Lauren Bennett recently posted about a narcissistic mother who appeared on the Dr. Phil show and what the mother did was she was ordered by the judge what she could have when she was going through a divorce with her husband. One of the things she could take was a bed so she took her daughter’s bed. But she already had a bed to sleep in but she took a bed just because the judge ordered she could take a bed. But she had the bed stored up in her attic above the garage. This was very bizarre on the mother’s part because she already had a bed to sleep in and she took her daughter’s bed and stored it in her house. And the sad thing is her mother couldn’t seem to get how it made her daughter feel and she couldn’t even apologize for how she made her feel and she didn’t seem to care. Her daughters wanted to make amends which was their reason for being on the show but their mother just isn’t capable of seeing their perspective and understanding how they feel. Even Dr. Phil told their mother that she was creating a wall for herself meaning her daughters will cut her out of their life if she doesn’t knowledge what she did and understand and apologize. It was all about her and her own feelings and her excuse that the judge ordered her that she can take a bed when she was moving out and saying what stuff she could take was a ridiculous argument. I guess the mother didn’t realize that she didn’t have to take a bed if she already had one. I would think this would be taking something literal because he didn’t say what bed to take, but no mother would take their kid’s bed which was why she was told by Dr. Phil that she is selfish.
This reminds me about my ex, he did some bizarre things and one of the things he did was take down my Dish Network satellite and I also forgot my box of my cleaning supplies with and forgot my laundry soap so he took that with too and packed it in the back of his parents garage behind his other things.
I didn’t know that dish Network would want their remote control, their cable box, and the piece from their satellite back when I cancel their service. So I cancelled it the next day after moving in my aunt and uncles house and my ex was at his apartment moving stuff out and I called him to tell him and he had already taken it down and took it with him. Seemed like a great guy right and he also took my stuff too I forgot and he packed it with his stuff but instead he placed it in the back of the garage. My mom asked me this year why did he pack my stuff behind his stuff and I said he was stupid not street smart. I didn’t know why he did this. To get to my stuff, you would have to move his stuff out to get to it. I figured he did this because we would be moving into a new place soon when he finds a new place to rent but that never happened and it was very difficult to get back the piece. He knew Dish network wanted it back and he knew they would give me a big fine but he said it was all a threat. He didn’t seem to get how much it was affecting me because of my anxiety and I do not take threats well. I take them very serious and I didn’t want to pay a big fine or have a bad credit history, I was scared that I might go to jail for “stealing” and I was having a lot of anxiety and he just didn’t care, he didn’t seem to understand how much it affected me and when i told him, instead of feeling bad and apologizing, he told me he didn’t have to take it with him, it would have just been thrown away and I still would have had that same problem with them. he turned it on me and made it look like it was my fault and he didn’t do anything wrong. But the point was he had it so he should have given it to me and I would have picked it up from his at work to make it convenient for him and I would have picked up my stuff too but I never got that far because he blew up with me on the phone cursing at me and screaming and hanging up. It frightened me and totally upset me so i decided I was done with him. I didn’t tell him how upset that made me and how it made me fear him because I knew he wouldn’t care and would have made it be my fault and say I provoked him. So that was why I never got my paycheck from him and the money he owed me and my cleaning supplies. I let it go because it was not worth the trouble and I can just earn back my $140 from my new job and replace my cleaning supplies and laundry soap. It’s not like I lost my CD’s or movies or video games or any books or my stereo so I didn’t make a big deal about it. Also he never dropped it off at my aunt’s and uncles so basically he stole it from me and took my money. I used to think this was his “Asperger’s” that made him insensitive and not care because i thought he didn’t understand but I realize this was narcissism. People with it do not get someone’s perspective, they have no empathy, they are not able to feel bad for hurting others, it’s always about them and them first, so my ex was not capable of understanding how much trouble he put me through by keeping it from me and it was all about him and his own anxiety. Yes he was having anxiety over me calling him and asking him about it and telling him how important it is to get it back and him not answering his phone made me more and more anxious so I sent my parents and my aunt and uncle after him by calling him on their cell phones and that got him more anxious, boo hoo. So him ignoring me made the phone calls worse for him and he didn’t seem to get that giving me back the thing would end the problem which makes me think this was all a game to him. Then he finally gives it back and re reading my thread again about it made me realize the reason why I got it back was because I had talked about involving the police, getting a lawyer, sending Dish Network after him and wondering if I could sue him and also mentioning my dad wants to come and stop by at his work or at his parents apartment to get it from him and I bet that made him panic so he gave it to me. See, it was all about him. He didn’t do it for me. He might have saw the thread and panicked and then gave it back to me unless it was a coincidence. I thought it was a coincidence then. But the thing he did about giving it back to me was I had to be sure I was there when he stopped by so that meant no being on the toilet or nothing so I was dressed and ready and he called me and said he was on his way and around the block so I waited for him at the front door and he was all cheerful and acted like nothing ever happened. Even if I couldn’t come to the front door at the moment, he could still just leave it at the front door but instead i had to race for it like it was a game and I didn’t know how much time I would have to get to the door which was why I waited at the door. Then right away I called Dish Network and told them I finally got it back from my boyfriend and they emailed the shipping label and I printed it off and my aunt got me a box from the basement and packed it for me and wrapped the box and I put the shipping label on and dropped it off at the UPS. That ended my nightmare and the anxiety about it. It was finally over and behind me and I learned the hard way that whenever you cancel any service, take everything with you because they might want it back. Also when you move out of your partner’s home, make sure none of your stuff is still in their home because it might be the last time you will ever see it again if you leave it behind. Unless your partner is a good person and very honest, then I don’t see why you would have to do this because it would be very unlikely they would withhold your items and not give them back and if they saw you left it behind, they would call you and let you know and not cut you off and they would drop it off at your place or let you come and pick it up from them. When i dumped my first ex, I took all his things and put them in the dining room in a big pile and I also told my ex about it and told him it would be all in the garage if he doesn’t get it or else it goes to charity. I was honest, I let him get it back and he knew where I lived. I even had to drive to Jerry’s work to give him back his son’s GBA SP that somehow got packed with my games because I knew his son would be with him again for spring break and I didn’t want to withhold it to get my stuff back because it wasn’t his, it was his son’s and it wouldn’t be fair to him just because his dad was being an ass. I did that because he wouldn’t answer his phone so I took my time and drove there myself to bring it to him and it was in the middle of the night. He could have done the same for me, tell me he will have my stuff there, come and get it. I would have arranged it from him but he wouldn’t answer his phone so I couldn’t get it back. Who knows what he did with it but I don’t care, at least he got some free stuff that would be used up. But I wonder what would have happened if I drove to his work every night for my stuff and the paycheck, he might have started to not be there whenever I arrived and have his employers tell me he isn’t in or that he quit. But he might have quit that job to avoid me. I also wonder what would have happened if I drove to his parent’s apartment every day and then on my days off asking for my stuff and having them tell their son for me that I want my stuff back he has backed at the back of the garage. But that wouldn’t have been possible because of the long drive and not remembering the route to get there and I didn’t know the address. Plus I was job searching and then working and I didn’t have the money to use my gas to try and get it all back. But I made the decision to let it go after I had that piece back because it wasn’t worth the hassle and trouble. It was just stuff that could easily be replaced and my paycheck who cares and the money he owed me who cares. It wasn’t like he took thousands from me or hundreds. It could have been worse. The worst thing he’s ever done was nearly screwing me over with Dish Network and he did not care despite that he claimed his ex screwed him over with lot of things and now he was going to do it with me? That I will never understand either so that was very bizarre what he did. I had never forgiven him for it because that was the worst thing he’s ever done and him not getting how much stress it had caused me was very hurtful because it was him first and all about him and acting like he did nothing wrong and he was just being nice when he took it with so it was all my fault. Yes I made a mistake of not bringing it with but I didn’t know they would want it back and he could have been nice and bring it to me and I was even nice to help him by writing a letter to his judge that he talked to his ex’s daughter on the phone and he brought it to the judge. Yes he even stopped by to get it from me so yes it was all about him and his own concerns so he was able to stop by to get the letter from me but yet wouldn’t do that with Dish Network. I could have done it back to him by not helping him because he did it to me but I am not that sort of person. Now I wish I hadn’t done that because I realize he was not a good person and he didn’t deserve to have custody so there I was helping him because I had been brainwashed by his stories and thinking he was a good person. By how he treated me, how would I know he wouldn’t treat his son the same way? But that thought had never occurred to me.
Narcissists or not, people will always do bizarre things. I have accepted I won’t always get closure and some people just simply don’t want to talk about things they did because they will get very angry at you from bringing it up and some will think you are still upset about it and holding a grudge and not over it. It would be creepy if I went on Facebook right now and sent my former bullies a message asking about how they treated me then and why did they do it. That might upset them or make it look like I am still upset about it and they could block me or maybe not or it could turn into a civil discussion and followed by apologies or I find out the hard way they hadn’t changed and they are still the same people and they have no remorse or don’t care what they did and they don’t make amends and they could justify it. I had learned the hard way online that bringing up things in the past just pisses some people off when I want closure after I had seen them contradict themselves and then I get all confused so I want to know why or even pointing out to them what they had done to me because they were contradicting themselves and it was bothering me because of their hypocrisy. Even abuse victims want closure and I am sure families of the murdered want closure from the killer and families of the sexually abused want closure so they ask the rapist why. I feel the same way about behaviors and when people contradict themselves or the things they did to me.