My low self esteem

Thursday, March 31st, 2016

I do get low self esteem about myself. I feel dumb, I feel not bright, I feel I am slow and I fit the characteristics of a slow learner as a child. I saw a thread on Wrongplanet and it was about if anyone didn’t go through a teen rebellious phrase. All of them didn’t as a kid and very few said what they did as a teen that might have been seen as being rebellious. Then members start to talk about how people on the autism spectrum are better at abstract reasoning than normies and another one said they are and they do so good on the matrix tests and so do low functioning autistics so I took one and I did bad at it because the patterns were too abstract and not concrete and I couldn’t figure out the pattern so I felt all bad about myself. I have always been told I am very concrete and I am a concrete learner and I have a hard time with abstract thinking but yet I will read that people on the autism spectrum are literal thinkers and concrete. Plus I am very visual but yet I suck with abstract reasoning?

I talked to my husband because I am having low self esteem and maybe I am a slow learner and he said I am not slow I am very smart. I tell him I fit the characteristics of a slow learner, I preferred younger children, I was childish, I was socially immature and emotionally immature and that is all found in slow learners. Plus I got A’s B’s and C’s and he told me he got F’s and D’s and is he dumb and I said no. I asked him to tell me about slow people and how are they different than me so he told me about a slow learner he knew in high school. He was very childish. i told him I am too and he told me I just choose to be and I said that was my personality. he said I can go into adult mode, he can’t.  He told me the way he talked and used words you could tell he was not smart and the things he thought and how he thought but he couldn’t give me any examples. Then we talk about Jayden and he tells me he was not smart so there it is right there, I am smart. I said about the time Jayden told me I would still have to take him to work if he got his driver’s license and I told him it’s on the side of the road, you can’t miss it and it takes you straight there when you go on the highway. Then he told me he wouldn’t know how to get to the highway so I told him he could follow me to the highway and he can go the rest of the way there by himself and he can’t miss McDonalds because it’s on the side of the road. I then said to my husband either he really wasn’t that smart or he was trying to be manipulative but he did a poor job at it because I had a hard time buying lot of things he said.

My husband also told me slow learners are very trusting and I told him “so are autistic people” and he told me they will believe everything you tell them and they are very easy to manipulate. I told my husband I am gullible and will believe everything but he told me those people will believe everything even if the story is too out there. I told my husband about the time I was at work when I used to work at a hotel and I ran into a  guy there who told me he was in the mental hospital and he used to own the place but someone tricked him and now he no longer owns it. I was unsure to believe the story or not and my husband told me I can e unsure if a story is true or not, that doesn’t mean I am dumb. I asked if it was a sign of intelligence and he said yes.

My husband told me this slow learner he knew in high school, he saw him on the bus and he always goes with a guardian whenever he leaves his house because he is too trusting. it is what the state requested for him. He is to be watched when he leaves his house. I said to my husband people always leave me alone when I go out so how would they know he is slow if he looks normal and my husband said it’s the way he acts and talks is how they can tell. That makes the world sound so scary like there are that many people who would prey on a slow learner. That makes me wonder how many people are in prison due to being a slow learner because someone had took advantage of them because they were trusting. They are not considered handicapped or disabled by the law or in the medical field. Lot of them can usually live on their own without needing any daily assistance and they usually work non educated jobs and live in low class.

I live like a slow learner. I wonder if I could manipulate a slow learner and how little skill it would take.

This morning I go to the forum again and find the thread gone, I wonder if my low self esteem killed it. But this is why I don’t do IQ tests and my husband wouldn’t do the non verbal test because he said it’s not accurate and only real doctors can give out accurate IQ tests. But I still feel slow even though you can find the same characteristics in someone who has autism.



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