Another double standard

Monday, December 28th, 2015

I was just posting in Lucky Otter’s heaven about if narcissists can be emapths or not. Lauren’s question was if we ever knew a a narcissists who had empathy for others  and if we can shed any light on the subject. I told her in my comment that I knew someone online who claimed to feel other peoples feelings and it got overwhelming for her and she also claimed to be an animal lover and she hated animal abuse. But yet she would get so nasty to people and accuse people of doing things they weren’t even doing and she would lie about others. She seemed to believe her own lies and some have thought she was a schizophrenic because she was so delusional about others and someone thought she had BPD and the forum admin thought she was a narcissist. I then asked if narcissists really do believe their own lies and if they are that delusional and if they are blind to their own abuse and insults they do to people it’s a wonder why they rarely change. How can they change if they cannot see themselves and don’t believe what other people tell them about themselves?

So Lauren responded saying how hard it is to tell who is the victim and who is the abuser and if someone is a man and they claim to be abused, people assume they are the abuser but if it’s a woman, people assume they are telling them the truth. What a double standard she had pointed out. Why is it that men are more seen as liars and the abuser and women are more often seen as the victim and telling the truth? Is it statistics? Are women victims of abuse more than guys are?

When I see a guy online say how he was the victim of abuse, I assume he is telling the truth. I think the same about women too. But how do I know someone isn’t lying? How do I know who is lying?

I can go by what kind of people they are and go by what they write and say and what do they say about abuse and what do they say about abuse victims? I can also go by how they treat me and if they treat me terribly, I will assume they are the abuser and their “abuser” was the victim and if their victim was the abuser, maybe they did it back in retaliation. Sometimes a victim fights back by doing abuse back to their victims and play games with them, some even go out of their way to cheat because they are so unhappy in their marriage and they find another man unintentionally who treats them so well. That is what I keep thinking about Jerry’s ex Claudia. If he was telling me the truth about her cheating and being abusive, maybe she did that because he was treating her wrong. Why she didn’t get the courage to leaver him until the year 2003 is beyond me. But why does it take a victim years to leave their partner when it only took me not long to leave my partners when things were going bad? I know the longer you stay, the harder it gets to leave so that was why I would always get out before it got too late.

Did my parents make the assumption Jerry was the abuser because he was a man or because they knew the red flags? What if he was a woman and I was dating her because I was bi let’s say or a lesbian, would they still make that same assumption? What if she were a transwoman then? Would they still make that assumption? My mom doesn’t understand transgender so she might still see a transwoman as a man if she hadn’t truly transitioned. I don’t know about what if they were on hormones and they still had a penis. But I remember her telling me how weird it is when I was in junior high when she told me you can change your gender, they just change your penis into a vagina and your vagina into a penis and they give you hormones and they also cut your boobs off. She told me all that was very strange when I asked her why do some do it. I knew nothing about GID so I thought for years that people got a sex change because they wanted to be a different gender to have an easier life because of all these double standards and because someone hated having a penis so they wished to be a woman so they wouldn’t have it or because they thought body hair was gross so if they were a woman, they wouldn’t have that. Then it was always baffling for me that a woman would want to be a man. I thought being a guy would be harder because of the double standards, men are branded as being a pedophile more, men are seen as abusers, men are seen as for wanting sex, it’s harder for them to find a woman who is open minded enough to date someone with a disability or who has low income or isn’t able to hold a job. Men are not allowed to cry so they are shunned for crying  unless their partner or child has died or their mom or dad. That is the only time they are allowed to cry.

How I started to embrace my gender was seeing what men have to face so I felt lucky to be a woman. I also hated body hair and how your voice changes so I felt glad to be a woman even though I disliked my boobs. I was also glad to not have a penis because I imagined those things getting in the way and always sitting on them on accident. I thought if I were a guy, I would want to be a woman so my life would be easier. I thought I might have gotten a sex change. Truth was I was never transgender so for years I thought GID was BS because why was it a disorder about someone wanted to be a different gender. I saw it as a difference. I also thought it was about cross dressing. You can tell here how uneducated I was and how much I was misunderstanding this gender identity thing like most people. But I never thought I would beat someone up if they were a guy posing as a woman. I never understood why people would beat someone up for wearing women clothes. What if a cis woman was minding her own business and she got beaten up because someone thought she was a guy? See how stupid this whole thing is about beating someone up because you thought they were a woman but then find out they were actually male? What if you were beating someone up and then finding out they were actually female but they just had a guyish look? Stop beating on them and go “Oh sorry, I thought you were a guy posing as a woman to trick me”? I wonder how well that will go?

When Jerry expressed to me how uncomfortable he felt as a man and how he should have been a woman, I thought it was because he hated his body hair and how much easier women have it and how cleaner our restrooms are. I had been in men restrooms and I thought they were disgusting. He wore skirts so I thought that was a kink they have. I am a woman and I rarely ever wear skirts and dresses so I wonder what is it with transwomen and skirts and dresses? I read somewhere online it makes them feel themselves. That I can’t really relate because here I am a woman and I don’t feel the need to wear dresses and skirts.

But what happens if someone felt that way because of those reasons? Would they still be transgender, would they still have GID? I read in order to transition, you have to be diagnosed with GID first before they do any sort of hormone therapy with you. I wonder if my ex ever got diagnosed with GID? I saw on her Facebook page how she keeps being discriminated for being trans which I thought was very ironic because she hated how gays were trying to get acceptance and wanting equel treatment and here she is doing the same about being trans. I don’t know if she ever transitioned yet.  She didn’t say anything about it. But I saw she wears wigs and wears women clothing, only dresses and skirts I saw, and she does look like a woman I could hardly even recognize her. But my online friend could tell she was a man. It also looked like she wore make up. I have no idea if she is doing hormone therapy or not, I don’t remember seeing anything about it on her Facebook and I blocked her so I have no way of checking and I don’t wish to check again. Ever since I had started to write about her again and her being a narcissist, I have not wanted to visit her page because 1) I don’t know if she still lurks on Wrongplanet or in any ABDL communities so I wouldn’t know if she saw my blog or not, 2) I have no interest in keeping tabs on her 3) I don’t wish to stalk her and be obsessed.

Has she seen this page and my other one, maybe or maybe not and I do not care. But lurking on her page will just drive me crazy and make me doubt myself if she posts anything about her child as if she is a loving mother or posting anything hinting she saw something posted about her by me and then wondering if it was just a coincidence. I read they will play these games and do these vague posts on their wall and I don’t want to deal with that from mine so that is why I say stay of you’r ex’s page if they were abusive, especially if they were a narcissist.

Is it possible she could still be viewing my page through another account if she has one? Possible. Do I care? No because I don’t put anything there about her and I keep lot of stuff there private that only friends can see and any messages that get sent to me go to other so I don’t see who messaged me unless they are on my friends. That had been my fear too that I will get something from her but I was glad I didn’t. It took lot of courage for me to come out. I wonder how many victims are still in hiding and haven’t come out because they fear playing the victim or being seen as attention seekers or seeking sympathy or being harassed by their ex and fearing smear campaigns and people taking their side instead of theirs.

My fear about coming out was looking like playing the victim, looking like an attention seeker, looking like the abuser, looking for sympathy, and of course fearing my ex. But if I am the abuser and the attention seeker and playing the victim, then that would mean everyone else who is blogging about their nex’s and making posts about them online are also those things too. It would be a double standard if people only thought those things of me but not of others who also blog about their nex and making posts about them online on forums.

 

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