Break Up Threat

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2015

“Gee Natalie I hope you do a good job wiping your butt or I won’t be your boyfriend anymore,” said Jason.
“Hey, you do not threaten to break up with someone in relationships,” said Jen.
“I didn’t threaten her, I only told her I hope she does a good job or I wouldn’t be her boyfriend,” said Jason.
“It doesn’t matter how you say it, it’s still a threat and you don’t do that in relationships and marriages. You don’t tell someone you hope they do something you want or you won’t be their boyfriend anymore or tell them if they don’t do this, you won’t be anymore or tell them if they don’t work on this, you will break up with them or tell them if they do not change, you’re gone. You never do that in relationships.”
“But it’s the truth, if people don’t wipe their butts, I won’t be their boyfriend because it’s disgusting.”
“Yes but it will be perceived as a threat so you don’t ever do that and it just looks like you are telling them if they don’t do it, you will dump them and that comes off as manipulation.”
“Normies are so stupid.”
“Uh Jason, I would think the same thing if my own boyfriend or husband told me that, it’s a threat most people use to manipulate their partners to change.”
“Stupid normies, now you think someone is manipulating you if they say they will not be your boyfriend if you don’t stop doing something they find disgusting.”
“Jason, if Natalie is doing something you don’t like or you find gross, you tell her but you do not say you won’t be her boyfriend anymore if she doesn’t stop.”
“But then how will she know I will not be her boyfriend anymore if she doesn’t stop?” Jason asked.
“Well Jason, if you are absolutely wanting to break up with her and wanting to end it, then you tell her but then be prepared for it to be over between you two. But if you don’t want to end it, do not tell her that or else it can backfire because what if she does decide to let you break up with her? Then you will be hurt because she had picked her habit over you. Most people don’t like to be manipulated or controlled so if you tell them if they don’t stop anything you don’t like or you won’t be their boyfriend anymore, it’s not going to work because they will think you are trying to control them and they can break up with you for it because they wouldn’t want a controlling partner. You want to break up with her for real?”

This was a part from my story. I like to write so I do originals now than fanfiction. Jen and Jason were my original characters out of my Benny & Joon fanfiction so I used them for my original.

But anyway that part was about threatening to break up with someone and about talking about breaking up if things don’t change. I have made this mistake before in both relationships. I have never done it again with my husband.

Mom told me in my first relationship you do not threaten to break up with someone in relationships and I asked her  “why?” and she said “you just don’t, it’s not good.” She couldn’t give me the reason why so I just thought she was full of it. I always need to understand reasons behind things to not do it.

But anyway I kept saying to Jayden I will break up with him if he does this or that with me. then one day I was starting to think if I should really break up with him because things were not working out. He was too much for me and it was like raising a teenager. I was a nagger and I felt controlling and he was like a big kid who didn’t want to work and he always wanted to be on his computer playing his game. So when I picked him up from his parents after he had his dentist appointment, I talked about breaking up with him if there was no change and if things aren’t going well and he took it well so he said “if it happens, it does.” Every time something was bothering me I would tell him about this and he always took it well.

One day he goes on a camping trip, I feel so happy and it was like I was back to my old self again. Mom told me it was because Jayden wasn’t there and he was the reason for my depression and it was so nice having the real me back. I realized how happy I was as a single person so I started to think about if the break up should happen or not.

We come home and Jayden still hadn’t returned. he never even comes home and we go without him to a restaurant for my birthday I picked out. My ex did come home but he came back for his stuff and didn’t even leave a note. I call him on the phone the following day and I say during the short talk “I don’t think i want you living with me anymore” and he said “okay.” After we hung up I sent him a message to break up with him since I couldn’t do it on the phone so I did it on myspace instead since I had no way of breaking up with him in person since I knew he wouldn’t be back and i had no way of reaching him except for through his friend and I didn’t know when he would be back for his stuff so I had to do the break up.

Surprisingly he did not take the break up well at all like he said he would. He was in deep depression, threw himself a pity party, sent me a sorrow message saying what a screw up he is, telling my mother he screwed up and he is a screw up. why was he doing this when he was taking it so well about the break up when we talked about it? I was dumbfounded. Even my mom couldn’t really tell me.

What the hell happened here?

Here is my speculation, when I told Jayden I was going to break up with him, he thought I was playing a game. He thought I was using it as a threat, not that I would do it. so when he realized how serious I was, he realized this all backfired because he was like “Oh shit, she was actually serious and I just thought it was a threat. I am a screw up.”

But here is the thing, did this really matter? He had no intention of changing and he wanted to be “true to himself” and be accepted for who he is for everything and be his meal ticket and he will not adjust his behavior for you because it’s who he is and will not change. So why did it matter if I was serious or not? Even if he knew this was serious, would it still have changed anything?

Back then I was unaware that this was a manipulation tactic that women often use for their men and this is something that narcissists do too. It’s a scare tactic to make you change so you wouldn’t lose them.

In my second relationship I still didn’t know so I kept saying it when very upset and he would always say “go.” Then one day I decided I was done with him and decided to break up with him for real and this was my final decision but because I had known by then that you can only break up in person, not through messages, I was stuck in the relationship I wanted out of. I could have just ghosted him but he still had some of my stuff he had packed away in his parents garage and he still had my Dish Network thing.

 

I did learn online after my two relationships that this is a tactic most women use to force their men to change. I asked on Wrongplanet why would my first ex be cool about if we break up and then be very sad when I did break up with him and this is what I was told. So it had backfired on him.

So never ever threaten to break up with someone unless you really are going to and decide it’s over. If the partner decides to have you give them another chance, then that is a bonus.

But because this is a manipulation tactic that is commonly used, people just cannot tell the difference if it’s sincere or an empty threat. In my story Jen gives Jason the reason behind why it’s wrong to do this. Then of course he blames it on normies so Jen tells him she would think the same thing (Jen is not a normie) so Jason blames her thinking on normies. As he asked his mother how can he let his girlfriend know he will break up with her if she doesn’t wipe her butt good so Jen told him if he really wants to break up with her, then he can tell her that but be prepared that it’s over between them. But if he doesn’t intend to end it, do not say it or it can backfire because he will be hurt that she chose her habit over him.

I decided to put it in my story to show everyone and how a simple explanation is all we need to understand so we won’t do it.

 

Also if you often feel like breaking up with someone, then perhaps you really should. That means things are not working out between you two so it’s time to move on.

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