Seeing the positives in my toxic ex

Tuesday, January 24th, 2017

So I am in a online group for people who are in a relationship or were in a relationship with someone with BPD. I can sometimes relate to them and lot of times I can’t because their ex’s are so different than my own and their stories are worse than mine. Someone decided to make a thread about trying to make negative memories into positive memories.

I made a post talking about what positives I saw in Jerry. I wrote  it taught me what my limitations were. It taught me what I can handle and what I will tolerate and what my boundaries are. It also taught me future red flags to spot a future toxic person. I also learned to never be a martyr and it won’t make you a bad guy for not tolerating such behavior in a person even if they claim to have a disorder. If they are not able to change that about themselves or even try, you won’t be the bad guy if you leave them nor does it make you not understanding. Being understanding does not mean tolerating abuse or letting them hurt your feelings or treat you a certain way. I also learned you shouldn’t just give someone a chance to change because what you see is what you get and don’t ever assume it will get better. If anything gets worse, don’t assume it will get better. This is what my ex taught me. Sure there were other positives like how special she made me feel when we met or how understanding she acted towards me and accepting and she had a very good sense of direction and had a GPS in her head because she used to work as a delivery person so she new the area well and she used that skill to avoid traffic because she didn’t like being stuck in traffic.

Edit: I also should add she also taught me how not to treat people so I will always use the Dish Network thing as an example about how I should just do things for people when they tell me how important it is because I don’t want them having anxiety and also giving them trouble and screwing them over because of me. Just because I don’t find it important doesn’t mean it’s not important for the other person. Do not be a Jerry. Also no making empty promises. Do not say you are going to do something if you have no intention of doing it or if you can’t do it because it’s too inconvenient for you or if you don’t think you can do it fast enough or can’t set a time to do it. So toxic people can be real good role models for how not to treat people and how not to act. That is how I always viewed Disney villains as a child. They taught me how not to act and how not to treat people. But do look at the good people and see how to treat people and how to act. If someone does something you don’t like, they had just taught you how not to treat people.

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