Not understanding authority and rules as a child

Saturday, November 7th, 2015

When I was a kid, I thought rules were made to control people and that parents had kids to control them and teachers were teachers to control the kids. I thought anyone in authority made rules to control everyone. I thought parents and teachers punished kids to make them miserable and to watch them suffer. If you did something they didn’t like or that got them mad, they got back at you by punishing you. So I would take things away from my brothers as a punishment and do threats and I had silly punishments like kissing them because I knew they hated being kissed. By 6th grade I thought adults had all the power and kids were just helpless. This tells me I did not understand authority as a child nor rules. I wonder if things would have been any different if they were explained to me and why they were there, if they just gave me the reason behind the rules and told me what would happen if they were not there. But if my parents didn’t punish me, I would have thought my behavior was okay and keep on doing it so it was a double edge sword. But the punishments didn’t ruin me, I was in my teens when I figured out why we had rules and we didn’t make them to control everyone and to punish kids to make them suffer. It all of a sudden made sense why we had rules. It makes things safer and the environment more pleasant. It keeps things in order, no chaos. Just imagine if there was no law against assault, then everyone would be beating each other up and I can’t imagine life where I get hit. Or just imagine if there was no rule against sexual harassment, then lot of people would be doing it and other people wouldn’t feel safe. The rules just makes bad things happen less and so there is a consequence if the person does it.

But punishing me worked because it broke me because I didn’t like getting stuff taken from me or being limited to my room or being yelled at or being kept inside from recess or having to sit in the office all day long so it didn’t matter what I thought or if I was taking stuff away from my brothers and threatening them and controlling them because I thought that was the way things were. I guess my mom figured I would figure it out and I did.

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