Archive for September, 2015

Back to working five days

Wednesday, September 30th, 2015

About the government shutdown, GSA made budget cuts so I was given a new schedule starting October 1st and I would be off every Thursday so I would now be working four days a week. Today I go into work and I get told that the new schedule has been cancelled so I work tomorrow. I was confused at first and she started laughing and I asked her if she is joking and she goes “no no, schedule cancelled you come to work tomorrow” and she pointed to the board and the new schedules are gone and the words Oct. 1st. I go to the office and ask my new supervisor about it and he said the union had stepped in so we are working five days a week again for now and that GSA is still working on things. Later at work I hear from employees that too many people had complained which is why we got our five days back. I guess this happened at other places too besides this building only I work in. And here I was all prepared for four days so it was a shock to find out I will be working tomorrow when i am supposed to be off and I was going to sleep all day and relax to get better. Lately I have been very tired lately and get sleepy during the day. I might be getting sick. My son didn’t feel good either today so he was calm all day and mellow and he laid down in my bed and slept. This was a good day for me because of no chaos and my daughter was calm because her brother was calm.


Something like this has always worried me as a teen

Wednesday, September 30th, 2015

Kimber Edwards is scheduled to be executed on October 6th for the convicted murder of his ex wife. But Wilson who did the killing confessed that he only acted alone and that he had lied about Edwards telling him to do it. Edwards was coerced into confessing and he has a form of autism.

As a teen I used to worry that I would get accused of a crime I didn’t commit or get put up to it or get tricked and in elementary school kids would pressure me and egg me to do things and I would always be the one in trouble. The school didn’t care if I was vulnerable and vulnerable to pressure. Sadly it’s like this in the real world too, if you are pressured or threatened to do something and taken advantage of, the judge wouldn’t care. I can understand about being vulnerable to pressure and Edwards had confessed so they would leave his family alone and the officers had threatened to involve his family so he just told them what they wanted to hear and be done with it. But now that Wilson has confessed, Edwards is still on death row waiting to be executed and I am wondering why is he still there and not free after the confession has come out?

There is also another man on death row named Richard Glossip and he is also innocent because Justin Sneed who did the crime said he had told him to do it and Sneed who did the killing, it was very obvious from the beginning he was lying because his stories were inconsistent and that was withheld from the jury. Now that fact has been out there and Glossip is still sitting on death row and he is a normie as far as I know because no one has mentioned him having any medical conditions.

This is the first time I ever heard about someone with autism being on death row but I am sure there have been others on death row and that some have been executed before. But a story like this used to be something I worried about all the time about what if it happens to me, what if someone sets me up or targets me. But worrying is a waste of time and these things rarely happen so why even spend my whole life worrying about someone I know might die and I get blamed for it because the person who does the killing says I told them to do it or the crime gets traced to me falsely somehow. I googled Kimber Edwards and saw old and new articles about this and not all of them mention his autism. He was apparently diagnosed after the sentence.

But there is one thing I know, never ever confess to crimes you don’t commit no matter what. Be strong, be tough. Even normal people have been known to confess to crimes they didn’t commit but they are probably less likely to, people with disabilities are more likely to and juveniles. I also know police will manipulate you by asking you things like “How do you think someone would rape a woman before killing her?” as their way to get the person to “confess” and officers will twice what you say and use what you say against you. I guess if you make a speculation or make up a story about how you would rape someone before killing them means you actually did the crime so you are confessing now. And anything you say they might say “A gun, I never mentioned a gun” and use that against you and assume you did the crime because you mentioned a gun.

But stories like these do teach me always so it lessons my worries.

Another narcissist

Tuesday, September 29th, 2015

I realize my brother’s ex girlfriend is a narcissist. My mother hates her because of what she has done to my brother and the games she plays. I can’t go into too much detail here because I am not allowed to talk about it and I can’t even say anything to my nephew about his mother or else I might make it worse. But the things my mother has told me about her I realized she was a narcissist and she said she didn’t want to go into any mythologies but then last night she admitted the ex is a narcissist and I asked her just when did she agree she is one and she said she and my dad were talking and my dad said I was right and my mom finally agreed. Okay so my brother was in a relationship with a narcissist and he is learning the hard way now and my mother is so mad at her and hates her and doesn’t give a shit about her, she just ignores her, doesn’t exist anymore.  My mom can’t even talk to her without feeling she will lose control and smack her because that is how much she hates her and how angry she is. Hopefully she will be gone soon.

Apparently I wasn’t given the silent treatment according to my mother

Tuesday, September 29th, 2015

Not everything I read online is true because some people who were in a relationship with a narcissist while long distance or not living together, their partners would go silent on them and they called it the silent treatment. I could relate to that.

My mom said what my ex did wasn’t the silent treatment because what could he do, I wasn’t living with him and he didn’t have my money so he didn’t need me. My mom thinks he only wanted my money even though I had no job then and was only getting $115 from Social Security because some lady in Missoula, MT didn’t put my pay stubs into their computer system at the office when I sent them in. But anyway we were not living together because he got evicted from his apartment so he had to live with his parents and I didn’t want to live there with him because it would have been too crowded and there wouldn’t have been room for me to sleep because my ex snores and I can’t sleep with snoring and his parents used one of the spare bedrooms as a computer room and they always had stuff on the couch so there wouldn’t have been anywhere else for me to sleep and I would have been up and not be able to sleep with the snoring. I just didn’t feel comfortable moving there so I moved in with my aunt and uncle and my mom called that the break up just because I didn’t go with him to live with his parents.

My mom said the silent treatment is when you are living together and the partner just ignores you so you will feel guilty and bad. Okay so what if the relationship was long distance or if a couple were not living together due to religion or personal beliefs because they don’t believe in living together unless they’re married or some people might not believe in moving in together until they have been in a relationship long enough with that person. So by her logic it wouldn’t be a silent treatment if their partner just started to ignore them and she asked how do you ignore someone if you’re not living together so I told her “Not answering your calls or email or texts.”

I don’t know anymore. Maybe it’s just her personal opinion but I don’t think we were broken up when we moved out of his apartment. It was meant until he found another place to live and then we would live together again but it didn’t work that way thank goodness.


I made that post on another website and someone told me it was called ghosting and her nex did it to her and she went no contact when she realized what he was doing.

Song sampling in Nintendo music?

Monday, September 28th, 2015

I sometimes think Nintendo uses music sampling for their songs in video games. I know they use sounds they find  in the sound library and put them in their music like they did with the chanting for the Fire Temple in Ocarina of Time and it can be heard in other games too as well.

This song here sounds like it’s from Baby’s Day Out when it gets to around 0:14 and it’s only the beginning music.

Also in the Lon Lon Ranch song, part of it sounds like “Silver Bells” where we sing “City sidewalks, busy sidewalks.”

You can hear it at the part, 0:09.

Even if it’s not called a music sample, they sure seem to use the same tune, just only a little part of it for their songs.

Song that has always creeped me out

Sunday, September 27th, 2015

The beginning sounds fine until it gets to around 0:18 and then the part at 0:55 you can hear it a little bit, and then you hear it loudly around 1:13.

I thought the temple always looked like a mansion but where is all the furniture and what is with the weird rooms?

But then I am relieved that temple is over but there are other things in the game that creep me out like those goblins or the song under the well and the sound in Hyrule town when Link is an adult and those ReDeads are creepy and where Ganon’s castle is. But sadly the game doesn’t have a feature where you can just turn the song off and keep the sounds. But I guess that is what Nintendo wanted, to creep us out with their music in the game to make it more challenging for us to play unless you want to play with no sound at all. But then you can’t hear any enemies nearby. Even my son thought the song was creepy and he didn’t want to play the temple and then hes decided it’s not creepy at all so he was begging me to take him back to the temple even though I had beat it for him. The boss is a cinch, I could beat it in two minutes. But is it just me or is the 3DS version easier to play because things seem easier in it like i got Epona but couldn’t in the N64 version and I can do the shooting galleries easier because all I have to do is move the game system to aim and I found the Forest temple boss easier to play. I remember I did lot of goof ups in it and even died but still found the boss not very hard at all once I figured it out. But one thing I noticed about him is he seems to go higher in the air and shoot lightning beams at me, I don’t remember him doing that on the N64 version. But I also liked how they added the feature where you can relive the bosses again by fighting them again you can access from Link’s house and this time it times you to see how fast you can beat them. There are slight changes in the game but the good thing is it’s easier to see the rooms when it’s dark because it’s all lighter now due to better graphics.

Hating violence does not mean hating autistic people

Sunday, September 27th, 2015

I saw an article posted again and that got posted on Wrongplanet too. I also saw another news article about neighbors suing parents who have a boy with autism for causing disturbance on their block because their kid was aggressive and left unsupervised. You can google it but there are two different versions of it unfortunately so I don’t know which one to believe. Either the parents are lying or the neighbors. But anyway the person wrote the article and I do agree that everyone should be aware it’s a spectrum and it shouldn’t be sugarcoated and I do not deny there are children and adults out there with it who are violent. That is just something that is hard to accept and a very uncomfortable truth. But sadly when you go online and read personal stories about autism, lot of it is negative because I will hear about aggression and psychopathic things they do but no one will post about the positives because there is nothing to rant about if your autistic kid is none violent. No one will post “My son is autistic and he has never been violent” or “My girl is autistic and she is not aggressive and she would never hurt anyone or break anything. She can’t stand to have things out of place and always gets upset when she sees homes get destroyed on TV whenever there is a fight on it.”

But anyway what bothered me about the article was when the writer seemed to defend the parents as if violence is acceptable and should be tolerated and if you feel tormented, you’re intolerant about autism. If your kids are afraid, they’re problem so they should work on to not get hit by them. Okay so I read the comments and they made very good points, I read about a four year old being beaten by a 13 year old autistic and what was the trigger the four year old did. She got on one of the swings to swing and the rest were empty but the boy felt they were all his so he got upset and started choking her and stuff. Yes parents should watch their kids if they are aggressive and if they are so hard to control, keep them away from other kids. Doing normal things could trigger an attack in someone who has autism. I am not saying all autistic kids are violent and will attack you out of the blue when you do normal things. I could be walking and then some random stranger attacks me because I had on a color that was a trigger and I bet that would be blamed on me, like victim blaming I see.

But anyway the author didn’t like the comments according to the thread posted on Wrongplanet where the link got posted. Honestly the comments came off to me about violent kids, not about autism. If a kid is violent, they should be locked away and stuff. Even the commenters posted how they have a kid with autism or how they knew someone with autism or worked with special needs so obvious they don’t hate autism. They only hate violent kids. What if this was about a normal child?

I have been called a liar about Frankie on Reddit, his violence has been trivialized on another forum and that person  brought up the topic war when that was totally irrelevant to the discussion so it made me think he was just trolling me or he was just an idiot and he is probably violent himself. That is like trivializing narcissism and saying everyone is one and how it’s normal human behavior or saying abuse is normal in relationships and that is also normal human behavior. My mom said people who are narcissists will say everyone is a little narcissist just to make themselves feel better. That would be like Ted Bundy saying everyone is a little violent and does some murder. Sure any human can kill but we don’t do it out of cold blood like he did. Normal humans do not throw axes at people when they don’t get their way like Frankie did.

Even my psychologist said that what Frankie did was not normal or even Asperger’s and it was just a mental illness because no kid tries to get their way using aggression and bully to get it. i think he had Conduct disorder and it would be interetsing to see if he ever turned out to have antisocial personality disorder which is what i have read about ODD can lead from that to Conduct to APD by adulthood. But I have never heard any updates about him or even bothered trying to look him up online like on Facebook nor have I even bothered to see if there are any news articles about him to see if he had gone to prison or done any violent crimes. Last I heard, my mom said he was doing very good and he was attending normal high school and then he went to Amsterdam for a bowling tournament and had a good time so maybe he did grow out of being violent and is no longer Conduct. But hard to say because even Ted Bundy acted charming and nice and non violent, same as Diane Downs and then she shot her kids or Beth Thomas acting good in the doctor’s office while she was being interviewed. violent people can just shut off their abuse and violence and be good, Jerry was sure good when we met and not emotionally abusive and then it started almost immediately. he didn’t keep it up long and he acted find with his employers and no one might not even guess who he really is so this positive story about Frankie does not tell me if he is no longer violent and that he had changed. He could have just put on his good behavior for high school and for the trip like psychopaths and narcissists do. but yet I suppose this makes me a bigot and intolerant because of my personal experience and that is not ignorance, it’s called a personal story. One mom in the comments was called ignorant for telling a story about an autistic child having guns and shooting at houses and her own children were too afraid to play in their own yard because of him and she was also called a liar and someone else called her ignorant. The one who was ignorant was the person calling her that word because she didn’t even know what ignorant is.

I don’t know why we have to accept violence in someone if they are autistic. We wouldn’t accept it in psychopaths or narcissists or any normal people but yet we wouldn’t be called intolerant or bigots. But what if someone had a friend with autism and they liked that person but yet they didn’t accept violence in autism and didn’t accept violent kids or violent adults, even the ones who happen to be autistic, then what? Does that mean they hate their own friend? What if the person was on the spectrum themselves? Does that mean they hate themselves?

But yet by lot of peoples logic, if you hate certain behaviors in people, you are seen as not liking kids or not like special needs, whoever is doing the behavior. For example, you go to a restaurant to have a good time with your partner and you had paid over fifty dollars total but these parents next to you had brought their kids and they are whiny and noisy and running around and you then come online and rant about it and right away you are seen as not liking children despite that you could have your own you left at home or the fact you like your neighbor’s kids you watch or talk with or like your own nieces and nephews, you just don’t like kids who misbehave and are not watched or controlled by their parents.

Another example would be with an animal, someone brings a dog into your home but that dog is smelly and he sheds and he drools and pisses in the house and you don’t want that in your home so you ask to have the dog outside, you are seen as hating dogs and not liking them when in fact you like dogs who don’t slobber or drool or piss in the house.

Or let’s say you know a special needs child but that kid always gets into everything and knocks stuff out of place and tress passes and takes things and digs up flowers and acts aggressive to other kids, you are seen as disliking special needs children if you have a problem with that kid or don’t want your kids around them when in fact you maybe have one of your own or were friends with one or the fact you grew up with a bunch of them because you were in special ed yourself.

I do not understand this logic and why people don’t separate it. There was a boy in my class when I was six who was a pathological liar and would pinch kids and hit and call names and he even threw chairs once, I did not like this kid because he was a bully and always got us into trouble with his lies, I guess that would mean I am intolerant right? One thing they will be right about is I am intolerant of violence and abuse. I will never accept it or think it’s okay and expect everyone to put up with it and invalidate the victims fears and feelings. Instead it should be how to get these kids help for their behavior and more awareness about these kids because people still think a kid is so innocent they can’t be violent or pose a danger to others and they are so easy to restrain and they can’t cause seriously harm but think about their future. They will turn into aggressive adults and be strong people once they reach adult size.

You have probably noticed that whenever I talk about violence and mention autism in it, I never put the autism tag down because I want to keep those two separated and not associate autism with violence and contribute to it.

My son got invited to his first birthday party

Saturday, September 26th, 2015

Yesterday I came to pick up my son from school and he had a party invite. I opened it when we got to the car and it was an invitation for a birthday party at someone’s house and it was going to be today. Who sends invitations out the day before the party? So today we headed out and got him a birthday present and my son picked out wrapping paper and a card. Then we came home and we wrapped it and I had him write his name on the card and then the boy’s name on the envelope and I put the present up high so Sissy couldn’t get to it. My son is looking forward to this and is anxious to go and he is being patient by watching youtube on my other 3DS I had given him.

Now my son wants his own party. But we would have to do it in early December or else no one will show up if we do it on his birthday or around it because it’s so close to the holiday and by then people might not have the money for a present or will be out of town or busy with other things to even take their kid to a party or even have them attend.

I am so happy for my son he got invited to his first party.

Spatial reasoning

Friday, September 25th, 2015

I just did this test and got 0/10 correct.

I have always been bad at these because I need to actually fold the cube to see for real, I cannot just fold it in my head and see how it will look. I had troubles with this in math too when they had this for geometry. I looked up spatial reasoning disability and I am good with reading maps, I am good with directions, I don’t get lost, I am visual, I have missed things that were in front of me so my mother always told me “if they had teeth, it would bite” I cannot look at something and see if something will fit, I cannot just get a box and see if I can fit certain things in it so therefore i would suck with shipping items because I wouldn’t know what box to use and how to pack things to ship but yet I suck with this cube things. Just one of the things I don’t understand about my brain, so many contradictions.

My husband is the same way, he is good with picturing how things will fit and he can do it but yet he is bad with directions and gets lost easily even though he knows the area and he also has poor timing concept, he is not good with maps either so he needs GPS.

Can one be born evil or not?

Thursday, September 24th, 2015

I just got through reading Small Sacrifices and I have seen discussions in books and online about if one can be born evil or is it developed. was Hitler born evil or Bundy and was Downs born evil? Sure she was sexually abused by her father and he was rough with all his kids and his wife went along with it because she was also raised to believe men are right and the head of the household so you do what they want. Diane was not allowed to her feelings and was taught to hold them in. Even her mom confirmed this in the trial. could this have led her to be a narcissist? Could this have led her to psychopathy? But when we all become adults, we are now responsible for our actions and how we handle our past and handle how we deal with our past.

Sarah Burleton wrote a blog here about so many adults blaming their parents on their problems and failures and the kind of people they are now. I even knew one person online who was a malignant narcissist who used her childhood as an excuse for her behavior and how she treated others and acted on forums and she also played the PTSD card and she always carried the fact that she was abused as a child as a badge of honor and would always bring it up in arguments like it was relevant. How many former child abuse victims do this? None, I have only seen her do it.

Hitler was abused by his father, he was also abused from other kids because they bullied him and rejected him, he was called a loser as an adult and he wanted to be an architect but he got told he couldn’t be one because he was a loser. He had a rather sad life but yet he turned into a monster. Was all this a reason for why he went evil?

When I read about evil, the writer always brings up the famous novel from the 1950’s The Bad Seed and I have even seen the 1993 movie staring Macauley Culkin, The Good Son, get mentioned. Ann Rule mentioned The Bad Seed in her book Small Sacrifices when talking about Diane and her cluster b disorders and she explained how Diane isn’t insane, and insanity can be cured, personality disorders cannot so therefore Downs was considered a high risk to society which is the reason why she needed to be locked up. Rule also wrote about Downs past and if she was born evil or not and her childhood abuse may not have made her that way if she was born that way already.

I do wonder if one can be born evil but for that person to be evil, something in the environment would have to trigger that evil gene. Can someone be born with an evil gene and not be evil because nothing in their environment triggered it? Lot of people who have had abusive childhoods or were badly bullied grow up to not be evil so could that mean one has to be born evil? My husband thinks it has to due with their brain being wired and something in the environment would have to cause that in their personality and they are just simply born that way so it’s not like it’s society’s fault for these people. These people already existed so it’s not like we created them.

How I feel about school shooters, I can’t really blame bullies or by that logic we can blame all the people who were mean to Hitler and also blame his father because if they were all so good to him, he wouldn’t have taken over countries and kill over six million Jews and do genocide, we could also blame Down’s father for sexually abusing her and he taught all his kids to hold in their feelings and not show them and not have any and all her siblings turned out fine and didn’t get selfish like Down’s and turn into psychopaths and narcissists and have histrionic personality disorder. So I think kids who do school shootings are already evil and psychopaths to begin with and I find it sickening when I see anyone trying to justify it and blame it on others. Now the media tries to blame it on autism which is even more offensive. Now we have that new stereotype now that we are shooters and will go on shooting sprees if you piss us off for too long. One man on Wrongplanet even decided to undiagnose himself with Asperger’s by going in denial because he didn’t want to be associated with that stereotype and be assumed that he will turn into a shooter. Yes quite a few school shooters were on the autistic spectrum but I say that was a coincidence and it’s not a symptom of autism to go on a shooting spree. Anyone can do a crime, anyone can do a shooting spree, there is no condition out there that will make anyone immune to killings. I think one just has to be a psychopath to do it.