Today I had a anxiety attack when someone decided to defend my former abuser. My hands were trembling and my heart was beating and I couldn’t be bothered to write a novel to defend myself. It would be scary to assume this person is an abuser himself or unless he didn’t know what he was talking about because he doesn’t know what my ex did to me and how he treated me. He doesn’t know my ex would deliberately try and make me uncomfortable by driving close to the mailboxes to make me think he would hit them. But I was smart enough to know he would never wreck his car so I wasn’t worried. He quit doing it. That abuse backfired on him.
The person also doesn’t know he would try and humiliate me by telling his son everything about me and make everything his business.
According to my mother the kid would be rude to me and my ex would say “he is right Beth.” I don’t remember this luckily. I had no idea the son was also not nice to me and his father enabled it so more abuse there he did.
He doesn’t know my ex would also use his son to abuse me by saying stuff to him and his son would agree like saying how I am so much like a child than an adult.
He also doesn’t know my ex would try and change me by ignoring me until I act the way he wanted me to act. He would also say things like “I don’t want you to change because I want you to, I don’t want to be a control freak. I want you to change only when you want to change.” But I would still feel he wanted me to change or he wouldn’t be ignoring me.
He also doesn’t know my ex had abrupt mood changes. My mother told me when we first met and he was out in Montana visiting us, he said at the table how I would never be able to do this or that and my mom said I am very smart and I made good grades. My ex says in a sneering tone according to my mother, “she was in special ed” and then he looked at me with a aggressive facial expression. My mother knew instantly this guy wasn’t right for me but she kept her opinion to herself.
He also doesn’t know how my ex tried to subtly cut me off from my parents. He would have to listen in on our conversations and he would tell me what to say to them, he would argue with me and interrupt while I would talk to my parents and my mom remembers she would hear shouting in the background and I would call them less and less because I would only call them while he was at work or inside a store and I would also step outside to talk away from his apartment. So that backfired on him because I started to do it when he wasn’t home.
He doesn’t know I had to walk on eggshells and I had to be careful what I said and how I said it or my ex could get very upset and I even had to bottle up my feelings.
He doesn’t know my ex would take things I say not literal to take offense but yet he would take the non offensive things literal I would say so this raises red flags and it can’t be a coincidence.
He doesn’t know my ex used ABDL against me. He decided everything I did was ABDL and would ignore me until I acted the way he wanted me to act if he felt it was mature enough for him.
He doesn’t know my ex had such low self esteem he had to put everyone down and my family too
I don’t even know how my ex love bombed me and how he convinced me I was worst off than I really am and low functioning and he obviously thought I wasn’t very smart because he compared me to Forest Gump and he told his son about it and he agreed with his dad.
He doesn’t know my ex took some stuff from me like my paycheck I was supposed to get, he kept some of my stuff like laundry soap and cleaning supplies I accidentally left behind and the only thing I got back from him was the piece for Dish Network they wanted back when I cancelled. He doesn’t even know my ex waited until I had a meltdown to give it back to me. I never forgave him for that.
He doesn’t know my ex and I planned to go out and then he cancelled the last minute because I was on the toilet.
He doesn’t even know my ex would gaslight me. He would say one thing and then denied he ever said it and say I said it not him. He also claimed he didn’t change I did.
He doesn’t even know my ex would put me down to try and get his way so he would call me self centered and it was so I could do what he wanted me to do.
He doesn’t even know whatever I did for my ex was never good enough. I was still “self centered.”
And to say it sounded like my ex was an aspie is a overstatement because how dare anyone try to say autism caused someone to abuse me. So I said I was not going to go there about aspies being abusers and being one of those women on AS Partners and that type of thinking is dangerous because that is how victims enable the abuse and let them get away with it. They make excuses for their abuser by playing the medical card. Also victims have turned into bigots by saying autistic people are abusers just because they thought their autistic partner abused them due to the autism. Does he even know how my ex and I would have to meet his ex girlfriend in a parking lot to get his son and to drop him off and she was always with her boyfriend. This should have been a red flag and it does make me wonder how bad my ex was to his ex girlfriend like did he beat her or hurt her and she felt threatened and unsafe around him. Also she wouldn’t allow her daughters to talk to him and he was not allowed to have any contact with them.
I will never know how he treated his ex, I couldn’t find her on Facebook to get her side of the story. But I can guess he treated her how he treated me minus the ABDL. How he treated me got worse and worse and this person doesn’t even know that.
I should not have to defend myself to anyone online who decides to defend my ex when they have no idea how he treated me and what I went through. I don’t care if anyone disagrees about him being narcissist just as long as they say he was just a jerk or an asshole or had BPD or some mental disorder or a personality disorder but not autism. I didn’t care if my mom thought he had problems with anger and that my dad thought he had low self esteem and didn’t feel good about himself so he had to put others down to make himself feel good.
Now in the future I will try and ignore any comment that defends my ex to justify his abuse. I also won’t even visit that thread anymore because I don’t want another anxiety attack if there is a drama there and if the person still defends my ex. I just can’t take it.