I fit these when I was with Jerry:
- You no longer recognize yourself.
- Your emotions are all over the place. You feel angry, sad, anxious, ashamed, guilty, bad and afraid.
- You feel crazy. You just know there is something wrong with you.
- Your mood depends on the state of your relationship.
- You can’t seem to make your partner happy no matter what you do. You try to be perfect, and even when you think you are pleasing your partner, they find something wrong with you.
- You feel as if you have no voice. You are afraid to express any negative emotions whether they are about your partner or your bad day at work. No matter what you say your partner will take it personally and make it about them
- You try to carefully control your words, actions, tone of voice and any details you share with your partner out of fear of upsetting them.
- You feel afraid of your partner and fear what he might do next. (yes after she cursed at me on the phone raising her voice and hanging up on me)
- You feel hopeless.
- You cry a lot. This could be in front of him when he hurts you or you could do it privately while locked in a bathroom, closet or after your partner falls asleep.
- You do what he wants out of fear that he will punish you with the silent treatment, cheating or withholding love and affection. (She never cheated so I didn’t fear that, I feared she would be upset with me and would ignore me because she would see me as a baby or like a little kid)
- You feel that no other man will ever want you.
- You feel worthless.
- You are anxious and overwhelmed by your life.
- You make excuses for your partner’s bad behavior. You tell yourself he didn’t mean the cruel things he said. If you didn’t make him so angry he wouldn’t say that. (I did make excuses for her behavior and thought she didn’t mean the things she was doing and she would never tell me things that were not true because she is honest)
- You cling to the false hope that if things could just go back to the way they were in the beginning, you would get your happily ever after.
- You believe if you change, your narcissistic partner will change and you will have a happy relationship.
I made nearly half the list of my ex. Some others didn’t apply. If I saw this list years back, I might have scoffed at the ones I relate to thinking it’s a distortion in my head and think “that was different.” But abuse is abuse right and they don’t have to be a narcissist for this list to apply. Just change the title to “40 signs you are in a abusive relationship.”