Break up over the phone, okay or not.

Wednesday, August 26th, 2015

So I found out when I was 20 that it was wrong to break up with someone over the phone. I had no understanding of it but my mom’s reaction to a guy breaking up with Gracie hart in Miss Congeniality 2 made me think I really shouldn’t do it or else I will be a jerk too.

So break ups over the phone was a no no but she never said anything about emails or IM or online messages so when I was in a relationship with my first boyfriend and I wanted to break up with him, I really wanted out and he was not home and I didn’t know when he would be home but I wanted to move on and be single because I had discovered I was happier being single. So I got online and got on Myspace and broke up with him there. Dick move I know. My dad thought it was wrong but I told him I didn’t break up with him over the phone, I only told him I didn’t think I wanted him living with me anymore and he said okay and then I got on the computer and broke up with him there since it’s rude to do a break up on the phone. This is how my brain typically works, you tell me something, I do something else because you didn’t say explicitly I should not do that. But lesson learned. Now I know you only do it in person, not through text, emails, IMs, phone conversations, PMs, nothing, only in person. I don’t think my mom thought to tell me all this because I didn’t have a boyfriend then so it was irrelevant for her to tell me nor was I dating then. That is the rule we have in society and even my own Fun Facts Coach game says it’s a cowardly thing to do. That game is not politically correct because it actually used that word.

So I was on Reddit and someone asked if we think it’s ever acceptable to ghost on someone. Someone responded with “Not unless you have reason to fear for your safety if you upset them.

It’s not that hard to send a text that says, “Hey, it was great meeting you, but I just don’t think we should see each other again.” Sure it’s uncomfortable, but if you’re mature enough to be dating, you should be mature enough to be straightforward with someone.”

I responded to it saying break ups over phones is a no no and it’s just a etiquette rule we have and she responded back with how if you do long distance relationships it’s impossible so it seems kinder to do it over Skype or phone whatever than flying across the country to do it.

Okay I remember eight years ago I posted a question on a forum about if i should break up with my ex on the phone because he is never available and I can’t even get a hold of him and I got told I had to do it in person. What do you know, I was trapped in this relationship and I couldn’t get out of it. I wanted to move on, I wanted to be single since I felt single anyway and I didn’t like how things were going between us and I was tired of how he treated me and how I felt in it and I didn’t know at the time he was abusive. There were just things he did I didn’t like such as procrastinating and his willfull ignorance and his homophobia and his closed mindedness and his bigoted views, and he was way too judgmental because he seemed to have to form a negative opinion about everything and make it be his own business like it;s his problem and I didn’t want to have kids with him and have them learn to be bigoted like him and hate gays and he had money issues too because he was a spender than a saver so he was always broke and plus he had no empathy and anything I did was never good enough for him and I was having lot of anxiety in the relationship and he was cold hearted so I just wanted out. We were not compatible.

I also thought what if you had a long distance relationship or your partner moves away temporarily and you want to break up later, I guess you are screwed because you have to do it in person and if you have no way of seeing them just to break up with them, you’re trapped in the relationship.

I was trapped, stuck so it was as if my ex wanted to keep me by doing the silent treatment but he was wrong when he saw I got a new boyfriend. I have thought what if he thought I was abusive so he went silent on me but because he had contacted me twice about my new boyfriend, I don’t think so. I don’t think victims would contact their former abusers and ask them about their new partner. In fact they would be more likely to contact the new partner than the abuser.

But is it ever okay to break up with someone over the phone and whatever if it’s impossible to do in person? I guess I could have driven to Jerry’s work and broken up with him there in front of everyone which is what I wanted to avoid then because I felt it would be asshat of me and probably humiliating. I once drove to his work just to return his son’s GBA SP that got packed with my games accidentally because he wouldn’t pick up his phone and I knew where his workplace was but not his parents apartment where he was living. I didn’t remember the route to get there. I did it in the middle of the night using my own spare time when I should have been sleeping or on the computer and watching TV or listening to music which was my routine. My mom seemed pretty surprised I actually did this and I told her he wouldn’t answer his phone so that was the only way I could return his son’s gaming system. She thought that was very honest of me. It was his son’s so of course and I thought it had nothing to do with honesty, it was his son’s and it wouldn’t be fair to him if I kept it as hostage because his father was being an asshole. But I guess this was one of his abuse tactics. I wouldn’t stay with his parents so he found another way and that was a red flag there that it was getting worse.

But lesson here is if anyone goes silent on you, move on an assume you are single again and they silently broke up with you. That will spare you the stress and anxiety.

My answer to that Reddit question was ghosting is fine after the first few dates but in a relationship, no unless it was abusive.

So I could have ghosted Jerry and it wouldn’t have been cheating if I was dating other guys and got a new boyfriend.

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