Over the years I have always changed my way of communicating to avoid misunderstandings and to avoid upsetting and offending people and being taken the wrong way. I have learned to use I statements and talking about my experience and I even say where I got a information from like I will say “I read that” or say “I saw someone posting on Reddit about” or say “On babycenter” bla bla bla and say “I have actually seen people admit it” and I will sometimes post my opinion and then talk about myself so people know where it’s coming from.
But sometimes a person will still get offended or think I talked about them because they made a similar post earlier or because they think I have some hidden agenda in my post as if they think me talking about myself is my way of talking about other people. Do people actually do that? Or I make a post and a person might think I am taking a dig at someone or talking about other members on the same forum I am posting it on.
Just recently I had to go to a different forum and ask about why do people think when someone says they don’t do drama, they actually do cause drama. If I had asked it on the current forum, someone could think I was being sly again or taking a dig again because of something recent that had happened.
I am thinking of maybe start doing disclaimers in my posts like “I am not talking about anyone here, if you had posted something similar about this, this post was coincidental.” And start saying “I am not thinking of anyone specific when I wrote this.” And say “Society sees it as this” than saying “they are useless” and then write about why so that way people know I am saying it the way it is and how other people see it so they wouldn’t think I am thinking that. But then again I once wrote “it’s a fetish to society” and that person still took offense because she still took it as my word than that is what it’s classified as when she was talking about furries. But we were cool now so nothing between us anymore. We had a little misunderstanding. I hate those and sometimes they never get resolved, most of the time. No I am not taking a dig here or being sly, I am using this as an example for my personal experience. I have nothing against that member and that person doesn’t come to the forum anymore anyway.
So the bottom line is, no matter how I word things and how I say things and how specific I am, someone will still take offense. I shouldn’t tip toe and worry about it. Is this why some people have social anxiety? Just as long as I am not insulting anyone or attacking them or being a Cruella De Vil, I’m fine. If someone wants to read into it and think I am talking about someone or them, that is their problem and not mine. Just as long as I am not getting any PMs from any moderators, I’m okay. I have nothing against anyone on that forum nor do I dislike anyone there and people I have disliked there in the past are no longer there and the ones I avoid. My reasons for disliking someone would be over a misunderstanding we had and it never got resolved, them being a jerk to me and because they were not nice people. I don’t think I should silence myself by not talking about my personal experience like “I have been made fun of for my aspie traits by other aspies” just because someone from that forum did that to me in the past on a different forum and is no longer active there and comes back occasionally or because someone on that forum could be guilty of doing it to another aspie in the past so they could think I was talking about them. This is not to take a dig at them or to be passive aggressive, I am only talking about my personal experience. I think I also have the right to say I have been misunderstood by other aspies so that shows they are also human and we are not going to always understand each other because we’re human. Again, I am talking about my personal experience and not taking a dig at anyone or being passive aggressive.
And seriously if a person upset me so much on there, I will go talk about it somewhere else or talk about it to my online friend. Or just write about it in my own personal journal on my computer where it’s totally safe and no one can read it but me and I usually wouldn’t read it again after typing it because I want no one to read it and that person too possibly because you never know what other forums they could be lurking on and you never know if that person might know people on the other forum and they could tip that person off and tell them about my post and they see it the wrong way. But I wouldn’t open another thread on the same forum talking about it and make a thread be about that person only. I think that would take balls to do it and it doesn’t tell anyone how much they have hurt you. Instead it’s seen as bullying and gossip and it won’t bring you “Sorry I misunderstood you, we’re cool now” and bam everything is over and we’re cool now and everyone is happy. It doesn’t work like that. I wish it did though but that isn’t how humans work. Instead they just get more defensive and it makes things worse so it’s best to keep it private.
I am taking a temporary break from the forum and I might come back next week and hopefully it has blown over. I find that most people actually forget about dramas that have happened and they don’t really care and they move on. So you can leave a forum for a few months and come back and everyone will act like it’s never happened and you can move on too and start going back to your normal posting. Just don’t visit the same threads again where the drama took place.
No this blog entry isn’t a sly dig and I am not being passive aggressive posting this. I don’t mention names and forum names for a reason because I have this blog linked on other websites and I try and keep things vague as possible to avoid any further drama. Only people from that forum will know I am talking about their forum and only that person will know I was thinking of them as I wrote this but I was also thinking of in general because I don’t know who else thinks this too and who also takes offense to what I say but says nothing about it.
But when I do return, maybe I won’t be doing those disclaimers, it depends on how I feel. Sometimes when you’re upset, you feel the need to do things but when you get over it, you don’t feel the need to do it anymore. You won’t know for sure until you’re feeling better and if you still feel the same way, then maybe it will be necessary.
While writing this I was thinking if I should even post this or just put it in my private document on my computer. I decided I should just post it here because this is my personal experience and this isn’t a rant about a user. Just about my personal experience of posting online and how I feel about it. I do hope people read about it and understand my communication better (I don’t know how else to communicate) so this is what it’s about. I had already posted about this on the forum.