This is like a Trouble and Shut Up joke and a Abbott and Costello joke except this was actually real.
I am reading a book called Stim by Kevin Berry. So Kevin and his flate mate have a kitten called Sex. One evening they couldn’t find her so Kevin goes outside to look for her. He wanders into an area he shouldn’t be in. Then a man grabs him asking what he is doing there mate. He shines a flashlight in his face. Kevin isn’t sure why the man is there and why he grabbed him but figures he came to join him to help him search. So he explains to him he is looking for Sex and asks if he is too. The man asks “what?” and Kevin goes “there in the bushes, shine your torch.”
The man does it and Kevin looks but could barely see anything because of the bright light. Who likes light shining in their face?
But instead it was a rabbit. No Sex.
The man says it’s a bloody rabbit and asks him what did he think was going on in there, people having sex, its a bit cold out there for that.
Then Kevin tells him it’s not people, it’s his little pussy, he has been looking for Sex for over a half hour now.
I am laughing reading this because I know he is talking about his pet kitten but the man doesn’t know that so I know how it looks to him. I would have just said “I am looking for my cat, her name is Sex” so they would know what I am talking about. But Kevin doesn’t do this because he has Asperger’s so he doesn’t realize the man has a different picture in his head and he doesn’t know his cat’s name is Sex and pussy is a term for a woman’s pelvis.
The man shines the light more in his face so Kevin tells him to quit doing it. Then the guy tells him he is coming with him calling him mate again.
Kevin could hardly see anything because of the light being shun in his face.
Kevin is led to the police car and taken to the station. Kevin texts his flat mate to tell her where he has gone. There is a police woman with them and the man explains to her Kevin was out looking for Sex.
“Oh is that right?” said the police woman. Then she tells Kevin he should try Manchester Street for that but for now they were taking him to the police station and there have been reports of prowlers in the area and cars being broken into and they wanted to question him about that.
So they are at the station and forty seven minutes had passed and Kevin got a text from his flatmate saying she found Sex and she had been locked in her bedroom closet and she had just fed her. Now she was waiting for Stef, the person who owns the house and had invited them to come live with her, to come home so they could pick him up in The frog, they called her car.
Then another police officer comes in and asks Kevin why was he on private property where he had no right to be and he had been told he was out looking for Sex.
“Yes,” says Kevin. Then he told him as it turned out, it was a waste of time because his Chloe, his flatmate, had sex in her closet all afternoon.
I am laughing again reading this because I knew how this looked to the officer because Kevin has failed to mention Sex is their kitten. He doesn’t mention any pet. Only the name.
The officer asked who Chloe is, his girlfriend and Kevin goes no it’s his flatmate and his other flatmate is Stef. Then he asks to please wait until they get here and they would explain everything.
But the officer asks Kevin more questions. He asked if they were having lesbian sex in their wardrobe.
Then finally Kevin tells him he means their kitten and they called their pet kitten that because it was a good short name easy to remember and spell.
But the officer didn’t buy it. He asked him if he expected him to buy it and Kevin goes yes but it was Chloe who named her that, not him.
But everything worked out after that because Chloe and Stef had arrived with the kitten and Kevin was released to go home.
Edit: I just found out this book was totally fiction and not a memoir. I finished it and went on Amazon to return the book and saw it was fictional when I looked at the page. How silly of me.