Questioning rather I had true depression

Wednesday, March 16th, 2016

In 6th grade I was diagnosed with depression. For years I thought depression was for when you are always unhappy and feeling down in the dumps. This was my experience with it. I was depressed because I was different and I knew I wasn’t normal. I wasn’t treated the same as other kids and I was not accepted or understood. I fought for justice and whatever the school had set up for me wasn’t working. The bullying got worse so I started to have a breakdown and then I was falling apart and I was having anxiety because of what was going on from my peers and by my school not protecting me. I was talking about killing myself and I even had to be pulled out of school for a while. I was nearly hospitalized but instead my dad took me home and I saw my therapist twice a week instead of once a week. There are lots of reasons I can come up with why I was so depressed. I held in my feelings for too long because I was taught they were wrong. I tried to be normal and then I couldn’t handle it anymore because I was expected to be more mature and act my age. I didn’t like having a new body so I felt like a little girl trapped in a body that was changing into a woman’s body and I wasn’t ready for it emotionally and I didn’t like the clothes so I tried to find ones that looked more childish.

But my wonders are if it’s okay to actually medicate people who have depression that is caused by their environment. What if someone was depressed because they were transgender but were forced to live the gender they were born with or what if someone was depressed because they were in a abusive relationship or living in a abusive home, what if someone was depressed because they were being emotionally neglected or because they were being bullied in school? Should all these people and adults be drugged for their depression? Should it even be diagnosed? Is it a misdiagnoses when it happens because their depression was environmental than chemical?

Now I have a history of depression in my medical records and it will show up now so it will follow me. I was medicated for depression because I was put on antidepressants. Was I depressed, yes? But do I think it was true depression? No. No wonder lot of people don’t understand depression. They think it’s being unhappy because of something in your environment. For people with true depression, they will always be depressed no matter what they do with their lives. That illness will always follow them so they do take medicine for it. Should people be medicated for depression when it’s caused by their environment? I was medicated for a reason because I had goals that were too much to ask I might not be able to meet so I had to take happy pills I call it. I think the treatment for it could have been learning to accept that there is no such thing as normal, everyone is different and some people are just more different than others but that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with them. I just needed to accept I will never be “normal” and stop obsessing about it. “What is normal?” my mom asks. Something might be normal for one family but not normal for the other. Some people have to sniff their food before they eat it. Some people wash their clothes before they wear it when they first buy it. I do not think anymore I was truly depressed in my teens and just because my mom said I have it doesn’t mean I did. I was depressed at one point in my life and then I got over it. There will come points in my life where I will be depressed due to stress or a long time change and then it will go away when things get better. But I have a hard time distinguishing between anxiety and depression. Anxiety can be very crippling when it gets bad. I do think depression is easily thrown around and too easily diagnosed by doctors than looking at what is the cause of it. yes they are depressed but they are not looking at the big picture to figure out why they are depressed or else it’s a misdiagnoses because they are not really fixing the problem.


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