What’s real?

Thursday, October 6th, 2016

One of the things I struggle with is knowing what is real and what isn’t with my thoughts and perspectives. I will get a thought in my head and I will have no idea if it’s anxiety or not. Anything I do I have no idea if it’s anxiety based. Sometimes I realize it was just the anxiety when it blows over or when I am feeling better. My husband will sometimes reassure me everything is fine regarding money and he will remind me it’s just my anxiety that is making me think that way.

Just at work I was feeling bullied and harassed and Tuesday the co worker came back from his trip and he was all friendly with me and helpful and I realized I imagined the whole thing and that was just my anxiety making me worried. But my boss came in the break room and I asked what to do about the white sponges and he told me I use those for the sinks and I said it had cleanser on them and he goes “you use them for the sink” and I go “Wait, I thought we weren’t supposed to be using them for the sinks, only for the toilets” and bam I had found out the co worker was wrong what he told me and my boss told me I was doing it right the whole time and he told me I could use the orange or green chemical for the floors. The co worker had told me to only use green. So I ask my boss about the odor bottle and he told me to only use it for the urinal, you don’t spray anywhere else with it. I couldn’t believe the co worker gave me false info so good thing I asked my boss the following day about sponges. I don’t know if the co worker was trying to trick me or if he was confused. The boss thought he was just confused. I also told him about the restrooms and how customers use them after I clean them because they work out and then use the restrooms and I have been getting accused of not cleaning them because of lack of common sense about customers using the restrooms. Luckily the boss had the common sense to know that and understand. Then when I was in the basement dust mopping, I over heard the co worker on the freight elevator telling our other co workers “Don’t tell Beth things” and he laughs and then starts talking and I couldn’t make out the rest he said. I had no idea if he was joking or making fun of me. I figured he was talking about telling me the wrong stuff because they will get caught. Maybe that will fix the co worker issue.

Another thing I have gotten at work is I will be doing my tasks and then all of a sudden I start getting complaints when I hadn’t before and they are almost daily. Then the boss moves me to another floor or gives me different tasks to do. I have wondered if I was being bullied by customers. I know it can’t be the boss or else I wouldn’t have been moved to another floor or being given different tasks. I would have been written up and then fired if that were the case so it had to be the customers. But then again I have no idea if this is just my anxiety or if this is real. Why else would I start getting complaints when I hadn’t before? That part is real but what I think is going on I am not sure about.




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