“You lost my trust so now you have to earn it back.”

Saturday, November 7th, 2015

One of the tricky things about being a parent is knowing what advice to follow and what advice not to follow. You will read stuff in books and online and not all of it will be good advice. My mom told me it also has to depend on the child because every kid is different. She used the example that when my brother was 13, he did something and my mom told him he had lost her trust and he is going to have to earn it back. Two weeks later, he comes to her and asks ‘Mom, what can I do to earn your trust back” and my mom said “I don’t know, you are going to have to figure that one out yourself.” She told me this would have worked with my other brother too but not on me because I wouldn’t have understood her feelings and I wouldn’t have cared. That shocked me because it made me sound like a sociopath, I hurt my mother and I don’t care. I told her that and she said “No because you were trying to figure out what the rules were and you didn’t get feelings so you would have just turned it around on me and say it was my own issue and I would have to figure it out myself.”

I did this sort of thing a lot always, I apologize and then think it’s their problem if they don’t get over it, it’s on them now. If someone feels a certain way about me, that’s their problem, not mine. I had started to realize a few years ago that what people think of you is sometimes your problem because it affects how they treat you. If your boss didn’t like you because he thought you were a bad worker, you could be dealing with a bunch of bogus write ups or being watched like a hawk so you have to watch your work and make sure you don’t miss a spot and make any mistakes. If a moderator online thinks bad of you, it can affect how they interpret your posts so therefore you might end up with bogus warnings on the forum or end up in the power of moderator abuse. If someone thinks badly of you, they can just start treating you badly and treating you different and exclude you. So yes it can be your problem what they think of you. If can be your problem if someone doesn’t forgive you, it can be your problem if someone is still mad at you after you have apologized, it can still be your problem if someone doesn’t trust you. But at 13 I didn’t know this so therefore my mom wouldn’t have done that stunt on me about losing her trust. I would have just moved on and not care if she didn’t trust me. I don’t know if I ever actually did anything at that age that would make her feel I had lost her trust. But maybe it would have worked if it was affecting me and my mom was probably assuming it wouldn’t have worked.

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