Narcissistic partner checklist

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2015

Here is me answering these questions about when I was with him in the year 2007

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201412/is-your-partner-narcissist-here-are-50-ways-tell

 

Is Your Partner a Narcissist? Checklist 

  1. When something goes wrong, does your partner blame everyone but himself or herself? Sometimes
  2. Does your partner refuse to be accountable for his or her bad behavior? (For example, “You made me so mad that I couldn’t help . . .”) Yes except he never said that line.
  3. Does your partner believe he or she is always right? Yes
  4. Is your partner unable to tune in to your feelings or your children’s feelings? Yes
  5. Does your partner seem more concerned about how your behavior or your children’s behavior reflects on him or her than on understanding and accepting who you and the kids are as people? Yes
  6. Does your partner seem to be out of touch with his or her own feelings or seem to deny them? Yes
  7. Does your partner carry grudges against you and others? No
  8. Is it all about your partner and his/her money, time, parenting time, property, and wishes/demands? No
  9. Does your partner seem unwilling to listen to you and to hear your concerns? Yes
  10. Is your partner constantly telling you what to do? No
  11. Does your partner make you feel “not good enough”? Have your partner’s constant put-downs caused you to internalize this message? Yes
  12. Does your partner never ask about you, your day, or your feelings, even in passing? Yes
  13. Does your partner need to go on and on about how great he or she is and how pathetic you are? No
  14. Does your partner lie? No
  15. Does your partner manipulate? No
  16. Does your partner tell different people different stories about the same event, spinning the story so that he or she looks good? No
  17. When your partner talks about his or her kids, is it about what the kids do rather than who they are? Yes
  18. Are the children uncomfortable with your partner, love your partner, but at the same time are reluctant to spend time with him or her? N/A
  19. Have you come to realize that the kids protect themselves by not sharing their feelings with your partner? N/A
  20. Does your partner mistrust everyone? Pretty much
  21. Are the kids always trying to gain your partner’s love and approval? N/A
  22. Has your partner spent minimal time with the children? Yes because his ex kept him from them and he wasn’t allowed to see her daughters and he could only see his son four times a year 8 weeks total.
  23. Does your partner typically skip the children’s events if he or she does not have an interest in that particular activity or does not value it? I have no idea.
  24. Does your partner push the children to be involved in activities that your partner likes or values and discourage or forbid them from pursuing activities that your partner does not value?  I have no idea.
  25. Have others in your life said that something is different or strange about your partner? Yes.
  26. Does your partner take advantage of other people? No
  27. Is your partner all about power and control, pursuing power at all costs? No
  28. Is your partner all about image and how things look to others? Yes
  29. Does your partner seem to have no value system, no fixed idea of right and wrong for his or her behavior? Yes
  30. After the divorce, does your partner still want to exploit you? Or has your partner never calmed down? N/A
  31. When you try to discuss your life issues with your partner, does your partner change the subject so that you end up talking about your partner’s issues? He would get defensive and say things to shut me down for example “We can always tow your car to the body shop and have them fix it for you and it would cost (insert high amount here).”
  32. When you describe your feelings, does your partner try to top your feelings with his or her own stories? No.
  33. Does your partner act jealous of you? Yes
  34. Does your partner lack empathy? Yes
  35. Does your partner only support things that reflect well on him or her? I don’t know.
  36. Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your partner? No.
  37. Have you consistently questioned if your partner loves you? Yes
  38. Does your partner do considerate things for you only when others are around to witness that good behavior? No.
  39. When something difficult happens in your life (for instance, an accident, illness, a divorce in your family or circle of friends), does your partner react with immediate concern about how it will affect him or her rather than with concern for you? N/A
  40. Is your partner overly conscious of what others think? Yes
  41. Do you feel used by your partner? No
  42. Do you feel responsible for your partner’s ailments or sicknesses? No
  43. Do you feel that your partner does not accept you? Yes
  44. Is your partner critical and judgmental of you and others? Yes
  45. Do you feel that your partner does not know and value the real you and does not want to know the real you? Yes
  46. Does your partner act as if the world should revolve around him or her?  No
  47. Does your partner appear phony to you? No
  48. Does your partner swing from grandiosity to a depressed mood? I don’t know
  49. Does your partner try to compete with you? No
  50. Does your partner always have to have things his or her way? No.

 

So you see I was not aware of the lies and manipulation then so I don’t know why it’s even in there because how would the victim know? I don’t know how man of these your partner needs to tick for them to be a narcissist and I wasn’t with him long enough to see everything to know. But he did go to events by his relatives and by his own children but I wouldn’t  know if it was about him or not and if any of those were his interests. But would this list have raised any bells for me then if I had seen this in 2007 while still together?

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