I have talked about before how Jerry was always broke and couldn’t manage his money because he was trying to live the life he wanted he couldn’t afford .
I came across this.
18. He Puts Himself First
When you’re married to a narcissist, he will put himself first, before any of your needs, before your kid’s needs, before any financial obligations or work requirements. Before any saving or preparing for your future or getting out of debt. His needs, wants, and image are his first priorities and everything else comes second. He will spend money on things for himself and not pay the electric bill. He will be buying himself a new hat, or shirt, or recreational drug, and tell you “we don’t have enough money” for diapers or groceries. He believes he is more important than you, and that he deserves to treat himself because he works “so hard” for hismoney. Any money you contribute to the family will also be considered his.
Any needs you have that you bring to his attention, he will ignore, blow off, and/or be annoyed by. I have been told over and over again that all he hears from me is “I want, I want, I want”. When in reality I was telling him that we needed groceries, or that I needed new jeans because my one pair ripped, or that I needed something like glasses because it has been 4+ years. While he is spending thousands of dollars on tattoos (seriously).
When they come and turn off the water, gas, or cable because he hasn’t paid the bill, he will be annoyed that they could do something like that, not upset that you’re now without water or heat until he pays the bill.
Except he never had anything shut off, he always got money from his grandparents to pay the bill. I wonder what would have happened if they didn’t help him because of his poor life choices and the kind of guy he is. He would always spend money on fun stuff like going to a movie or going out to eat and he liked taking me out too but he didn’t want to save that money for his bills. He refused to keep his money aside and not spend it and do nothing with it but yet he was always broke. he thought I didn’t manage my money well because I wouldn’t do anything with mine when I had explained to him I had to save it for when I need it like for gas when he fixes my car and when I have a dish Network bill and to buy necessities. But that didn’t change his mind. He wanted me to be just like him, spending it on stuff I want or for going out and because I had money, he stopped taking me out and wanted me to spend my own money so I quit going out with him and his son and I had to be sure if I was paying or not because if I was, I wouldn’t go at all and just stay home in his apartment. He did offer to pay me back my eight bucks for the movie but I felt so guilty I told him it was okay and to not worry about it. I had it be a lesson for me. I don’t know if that was manipulation on his part or not but I will never know. He also knew I had money anxiety and I get anxiety with spending and he knew I was saving it for until I find work and that I was only getting $115 a month but yet had me pay for my own movie ticket and didn’t even tell me right when we were buying tickets. And sometimes I do feel bad about my money anxiety because it makes me feel selfish and like I am taking advantage of people which would be why you turn down dates that will cost money or turn out outings with friends if they are going somewhere that will cost money. I can imagine it would make me look like a user if I was dating or had friends. But I am married so I don’t even have to worry about it and my husband and I share the same bank account.
He also knew I didn’t have any money.I did because I had it from saving but I didn’t have a job and I was only getting $115 from Social Security because some lady in Missoula, Montana didn’t put my pay stubs into their computer system when I mailed them into their office they have there. But yet he still continued looking for places to lice and they were all expensive. He wouldn’t help me find employment, it was all about him, he wouldn’t even fix my car, it was all about him so I had no way of getting a job. I was trapped and I didn’t know how to work the bus system. He did not help me there either and told me it was just unsafe to take the bus because of dangerous people and I am naive and slow and they will pick up on it. My mom believes he wanted me for money and then he ghosted on me because I wasn’t living with him so he didn’t need me so why would he keep talking to me? But yet he was not going to charge me for rent. That was the loyal part of him. I look back and wonder if this was his way of controlling me, keeping me from getting a job. I wouldn’t have gotten one if I didn’t live with my aunt and uncle and who knows if he would have fixed my car. I think I would have gotten it fixed anyway when i got all that money back from Social Security for back payments after the issue was fixed when my mom went in and someone had discovered my pay stubs were never put in the system so someone did it and then I got a big check from them. I then would have used the money to get my car fixed and I wonder what would have happened then? My ex told me it would be costly to have it fixed because the medal frame was bent and it had to be pulled out to get the cracked radiator out and then there would have been the fan that needed to be replaced too and who knows how much that would all cost but i would have used my savings and social security to pay for it and I am sure my parents would have paid for it too and I pay them back when I get a job. It might have worked out if I stayed living with him but the abuse would have gotten worse and maybe then I would have seen more narcissism.
The other things in the article ticked the boxes for my ex which is why I believe he was a narcissist. Not every one of them fit my ex but I don’t think you need every single sign to be a narcissist. But maybe he would have ticked more if I was with him longer.