Archive for December, 2015

Reactive abuse

Wednesday, December 30th, 2015

This is something I have been hearing recently but only by victims of former abuse. But when you do a google search, not much pops up about it because there isn’t much info about it like there is about anything else. Some things are just not very well known about so nothing much pops up  when you search it.

I have heard of abusive kids and that some of them get abusive because they are bullied or abused but I would think they would only be abusive to their abusers only. But in domestic abuse, the victim gets abusive to their abuser. They might start shouting at them and calling them every name in the book they can think of and say real hurtful things and I saw one blog post where a woman wrote how she likes to play games with people who have NPD and she wrote about playing them with her ex husband who was abusive.

I also know we are all responsible for their actions and it’s never anyone’s fault they are abused. I also keep hearing how the abuser will tend to blame their actions on their victim but my question is what if the abuser had been abusing you for so long you finally snap, is it their fault you had just abused them? What about a parent who had been abusing their child for years and years and then finally their kid snaps and starts to get abusive and is always hitting them and throwing and breaking things and screaming at them and it’s not done in self defense, is it the parent’s fault for their kid’s abuse?

What about in relationships where the abuser makes fun of their partner for their interests or dislikes or what TV shows they watch or what video games they play, so the victim starts to do them to annoy them and saying things like “What do you think of this TV show?” and waiting to hear them make fun of them about it or to say something critical you know egging them on, or they decide to eat apple sauce in front of their abuser and go “Hey look at what I am eating?” just to annoy them because they know how much their partner dislikes them eating apple sauce so they make snide remarks about it and be all critical and make fun of them about it. Is this the abuser’s fault?

When I was a child I used to just pick on other kids who were mean to me and bully my bullies back and not understand why this is wrong. Was it the bully’s fault I was doing this?

It doesn’t take me long to retaliate when I am treated wrongly or badly. Online I used to just post stuff on a forum to piss people off because I felt I was being treated unfairly. other members could get away with posting weird and creepy things and no one would bat an eye but when I would do it, people would bat an eye because I would get criticism and a negative reaction and then see someone else post the same thing I posted and people don’t react negative to it, you know how much that would hurt me? And this happened on an autism forum and it was very ironic because autistic people are always talking about how they are treated different by normies and how they discriminate us and there they were doing that to me. It made me lose faith in them and made me realize we are no different and this is human behavior, not normie behavior to discriminate. I was discriminated when I was a kid so what did I do when kids had different rules than me? I retaliated. I would deliberately break rules and do things other kids were doing because I wanted my rights, I wanted to be normal, I wanted to be treated like everyone else. I rebelled and my school thought I had a behavior problem when the problem was the injustice and all they had to do was enforce the rules on everyone and make them apply to everyone, not to me only. Even my therapist told them I was not the problem, they were. Then ten years later there I was getting all that crap again online this time. Members could talk about their fetishes but not me and members could talk about the same fetish I had but not me and no one ever batted an eye about them doing it. Is it possible the former mods used this against me in the future and saw me differently so it made me a target of their abuse? Possibly because they didn’t see how other members treated me and how I was doing similar things they were doing and for some reason I just stand out more when I do it while others just blend it and no one seems to notice it. For some reason I had always stood out more than other kids. Kids could get away with doing shitty things but when I would do it, it was a big deal and I was “evil.” Then as a young adult I stood out more for some reason on an internet forum even though I was doing the same things other members were doing. But did me retaliating made it the other members fault or the forum admin’s because of their discrimination?

I retaliated against Jerry for his emotional abuse but back then I didn’t know it was abuse, I didn’t know he was making fun of me so how I reacted to it would be irrelevant. but I would intentionally do things to annoy him like one time I decided to play a Barbie game on my original Nintendo and I said to him “look at what I am playing?” knowing full well I wouldn’t get a positive reaction because I knew he didn’t like kiddy things so he was very judgmental about it and he said “You should have been playing that ten years ago” and I said “I didn’t have this game ten years ago and we didn’t even have a Nintendo” and he kept saying how I should have been playing it ten years ago. I did the same thing with TV shows, I would tell him “Look at what I am watching’ egging him on to make fun of me and be critical about it and saying something negative about it. I would even drink from a baby bottle and use my computer and tell him “look at what I am doing” to show him how I am still an adult and it doesn’t make us real babies and he said I was doing it to piss him off so I did it more just to annoy him. I just didn’t tolerate his willful ignorance and bigotry. Was this his fault for what I did?

I am not proud of what I did and wished I just walked away than trying to educate and reason with him or staying just to piss him off because I didn’t tolerate his bigotry. I realize now he was a narcissist and you can’t argue with them or prove them wrong and even retaliating against their abuse and trying to show them their double standards and how ridiculous their thoughts are does not work. Also the fact it can backfire and you end up hurt at the end like I was. They can only see themselves and their side, they will not get your side or understand your feelings. They will just throw it back at you and make you out to be the bad guy.

One example was I was accused online by a new so called “friend” because she said I got her banned from a forum, the same place where I got discriminated on, and she starts to get nasty with me and say i didn’t have an ASD and she didn’t even know me or ask me anything about myself and she got real mean for no reason just because she thought I got her banned and her conclusion was irrational. She never apologized and she does contradict herself but anyway I was hurt and she never cared and she had the Dr. Jekyll and Hyde personality and I looked through her post history and saw she had done the same thing to other members on the forum and did attacks and insults and she says very hurtful things and always plays the victim. She is never wrong and everyone is a psychopath and manipulative and she is the good one. But anyway she hurt another one of my online friends and we were both hurt together so we went on I2 and she opened an account impersonating her and she started posting and I started posting pretending it was actually her and our intention was to get her to see how hurt we were by seeing the impersonation but instead it backfired. She turned it around and said how mean and horrible people we were. see there she was the victim and couldn’t see our side and apologized for hurting us and for her false accusations and for being nasty. She was just too blind to see how she hurts others and to see that she brings the bullying on herself because she is so nasty and abusive to people, people make fun of her and tease her and bully her as the result of it. They retaliate. I had seen people on I2 make fun of her and tease her and one of them even used her cousin’s account to do impersonations to tease her and she impersonated Temple Grandin and the narc fell for it. One of old online friends who liked to troll decided to impersonate her when she came back to the forum by having her username spelled back words and posted stuff pretending to be her. But I learned that making fun of her and getting back at her and trying to hurt her back does not work because she will never have remorse or see the harm she does for others. It will never occur to her that if everyone is a narcissist, she is the narcissist or that if everyone is a bully, she is the bully, or if everyone is a psychopath or manipulative, she is those things. Plus she hates being ignored so she will start to bait members and do insults and say real hurtful things to get attention and say provocative things. the forum admin knew right away she was narcissist and everyone agreed she is one when they looked it up. But was it still her fault for how we treated her?

But from personal experience it’s very difficult to mess with a narcissist and very dangerous. You would need to have a very thick skin and be a robot to mess with them. There will be gas lighting, it will be your fault, it will be all about you, you will be the bully, a psychopath, the abuser, they will just be the victim and there will be false accusations.

Now for more references on reactive abuse:

Also Jayden told me about when he knew Frankie in his school, he told me how awful Frankie was and how he would pick on him. What did Jayden do, he told me he used to just pick him up and toss him on the ground. Was that Frankie’s fault that happened to him?

Also after reading the post in abusesanctuary, was I reacting to Jerry’s abuse and I didn’t realize it then? Was I subtly egged to do all those things to him? We might feel awful and see we were bad people in the relationship and how we shouldn’t have done things and then realize we might have been provoked and egged into doing it. I wouldn’t stop calling my ex for example and every time I called him, he was never available. I didn’t realize he was ignoring me. He still had my stuff, I still needed to break up with him and figure out the right time to do it, I didn’t like being in a relationship that felt one sided. was I the crazy ex stalking him? was I harassing him? How did I look to all his employers when i kept calling him or when she blew up at me on the phone cussing me out and hung up abruptly? Was I just reacting to his abuse and that was his intent to make me look crazy to justify his behavior? Then I basically took it away when I moved on when my mom told me he had moved on. Within a month I met another guy and then I was in a relationship with him not too long later and by then my ex did come back, twice, so that makes me think I wasn’t the abuser. Of course he kept my stuff and never dropped it off and I let it go because it was just cleaning supplies and laundry soap and all that can easily be replaced. I might have lost several of my clothes to him but I let that go and my paycheck and the money he owed me and the bumper I never got I paid for because he never went and picked it up.

Also another interesting thing I had read was how the victim can develop narcissist traits from the abusive relationship but it doesn’t necessarily mean they are on the spectrum nor does it mean they are a narcissist. It’s called reactive narcissism. I had read somewhere about the developing it in their abusive relationship but my question is does it go away when they are out of the relationship because they are no longer being provoked and abused so therefore they wouldn’t react to it? But there is still the PTSD.

Also more references:

But like I say there isn’t lot of information about it. You only hear about it from people who are not doctors or psychologists and plus some of the links I put link to the same blog post from abusesanctuary.

But of course what if you had a child that was abusive so you react to their abuse by being abusive back?

Is it any of our faults for reacting to the abuse if we become the abuser ourselves to our abuser? Also don’t confuse it with self defense. I don’t think Sarah Burleton was abusive when she punched her mother in the jaw. Her mom was choking her and banging her head on the floor so Sarah punched her and that was self defense but if she had kept on kicking her and starting beating on her and choking her back making her suffer for what she put her through over the years, then that would be abuse than self defense. That would be an example of reactive abuse. It’s not like she will do it to others. And she did think about doing that until her step father walked in the room so she didn’t do it, instead she just said she would press charges if anything else happened and she took her bags and walked out the door starting her new life without her parents.

But it is a relief to hear this is actually normal and no need to feel guilty or bad about it and I don’t need to feel I am playing the victim here because I wasn’t perfect either in the relationship and I also did things I shouldn’t have done. There is actually a name for it and how normal it is in a abusive relationship and I think that term can evolve to bullying and other abuse outside of relationships like how Stockholm syndrome had evolved from to mean for victims falling in love with their kidnappers to abuse victims loving their abusers in abusive relationships and defending them and their abuse.

But why is this very unknown?




Tuesday, December 29th, 2015


This made me cringe because when I was reading it, I was thinking poor parents because I thought their kids were out of control so they were doing their best to keep them under control.

Before I had kids, I used to just think kids who acted that way was a result of bad parenting but after having my son, I see kids are sometimes beyond your control because they have their own personalities and their own attitudes and you can’t always control them. I have had to hold my son before and there is he struggling and screaming and I am having anxiety on the inside because I have no idea that I am being judged or not because of the way my son is acting. I have left places because of that behavior but this was an airport so what were the parents supposed to do? They maybe had a plane to catch so should they miss their flight? Maybe they are going to a  funeral? Maybe a wedding and they are taking their kids with to show them off and so their families can see them.

My son is full of energy so he gets rambunctious and bored. When he gets bored, he acts up and misbehaves and nothing can get him to calm down and to be good. That is why I avoid taking him out, I try to avoid long lines and I refuse to being him anywhere by myself because it’s too overwhelming. But yet he acts better when my husband is with so I know he can help it. My son has been upset when we would leave places and I would refuse to turn the stroller around and let him back inside because my mind was made up and he had disrespected me enough and wouldn’t listen to me so this was his lesson. But you can’t do that in a airport.

I sometimes do wonder if my mom is right that he has ADHD because that would explain his rambunctiousness and why he can’t wait and why long lines are hard for him while two year olds seem to have no problems waiting in long lines. My son just easily gets bored. I got bored when I was a kid and it was torture but I wouldn’t start getting hyper and acting up and being impuslive and running around like him and not listening. I think he can help it but it’s very hard because it is possible to finally break him but it’s very hard. see the My mistake of bringing my son to a Zelda concert. Why was I finally able to break him there? Because it was after remission and I sat in the empty seats this time where no one sat and I had power this time because I could remove him from the auditorium once it started again and I let him cry out in the lobby and scream because he wanted to go back inside and I wouldn’t let him. I was punishing him for not listening to me during the performance so we were now out there watching it on the screen. I told him he had to show me he could be quiet first and listen before we go back inside. So after a long time of his tantrum and then he was quiet because he was playing his 3DS, I reminded him of the rules again and I brought him back inside and right when he started to act up again, I told him if he didn’t sit still and be quiet, we would leave again and this time he was still as a statue. He did want to be there and the poor kid just looked bored because I made him sit still and follow the rules. I finally had power so he listened and could finally help himself all because there were all these empty seats which was a fortunate because it gave me power as a parent. But I did learn to never bring him to one of those things again unless it’s Disney on ice or a Children’s Play. He would have to show me first he could listen and be quiet and sit still before I take him to one of those things again where you have to be quiet and sit still and not move around in your seat and play in it and not make any sounds.

I used to think people were stupid and didn’t get it if they made me do certain  things before I was allowed to do something but now after having kids I get it now because I now want proof he can do it before I actually have him do something. I do not want to take risks and bring him somewhere only to waste money or to ruin it for others and I did think about leaving and was going to but couldn’t because I couldn’t get up during the performance with all the people in the way so that was why I sat in the empty seats with no one around and why I brought him to the lobby to teach him a lesson and I did feel bad for the people around me. What if they had just told me I can take him out and they get out of their seats to let us by and I would thank them for letting us get up during the performance because I was struggling to control him and to get him to listen and follow the rules. I didn’t yell or raise my voice. I never even take my son to movies because I worry he wouldn’t be able to sit still and be quiet and I miss half of the movie and money is wasted so before i would take him to any movies, he would have to show me at home he can sit still and be quiet by doing that during movies at home. Plus movies are expensive now anyway so it doesn’t matter because I wouldn’t be taking him there anyway. Maybe if it was a rated G movie that might be fine because it will be filled with kids and there will be talking and noise and it’s the time for parents to try and teach their kids movie theater rules and G movies are a start before they go to any PG movies. But I think my son would be more disruptive than other kids because he is so hyper and rambunctious and gets bored even if he does want to be there and see it. he has to be moving and making noise. when my son was able to be quiet and sit still at the concert I wonder how much energy he was actually putting into following the rules than being able to enjoy the concert because he had to use most of it on being still and quiet? Like my mom told me, it was all unfair to him and she agreed I did screw up and made a mistake. Then he had to get punished for it because I had to be consistent. Every time he wanted to play Mario Maker, I always had to remind him about the concert and his behavior there and that was why he didn’t have the game anymore so he understood why we didn’t have the game anymore because I had to tell him why by bringing up the concert and how he acted there.


But back to the Reddit post, the parents there chewed the OP out and he took it well. Then it was locked because it violated the rules there about creating drama. I was going to say that some kids are more rambunctious than others and parents can’t always control them no matter what they do so sometimes holding them is the only way to keep them from running around and what would he rather have, kids running around and parents doing nothing or having them do something about it by holding them down because that is the only way to keep them from running around. Kids are not puppets so they don’t always respond to punishment s or consequence no matter what you tell them at the airport. What kind of punishments can you give them there and what if there was nothing to take away to punish them? What if they don’t care about if you will take something away on the trip such as their game system or their favorite toy? What if they don’t care about a time out there? Also as someone else had mentioned, what if the children were special needs and were having a sensory overload?


Another double standard

Monday, December 28th, 2015

I was just posting in Lucky Otter’s heaven about if narcissists can be emapths or not. Lauren’s question was if we ever knew a a narcissists who had empathy for others  and if we can shed any light on the subject. I told her in my comment that I knew someone online who claimed to feel other peoples feelings and it got overwhelming for her and she also claimed to be an animal lover and she hated animal abuse. But yet she would get so nasty to people and accuse people of doing things they weren’t even doing and she would lie about others. She seemed to believe her own lies and some have thought she was a schizophrenic because she was so delusional about others and someone thought she had BPD and the forum admin thought she was a narcissist. I then asked if narcissists really do believe their own lies and if they are that delusional and if they are blind to their own abuse and insults they do to people it’s a wonder why they rarely change. How can they change if they cannot see themselves and don’t believe what other people tell them about themselves?

So Lauren responded saying how hard it is to tell who is the victim and who is the abuser and if someone is a man and they claim to be abused, people assume they are the abuser but if it’s a woman, people assume they are telling them the truth. What a double standard she had pointed out. Why is it that men are more seen as liars and the abuser and women are more often seen as the victim and telling the truth? Is it statistics? Are women victims of abuse more than guys are?

When I see a guy online say how he was the victim of abuse, I assume he is telling the truth. I think the same about women too. But how do I know someone isn’t lying? How do I know who is lying?

I can go by what kind of people they are and go by what they write and say and what do they say about abuse and what do they say about abuse victims? I can also go by how they treat me and if they treat me terribly, I will assume they are the abuser and their “abuser” was the victim and if their victim was the abuser, maybe they did it back in retaliation. Sometimes a victim fights back by doing abuse back to their victims and play games with them, some even go out of their way to cheat because they are so unhappy in their marriage and they find another man unintentionally who treats them so well. That is what I keep thinking about Jerry’s ex Claudia. If he was telling me the truth about her cheating and being abusive, maybe she did that because he was treating her wrong. Why she didn’t get the courage to leaver him until the year 2003 is beyond me. But why does it take a victim years to leave their partner when it only took me not long to leave my partners when things were going bad? I know the longer you stay, the harder it gets to leave so that was why I would always get out before it got too late.

Did my parents make the assumption Jerry was the abuser because he was a man or because they knew the red flags? What if he was a woman and I was dating her because I was bi let’s say or a lesbian, would they still make that same assumption? What if she were a transwoman then? Would they still make that assumption? My mom doesn’t understand transgender so she might still see a transwoman as a man if she hadn’t truly transitioned. I don’t know about what if they were on hormones and they still had a penis. But I remember her telling me how weird it is when I was in junior high when she told me you can change your gender, they just change your penis into a vagina and your vagina into a penis and they give you hormones and they also cut your boobs off. She told me all that was very strange when I asked her why do some do it. I knew nothing about GID so I thought for years that people got a sex change because they wanted to be a different gender to have an easier life because of all these double standards and because someone hated having a penis so they wished to be a woman so they wouldn’t have it or because they thought body hair was gross so if they were a woman, they wouldn’t have that. Then it was always baffling for me that a woman would want to be a man. I thought being a guy would be harder because of the double standards, men are branded as being a pedophile more, men are seen as abusers, men are seen as for wanting sex, it’s harder for them to find a woman who is open minded enough to date someone with a disability or who has low income or isn’t able to hold a job. Men are not allowed to cry so they are shunned for crying  unless their partner or child has died or their mom or dad. That is the only time they are allowed to cry.

How I started to embrace my gender was seeing what men have to face so I felt lucky to be a woman. I also hated body hair and how your voice changes so I felt glad to be a woman even though I disliked my boobs. I was also glad to not have a penis because I imagined those things getting in the way and always sitting on them on accident. I thought if I were a guy, I would want to be a woman so my life would be easier. I thought I might have gotten a sex change. Truth was I was never transgender so for years I thought GID was BS because why was it a disorder about someone wanted to be a different gender. I saw it as a difference. I also thought it was about cross dressing. You can tell here how uneducated I was and how much I was misunderstanding this gender identity thing like most people. But I never thought I would beat someone up if they were a guy posing as a woman. I never understood why people would beat someone up for wearing women clothes. What if a cis woman was minding her own business and she got beaten up because someone thought she was a guy? See how stupid this whole thing is about beating someone up because you thought they were a woman but then find out they were actually male? What if you were beating someone up and then finding out they were actually female but they just had a guyish look? Stop beating on them and go “Oh sorry, I thought you were a guy posing as a woman to trick me”? I wonder how well that will go?

When Jerry expressed to me how uncomfortable he felt as a man and how he should have been a woman, I thought it was because he hated his body hair and how much easier women have it and how cleaner our restrooms are. I had been in men restrooms and I thought they were disgusting. He wore skirts so I thought that was a kink they have. I am a woman and I rarely ever wear skirts and dresses so I wonder what is it with transwomen and skirts and dresses? I read somewhere online it makes them feel themselves. That I can’t really relate because here I am a woman and I don’t feel the need to wear dresses and skirts.

But what happens if someone felt that way because of those reasons? Would they still be transgender, would they still have GID? I read in order to transition, you have to be diagnosed with GID first before they do any sort of hormone therapy with you. I wonder if my ex ever got diagnosed with GID? I saw on her Facebook page how she keeps being discriminated for being trans which I thought was very ironic because she hated how gays were trying to get acceptance and wanting equel treatment and here she is doing the same about being trans. I don’t know if she ever transitioned yet.  She didn’t say anything about it. But I saw she wears wigs and wears women clothing, only dresses and skirts I saw, and she does look like a woman I could hardly even recognize her. But my online friend could tell she was a man. It also looked like she wore make up. I have no idea if she is doing hormone therapy or not, I don’t remember seeing anything about it on her Facebook and I blocked her so I have no way of checking and I don’t wish to check again. Ever since I had started to write about her again and her being a narcissist, I have not wanted to visit her page because 1) I don’t know if she still lurks on Wrongplanet or in any ABDL communities so I wouldn’t know if she saw my blog or not, 2) I have no interest in keeping tabs on her 3) I don’t wish to stalk her and be obsessed.

Has she seen this page and my other one, maybe or maybe not and I do not care. But lurking on her page will just drive me crazy and make me doubt myself if she posts anything about her child as if she is a loving mother or posting anything hinting she saw something posted about her by me and then wondering if it was just a coincidence. I read they will play these games and do these vague posts on their wall and I don’t want to deal with that from mine so that is why I say stay of you’r ex’s page if they were abusive, especially if they were a narcissist.

Is it possible she could still be viewing my page through another account if she has one? Possible. Do I care? No because I don’t put anything there about her and I keep lot of stuff there private that only friends can see and any messages that get sent to me go to other so I don’t see who messaged me unless they are on my friends. That had been my fear too that I will get something from her but I was glad I didn’t. It took lot of courage for me to come out. I wonder how many victims are still in hiding and haven’t come out because they fear playing the victim or being seen as attention seekers or seeking sympathy or being harassed by their ex and fearing smear campaigns and people taking their side instead of theirs.

My fear about coming out was looking like playing the victim, looking like an attention seeker, looking like the abuser, looking for sympathy, and of course fearing my ex. But if I am the abuser and the attention seeker and playing the victim, then that would mean everyone else who is blogging about their nex’s and making posts about them online are also those things too. It would be a double standard if people only thought those things of me but not of others who also blog about their nex and making posts about them online on forums.


When couples from the same forum date

Saturday, December 26th, 2015

I had noticed on Wrongplanet about two people dating. Several times I would see two members dating and then there is a break up and then one of them is posting about their ex on there. It’s always a disaster and after realizing how much of a narcissist Jerry was, I feel rather foolish. I also posted stuff about him on there eight years back because I was hurt by him and he was a member there but he didn’t post. He lurked there. I bet he enjoyed seeing all that and I wonder how a narcissist reacts when they see a blog written about them by their former victim.

There was another couple there who dated and one of them also kept posting about her issues with her ex and they were all considered attacks according to a former moderator so he also suggested to her she do a private blog about that. Years later she said in my thread on a  forum how her ex was also a psychopath narcissist and how another person was right about him.

There was another couple on Wrongplanet and one of them would also post about her partner but her ex joined I2 and said she isn’t what she makes herself to be.

Obviously there are two sides to the story so we don’t know who the abuser is or who the narc is. On Wrongplanet was it the girl who was the narc or the ex who joined I2?

Since it seems like it always ends up in a disaster when two members date and then break up, I wonder how many hidden narcissists are on Wrongplanet? I already suspect there is an abuser that posts there and I won’t say who it is, it’s just what they have said about victims and abusers and that person acts like there is no such thing as abuse. I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt but then I realized I was right about that person the first time. It wouldn’t surprise me if that person is a narcissist. That person had also written how people prefer to live in their magical world about feelings so that gives me a bad feeling that person cannot empathize because after all that person relies on logic than feeling according to them. Narcissists cannot feel for someone, they have no empathy, they do not get feelings or different perspective. That person fits my mom’s stereotype of an aspie. To her that is a real aspie. Plus that person has said about women on ASParterns how narcissists they are. Talk about projection. Also it doesn’t surprise me anymore when narcissists think their victims are narcissists. Are they really that delusional? Even a normie member told that person on the forum that they had proved her right.

Narcissists are hidden because they can act like decent people and be charming and sweet and nice and loyal and very caring. You can know someone for years and not know they are a narcissist. I found out that my husband’s old friend is a narcissist because I still have his ex wife on my Facebook friends and she was posting these word pictures and they were about abuse and narcissism and she had in one of them how you don’t always know the person you knew since childhood and they turn out to be narcissist and I also saw she was divorced and she kept posting about domestic abuse. I also saw she no longer had her husband as her friend on there. It was obvious who she was talking about after I put two and two together and I didn’t ask her about it. I just knew. She told me she and him had known each other since childhood and were friends and have been for years when my husband and I attended their wedding. Of those three times we have seen them, they always looked like a happy couple and there might have been abuse going on and I didn’t know that. Victims can hide it too and act happy. I was shocked when I found out my husband’s old friend was a narcissist and I never asked my husband about it or if he knew about the divorce and the drama. So they might even be on your forum and you wouldn’t know it. They could even be on autism forums and you wouldn’t know it. But it would not surprise me if that one person on the forum is a narcissist. But I bet if we know the red flags, we might be able to see them more because we will know how to spot them.

This post might say it all.


My mom’s gift

Saturday, December 26th, 2015

For Christmas my mom got me a Dr. Phil book. It’s about life like how to spot the bad people and why they do things. It’s called Life Code. My mom got me that book because I love the show and watch it all the time and I am always reading stuff online and have a hard time figuring out what to believe. So she got me a book that is written by a professional so I will figure out what things to not listen to online.

I remember we were just talking and I said how I wished I knew the red flags when I was dating but they don’t teach it in high school and I think everyone should learn red flags before they start dating. My mom told me they didn’t have that then and internet dating was new then. I told her people were dating before the internet and they had dating ads so red flags must have been known already and weren’t they in books or in brochures  and my mom said no because you learn from personal experience and learn things in life when you go through things.

Now with the internet now, you can pretty much read about anything now, narcissism is one of them and learning about abuse and what it is and now everyone can learn the red flags. But unfortunately even narcissists and abusers have access to that information to so they can just modify their behavior so they won’t fit the list and that is scary.

But I am still surprised none of the red flags stuff was ever taught and not known over the years because surely professionals would have written about it and I am sure women would have written memoirs about being in a abusive relationship and they have also been in therapy and I am sure a therapist would have written a book about it to help other women so they can spot an abuser before it starts.

I just had to learn all this too late but my mom said it’s something I can teach my children now and I said if I had known these red flags when dating, I wouldn’t have been with my husband because I would have thought he was a future abuser because of the red flags he was showing which were false red flags I call it.

My mom tried to see the positive perk in me meeting Jerry, it got me to move out here and I met my husband that way but I told her I still ask myself if I didn’t date him, would I have still moved out here, my aunt and uncle lived here so I could have just moved here and lived with them right away but would I have still met my husband without him. Sometimes bad mistakes can turn out positive.


Favorite Holiday Songs

Friday, December 25th, 2015

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday and these are my favorite holiday songs by the exact same artists and it does mater who sang the song because of the way it’s composed and the voice and the sound of it.



More PC crap

Friday, December 25th, 2015


I have no idea if this is for real or a joke. But it’s more PC stuff again. The guy from the news station goes around a college campus to get students to sign the petition to ban “White Christmas” on the radio.

Mistakes happen

Thursday, December 24th, 2015

I was at the mall looking around and Gamestop had a sale, buy two, get one free so I got three DS games. I also got a Shopkin bag that had 14 trading cards in it and a surprise Shopkin. I did my purchase and the total was more than I thought but I paid anyway.

I was at Barnes & Noble reading a book by Michelle Knight about her kidnapping when I realized how could it be $24.99 if everything costed under $5. So I looked at my receipt and saw I was charged for a game I didn’t even get so I rushed to put the book back and rushed back to the store. I had to wait in line again and when my turn came again, I showed my receipt and the games I got and the cashier looked at the games and the receipt and saw the game didn’t match the price tag and the DS game. The game has been mispriced so when the item got scanned, it showed the different game that was on the price tag. The woman was very apologetic so I told her mistakes happen. She put the money back on my credit card so I got back $17 something.

Very forgetful

Thursday, December 24th, 2015

Why am I always forgetful about things that are not in my routine?

I went into work and I saw everyone was supposed to be working from 10 am to 2 pm and I had came in at my normal time. I also saw another co worker there so I guess I was not the only one who made the mistake. I noticed on the board while I was clocking in the date and the announcement for coming into work and the building closing at 1 pm. I always keep forgetting to look at the board. Why? Why? Why? I just happened to be looking that way when I noticed the big words December 24th and words under it so I got closer and read it. When was that put up? I couldn’t remember seeing it yesterday. Now if any note was left in my sitting spot, then I would definitely see it.

Crazy religious abusive mother

Thursday, December 24th, 2015

The mother in the video flips out and says terrible things when her 17 year old son tells her he is an atheist so she slaps him and says how she wishes she could have aborted him and implies to disown him. Why must people feel threatened when someone doesn’t follow their religion?  Why can’t we all respect each other’s beliefs and I stay out of religion for this very reason. I don’t tell anyone god isn’t real or that I don’t believe in it. I have been called closed minded by a guy just because I had no interest in it or had no interest in going to church and listening to something I don’t believe in. I prefer to live a free life. I don’t want to be told how to live it or what to believe in. I think what the mom did in the video was child abuse.