Needing to understand

Sunday, December 13th, 2015

the reason behind things.

Even as a child I needed to know reasons behind something before I took it seriously than thinking the adult was being unreasonable.

I remember as a kid I would learn a rule and then try of think of another way so I wouldn’t have to follow it because I thought of a logical solution. For example, no running. Well what if I ran but ran away from other kids so I wouldn’t run into them?

I remember as a kid I was not allowed to pee in the playhouse. Why? I didn’t understand it. I started to hide it from my mother by doing it when she was’t around and closing the door and windows to do it so she wouldn’t see. It took a spanking foe me to stop because I hated being hit.

I took a pack of gum from the store, why can’t I have it? I took it anyway and I had no understanding of money and I would have learned that if i wanted something, I would just take it and mom would let me have it anyway. But instead she threw the gum away so I wouldn’t do it again.

I used to play with myself down there and couldn’t understand why it was naughty. Why’s it naughty? To this day I still don’t know unless the kid is doing it in public or around others, then I can see why it’s inappropriate so I did it under the covers.

Masturbation, I did this from when I was a toddler and couldn’t understand why it was naughty.

Having to have answer columns on my math paper. Why? Why can’t we have the answers under the problems?

Why do we have to use turn signals if you are in a turn only lane? Everyone already knows you are turning. What if you could only turn because there was no left turn? Everyone would still know you are turning. What about if you are the only one on the road and there are no cars coming and no one is behind you?

No one wants to hear about your ex’s when you date? Why?

Do not put yourself down calling yourself retarded, kids might think you are making fun of them and they could have a sibling who is retarded so they might think you are making fun of them also. Why would they think this for me feeling this way about myself?

Then recently yesterday at my son’s birthday, my daughter was playing with a  butter knife. I didn’t think it was a bid deal because she can’t cut herself with it and is she going to stab herself?


I always needed reasons before I take what people say seriously or a rule. Only way to break me was punishments. I hated being punished so that was the weapon to get me to listen. I learned that authority had power over people and all the adults had the power and they could make kids do whatever they want because they have all the power. I thought rules were made to control because that is what the adults do, they have all the power.

But I know better now because there are always reasons behind rules. Here are the answers I know to these:


I was not allowed t pee in the playhouse because it’s unsanitary, it stinks real bad and pee that lays on the ground for too long, it really starts to smell and it makes it toxic.

I was not allowed gum because kids need to learn they can’t always get what they want which is my guess for this reason why she said no to the gum. It’s part of growing up before facing the real world because if you let kids get whatever they want, then they learn they can always get what they want and then what happens when they are told no in the future or face something they can’t have? You had raised an entitlement child, congratulations. Now they are spoiled.

I still don’t quit understand why it was naughty to play with myself down there. If it was in public and because I was doing it in front of people, then that makes sense. If I was doing it alone, then that would have been okay and no one wouldn’t have known about it. Even doing it under a blanket or under a coat is the same as having sex under a blanket in a public park or jacking off in public under a blanket or coat. That will get you registered as a sex offender so yo don’t want to let a child pleasure themselves around people or they will get in to that habit.

Masturbating, I still don’t understand but if it was because I was doing it in front of people, then hat makes sense because it’s a private thing and you don’t want to have a kid get into that habit of doing it around people.

The reason for answer columns is because it makes it easier for the teacher to correct papers and makes them get their job done quicker.

Having to use traffic signals in turn only lanes and even if there is no traffic around, it helps you get into the habit of using them so you don’t forget to use it when there is traffic and when you are turning left.

Talking bad about your ex’s, it makes the person think you have not moved on, they will wonder if you have all these crazy ex’s are they going to be your crazy ex, if you are trash talking them, they will wonder what bad things will you be saying about them, they might think you are always the victim and playing the victim to lure them into the relationship so you will abuse them, they might even think if you have such bad luck with relationships, you must have something wrong with you if you keep entering bad relationships, perhaps poor judgment and poor common sense so how would they know you aren’t bad with people and employment? People might not like someone who is vulnerable and very naive and can’t see red flags and it might mean they can’t learn from their mistakes.

People do use the word retarded as a slang and people will even call themselves that to mock others with it. it’s no different than saying “I am so (insert your name here) when they do something you do.” So my mom’s concern was those kids might read me wrong and think I am being mocking than thinking I am feeling bad about myself and putting myself down because I had low self esteem about my learning style and condition. Also if that is how I felt about myself, they might think that is how I feel about others as well with disabilities. They might even think that is what I think of them too just because they also come to the resource room for extra help.

Letting young kids play with butter knives, you do not want them to get into the habit of playing with knives or they could play with sharp ones one day. My husband explained is to me.











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