When I was a kid, whenever I ran into a problem rather it was injustice, unfairness, being wronged my mom always came to the rescue. She would sort everything out for me and get their perspective and try and work things outs and help me understand another perspective and their intentions. My mom also fought for me in school and also wanted fairness for me. Then when I was an adult, if I had a problem at work, I would go to her and tell her about it and she would give me advice about how to handle it. I didn’t want her going in and doing it all for me because I was an adult and that would be so humiliating and I don’t know of any adults that still have their parents call their bosses for them and talk to them about something that happened at work. I just knew instinctively this is not how it is in the adult world.
But what happens when the problem is online?
I have faced meanness online, unfairness, felt wronged, and I never ever got my mother involved. I didn’t run to her when i was being harassed online by a 17 year old narcissist. I didn’t run to her when some 18 year old from Australia called me mean because I wouldn’t give him naked pictures of me, I didn’t run to her when someone posted a message to me on the Bravenet forum singling me out and telling me to leave the forum and saying I rarely post on topic (that was untrue), I didn’t run to her when two teens started attacking me on another Bravenet forum and how some guy on there named Ryan created an alternate forum for everyone to go to to get away from the drama and treating me as the bad guy when I was the victim and then the forum died because everyone went there instead even though the drama had ended because the teens all of a sudden stopped attacking me and the girlfriend apologized and showed remorse, I didn’t run to her when people on I2 accused me of being fake because someone on there was nasty to me and didn’t understand my perspective when I posted about it on Wrongplanet, I didn’t run to her when someone from Wrongplanet was also being mean to me on I2 and harassing me, I just didn’t tell her about any of my problems online and about people falsely accusing me or being mean to me or bullying me. So when I got that nasty warning on Wrongplanet from SB, I panicked and got upset and I still didn’t run to my mother for it ranting about it. What was she going to do? Go online and try and sort everything out for me and talk to those people like it’s real life? There are no consequence to their actions. People online are mean so they don’t care so you can’t make amends or solve anything with jerks. Plus everyone says it’s the internet and to just get off. if you are being picked on, so what, leave the forum. If someone is harassing you, block them, ignore their posts and texts, if my own son was being cyber bullied on Facebook, I would tell him to turn off receiving messages from people not on his friends, make his Facebook private and not allow anyone to post on his wall, do not add anyone to his Facebook and to just delete them if they are mean, stay off hate pages about him, don’t give out his phone number and email, if all these bullies think they can still harass their victim online, guess again, you have power to not see it and to block, don’t look at the hate pages, just tell everyone in school so what?’ if they tell you what was said about you and say “well they sure love to give me attention but too bad I don’t see it.” “it’s too bad they can’t ignore me so they have to obsess over me” “Oh that’s nice” and “okay.” I bet that would piss them off. Also another reason why a kid should not have a Facebook or if they do, they shouldn’t share it or use their real name so no one can find them online to bully them and to not use a real picture of them to indicate it’s their profile that is visible to the public.
When I was stalked by a narcissist online, I just started to ditch him on AIM and being invisible since no one can message you when you don’t appear online, I had another screen name so I could continue talking to my buddies online without not being able to because of him. I got smart ad it worked and problem solved and he eventually fucked off.
So I was on my own with SB and this was my own issue to try and future out myself and handle without mom interfering. I didn’t tell my husband either because it’s pretty humiliating to talk about online issues to someone in real life. It was very stressful, lot of anxiety, and I think I handled it well on my own but I had online support from other people behind my back. Plus AP finally did the right thing and he was pretty pissed because when SB deleted my profile and my old one, she also had all my posts removed too and it messed up the database or whatever and AP was pissed about it. She did not have his permission to do it. According to SBI, SB told him she was a scapegoat and I think BB told me the same thing too. I wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean but I saw a quote somewhere by AP saying he needed a scapegoat for the whole mess and he decided she will no longer moderate on his forum. Then she left a passive aggressive apology in her signature saying “sorry to all the people I have hurt.” But she had said a couple months later that AP had put that in her profile. That was something for me to be proud of because I did it on my own and got through it on my own without my mother or her advice. Instead I went to my online friends. I even posted the chat log between me and AP about what he told me about SB and she was just nuts and I asked few of my online friends if I should do it and they said she deserves it. So I did and DW told me on Aspiesforfreedom she has no intention to tell other mods on WP but told me how disappointed she was in my behavior. I told her about what SB had done and she said it was a social rule I had missed but you don’t tell those things about other people and told me you don’t post IM chats without permission and did I have AP’s permission. I realized that must have been a social rule people always broke online when they would post their chats when they were trying to understand why someone else was upset with them or what they done wrong or how someone had harassed them. Plus my mom would come home from work and talk about her boss to my dad and the stuff she does to her at work and DW told me there are social rules about it though meaning there are times when it’s okay and not times when it’s not okay and there are lines drawn. She also advised I delete the posts I put so I took her advice to make it right by removing them all. MK said in the mod log I was covering my tracks and he had taken screen shots. So according to him when you make a mistake and then fix it, you are covering your tracks, very interesting on his part. I guess my own aspie friends didn’t know either so they gave me a bad answer when I asked them about it and they said do it because she deserved it. But yet there are NTs out there who think people deserve to be humiliated when they do bad things. I felt what SB did was very despicable and very malicious and I never thought she would do such a thing and everyone says it was very nasty but the mods tried to cover it up and MD thought it was an accident but I knew there is no way you can make the same mistake three times. A WP member named D thought someone put SB up to it and it turns out he was correct because MK said in the log she told SB to change my password so he was behind it too and acted like he knew nothing about it. Then he admitted to me in PM on another forum after he was banned that she did delete my account and my old one. I don’t remember if he also said in the mod log if he was also behind the missing accounts.
But why did the mods try to cover the whole thing up is beyond me, maybe they were under their spell or they thought it was a mistake, I don’t know. No one wants to believe someone would do something that awful if they seem like very nice people. But I admit I was very shocked when it happened. I had never seen her do something like it before so I must have been pretty special but I wonder if she had done it before and would that explain why the forum would go so slow? Sure when she would get mad at people, the worst she would do was ban them by changing their passwords and deleting their emails from their account so they couldn’t recover it. I guessed me coming back really pushed her to deleting me because everyone else had given up and left and not come back and I did because I didn’t know if it was a glitch or not and AP told me I was not banned. I was going to give up too, I was going to leave the forum for good if SB stayed mod because I didn’t want to deal with her bullying and harassment. I was going to try and move on even though I would miss people there and my communication with them. But that is how I got my third account there now and I don’t talk to anyone there anymore except make posts but not as much. Lot of people who I talked to have moved on and left the forum and they weren’t my friends really, just people who posted there and I have lost contact with people over the years. SBI had moved on because he got busy with school and stopped coming on MSN but I still see him on facebook. TID and I also ran out of things to talk about so our communication stopped and I have no idea if she still comes to WP, she had a different user name she last told me. K is on Facebook and we haven’t talked in months. I am not sure what DD is up to but I saw her post recently on WP. I still see CD once in a while and he has his own WordPress blog called The Roads I Travel. Then there is my other friend from California who likes maps and geography and children shoes and longalls and old music I am not sure what he is up to but he has wanted to move to South Carolina and he was very depressed last time we spoke on the phone. I hope he didn’t commit suicide. The person who made that post on psychforums and got banned for it, I am not sure what she is up to or where she went. There are just some people I have no idea where they gone or what’s happened to them and there are others who I do not remember. I know QM has retired as mod and DW has retired as mod, other new mods we have had after the moderator purge have also retired or moved on from the forum.