Rehoming your adopted child

Thursday, March 24th, 2016

I found another blog I found through Harsh Reality (AKA Opinionated Man). This one stuck out to me.

https://adoptmomof6.wordpress.com/2013/09/10/rehoming-your-adopted-child/

While I hate domestic violence and abuse, I do still feel sorry for kids sometimes who are because of their background.I have noticed an overlap between RAD, ODD, Conduct disorder, and psychopathy. Only thing that has offended me in it was when she brings up autism when she talks about violence and I argue that just because a kid is on the spectrum does not make it okay for them to hit. It’s not okay for anyone to hit, it’s not even okay for toddlers to hit even if they don’t know what they are doing, an excuse parents make for their autism spectrum kids. I hope those parents are the minority and many of them actually don’t accept it and excuse it.

There have been families mentioned in the media about getting rid of their violent children whom are adopted. One mom in Arkansas or Nebraska (I don’t remember which state) left her 15 year old at the hospital because they had that loophole in their law that was meat to protect newborns but I don’t think she was adopted, I believe she had ODD or Conduct disorder and for years the state had failed to give her help so the mom used that law to help her (she appeared on the Dr. Phil show about it), there was another one about a mom sending her kid back to Russia who had RAD but the media left out facts about the parents had spent over $20,000 getting the kid help, the kid has threatened to hurt his parents and burn down their home, the parents had to lock everything away including knives that can be used as weapons, and then in Ohio there was a couple who left their nine year old at social services and he had also been adopted at three months and the kid had been in and out of hospitals and he didn’t wish to seek help and the parents feared their other kids safety.

So now to use some quotes from the blog.

Many don’t realize that in some states you can’t get help for your child unless you relinquish your parental rights

I knew this, this is what happened with Beth Thomas. Her parents had to give up their parental rights to her because that was the only way they could get her help and to protect her brother from her. Fortunately she recovered from RAD and is now a fine adult who works as a registered nurse in Flagstaff, AZ.

I also read another story in a magazine about a little girl named Elle. She was also very violent and the parents got her help for years until they had to give up their parental rights when they did finally found her the right help. The family grieved for their loss. It was like having a child passing away.

don’t want to do that and face abandonment charges?

But that Ohio couple did so this question makes no sense.

Well here’s the other option that parents are told…… if your child hurts one of your other children then the state can remove all of your children for failure to protect

I didn’t know this, I have only heard about one kid being removed from home due to aggression but not the other kids but I guess because there hadn’t been any accidents. But I say it’s a catch 22 because if you abandon your child, you face charges but if your kid hurts another kid in your home, you face child abuse charges. I was also told on Facebook that sending your kid to a hospital every time they are violent can result in you getting arrested for trespassing and child abandonment because they think you are being lazy and someone else told me sending your kid to a hospital is easier said than done. They would have to admit them and the insurance would have to pay for it so families can’t always help abusing their children by denying them a safe environment which is why I say laws need to change first.

I wish there were better laws to protect families from these kids but I wish there was a better system to help these children, especially RAD. From what I have read, it seems like therapy makes the RAD kids worse because many doctors don’t understand it and there is very little help for that disorder. Plus therapy for it seems expensive or otherwise all RAD families would be sending their kids to a RAD ranch in Montana and elsewhere that have ranches for them. I am betting insurance probably doesn’t cover it because it’s so darn expensive or otherwise parents would be sending them there unless they are martyrs or don’t know about the place. It’s very sad and frustrating that very little is known about RAD and that there is not much awareness.

And I am an asshole ignorant and an idiot for wanting families and other kids to be safe from violence. Ha.
People say how we must have passion for these children but no one says that about child abusers and criminals who commit crimes due to trauma because if you do the crime, hurt an innocent child, you’re a monster and deserve no sympathy. So when I made this comparison on fetlife about violent kids when someone posted a link to a blog post called “I am Adam Lanza’s mother,” I get a PM from someone who isn’t from the group saying ‘How the fuck is this logical” quoting that part of my post. Because I see the double standard right and see no difference between the two which is why I say they all need help. People have no problem saying to lock away the mentally ill or something when they abuse a child or kill them or commit a violent crime but yet when a kid does it, oh no you are an asshole, a troll for saying such a thing about them. Have some passion and sympathy for these children. But if they are an adult, fuck your illness and trauma and the bull shit you had in your life, that is no excuse for the murder you did/the abuse you did on your child/or any other violent crime you committed, I hope you go to prison for the rest of your life.

But hey when two ten year old boys, Robert and Jon, took James Bulger from a shopping center and tortured him and left his body on the train tracks for it to get ran over, tons of people were outraged and had no passion and wanted them locked away for life and were mad they were set free at 18 and given different identities.

There was another case in 1968, Mary Bell, who killed two little boys and she was hospitalized and let out at 23 with a different identity and yes she has been given hate for it too. She also came from an abusive background. Okay I won’t lie, I have seen people bash kids for crimes they commit or when they are violent which is why their identities get protected, especially on the Dr. Phil show and I have seen hateful comments about Beth Thomas on youtube despite that she is a different person from when she was a kid but yet parents get judged for sending their child back to their home country or leaving them at a hospital or leaving them at social services or giving them away to anyone. Oh the double standard.

This is the reason why I do not want to adopt and why I decided against it in my early twenties. The horror stories and I don’t want to be attacked by my child and fear for my life and I feel I will kill the kid in self defense and then try and cover it and I am the bad guy because people are too stupid ignorant to open their eyes to these kids. This is another reason why I am not a foster parent. I don’t think I could handle a violent child or a traumatized child. If having a traumatized dog was too much for me at 14 (my parents brought that dog home, not me so I had no say in it), I can’t imagine handing it in a child.

I will say some people are tougher than me to live this way when they choose these kids.

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