Archive for April, 2016

Ways my school was ableist

Tuesday, April 26th, 2016

4 Ways Ableism in My Elementary School Left Me Completely Traumatized

I came across this article and some of it reminded me of what my school did. Here are the things they did:

In 4th-6th grade they refused to understand me and punished me for trying to be normal because I didn’t know how I was supposed to act because the rules were inconsistent and they only enforced them on me

They tried to put me in a behavior class in 6th grade and tried to say I had a behavior disorder

When I was eight, the school I attended for my special program tried to say I didn’t need special ed when they found out I was not slow as they thought and I could read ignoring the fact I was still language delayed. Like hello a kid can learn in class like normal with a language disorder and also the fact they were way behind in education because they didn’t give them any normal school work other kids their age were learning in mainstream because they thought they were slow.

My school principal thought I had to toughen up when kids were picking on me

I was having seizures in 6th grade and they went un noticed until I had a grand mal one and my teacher suspected I was having them and only told the nurse instead of calling my mother to tell her her concerns

I was always punished for fighting with my bullies and I would be the only one in trouble and one time they said I had to apologize to my bullies but I had refused

At the end of 6th grade they said I didn’t need an aide so I wouldn’t have had one for 7th grade

In 4th and 6th grade I was video taped in class and all the staff did was pathologized me and made a big deal out of things I did  ignoring the fact that all the other students in the video had done goofy things.

In middle school I was excluded from activities like the spelling bee because they wouldn’t tell me about it and they also didn’t tell me about the honor roll trip

In high school the teachers including my aide tried to limit my career and classroom choices. My aide thought I couldn’t do driver’s ed, my teachers thought I couldn’t do drama when I was 17, they tried to tell me working at a McDonalds would be too fast paced for me and to noisy, they tried to limit my jobs to peopleless. Whatever happened to letting students with disabilities try and explore their careers and see what they are good at and what they can do instead of looking at the label?

When I was 17 I got cut from the softball team by the new coach and the other girls who had made the team I played better than they did

When I was 16 my school counselor saw I was selling my Game Boy and asked me what if a middle school student wanted to buy it but he would give me the money tomorrow. I told him I would wait until he had the money before giving it to him. The school counselor kept asking me the same question and I kept my answer the same. It was as if he wanted me to say I would give it to the kid and the school counselor said anyway “If you gave it to him, you might never see that kid again.” Also he would give me excuses for my problems and blamed everything on Asperger’s and told me my whole family had traits but not enough to have the diagnoses when I argued with him about how my brothers do the same things all the time, watching TV and always on the computer and they always download music. Also he was telling me what careers choices I could have all based on my diagnoses instead of looking at my skills and saying I could marry Frankie when he turns eighteen but luckily I was not into marrying younger guys and still isn’t. I do not want to date anyone five and half years younger than me.

Oh the numbering system they did in 6th grade. The school counselor in my elementary school thought it would be a great idea to rate my behavior. I always got a four or a three or lower, never a five. I was a perfectionist and wanted a perfect grade but I could never do good for them to get that perfect score. I had to be perfect.

And my mother told me she always had to fight with my elementary school to follow my IEP and I was illegally suspended once and they waited three days to tell my mother and the school counselor had went to my mom’s work and told her right there in front of her student that I had been suspended and as the result of my mom taking her attention off her student, she got bit because it was his way to get her attention because he was non verbal. Then as a result for him he had to get a time out.

My elementary school saw me as a behavior problem and wanted to do things their way instead of working with me but instead I worked against their system because it was ineffective

And I am not sure if this should count as ableism but I would advise if you want to do this with a student, let them know about it before you set them up with a buddy and make sure they are okay with it or else it can backfire. In 8th grade these girls would come in the recourse room to do projects with me and we got along well and I always talked about my interests like favorite movie, favorite video game, telling blonde jokes. Then it turned out it was all a set up and those girls were volunteers to help me get along with kids and to build my social and relationship skills. They turned out to not be my real friends because it was all a set up. No wonder we got along. I was not happy. Then things were not the same after that and when I started high school, our “friendship” drifted. They moved on but the two girls remained close to each other as always.

But luckily I didn’t get any trauma from my schools.









I might have had a happier childhood

Saturday, April 23rd, 2016

if I had more Asperger’s.

Here’s why:

I wouldn’t have known I was different and I would have thought other kids were weird.

I wouldn’t have cared for friends nor been interested so I wouldn’t have gotten hurt feelings for rejection or been told to go away or been banned from homes

I wouldn’t have cared what other kids thought so I wouldn’t have cared if they thought I was stupid or retarded or mean or rude, etc. I would have just thought those were labels they liked to put on me and it was their problem and they had to work it out themselves. Plus I wouldn’t have had low self esteem and been thinking about killing myself by 6th grade.

I wouldn’t have been a copycat and I wouldn’t have been so frustrated with injustice because I would have thought other kids were stupid for not following the rules and it wouldn’t have confused me. I wouldn’t have cared to be normal because I would have thought I was normal and everyone else was strange so I wouldn’t have been self conscious about my body language or facial expressions and how I walk and when to stop walking and trying to figure out how to act. I wouldn’t have had all that anxiety in school and feel anxious around kids who judged me and been obsessing about being normal and trying to figure out how to act by watching other kids and getting into trouble for trying to be normal. I also wouldn’t have had behavior issues due to it.

And I think it would have been easier for my mother too because I wouldn’t have come home and told her how kids treat me and how unfair things are at school and how I am treated different, so therefore she wouldn’t have known what was going on in school and I wouldn’t have gone to mental health therapist. I would have just thought it wouldn’t have been her business and it was my own problem to figure out myself.


What’s wrong with these questions

Saturday, April 23rd, 2016

We finally got the packet in the mail and it’s a list of questionnaires. One is for ADHD, one is obviously for autism, and the other is something else. One came for us and the other was for the teacher to fill out so I will give it to her on Monday for her to do. This reminds me from when I was a kid when I was 11 ans 12, I had to fill out a questionnaire, my parents had to and my teacher. Then I had to do it again in 6th grade and I could remember my psychiatrist looking at them. I could remember answers being different than mine.

But I was filling one out for ADHD and I had a hard time answering lot of the questions. He is only five so it’s impossible for him to do things like play hooky, set fires on purpose. He did nearly burn the place down once when he was three but that was an accident. He decided to light something on fire and fling it around and he wasn’t doing it to start a fire. it’s also impossible for a five year old to force someone into sexual activity, break into homes or cars, steal value things, lot of the questions sounded like they were asking about a psychopath but I have heard of a link between ADHD and antisocial personality disorder. But not every ADHD person will lead to having psychopathy.

But back on topic, one of the questions is Interrupts or  intrudes in on others conversations and or activities. I had a hard time answering this because he only has his sister and we never are around other kids so how can I answer this? Also how can I tell if it’s normal what he is doing or abnormal? So let’s say we take him to McDonalds and have him play in the play area there, he joins in other kids and starts to play with them, how do I know this is wrong or right? Don’t all kids do this? Isn’t that the whole point of being social?

Blurts out answers before questions have been answered?

He is language delayed so how can this be possible so would I answer no?

Talks too much?

How much is too much?

Is “on the go” or often acts as if “driven by a motor”

I am not sure what this even means. Is it asking if he is hyperactive and is running around and can’t sit still or calm down? Just as long as he has his 3DS, he is fine and calm.

Is physically cruel to people

He hurts his sister when she makes him mad, he has a teacher working with him at school so he isn’t aggressive anymore since he has been getting support in school, does this count as being cruel to people?

Is physically cruel to animals?

We don’t have any pets so how can this be answered? But I have seen him around my brother’s Shih Tzu and he has been nice to him so I put never.

Is sad, unhappy, or depressed

He gets sad when he gets in trouble, when he doesn’t get his way, when he gets bored, or is that anger? Does this count as a yes?

Relationships with peers

I don’t have any idea because we are never around other children. Should I count his cousin as his peer? They are the same age. I have no idea how well he does in school but should I go by what the school district people have told me? It’s been a bit troublesome. He has his good and bad days.

I am betting he will score negative for ADHD because of his age so I might be stuck with the ASD label for him just for now. My mom will just have to live with it. Besides it’s not a diagnoses and it’s only temporary and I will try and make sure no one will see him as autistic and that it’s just a category he is under for his learning and for his needs and that label means nothing and it doesn’t describe him so they won’t take it literal and lower his standards and hold him back.

Now I am having troubles with the autism questions like:

Seems more fidgety in social situations than when alone

I better pay more attention and see how he acts and what counts as a social situation?

Seems self confident when interacting with others

How would I know? I can’t read his brain.

When under stress, he or she shows rigid or inflexible patterns of behavior that seem odd

Define odd. He also gets stubborn when under stress.

Doesn’t recognize when others are trying to take advantage of him or her

How can I answer this if this never happens? I don’t even know if it happens at school.

Would rather be alone than with others

Off and on because he wants to be away from his sister, he will play in his room sometimes, he will sit by himself and watch youtube on his Nintendo 3DS and he could be sitting in the other room so do I answer never or sometimes true?

Cling to adults, seems to dependent on them

He still wants us to get his food for him, he still wants us to put his clothes on him and wants me to help him write rather than doing it on his own so does this count as being dependent on us and clinging to us?

Has good personal hygiene

He is five so I don’t know any five year old who would take a bath on their own or brush their own teeth without being told to do it and it’s up for the parent to make sure they have clean clothes and have their teeth brushed and hair but what if you are just forgetful as a parent, does this count as sometimes true when he is clean or has his teeth brushed?

Avoids starting social interaction with peers or adults?

He talks to us about his Youtube or Play Doh he is playing with or about his Legos, he will also get excited when his cousin comes over and runs to play with him so does this count as never? Does this count as a social interaction?

There are many more and I will just have my mother help me fill them out so I wouldn’t have to do a long phone call about filling out the questionnaires.


Not knowing where to start

Sunday, April 17th, 2016

This is another issue of mine I have. When a mess is too big I get overwhelmed and not do it.

My mom had requested this weekend that I clean my kids rooms. Yes they are a big mess and it gets overwhelming because you clean and they make a mess again so I can’t keep up. Then I see no point in cleaning if it will be messy again. I even get upset sometimes when I am trying to clean and my daughter makes a mess again so I put her in her crib while I clean. That is my cue she needs a nap anyway if she is getting onto trouble.

I was able to clean my daughter’s room because she doesn’t have that many toys. I knew to just toss them in the toy box and to put the big stuff on the shelf and pick up little pieces of toys and put them in the basket where they belong and put the letters in the box and these picture blocks in the drawer. Any trash I found I picked up and threw away so I found at least five wet diapers in her bedroom that were days old or recent. I also put the books back on the shelf too. Then I vacuumed.

Now there was my son’s room and it’s a huge mess and a chaos and hard to walk in because I often feel like I am going to stumble on his toys and break some or topple over. All I could do was pick up his clothes and put them away. Then I left to take a break from the mess. Then I found another mess downstairs, someone had pulled the basket off the shelf and all the wooden puzzles had fallen out of it. I had to clean that up. I had to put the wooden letters back in the carry case and the boards with it the letters go in, then I had to put the puzzle pieces back together on the wooden puzzle and put them back in the basket.

My parents came back from Sears and doing some grocery shopping and I told my mom I only got my daughter’s room clean but I didn’t know where to start with my son’s bedroom. It’s just too messy. So my mom gave me another task to do, vacuum the dining room rug again. My kids got food on it again after they ate. Then she went upstairs and had my son help her clean his room. Then she called me and had me vacuum in there and I also swept in there because it was easier than to suck up all the dirt when I can just sweep it in a pile. The room looked peaceful again and no more chaos. It looked the way it did when he first got his own bedroom. My son was happy too and said he liked his clean room better. I told him he should always put his toys away when he is done with them before playing with another toy so it won’t get messy. I had been doing that since I was six.


Our meeting about my son

Friday, April 8th, 2016

My mom and I finally did our appointment with the school district about our child. The lady told us she was breaking the law here by showing us the test and how they scored and she said this was only from a limited time she gets to see him and she admitted she doesn’t know how he is in other areas except for when she sees him in school. My mom gave her some new information I had failed to share because I was not even aware of it. My mom said the pediatrician told us he thinks he may be experiencing anxiety. My mom thinks our son has social anxiety because he does fine at home but when he gets in a large group he shuts down and withdraws like his dad does. My mom also said my son is overly aware of peoples feelings and would get upset if someone wasn’t happy so he would try and give you a toy until you are happy and he just shuts down when he is around a bunch of kids because of so many feelings. I said his dad is the same way about feelings. I know this is also common in people on the autism spectrum, feel feelings and shut down because they feel them too much. The lady went over the results and said she thinks he may be borderline on the spectrum because he does things that makes her think he isn’t on it and then he does other things that makes her think he is. She told us about his behavior he does and my mom said he she has never seen him smell things at home and I said I had never seen it either but I have seen him bite the edge of his fingers while watching his 3DS and my mom said she has never seen him rock or bang his head or do things with his fingers or even pace and the lady said she never saw him do that either but he bites his nails and shirt and my mom called that a nervous habit. The lady also thinks he may have acute hearing because he gets distracted by sound and he heard a fire truck and got distracted by it and she also thinks he may have good sense of smell and my mom noted the same thing. My mom thinks the anxiety manifests the ASD symptoms so we are going to try and get him reevaluated.

So he could have symptoms and barely even have it. But we don’t know. Then the lady thought he might need a 504 Plan but my mom said absolutely not because he could change and his learning too and how he processes things and kids evolve as they grow. I never had a 504 Plan but I had an IEP Plan. I found out so did my Bipolar/ADD cousin.

But it was very interesting how they rate ASD. Mild ASD is some symptoms and moderate ASD is amount of symptoms they show and severe ASD is a lot of amount of symptoms they show and she said that people with severe ASD are non verbal and totally not there and don’t seem to be aware of what is going on around them. Online I had seen the opposite. I read someone’s post on Wrongplanet  to have an ASD you needed to have a lot of symptoms but it doesn’t seem to be that way here. It seems to be you need to have enough significant impairment and score on the scale to have it. 30 is a cut off for CARS-2 and my son got a 32 which was barely on the scale. My mom thinks his anxiety may have made that high score so he we are going to get him reevaluated. The lady also made notes on what my mom said including “social anxiety” and wrote down his high awareness of feelings and she said she will share it with the school district and my mom also suggested my son could use the FM unit so he could focus and tune out the background noise. My mom also suggested my son may need breaks to go outside and run around so he could focus in class and I said that could go in his IEP.

Our day today

Sunday, April 3rd, 2016

My husband and I went to the flea market as planned. I was supposed to get the kids ready but I took too long to get up, it took me a half hour. I got myself ready and my husband started to get the kids ready instead. While he was doing that, I pick up the house a little and get ready and my husband is shouting at our son because he is whining. Then we leave and my husband apologizes to me for getting upset with me this morning. Upset? When did he get upset?

He told me he got upset because he told me to get the kids ready and I didn’t so he had to do it and I wasn’t doing anything. I told him I helped out but he said I did not and I was cleaning and he had to get the kids ready. I told him I didn’t even get the chance because he decided to do it and he said I got myself ready and I said I was going to get them ready next but apparently I took too long.

We stop at McDonalds and I realize I didn’t have my 3DS so I had to go home and get it while my husband ordered our food. Then I came back and brought the kids inside and my husband had ordered us pancakes with eggs and biscuit and sausage patty. I ate all of mine but not the kids. They also got a toy. Then we headed to the flea market and it was mostly outdoor. It was nothing like near our house. It was more like a yard sale. They had a bunch of booths and most of it was tools but there were some vintage toys and some clothes and a few video games.

But my son was overwhelming. He was whining again because he wanted this toy or that toy and was crying and I was getting stressed out and couldn’t focus. I couldn’t even enjoy my time there with his whining and having to pull him around. My husband had to cross the street to an ATM to pull money out and my son wanted this slimy hand and I wanted to look around than staying at one booth waiting. So I had to pull him away and he just cried and cried. Then my husband came back and gave some money and I took our son back to the booth and I bought that hand for him and something for myself. He acted better and it took me a while to recover from the anxiety. Then he was whining about about the toy getting dirt on it and I had to find my husband again and I left our son with him because I couldn’t relax and enjoy my time here because of the way he was acting and the fact he kept asking for stuff. Mostly cars but he has enough of those and we even got rid of a bunch at the yard sale last September. So I was able to relax and look around in peace and concentrate and I saw stuff I had missed before. I even went inside and looked around and saw some toys my son would like and then I found my husband outside and he had gotten out son two Hotwheels.

I found out you needed to pay to get inside and I didn’t see anyone where you pay a dollar to so I thought the sign was for something else. So basically I had snucked in. the second time I went inside I had to pay just so my son could use the restroom because he had to go so I gave her five bucks and she gave it back to me due to no change and stamped my hand so basically I got in for free due to having too much money. I had spent my three bucks on two Playstation games so i didn’t have any ones anymore. Then we go to the restrooms and I see the men and women signs pointing the opposite ways. Men was the women’s restroom and the women’s restrooms was the men’s, they were in reversed. I thought it was very odd so I head to the woman’s only to find a urinal and a man washing his hands. What kind of sick joke was this? So I went to the men’s and it was the women’s restroom. I looked at the signs again and there were the arrows pointing the opposite direction. It made me think of this song:

But at least I had none of this experience.

But I took my son back to the booth as promised and gave him a time limit to look at each vintage car. I gave him five minutes and I paced around and waited while he liked picking up each car and opened up each car door and hood and closing them again and then moving on to the next car and doing the same. Then when five minutes was up, it was hard to get him to transition. I might need to buy a timer and keep it in my purse so he knows the time and how much he has since he can’t even tell him yet. So telling him “You have five minutes to do this” wouldn’t work because he wouldn’t even know what five minutes looks like. But I had to pull him off the ground and pull him with me when we left and then he got over it fast after we left. I had to look for my husband because he had plans for this afternoon and it was already 11:30. We found him and I told him I was ready to go and we left.

My husband called his parents to be sure the barbecue was still on but it got cancelled. I was actually relieved because I wasn’t in the mood for socializing so the change of plan didn’t upset me. Instead it meant I could stop at Goodwill which is what we did but that Goodwill sucked because it was very small and they didn’t have anything good there. Then we left and headed to get my husband’s hair cut but they were closed so we dropped him off at his parent’s friends house.

I got lost on the way because I missed my exit because some dumb ass wouldn’t let me in his lane so I got off at the next exit and I couldn’t find the street the exit sign pointed to. I hate getting lost because it wastes gas, it makes me anxious and it gives me anxiety. I even cried and got frustrated and had to pull over and I ordered my husband to put on GPS for me so I could find the street. I just drove around again trying to find my way out of this neighborhood maze and I had to stop just so GPS could locate us. When it did, I looked on the map and saw where the street was and saw I wasn’t very far from it. I was just turned around and if I had turned the other way, it would have brought me to that road I needed. So I had to do a few turns and then turn the right way and then I was on the way to the hair cutting place.

That also meant I didn’t have to clean when I got back like my husband wanted me to do because the barbecue was cancelled but I still did a little bit of cleaning and I sat outside while the kids played. Then I gave them baths separately and I let my son play in the tub and had my husband wash his hair for me because I didn’t want to deal with the screaming and him squirming and my husband did it without him screaming and crying.

And my husband’s brother still came over with his son and his half sister so it didn’t upset me. I just didn’t chit chat and the kids played while my husband visited his brother. My husband also ordered a pizza since there was no time to go to the store and get the stuff and then cook. Then they left after nine and the kids went to bed without a problem because my husband had put them to bed.


My parents are gone for the weekend

Friday, April 1st, 2016

They decided they are going to be Yakamites for three days. They went to Yakima to see my uncle and his girlfriend. My husband and I might do something this weekend. I could watch my car and go to the flea market on Sunday. It’s such a nice day out. Now I just need to remember where that car sponge went or just go out and buy a new one, they’re cheap. I still have the car soap with is in my car and just use a plain hose to rinse my car off and to use a bucket I have and wear my bathing suit. I hate those coin car washes or we can just go to an automatic car wash and do it but they don’t get all the spots on my car.