Well I have finally figured out that we don’t get to decide if we are none judgmental, etc. or what is mean and not mean and what is rude and what isn’t etc.
I remember years back on Wrongplanet, a member there told me you don’t get to decide if you are a troll or not, other people get to decide and he told me how he was on another forum, he got accused of trolling so the mods did a vote about him being a troll or not and they voted he was one so he was banned for “trolling” even though it was not his intent. I guess we also don’t get to decide if what we are posting is trolling or not so I guess you can be a unintentional troll.
I also remember reading on that same forum that you don’t get to decide what is offensive or not and telling someone that they are being too sensitive is being dismissive of their feelings and it’s an excuse bullies use.
An online friend told me that he thinks that virus joke I posted about here is mean so I realized people get to decide what you do is mean or not. If they laugh and find it funny, it was funny and good, if they don’t laugh and they didn’t like it, you were mean. People are unpredictable because I never know how they are going to react.
I have noticed that people who claim to be non judgmental actually are judgmental so right when someone defines themselves as that, I automatically think they are because of personal experience. I don’t believe anyone who says they are non judgmental. I am sorry but you don’t get to decide that for yourself. I don’t think we also get to decide if we are nice people or loyal, etc. which is why I don’t describe myself that way because that is up for other people to decide.
But I know this line of thinking will make us be victims of gas lighting and that is why people become victims of it in abuse so it’s tough to tell if someone is gas lighting you or if they are serious. Plus everyone has their own perspectives so it’s hard to tell. But yet there have been times when a person would insult me and I get told they didn’t insult me, how dismissive. Even my own mom has done it, telling me a girl in my school did not insult me so it was as if my own feelings didn’t matter. Now I can see where I got that line of thinking from when I would be the feeling police and decide how people feel. I would say I did not do this or that, they are choosing to be that way bla bla bla. I must start telling myself my mom was wrong, another person online was wrong for telling me she did not insult me. It would have been better if she had just said “I didn’t mean to insult you so sorry about that” and that would have been over between us. A simple apology will always do but this won’t work on everyone because some people just don’t get over it even after you apologize, instead they keep carrying on with their wrath or meanness. But hey a simple apology will always get me off your back. But even in my school when this one girl insulted me, other teachers didn’t seem to care either so it really taught me to be dismissive. Instead I was the bad guy because of the way I handled it and reacted and she was automatically the victim. But they were the feeling police and my perspective was wrong and my feelings too. But now I know they were wrong.