escape the world to relax which her parents take away. I hate them for it.

In the movie it’s unclear why Dawn is always picked on and why kids and grown ups are cruel to her. So I decided to google “why was Dawn Wiener an outcast” and got lot of results. I saw articles and blogs written about the movie and I learned some interesting things.

I read that in the movie, we are supposed to side with the bullies and hate Dawn. But that is not what I experienced. Instead I see myself as Dawn because I can relate to her and I think I was a Dawn. In the movie she would do anything to be “normal” and however other kids treat her, she copies that behavior and does it to her little sister and her parents ignore her and don’t give a darn about her. They act cold towards her, they don’t abuse her, they just ignore her and don’t understand her and they don’t act sympathetic towards her and her siblings never stand up for her. Her mother whines how she doesn’t have very good social skills and “doesn’t have any” and I just wanted to shout at the TV “so why don’t you take her to a therapist then, get her help.” Does the mother expect her daughter to just learn social skills without any support? It’s even clear Dawn in unaware of her social issues because she said she was not having any social problems so she wasn’t lying when she said “no” when the principal asked her if she was having social problems.

In the movie Dawn was accused of being a lesbian which ironically the actress in real life is actually a lesbian. I was accused of being a lesbian in high school and been asked if I was one. Also Dawn would do anything to please other kids to get them to like her. I was the same way. While she wanted to be popular, I wanted to be normal.

There were things she did in the movie I didn’t like like how she treated her little sister but I was mean to my little brothers too. But I understood Dawn only treated her sister bad because her parents ignored her and she was picked on in school so she took it all out on her little sister. Also she was supposed to give the note to her telling her to get a ride home with a friend because their mother wouldn’t be able to pick her up from her dance class due to their father’s car breaking down. So she gets kidnapped and Dawn runs away to try and find her sister but she was only doing it to impress everyone so they would all like her and she is popular. I wanted everyone to like me so I was also hoping I would do something wonderful and everyone likes me and I am normal all of a sudden. But sadly her parents didn’t notice her gone because they were too self absorbed. Also I didn’t like how she ruined one of her sister’s dolls by cutting one of their heads off. I don’t know if she was jealous that her sister was allowed to still play with dolls because their mother seemed to be in a rush for Dawn to grow up so she tried making her tear down her club house in the backyard calling it trash. She refused so she asked her little sister and older brother to do it and as a result of her refusal to cooperate, her mother takes away her dessert and splits it with her siblings in front of her. Also she turns on her friend Ralph because she got told he was a retard and to please her former bully Brandon, she decides to dump him as a friend to be “normal.” Popular to be exact.  For Dawn it was to be popular, for me it was to be normal. Though I never had dumped any friends who were outcasts or different. I moved to a new school and I also moved away and one of them moved away so we lost touch. I drifted apart from someone who had Down’s syndrome because she had no interest in me when I saw her in June of 2014.

I do not like the parents in the movie or her siblings because they all act cold towards her and they even laugh at her falling in the wading pool in their backyard and Missy her little sister goes “let’s watch it again” and her family does so Dawn destroys the video tape after everyone is sleeping. I don’t blame her.

Also another thing I don’t understand is how she is supposedly ugly. I never thought Dawn was ugly or unattractive but the movie says she is so therefore she is supposed to be unattractive.

I am sure Dawn Wiener is a character that many aspies might be able to relate to because of her difficultly fitting in and having poor social skills and she obviously doesn’t read social cues and she is clearly emotionally immature because of how she dresses and the kind of pants she wears could indicate sensory issues because they were out of style. I can relate to all that. But the difference is I had parents who actually did care and paid attention to me and didn’t force me to grow up quickly and they actually supported me. Dawn never tells her parents about school or how kids and teachers treat her because why would she? Maybe she has told them in the past and they just didn’t care or they told her she was whining and that all that she is complaining about is normal stuff lot of kids go through and deal with so she gave up telling them. I would also think she had depression in the movie. She also came off to me as trying to figure out the rules so she was copying behaviors other kids do to her by bringing them home and doing them to her little sister.

This movie was supposed to make you side with the bullies and to justify their bullying they do to Dawn for how she behaves and treats her little sister and her friend but I think she did all those things because she was being bullied so she was trying anything she can to be popular and her parents never bothered to try and understand her and figure out what she was acting the way she is and getting her therapy to help her in social skills.

But the good news is there is a sequel to this movie called Wiener-dog and Dawn works as a veterinarian and I don’t think she’s ugly still and she looks pretty but she wears no make up and she does a social faux pas in the store when she runs into Brandon when he tells her she looks good and she goes “so do you.”  I don’t know anything about Dawn’s adult life. There was another movie made in 2004 (story taking place ten years after Welcome to the Dollhouse) about Dawn’s cousin and at the beginning there was a funeral because Dawn supposedly killed herself but yet in Wiener-Dog, she is back from the dead so there was either a conspiracy going on there or the director wrote an alternate story and it was about if Dawn had lived.

Here is the adult Dawn:

Does she look ugly in the photo or unattractive?

Not played by Heather Matarazzo sadly because she didn’t wish to reprise her role again. Instead Greta Gerwig played her. But they do look alike. She still wears those glasses and still has her hair in a pony tail but her hair is blonde this time so it either changed color or she dyed it. She is still wearing her childish clothing. Still no make up and jewelry. She is still Dawn. But at least she didn’t have a learning disability because she was able to go to college to become a veterinarian despite getting a D on her test in 7th grade which her teacher accused her of grade grubbing when she was asking if she could retake the test and saying she knows she can do better and she was just nervous. But it’s a possibility she had done better than that and the teacher was just giving her an unfair grade because she didn’t like her and Dawn actually believed she did that poorly.

If I had to make up a conspiracy theory about the funeral, I would say Dawn had disowned her family and that brought shame to the family so they decided to fake her death so they have a funeral because they wanted to hide that dark side of them because of their failures as a family and their failure to support her and that would explain why her body wasn’t seen in the second movie during the funeral scene. Another conspiracy theory I have is Dawn decided to pursue her dream as being a veterinarian and her family didn’t approve of it so they disowned her as a result and faked her death to hide that shame. But I haven’t seen the movie or the third one so I don’t even know if Dawn is still in contact with her family or if she has even seen them or if she is totally on her own and had cut them out of her life. I wouldn’t blame her if she had. I didn’t even know if the second movie showed the funeral scene but I saw a picture of Dawn’s coffin from the movie.

I can definitely seen Dawn posting in r/raisedbynarcissists on Reddit and talking about Missy being the golden child and the favorite. I would assume Dawn got singled out by her parents because she wasn’t like the rest of them.

But when you look at other peoples comments about the movie, they have their own perspective about the character and they see the whole thing differently. This is how I see the movie and the character.

Asshole or just stupid?

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2017

Yesterday I had to take my husband to his appointment and he always takes the light rail home. It was about his medicine and his doctor wanted to be sure how it’s working.

Anyway I was talking and somehow I brought up Jayden. It started with me talking about my car and how well it’s running and how I have had my clutch replaced once and I was told by the mechanic it should have lasted me over 100,000 miles but since my car is a salvaged title, who knows what they might have done with the clutch to make it go out this quickly. Ten years later the clutch still works good. I asked my husband if the clutch and the transmission were the same thing and he said he didn’t know because he is not a mechanic. So I asked him why people always get new cars, is it because they don’t want to pay money to fix them so they get a new car and my husband said he did not know. I then told him about my Dad’s 1996 Grand Cherokee he used to have. He only had it for about a year and then 5th gear went out. Then the 4th gear went out and he didn’t want to pay the money to fix it so he traded it in for another car. It was an automatic. He traded it for the same car brand but this time it was a 2001 Grand Cherokee.

Then I told him the story about how when I got m clutch replaced, it cost me $720 dollars but my dad paid a little of the difference but I paid most of it. But then Jayden wanted me to write to Social Security and have them reimburse me. My husband snickered at that because that is not how it works. I told him Jayden only wanted me to do that because he wanted me to take him out and stuff than me staying home to save money again to build up my savings. I remember telling him I wanted to be independent and he said he would move out then and I asked him “what?” and he goes “Well you said you wanted to be independent so I will move out.” I was like “are you serious?” and my husband told me he was just being an asshole. I told him “or he was just that stupid.”

Then I told my husband this story about the time I was going to see Cars and I tell Jayden what time we were leaving and when I wanted him to get ready by and he stays on his computer and never gets off and then I had to rush him to get ready. he tells me how I told him he had to be patient and not do things NOW. I was like “Are you serious, the movie starts at four.” Then I said to my husband if he was really that stupid and he goes he just wanted to be on his computer more.

That is one of the reasons why he is my ex.

I tell my husband I just don’t know if Jayden was really that stupid or just an asshole. My husband said “maybe both.” I tell him asshole just implies you full well know what you are doing and you understand but you just don’t care but since he is a schizophrenic and I read that schizophrenics also have cognitive deficits, I just don’t know if he was really that dumb or an asshole. Yes anyone can be an asshole and even an idiot can be an asshole, anyone can be one but I just don’t know if Jayden was being one in those moments or if he was really stupid.

Sometimes mental illnesses and disorders make it really hard to tell if someone is just being an asshole or if they are doing it unintentionally because of their disorder. I am not saying people with mental illnesses or disabilities can’t be one. To me asshole implies intent. Like you wouldn’t call a deaf person an asshole for “ignoring you” because they couldn’t hear you when you were talking to them so therefore they didn’t listen. So if Jayden really was this dumb, he wasn’t being an asshole then for that behavior. It was just his cognitive deficits that made him not comprehend. But I will never know and I am not with him so it doesn’t matter if his behavior was intentional or not.

My “friend” is pissing me off

Monday, February 20th, 2017

So I have found out slowly over the past four years that he is a xenophobic, is racist,  conservative and believes Obama’s birth certificate is a fake and thinks he is Muslim, and now I find out he is a Holocaust denier.

He had been dodging my questions lately when I would ask him about his beliefs so after he dodged it again when I asked him his his schools were Holocaust deniers and made Hitler out to be a great man, and he dodged the question again, I lost it and told him he was racist, a bigot, a Nazi and how he stereotypes groups and how him dodging my questions makes me think of those things of him or otherwise he would have told me he wasn’t either of these things because it’s either lie to me or don’t answer and that gives away his answer anyway.

This wasn’t the first time he has pissed me off and I have felt like deleting our conversation thread in the past and moving on but the only reason why I keep talking to him is because of my stories I write. He is the only one I talk to about them. I accidentally found out these things about him as we talked and he had the nerve to reveal these things about him like justifying hatred about Muslims and them being shot for no reason and then he would go on about how bad they are and posting stories about terrorists trying to make me a Muslimophobic.

Then he sends me an email apologizing for not realizing how much he had hurt my feelings and then he goes on justifying it again and saying I need to live in his country for a while and I would change my view.

Then he tells me in PM he will respect me avoiding certain topics with him and said he would still like to clarify some things because it upsets him that I think he thinks of stuff he doesn’t even think and I still am not interested because I don’t want to know anymore disturbing things about him and I don’t know what else he might say that could upset me.

Then he sends me a PM again linking to some article I didn’t dare to click on because I don’t know if he is at it again with his justification for his bigotry. I recently heard there was another terrorist attack. I told him if he wants to talk about terrorists and how Europe has a problem with them, go ahead but I don’t want to hear about Muslims being bad and stuff, only talk about terrorists. That is like someone lumping all ABDLs together saying they all invade incontinent forums with their AB fantasies and posting comments to incontinent videos asking them to see their diaper or asking if anyone changes them and being all creepy. Actually someone did do that which is why I lost lot of respect for that person because she is a bigot. If she wants to complain about ABs invading incontinent communities and being all creepy by posting their fantasies there, do that but do not lump us all in that group, see the difference?  That is what I told my friend.

Now I need another break from him because I am so sick of his bigotry and racism and he said he would quit but then does it again with the link, ugh. I have been so exhausted all weekend because of how much he had upset me. I am afraid to go back again. What is wrong with him? I feel like throwing my computer across the room because of how angry I feel.


Trump is really making America great again

Sunday, February 19th, 2017

Just look at the progress made since the election:
1. Unprecedented levels of ongoing civic engagement.
2. Millions of Americans now know who their state and federal representatives are without having to google.
3. Millions of Americans are exercising more. They’re holding signs and marching every week.
4. Alec Baldwin is great again. Everyone’s forgotten he’s kind of a jerk.
5. The Postal Service is enjoying the influx cash due to stamps purchased by millions of people for letter and postcard campaigns.
6. Likewise, the pharmaceutical industry is enjoying record growth in sales of anti-depressants.
7. Millions of Americans now know how to call their elected officials and know exactly what to say to be effective.
8. Footage of town hall meetings is now entertaining.
9. Tens of millions of people are now correctly spelling words like emoluments, narcissist, fascist, misogynist, holocaust and cognitive dissonance.
10. Everyone knows more about the rise of Hitler than they did last year.
11. Everyone knows more about legislation, branches of power and how checks and balances work.
12. Marginalized groups are experiencing a surge in white allies.
13. White people in record numbers have just learned that racism is not dead. (See #6)
14. White people in record numbers also finally understand that Obamacare IS the Affordable Care Act.
15. Stephen Colbert’s “Late Night” finally gained the elusive #1 spot in late night talk shows, and Seth Meyers is finding his footing as today’s Jon Stewart.
16. “Mike Pence” has donated millions of dollars to Planned Parenthood since Nov. 9th.
17. Melissa FREAKING McCarthy.
18. Travel ban protesters put $24 million into ACLU coffers in just 48 hours, enabling them to hire 200 more attorneys. Lawyers are now heroes.
19. As people seek veracity in their news sources, respected news outlets are happily reporting a substantial increase in subscriptions, a boon to a struggling industry vital to our democracy.
20. Live streaming court cases and congressional sessions are now as popular as the Kardashians.
21. Massive cleanup of facebook friend lists.
22. People are reading classic literature again. Sales of George Orwell’s “1984” increased by 10,000% after the inauguration. (Yes, that is true. 10,000%. 9th grade Lit teachers all over the country are now rock stars.)
23. More than ever before, Americans are aware that education is important. Like, super important.
24. Now, more than anytime in history, everyone believes that anyone can be President. Seriously, anyone.
– Susan Keller (Copy and paste to share.)

My daughter got a new bed

Friday, February 17th, 2017

She had been climbing out of her crib lately and I lost the piece to unscrew the screws in the IKEA crib. My mother in law and her daughter brought over a toddler bed they bought for our daughter. The following day I took the crib down using a tool and it fit with the IKEA screws and I stuck them all in a baggie. Then I put the toddler bed together and I used a regular screw driver because of the kind of screws they were. But I couldn’t fit the sides on properly so I left them off and my daughter loves her new bed. She was so happy to have it.


A bullshit rule a work place had

Thursday, February 16th, 2017

About last week I was on Reddit reading a thread and there was a discussion about how people were still expected to show up to work  on time in bad weather. Okay you are probably thinking “leave early.” Yes leave early but even if you do leave early, you can still be late because you don’t know how much longer it will take you to get to work, you don’t know how bad traffic will be so you do your best. But someone told a story about how one plant expected all their employees to be at work on time and it was icy out and people got into accidents on the way for trying to make it to work on time and there were two deaths. The victims families sued the plant and won and now the whole plant shuts down when the roads are bad.

I thought that was stupid because just let people come into work late and not penalize them for it. I told my mother this story and how being rigid is a bad thing and so is being black and white and I think anyone who acts this way in bad weather is an asshole. They don’t seemed concerned for their employers safety. My mom told me since it’s a plant, they probably have an assembly line and if everyone isn’t there, then other people can’t work and they are being paid for just waiting. That makes sense so I can see why they would shut the whole thing down in bad weather but it’s sad how it took a couple lawsuits for them to do it. But I think they just do it because they don’t want to get sued again if someone dies or goes to the hospital. My mom agreed this was a bullshit rule so she understands what I am saying and that is why they lost because it was so bullshit and they threaten their workers to be at work on time so they are all driving unsafely because they are so afraid of getting fired or written up if they are late. I told her I wouldn’t even be working for that boss if I had a boss like that. “My boss is an asshole, I quit. Yay SSDI.”

I can’t even remember what thread this was in.

My stubborn dad

Saturday, February 11th, 2017

My dad has been stubborn lately. Yesterday he needed toilet paper because he realized he didn’t have any in the bathroom with him so I ripped off a paper towel off the roll and gave it to my daughter to give to him. He said he needed toilet paper so I told him he can use that and he said it was a paper towel and he wanted toilet paper so I send my children upstairs to the bathroom to get a roll of toilet paper.

Then that same day he was going to meet his friend so he has me look up the directions online for how to get there with public transportation. I go on the website and type in our address and the place and I show him the map but he didn’t want to walk the eight blocks to get there. So he tried to figure out what other train to take to get there so I told him it’s probably quicker to walk there than taking the extra train. My mom made him walk those extra eight blocks anyway when they left after I went to work.

Then tonight he wanted our dishwasher fixed that hadn’t been working for the past few days because the lock button wouldn’t turn off. He talks about hiring someone and getting rid of our dishwasher and Mom tells him it’s a good dishwasher and still new. I over hear her say to go look it up online and he goes he will just hire someone and also have my brother fix it. I decided to just go online and look it up while my parents were talking about it. I ask in google how to turn off the lock button on the steam dishwasher and I find the directions and somehow “fix it.” I don’t remember what I did but I fixed it. Now it’s running and it’s running well.

My mom says he has gotten worse and I have noticed too. Now he is being stubborn.

For you Trump Haters

Thursday, February 9th, 2017

Twitter, my favorite social media site (and where I spend WAY too much time these days) is a treasure trove of anti-Trump memes, tweets, cartoons, insults, links to articles, “fake news” (real news), and anything else a Trump hater like me could love. Some are extremely funny, like this restaurant sign. I think […]

via Seen on Twitter. — Lucky Otters Haven