My children are my real live birth control

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2015

Lately my kids have been driving me crazy and bringing up my anxiety. I have no way of staying calm unless they can both stay out of trouble. I can’t even keep my son in his room because he will just keep coming out and I can hold the door close and he will just pull on it and we are playing tug o war with the door. But I am stronger than him so I have no problems holding it closed. My son will run around, throw things, jump on furniture, my daughter will keep getting into things, climb on furniture and tables, she can climb up the stairs and down them, and it’s “no no no” and chasing them all over. I admit I can’t control them and they will just keep on doing it even after I say no or do time outs or put my son in his room. Then finally it was better when I finally separated them. I yelled at my husband to keep our son away from me because they are driving me crazy and I can only focus on one. So they stayed in the basement while our daughter stayed upstairs and she was a lot calmer and stayed out of trouble. I think with them together, it is chaos and they both get hyper and into trouble and then there is sibling rivalry. they remind me every day how I shouldn’t have more kids by how they act. If two is stressful for me, I cannot imagine three or more. They are my birth control. Their behavior tells me I am done after having two kids. I didn’t need a IUD after all. Oh wait, at least we are saving money on condoms so never mind. And I hate being one of those screaming parents. I no longer judge the ones that yell yell yell because they might just be overwhelmed or have an anxiety disorder just like me. But it’s not the kids job to accommodate their parents just so they can be calm and be more relaxed and be a better parent that way. Then the kids feel they never had a childhood and they had to grow up and not be children. I just have to be a tougher mother or make my husband get involved more. He keeps one child, I keep the other so that way there is no chaos and no trouble and I am not a screaming mother. Also the whining and the screaming also does it too. My parents are the same way but the difference is they are in their sixties so the older you get, the less energy and patience you have and I am only in my thirties so I already feel old already because it’s like I have no patience and no energy. It’s like I have aged too quickly mentally. But my husband isn’t like that at all so it’s like he is still young mentally and he also has anxiety like I do. I wonder how does he not get overwhelmed from the chaos. I have always been like this, even in childhood, and I thought I would grow out of it but never did.

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