OMG OMG OMG she found me

Thursday, September 1st, 2016

Yes my nex found me omg. Anxiety time. I knew I was being risky of coming out and I thought using a fictional name would keep her away. But no she had to reply and guess what, she denied everything. The only thing she admitted was taking too long to give me back the Dish Network thing and apologized for putting me through suck stress. I think she meant to say such stress. But she denied everything else she ever did to me and it was a calm letter than a fight back or an attack. She apologized for me feeling this way about her. Is that a real apology? Does that mean she gets my perspective?

She even told me of all her diagnoses she was given and told me she wished I would look them up to understand her better. One of them was BPD. Well they do overlap with narcissism. Does that explain why she didn’t want me to go to work or why she acted like she didn’t want me to leave and go home or go to work and why she got mad at me for wanting to go to bed because I was tired? She also said she was schizo affetctive so does that explain her amnesia about the stuff she did to me? I am not crazy.

How many victims have had their blogs found by their former abusers and sent them letters about it? Are they usually calm letters?

Am I going to get harassed now by my nex? How do I even block users from my blog? Do I have to go back in hiding now and shut up about my experience to avoid all this? I made a post about it online asking other victims if they have ever gotten letters from their nex’s and I decided to not reply and stay in no contact. I will not deal with the gaslighting and being made out to look crazy and like a liar.

She also even said she never saw me as immature and always understood my need to belittle but what the heck? I remember she used it against me and would ignore me if she felt I was too immature for her. Now she is denying that? She used to make comments like “You were supposed to be playing that ten years ago” when I was playing a Barbie NES game. I told her I didn’t have a NES then. Nope, didn’t change anything.

And if she had always cared about me and loved me and hoped I had found happiness, then why the hell did she abandon me and go silent on me? How is this even caring?

Yes I did find happiness, my husband and I had two children and ¬†house. But I think I will always hurt inside but that is life. Lot of us are hurting. Everyday I wake up and remember how much happier I am and how supportive my husband is and look at what I have now. We go to support sites and we read blogs and we share out stories and relate to each other. But I wonder how many of our abusers were actually narcs but I was told a label doesn’t matter, it only matters how they treated us. After all narcissism is just a buzzword to mean asshole, abuser, jerk, controlling, mean and people in general use that word to mean someone who they find annoying or them doing something they don’t like such as doing selfies or oversharing their life on Facebook or posting their kids lives online too much.

I think I am going to go to another blog and ask the person who has also been found by her ex about if she had ever blocked him and how she did it and does he ever harass her.

Edit: Well I just marked her post as spam so it will quit showing up. Maybe all her future posts will go to spam in the future so I wouldn’t have to see them.

Another edit: I got a response asking me if I meant Borderline Personality disorder when I said BPD and then she said BPD and narcissism is the same to the victim and she told me she has read about it online and her nex fits both BPD and narcissism so she doesn’t even know herself.


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