What if he was taught to bully?

Tuesday, September 8th, 2015

I made a post online saying this:

When I was a kid, I bullied others to be normal and to fit in because I figured if other kids saw me do it, they would think I was good as them and cool and I also thought it was something I was supposed to do. I also suspect this would be another reason why some autistic kids would bully and then other kids see them being a bully so it makes them even more of a target because they stand out more than other kids do who bully. So therefore teachers and the principal might look at it and think the kid had it coming, if only they will treat others the way they like to be treated, they will have respect. They wouldn’t look at what caused it and why they are doing it. No one looks at what causes someone to bully and why they are doing it. Instead people are trying to stop the bullying than looking at what is causing it.

One of my online friends who also has AS told me he was bullied and then the bullying stopped when he turned into a bully himself so there are some bullies out there who are also bullied victims so it’s like a cycle. But he didn’t make himself more of a target because he knew the social cues for it and the only reason why it didn’t work with me was because I did it wrong.

Apparently there are unwritten rules about bullying, you have to do it right to be accepted still and to get the bullying to stop when you become a bully. He told me this is also why normal kids bully, peer pressure so they won’t become bullied victims. That tells me something must be done then about this so kids won’t be pressured to bully to avoid being a victim. This tells me not all bullies are bad people.

It was in a thread asking why are autistic kids easy targets for bullies. When I made this post, I had remembered a post I had made on my other blog over a year ago

https://lifeasadiaperedmother.wordpress.com/2013/12/09/bullies/

and another thought had popped in my head. The what ifs, playing the devils advocate.

What if the 13 year old boy was a bully because he was bullied when he was little and he then became a bully after the bullying because he was taught that is what you are supposed to do. What if he was doing it to fit in and to be normal because he thought if he did it, he would get liked that way and the bullying would stop that way? Some kids on the autistic spectrum are copycats and they may do it wrong due to not being able to read social cues so they can come off as a bully or they do the bullying wrong so it makes them even more of a target.

This still wouldn’t excuse what he did, it would mean everyone would have to stop and think why is the kid being a bully, what caused it. But instead everyone focuses on the behavior and tries to stop that instead of figuring out first what caused the behavior. Are there any autistic kids out there who are just bullies when they were never bullied victims before? Possibly. Instead what we all see instead is a kid gets picked on, we all feel sorry for him and are disgusted that the principal is saying he had it coming, then we find out the kid is the bully so we all think, no wonder he is being bullied, no wonder the principal said he had it coming and no wonder other parents thought the same too, that boy is a twerp. I had a knee jerk reaction to it and made that blog post. I think what annoyed me the most was people still feeling sorry for him after hearing he is a bully and I didn’t get that as a child when I would be the bully.

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