Why I don’t own a gun

Saturday, December 5th, 2015

I am terrified of having one because I worry I won’t have common sense or that I will use poor judgment with it. I worry my anxiety would get in the way I kill someone in my home who turns out to be one of my kids or my parents. Since age 12 I have heard stories about people shooting their children or their partners thinking they were an intruder. I don’t want this to be me and I couldn’t imagine if I had shot an innocent person, especially my own child or my husband or one of my parents. But would I have any remorse or would I be mad at myself for the mistake because I wouldn’t see them again?

Oscar Pistorious shot his girlfriend thinking it was an intruder who had locked himself in the bathroom. He also had GAD. but when you look online, you will see how he is labeled as a narcissist or an abuser. There is even a blog written here about it. I had never heard of this guy so I looked him up and saw he was a Olympic runner and he did the London 2012 Olympics. I read the wikipedia page about him even though lot of people say it isn’t reliable source. I also decided to type in narcissists next to his name to see how many pages there are about people saying he is one. I even watched the movie in the blog and it was vague about her relationship with Oscar about it being abusive. But one thing I noticed was he took her out and often got her things, this is a common thing abusers do to lure in their victims. Jerry was like this too but he often too me out and paid for everything. My husband was also like this, always wanted to be with me and wanted to pay for anything and get me anything but he is not an abuser so not every person with this red flag is an abuser but I can see why it might scare women off when they run into a guy like this. I have seen other people say when you so this, you come off as desperate and women don’t like that. Another reason is they probably think you are a future abuser because they know the red flags. But anyway, I don’t like to automatically believe things until I find actual source than hearsay.

But if he is a narcissist, he didn’t shoot his girlfriend out of stupidity and lack of common sense like other people have, he had done it intentionally and then said it was an accident because he thought she was an intruder and didn’t know it was her in there to justify the murder and to get away with it.

If he isn’t a narcissist and he was just someone with anxiety so it made him act out like that, then why in the hell did he have a gun in the first place? I have anxiety, this is why I am afraid to own a gun because I fear I will do something stupid with it and kill someone  because I would be having too much anxiety to even think straight. Of course I have never worried we had an intruder, I always assume it’s someone else in the house who lives here but I still don’t want a gun. Stories about people killing someone because they thought they were an intruder justifies my reason for not wanting to own one. Now Oscar is going to be needing therapy and have to live with his mistake for the rest of his life. I couldn’t imagine making that mistake. But it also makes me fear I would also be labelled as a narcissist if I made the same mistake he did and people thinking I am crying for myself and that it’s all fake and thinking all my diagnoses is incorrect and I have them all fooled. That would mean I had been fooling doctors since I was a baby.

In gun debates, people often say guns are not a problem, people with them are. In the UK, they have the strictest laws about guns and it’s very hard to own one. For one you have to have a very good reason why you want to own fire arm, two you have to have no criminal history and three someone has to come over and check out your property to see if you are the kind of person to own one. But we don’t have that here in the states because it’s in our US constitution about owning firearm so that means anyone can own them. I wish we had the same gun laws as in the UK, maybe there would be less school shootings and less accidental deaths. I remember hearing on the news about a 16 year old grabbing a gun and shooting it at people in the garage thinking it was unloaded and instead he had shot a friend. Then he was facing charges and I thought he was so stupid. How could he have picked up a real gun and start aiming it at people and shooting with it and why did he assume it was unloaded? This is something you would see in a small child because they don’t know any better because they see it as a toy but a 16 year old should have the brains to know to not ever shoot a real gun and assume it’s unloaded when there are people around. Some people might have thought this was intentional and he is just saying he didn’t think it was loaded and he was just playing to get away with murder. He was either stupid or a cold blooded killer.

Just think how many people have gone to prison for lack of common sense. I don’t want that to be me so I do not own a gun for this very reason. I am terrified I will be dumb with it and whenever I see a gun, I refuse to pick it up and shoot it. I always ask if it’s real. They do look like toys so I can see how kids have shot with them and killed themselves or someone else. This is also my biggest fear with owning a gun. What if our kids get a hold of it and kill themselves with it or someone else, then we would be facing charges. And my husband wanted a BB gun. Hunting guns also look like those because my grandfather owned one for when he used to hunt. I remember my dad kept it locked up at his parents house. My parents also worried I would be the next school shooter so they made sure to never have guns around and to keep my grandfather’s locked up. In Montana having a gun is very common because people there hunt.

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