Archive for November, 2016

Abuse enablers due to mental illness

Monday, November 28th, 2016

I was on reddit and I found an interesting thread talking about an article about making BPD out to be empaths who don’t mean to be manipulative and evil because the OP was sick of those articles. I do think it’s great seeing things from a different perspective and knowing what is going on in their minds when they do their behaviors but it doesn’t mean their behavior is okay. It doesn’t mean we all have to sit back and accept their abuse and I know not all of them are that way because there are some out there who do go to therapy and really to work hard to change to be better people and to improve their relationships and I do see people posting online who say they have BPD but they act no different, there are even some on Wrongplanet who have that diagnoses too and they don’t act toxic and I am not going to judge them based on the label. I would rather judge them by their behavior they show and if it’s abusive or if they are rude or just a jerk or if they write about how toxic they are, I won’t like them. I will often hear bad things about them on the Reddit forum because it’s a place for people who have been hurt by them. It’s very similar to what I read about narcissism. Sometimes I will go to the BPD subreddit to see their stories and their perspectives and it also helps defeat the stereotypes of borderlines being all mean and evil and abusers and manipulators because not all of them are that way.

I did find this article which I found infuriating:

http://shrink4men.com/2014/07/30/going-mental-borderline-personality-disorder-enablers-and-apologists/

This would be a trigger to anyone who has been hurt by them. No one likes to be told to be more understanding and just accept the abuse because “oh they can’t help it.”

 

I did it again

Saturday, November 19th, 2016

I remember when I was 17, I put gas in our Silhouette and it stalled right away when I started to drive it all because I had put diesel in it instead of unleaded. I didn’t know it mattered what gas you put in. So it cost my parents $300 to get it all pumped out.

Yesterday I was picking my son up from school and I was driving my mom’s car because my own car makes a cracking sound up front under the hood and maybe around the right wheel and I don’t feel safe driving it because I don’t know if it’s dangerous or what it is I am hearing and I just had my car fixed again. But I had to get gas because it got on empty and I didn’t want to run out so I pulled right into the gas station and it went from ten miles to five and then to zero just like that and all of a sudden the gas gage went from showing how much I had left right to zero just like that because of a computer thing. So I decided to put in ten bucks and the man puts the nozzle in but then tells me it won’t fit. I am like “what” so I get out and see the nozzle is in but the cap says diesel. I asked the guy if the gas is diesel he is putting in and he goes it’s unleaded. I told him it says diesel and then he asked “Cancel” and I said “yes” and he cancels and then he asks me for a receipt and I say yes and he gives it to me. Right away I park the car than drive it and call my dad. I told him what happened and I stayed parked. He had to call the car dealer place where they bought the car from and told them what happened and then he came got me. My mom thought the guy was an idiot for putting unleaded in my car because it said diesel on the cover. I felt it wasn’t his fault because he asked me “regular” and I said yeah and I didn’t know the car took diesel. I gaurentee if I were doing it myself, I would not have made that mistake because I would have saw it said diesel.  But I could tell the man didn’t speak good English because he had an accent and he was using single words and he was Mexican so he probably couldn’t read English.

So this morning my dad went to get the car towed to the dealer place because they said not only would they have to pump it, they would have to replace the filter and clean out the engine and flush the fluids. Gosh no wonder it costs so much because they don’t only pump it out. But luckily I didn’t fill it all the way and I only put in a gallon and a half and I parked it right away than driving it so it didn’t stall out. I hope it won’t be as much this time.

Lesson here I have learned is when driving a car that isn’t mine, make sure to know what gas it takes first and check before I drive it.

People saying their abusers faked a condition trend

Wednesday, November 16th, 2016

I often notice a trend by people who were in abusive relationships about their partners faking an illness. I did ask a couple weeks ago about how do we know if they actually had a disorder or are we just assuming they were faking it because they were abusive and it didn’t turn out well. I did write here about No longer identifying my ex as an aspie because it’s taboo to be in a relationship with someone who had it and they were abusive. Mine was controlling and emotionally abusive. She has never hit me or broken anything and she has never threatened me or called me any names like stupid or bitch or telling me how worthless I am or telling me no one will ever want me. But abuse is also a spectrum so not everyone always knows they are being abused but y mom knew but didn’t say anything until long after we were split up. But at first she said while we were living apart that she was worried I was being abused and I said I was not and reassured her I wasn’t. This was before I knew about emotional abuse and knew about different forms of it and when I found out after reading an article about it in the Seventeen mag around December 2008 or January 2009 and she ticked a few boxes for it, I was in denial for a while because I was still making excuses for my ex which is pretty typical in lot of victims. But the main reason was I was worried I would be playing the victim if I admitted it and came out with it. But my mother has reminded me that anyone can be abusive, even people with Alzheimer’s can be abusive. We actually adopted a dog from an animal shelter when I was 14 and she was an abused animal and it turned out her abuser was an old woman who was senile and she would forget to feed her dog so the dog would dig in the trash and she would beat her with a newspaper. It was obvious she did more to her than beating her with a paper because our dog was scared of lot of things like our tone, rags, and it was very difficult having her for months and then she got over her truama and was no longer afraid and didn’t easily pee anymore and was no longer disobedient. We just had to earn her trust. My grandmother has acted abusive verbally so I was afraid of her as an adult because of stories my mom was telling about her. When her Alzheimer’s got worse, she had more wild mood swings and emotions and would mistreat her caregivers. My mom thinks she was Bipolar. Plus before her Alzheimer’s got worse, she just hid it more or unless my mom hid it from us kids but she has told me stories like when we were children, she referred her sister in law as the bitch and would tell her sons she wanted that bitch out of her house. She had issues with jealousy and would get jealous and she never treated her daughter in laws well. My mom kept this from me and my brothers because she wanted us to have a good relationship with her and not be afraid of her or have our opinions about her be influenced by her stories. Mom made sure to never tell anything bad about our grandmother in front of us. But I did get afraid of her when she started to tell them in front of me and tell them to me as if she thought I could handle that part about her but I didn’t because I became afraid of my own grandmother. I didn’t want to be her victim so I was afraid and didn’t want to be around her anymore because I was worried she would go off on me and I never take it well when people mistreat me. Then it doesn’t help when people give me excuses about them and expect me to be understanding and just accept the abuse because “Oh she is just old and probably doesn’t remember she did it.” I was actually told that when I was 15 and my grandfather sided with her than with me and I was the child and she was the adult. But my aunt and my dad told me she is old so old people do those things and she probably doesn’t even remember it. But when her Alzheimer’s got real bad, her abusive behavior went away due to her short term memory being wiped so I no longer feared her and I was able to see her again and not be afraid. But I was not able to have any conversations with her.

When someone has a mental illness or a disorder (excluding personality disorders) you are expected to be understanding and have compassion or else you are seen as being ignorant when you have been hurt by them and talk about what they have done to you and how they have treated you that was abusive or hurtful.

I can’t count how many times I have seen people on the autism spectrum say how ignorant and narcissist NTs are for being hurt and abused by their “AS” partner and being called un understanding and being called bigots and I can’t count how many times I have seen them also say how discriminating someone is for writing about being abused and neglected by their “AS” parent and I think it’s too much to ask for a child to be understanding. These are children, you can’t expect them to accommodate their parents and have them turn out fine when they are adults. I have noticed it seems to be politically incorrect to be abused by an autistic person so you are better off not identifying them as such or else you won’t get sympathy so it’s no surprising to see people say how their abusers faked an illness or a disorder to get away with their abuse. If people just pretend their partners were normal or just say they had a personality disorder or not mention any disorder at all, they will get sympathy and not be re triggered if anyone stands up for their abuser because of a disorder they had.

Now I am asking how do we know they faked it. I understand how it’s so taboo to be abused by someone with a mental illness or a disability because people then dismiss your feelings and treat you as the bad guy and that doesn’t help you at all. It’s invalidating and it’s like your feelings don’t matter.

There was a thread again on narcissisticabuse subreddit on Reddit about someone faking an illness. The thread was titled “NEX faking amnesia” and another person wrote in their reply theirs faked something to get a medical Marijuana card and another person wrote theirs faked suicide attempts and I wrote I am sure mine faked theirs. Then the OP told me her nex faked a head injury to make her feel sorry for him and use it as an excuse to be a horrible person.

Why is it that when someone has a disorder, the victims are expected to be understanding and non affected by their abuse? Even people won’t label that person as an abuser if they have a disorder but ironically on Wrongplanet I have seen members there tell NT users that their “AS” partner is just abusive and that isn’t autism. So at least not all of them stick up for an “aspie.” Even in a aspie Facebook group, back when I still identified Jerry as an aspie, someone posted a question asking if anyone has ever been in a relationship with an aspie and what it was like so I answered and the response I got from someone was I had described an asshole and anyone can be one and it had nothing to do with AS. I was embarrassed and I felt bad and I wasn’t trying to bad talk AS and trying to say it was all aspie behavior. I was just answering a question about being in a relationship with an aspie and what it was like but that was just an example about how taboo it is to be in a toxic relationship with someone with it. It offends people. So when I stopped identifying her as one, I now don’t have to say what being with an aspie was like in a relationship. I now don’t have to say I dated an aspie one time and it was horrible. I don’t have to pretend by staying silent about it. Just as long as she didn’t have it, I am not pretending. I am not being silent. I don’t have to hide. I wouldn’t answer a question to someone if they asked if anyone has ever dated anyone with cerebral palsy because Jerry didn’t have it so I am not being silent about that because she didn’t have it so not answering a question about dating an aspie is the same thing. I solved my own problem. But looking on the bright side, at least I didn’t get accused of being ignorant or a bigot or a hateful person or non understanding. So not all autistic people think someone is non understanding for being in a bad relationship with an aspie.

I had AS and aspie in quotes in this post because usually they are not even diagnosed, just their partner putting that armchair label on them to explain their abusive or asshole or cold behavior.

I have seen a post on Reddit by an abused victim about their parent faking dementia but admitted it’s so hard to tell if it’s real or an act. The mother was in her early 60’s. So this is a trend I have been noticing about victims saying their abuser is faking a condition. So I tried asking on Reddit how can we tell if their condition is real or fake and if are we just saying they are faking it. How do I know Jerry wasn’t faking any of hers? My mom thought she was faking her PTSD and telling me she knew nothing about AS and doesn’t know what it is. I remember her telling me that back in 2007. But yet she didn’t think Jayden was faking anything when we were together and told me he might be a schizophrenic or might be mentally ill and I didn’t believe her then because it was just her opinion and she wasn’t a psychiatrist. But it turns out she was right and she told me “I told you he was ill” when I showed her the online court document about his parents divorce and it mentioned him being diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and his mother helps him with daily assistance. But she still thinks he was an asshole and reminded me anyone can be an asshole. So at least my mom doesn’t undiagnose everyone if they are abusive because she didn’t say our former dog’s owner was faking being senile and reminded me anyone can be abusive. She also didn’t say Jayden was faking having ADHD because she told me he had more going on than ADHD.

My husband is also protesting

Monday, November 14th, 2016

But he is only doing it online. He has been posting anti Trump links on his Facebook and posting campaigns for people to sign and writing to senators about his concerns about Trump and our country. My husband has never been this scared so he has been having anxiety about it. He is even getting into discussions about it online on Facebook with the senators and with other people who are Trump supporters.

Also I read that the protesters say they will keep this up for the next four years as long as he in in office. He isn’t in office yet but they don’t want him to be in office.

My husband has never been involved in politics until now and since people say they will keep this up for fours years, this tells me this is definitely not a tantrum and the fact my husband has never done this before also tells me. People are scared for their country and for themselves. But seriously I bet if many people would have voted for a president Clinton might have won to keep Trump out. I voted for Clinton to try and keep out Trump. But if Bernie were still running, I would have voted for him. But some people voted for Trump for the same reason I voted, to keep Clinton out because of the email thing. It was never clear to me if she was sexually involved with a minor or if she even knew about it except for her server was used for it by a guy and his wife worked for Hilary. But the majority did not vote for either president. My niece didn’t either so she put down Sanders.

But my question for the protesters are if they are neither Trump or Clinton supporters, who are they expecting to be president? If Trump doesn’t get it after all, then it goes to Clinton or would it go to Mike Pence? Do they want either of these people in office?

102 Dalmatians Puppies to the Rescue

Monday, November 14th, 2016

I played this game a lot in high school when I got a Dreamcast right after they stopped making games for it. I remember I bought the system along with two games and one of them was 102 Dalmatians. But apparently the music for the PSOne and Dreamcast are different. I was playing the game again last night for the first time in six years.

Now here is the Game Boy Color version and this was the first 102 Dalmatians game I played and I beat it so many times.

These two games are totally different from each other.

Finally dropped Miitomo

Monday, November 14th, 2016

They finally did the upgrade again and this time I couldn’t even play the game because my husband didn’t have enough space for the upgrade. It wouldn’t let you play the game unless you upgrade so I deleted the application because there was no point in having it now and I had been rarely playing it because the MyNintendo prizes suck. They offer discounts for games which I already have or don’t want and they are offering free themes for your 3DS background which I find boring. The only best prize they ever had was Zelda Picross and that was the only reason why I downloaded the app to get that game. They did offer free games for gold coins but I already had them too or didn’t want them and now they are not offering any right now. I will just continue collecting weekly coins online like I always been.

Autistic people are “normal.”

Sunday, November 13th, 2016

Someone posted an article online on a forum and I really want to post my opinion about it but I am afraid it will be controversial and offensive so I will say it here instead.

The link here:

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/06/150602164024.htm

My comment about it:

But then that means we are “normal” and we are only labeled because of people and the world not being made for us.

The Difficult Child really explains it and Stanley Turecki explained in his book that the difference between a difficult child and a kid with a disorder is with the difficult child, the symptoms are gone when the kid is in the right environment and being given the right parenting but with a kid who has a disorder, no matter what you change for them and if they are in the right environment, the symptoms would still be there. I checked his website and he believes someone can be eccentric and have poor social skills and not have AS so that makes me wonder how many people would he undiagnose with autism and say you are fine but you are just quirky or you are fine but just have a different brain wiring but you’re still “normal” just find the right environment and the right partner, etc. My mother read this book when I was a kid and I now understand her perspective and what she means by I am normal and there is nothing wrong with me and people with real Asperger’s are more limited and I am not autistic or Asperger’s. I’m me. She says I can do anything but I know she doesn’t mean it literally. No one can do anything or else we’ll all be going into space or be mathematicians. But the only thing that keeps me from “doing anything” is people who hire people and the restrictions they put down to qualify and who they hire and the roadblocks they put out there that keeps me from getting any job I can do that requires no college education. Plus people discriminate all the time and to say it doesn’t happen because it’s illegal is very naive to believe it doesn’t happen. There are loopholes and you would have to prove it. I think my mom is a little naive about life because she doesn’t have a disability aside from arthritis and cancer but she has never had any mental disorders or a learning disability so she wouldn’t know what getting a job is like with a disability.

What would Stanley Turecki say about children who are immature and struggling with social skills but yet it’s holding them back and it’s making them outcasts and making it hard for them to fit in and be accepted and it’s giving them low self esteem? Would he still dare to say they are normal but they are just difficult? How can they not have a disorder if it’s affecting them? The parents cannot force the schools to do things their kid’s way that suits their needs if they have no diagnoses and parents don’t have control over how other kids will treat their child and they can’t force kids to accept their child nor can they control how the schools will treat their child unless they have a diagnoses. Are there kids out there who get diagnosed when in fact they are just “normal” but just are very difficult or just have a different learning style? Yes because it does happen.

But I still find that confusing because how can it not be a disorder for some kids? Does that mean not all of us have real autism and we are only diagnosed as being autistic because of society? Some individuals with it feel autism is just a fancy way of saying someone is weird and awkward and processes the world differently as if they don’t think their condition is real but yet they will still admit to having autism.

This man sure feels this way about his autism:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/disability-37560841

“I’m autistic, which is a posh way of saying I have a different way of thinking and perceiving the world.”

It doesn’t have to be intentional for it to be abuse

Sunday, November 13th, 2016

This is controversial because many people will disagree that abuse can be unintentional. I have talked about before in this blog how I can see myself doing financial abuse due to my money anxiety so that was why my husband took over the finances. I was driving him crazy with my anxiety about money he felt he couldn’t live a life because I would freak out if I found out he had spent a dollar and I was already talking about taking away his cards so I wouldn’t have to worry about him spending any money and having anxiety. This wasn’t about control, it was about my comfort zone and to relieve my anxiety to make my life calmer and to feel in control of my life again because of the unknown and my husband wasn’t supporting that. This is an example of unintentional abuse and how a mental illness or a disorder can attribute to abuse.

What about a parent who isn’t aware their kid has a disability because they look normal and seem normal. Asperger’s is a hidden disorder and so is ADHD and anxiety and other things that makes the kid act different. So what if the parent was unaware their kid had anxiety so they were always getting mad at them for their fears and over reaction and calling them a baby and forcing them into situations they feel uncomfortable in. At age six I was forced to ride on a big ferris wheel and my mom and dad didn’t care about my fear of it and the reason why I was scared was because I was worried it would give me this feeling in my stomach that some rides give you and I didn’t like that feeling and I had been on a ferris wheel that gave me that feeling so I felt too nervous to ride on one again that went too high up. Lot of people will agree that it is cruel to scare your child but that is what my parents did to me, they scared me and forced me into something I feared and got mad at me for crying and for being scared and didn’t give rats ass. I would call this unintentional abuse. I don’t think they did it to be cruel. Most people are not afraid of ferris wheels so how were they supposed to know my fear was real? They were ignorant then. My dad is still ignorant about my anxiety. I don’t fear ferris wheels anymore. Back then being forced on it was like walking the green mile or walking to the torture device because you know what is going to happen and you don’t know what is going to happen like how much pain you will feel, if it will hurt or not. That was how I felt going on that ride. I didn’t know how bad it would be, how much it will be scary and how bad the feeling in my tummy would be when we go down. I realize I probably did have anxiety as a young child but it wasn’t prominent then so no one knew. Instead I would be told to stop or being called a baby so therefore my feelings would be invalidated and I did feel then as a young child that my mom didn’t care about me. I just assumed then she knew because I didn’t know my feelings were not normal and my mom had assumed my feelings were normal but was over reacting or just whining. Ironically my mom is against people scaring kids and breaking them by making them fear you so they will listen but yet she did the exact same thing  to me when I was a kid. Then the time I didn’t have anxiety about being dumped on the side of the road because I figured I would just hitchhike home, my mom was mad because I didn’t have beg her to not leave me on the side of the road. Yes that is fear right there you are doing to your kids and you say it’s not good to scare your children?

Then there is ADHD. I can’t count how many times I have read online by people who grew up with undiagnosed ADD or ADHD, they always got in trouble for losing things and always got in trouble for not being able to sit still or pay attention or for forgetting things, etc. It was as if they were abused. I would call their abuse unintentional because no one was aware of their ADD then. I can’t imagine how hard their life must have been the the anxiety they must have had growing up and the low self esteem.

But because abuse implies intent, people will say they were not abused or say someone they know isn’t abusive because they know their partner or child doesn’t do it on purpose. Then of course when someone has a mental illness, their victims may still call them abusive and say their actions are intentional.

What about those who suffer from NPD or BPD, they tend to lack self awareness. They may not see themselves as being abusive. I noticed on the forum on Reddit by BPD victims that the borderliners tend to rewrite history so they have “amnesia” about their abuse they did to their child or partner. Jerry seemed to have rewritten hers when she said she did none of that stuff I said she did except for “taking too long” to give me back my Dish Network piece. Also people with BPD don’t realize they are being manipulative and may not see their behavior as manipulative because to their perspective they are just trying to get their needs met like everyone else. But that never matters to the victim. It only matters what the borderliner is doing, not their intention behind it.

Then there are people who have NPD and they also seem to lack awareness of their own behavior so to me it seems like their behavior is unintentional if they are unaware which is why it’s probably a disorder, an illness. Many people disagree that personality disorders are a mental illness and want to keep these separated from mental illnesses. But the truth is mental illness is also a spectrum. It can range from evil to none evil. Maybe people like to separate personality disorders from a mental illness because they don’t want the stigma on mental illness.

In a way I do feel sorry for those who have NPD and BPD because they are their own worst enemies and they didn’t choose to be that way and I can’t imagine having those disorders and hurting people and not even being aware and seeing myself as the victim. I cannot imagine having a disorder only to find out my own emotions are wrong and my feelings are wrong and not knowing when they are valid and not being entitled to them. We often hear that everyone is entitled to their feelings and that people should trust their gut instinct but that doesn’t seem to apply to those who have BPD. That only applies to “normal” people. Most stuff we read out there is aimed at normal people assuming whoever is reading it is “normal.”

I have anxiety but stuff I find online about what to do about yelling at your kids, none of the advice I read is helpful because it’s all about staying calm and stuff but what do you do if your kids are the ones giving you anxiety and you can’t be calm unless your kids stop? There is no parenting articles out there aimed at parents with autism or anxiety about yelling at your kids. And too much yelling is abuse so that would mean I am doing unintentional abuse.

Because abuse often implies intent and also has a bad stigma to it, no one wants to see themselves as an abuser even if their actions are abusive. Even the loved one doesn’t want to see their child or partner as abusive especially if they have trauma or a disorder or came from an abusive background themselves where they grew up around anger and abuse or neglect. I didn’t want to see Jerry as an abuser when I was with her so I always defended her and made excuses for her like she has anxiety, she is worried about what people might think of her, she has PTSD, she has AS so she is just being honest, her ex called her a pedophile so now she ignores me if I am not acting mature enough for her. But all that did was it hurt me and I let that all happen instead of sticking up for myself and now I have myself to blame. So that is why I will never ever let anyone abuse me again and no disorder or mental illness will change that and only their actions and how they treat me matter, not their intentions and I don’t care what their intentions are or if it’s on purpose or not. I need to care about my own mental health and protect myself from any abuse. I also need to stay away from anyone who is abusive. I still get triggers to this day from certain things I read when something reminds me of Jerry. I even had to block someone on a forum when she made a trigger post and what she was writing were similar feelings to what Jerry had so I took a great dislike to her and blocked her because she was triggering. But I wasn’t the only one who had blocked her because she had left that forum and I saw her posting elsewhere online saying she was ignored because people didn’t agree with her views. Her views? Is she shitting me, she was a bigot on ABDLs and then pulling the “I still love you” crap like Barney. Ugh.

Now here is an article that talks about unintentional abuse but it’s about parents doing it:

Understanding Unintentional Abuse

 

 

Is the changing definition of autism

Friday, November 11th, 2016

narrowing what we think of as ‘normal’?

 

I first learned about autism in 1997 in my high school psychology course. It was relegated to a small paragraph in a chapter on childhood disorders. The film Rainman had come out a decade earlier, publicizing the condition to a degree. But autism still wasn’t well-known – or well-understood, at the time.

That certainly isn’t the case today.

Since then I have been a special educator, an autism consultant, and, most recently, an autism advocate and researcher. I explore how both culture and ethics influence autism as a concept, diagnosis and lived experience. One thing that is clear is that the way we think about autism has changed.

https://theconversation.com/is-the-changing-definition-of-autism-narrowing-what-we-think-of-as-normal-47310

 

 

 

Fear for our country

Friday, November 11th, 2016

Trump won and ever since then protests have broken out and some riots. Then last night it finally happened in my city. I get off work and I had to be escorted out because they had put chains on the doors and there was a huge crowd in the park. I saw smoke and heard shots and then people left the park and I noticed graffiti on buildings and people hitting cars with their hands and circling around them and I saw some people getting into a car. They even had to close the train stop and then I was hearing rumors the protest had broken into a riot and I was told it’s not protestors rioting, it’s just people using them to make trouble because they will be blended in the crowd. They are not even part of the protest. But the media is reporting it as some anti Trumpers are rioting than stupid kids using the protest to make trouble. I’m anti Trump but I am not out destroying property but I am disgusted how anyone can vote for this monster, sexist, racist, homophobic, xenophoibic and rapist guy. I honestly couldn’t careless what happens to Trump supporters but going around destroying property for no reason just makes it all look bad and undermines the protest.

I am feeling we have another Hitler and we had voted for this guy and my husband and mother think things will work out because we have survived the bad times before and things always worked out at the end. Plus I have no idea if our country will split up because Oregon is talking about it now and so is California. I heard they want to build a wall around their state and that reminds me of Berlin.

I did even see a trash can lid on the ground and I had to wait half hour for the train because they delayed the trains even though no one was blocking them. I came home and watched it on TV and saw some of it live and looked at the Tweets and I was happy to see some protesters trying to stop the rioters and arrests have been made. This all told me to stay away from downtown at night and evenings because your car might get busted and it made me glad the auto shop my car is at isn’t even close to downtown so my car is safe from the riots. My mom doesn’t even call this a riot because she has seen worse and she thinks they are just exaggerating by calling it a riot. Nothing is being burned down and it’s just minor stuff like graffiti and broken windows and firecrackers but car are being hit with bats and a few of them were totaled at the dealership.

But people are really scared and living in fear now because Trump won. Plus more racism has broken out after he won because people think him winning is a free pass to be a open racist now so non whites have been getting harassed now. One kid in Eugene got suspended for calling a kid a nigger.

But if Clinton had won, I am sure this same thing would have happened by Trump supporters.  Plus there were people who voted for neither.

I am so ashamed to be an American but at least the protesting shows not all of us are racists, sexists, bigots, xenophobics, and homophobics. Honestly I wouldn’t care if our country broke up into different countries and if my state became their own country and California and Washington joined us. That reminds me of Russia and the Cold War. My husband thinks this is going to be a Civil War because he said that is how it started but I thought it started because of slavery and people wanted to end it.

I just hope this won’t turn into Germany and I hope Trump won’t invade other countries, let’s hope he isn’t that bad. I also hope we won’t go backwards in time and I hope our healthcare won’t go backwards.