I remember when I was sixteen, I was seeing my therapist. I told him how my dad throws things and slams things when he is mad. That was the way things were in our household, that is what we do. So one day he asks my mother about it and my mom denies it all that those things happen in our home. She didn’t even say my father does it sometimes when he is mad. So it made me look like a liar who is looking for excuses to justify her behavior. I was so confused about why my mom would deny my dad does these things. I knew I wasn’t crazy.
Now that I am an adult it dawned on me that my mother had lied to my therapist because she feared he would get the wrong idea about our household and involve social services because he is a mandatory reporter. I think they had that then in 2001 but I could be wrong. So she didn’t want to tell him that her own husband has done those things before and it doesn’t happen all the time so she flat out denied it instead. Who is going to believe the child?
Would this count as gaslighting or is it just called wanting to protect the family from CPS and and trouble? If her intention was to protect her family and my father, it probably wouldn’t be gaslighting then. But she didn’t tell me after the session that I needed to be quiet about our family and not ever mention my dad’s temper again and things he does when he gets upset. Maybe because she knew my therapist would just believe her over me because she is the parent and I am the child and kids are always wrong and kids with disabilities. This was the only time when my mom discredited what I said and flat out denied it because she didn’t explain what I was talking about. In the past she would listen to what I would say and try and get to the bottom of it to figure out where that came from and get the real story. She didn’t do it again that time.