One of my problems I have

Tuesday, December 27th, 2016

So in my story Natalie’s son had passed away so she doesn’t tell her mother the sad news because she didn’t want her to be upset on the plane and at the airport. Her mother got upset for not being told the news sooner. My reader implied with his comment that this was wrong what Natalie did in my story. I told him how my mother didn’t tell me she had cancer so she waited until she was handling it to tell me and her father also didn’t tell her about her nephew being very sick back when she was in her twenties because he also didn’t want her to worry. She lived all the way in Montana then. But when I asked my “friend” if it was wrong what my mother did about her cancer, his response was if I am worried as Natalie is, then he understands my mother.

That response implied she was right what she did so I then asked him if what my grandfather did about my cousin was wrong and I am still awaiting an answer.

So this is where I have troubles because they all look the same to me and I generalize it and I guess I generalize too much. My husband will even tell me what someone did was okay in that one situation and I stop what I am doing. He calls it me taking it literal. It’s as if I am  black and white here.

Even when I was 16 I compared a puppy peeing in the house to a ten year old boy shooting his little sister and my mom said that was where I have trouble and then she had to explain how both situations are entirely different. Yes they are both wrong for their behavior but she had to tell me how different shooting your little sister as a child is compared to peeing in the house when you are an animal. Then she made the analogy about it’s like saying this is a house and that is a house referring to our former home we used to live in. They are both houses but the house we were now living in was about 4,000 square feet while the other house was around 1500. You can’t compare the two and say they are both the same. Things you can do in the 4000 SQ house you can’t do in a 1500 SQ house due to lack of space.

When I was with Jerry, I could remember her telling me she doesn’t believe lot of things I say about my family and if what I am saying is all true about them, then they are the rudest family she has ever heard about and ever met. I told her things like when people wake up, they are always loud and don’t stay quiet and they turn on lights and it doesn’t matter if you are sleeping. But at least she understood I wasn’t lying and this was all perspective and my point of view and how it looks to me. I forget right now what other things I told her about my family whenever she complained about my behavior.

Even in my therapist office when I was 17, I would be talking to my therapist and I told him about how my 17 year old neighbor was sleeping and me and my pesky neighbor were expected to be quiet but it was day time and she should be up and she didn’t work graveyard and she could just move into the bedroom and sleep. My therapist then explained to me how that family might have a different rule than my own family. In my own family, people could be loud at their normal volume and not respect your sleep if it wasn’t early in the morning anymore and if you wanted quiet, move to your bedroom to continue sleeping.

It might even look like I am justifying my behavior when I point out what I have seen other people do and what I have learned in life but all I want is if I am missing something, do tell me how they are both very different and explain why they are not the same and why it’s different. I just have troubles understanding. Why I have this issue I don’t know why but it’s just part of who I am. I would ask other autistic people if they have this issue but I don’t know how to ask it to make them understand what I am asking. I tend to write too long of posts.

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