Assumptions people make

Sunday, August 23rd, 2015

What I hate about the media is when they mention a mental illness or a neurological disorder or a race/nationality and I wonder how is it even relevant to the incident. It changes nothing for me and my thoughts do not change. The Ferguson shooting for example. I was hearing so much about it I decided to look it up and read about it myself before forming an opinion and i saw no race issue. Just an 18 year old stealing a pack of cigarettes from a store and then he was wandering in the middle of the street with a friend when Darren Wilson pulled up behind them and he asked them to go to the side of the road. He did not know the person was Mike brown and that he was the one who was reported for stealing. He had been notified about it. But then he noticed they matched the description and things escalated from there and according to Wilson, Brown started attacking him and reaching for his gun and the fired was shot killing him. I don’t know what was said in the media but after reading about it online, I didn’t see it as a race issue and my thoughts would still be the same if he was white but my mom thinks if they were white, he would have just lagged behind them until they were out of the way. But that is her own opinion and I see nothing wrong with asking someone to move to the side.

I also saw this article today:

http://staugustine.com/news/local-news/2015-08-21/two-suspects-identified-tuesday-homicide#.Vdn-USVVikp

and if I understood the article, there has been more than one car jacking and three teens just happened to target a man in a Wal Mart parking lot who happened to have autism and he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. How would they even know he is autistic? I thought his condition was irrelevant and why was it even important to report it? That changes nothing for me. The only thing that matters is three teens had committed a crime and they killed a guy to steal his car. Why does autism change it? How is it supposed to change how I feel about it and what I think? How does someone tell that someone has it just by looking at them? Also autism is a vague term because it can mean anything from slight autism to severe autism and they could mean PDD-NOS or Asperger’s and they have gotten rid of all those terms anyway because they are no longer a medical diagnoses but I hear doctors still use them and according to my husband it will be at least 15 years before doctors catch up with the new DSM.

I also remember another incident that happened in January 2009 and an Idaho eight year old girl was arrested for assault. She was looking forward to a classroom party and she wore this cow hoodie she had made. She had given it ears and a tail and black spots and she was told to take it off according to the media but her mother said they told her to tape down the ears and tuck in the tail and she refused so they said she couldn’t be at the party and took her to another room. She tried to leave so teachers grabbed her to keep her from leaving and she started to bite and scratch them so the police were called and she was arrested. She also had autism, Asperger’s to be exact and that changed nothing for me. Okay so she wanted to go to a party and she tried to leave so she attacks the teachers because they wouldn’t let her leave so why is autism even relevant? What if she were a normie? How does autism come into play here? I know plenty of kids resist authority and refuse and lose privileges and then they complain how “mean” the teacher is and as a child, I thought those kids were stupid. I have heard of normal kids getting arrested too and the first time I heard about a kid being arrested was in 2003 and I was about 17. A girl in kindergarten was in class and they do something with Jelly Beans and the girl started to get silly with them so the teacher took them away. Girl throws a tantrum and starts kicking the teacher and doing other things and police are called and she is hauled off in handcuffs. I thought it was dumb she was arrested because she was five but my mom said when a kid is violent, they need to be taken away and yes the police will be involved if a kid is violent and causing harm for others. I remember the girl was black and her skin color changed nothing for me. if she was white, my thoughts would have stayed the same and I didn’t even know she was black at the time so that just shows you how race and disability do not affect my thoughts and perspective. I don’t think my mom knew she was black either when she told me that. Luckily I don’t think they mentioned her race, they only showed a picture of her.

But after having my own children, I can see how a small child can cause harm and how strong they can be. If my son has accidentally hurt me (not enough to give me injuries) just imagine how much worse the pain would be if they were all intentional. So that has changed my perspective about calling the police and I thought schools were doing it because they were tired of parents not doing their jobs as parents so the police will get parents to do their jobs finally. But my husband thinks that is the only way to get the kid help for their violence and I don’t think anymore that parents are wussies about their aggressive children and had I forgotten about Frankie? I thought his mom was a wussie too because she let him control her and she was afraid of him and it wasn’t like he was chasing her with a knife or throwing axes at her but he did tell me he broke other kids bones in his school and my parents and brothers told me he threw the ax at my brothers and did it a few times all on the same day in the same situation and I will never forget that one episode on Dr. Phil about a violent eight year old boy and he would threaten his parents with knives and swing it and Dr. Phil acted like the parents could stop him and the mom kept saying “But he has a knife” and I thought Dr. Phil was being an idiot, hello he has a knife, you don’t think an eight year old can kill and stab? Then I was offended when my mom said “I wonder if he is autistic” and I was so happy when Dr. Phil said he wasn’t. But I remember the parents mentioning him having ODD. Damn it, why is it that every time I hear about that condition, every kid with it is violent? But my mom said that kid needed to be in a hospital. At least Frankie didn’t use knives but if he has, I was never aware of it.

But I think people get so paranoid when a crime involves an autistic victim because they say they were targeted or call it discrimination and I always wonder, what if they weren’t and that still happened? I think the same happens with race too. I know black children are more likely to be suspended from schools for aggression but normal kids don’t get suspended for it and I say that part there is wrong because they should all be treated equal. But if I saw a story about a black student being arrested for bringing a gun to school, I wouldn’t think he was arrested for being black, I would think he was arrested for bringing a gun to school. Unless I hear other stories about white students bringing guns to school and not being arrested for it, then I will reconsider.

I used to do the same thing, anything that would happen to me, I would assume it’s because I am different so I am being targeted and then I snapped out of that paranoia. I had to stop and think, how would this person know I am different. Did this happen because I am different, would this still have happened if I wasn’t different? Did I do anything wrong? Is the person just an asshole? Does this person do it to others?

I don’t think people intentionally target people with invisible disabilities because we all look normal and they wouldn’t know we have anything wrong with us so they treat us like how they would treat anyone who would do it. But to call it discrimination or say they did it because we are different is ridiculous and I do sometimes think people hide behind their labels to blame everything on it and not take any responsibility. I am sure there are people out there who would specifically target someone for being different. I think I met one of them once one point in my life and she was an adult, not a child. Kids don’t know any better because they don’t really understand differences. I didn’t understand myself either so I just thought kids were allowed to do certain things and they had their own special rules to do things so I used to sometimes test the rules in the class to see what I am allowed to do and what my special rule is and I discovered I could scream and shout. No differences made a difference to me. Everything was the same and everything was normal which was why my parents took me out of that class and put me in mainstream full time so i could be with the “normal” kids. You might call it ignorant or say it was cute because I was only seven at the time so I didn’t know any better and trying as hell to explain it to me would have been hard for me to grasp so it was easier to get me out of there and put me with “normal” kids. I was always a copycat which I think is a good characteristic to have even though there are cons to it. My mom did blame some of my problems on that classroom I was in because of all the inconsistencies and that is a problem with self contained classrooms and why parents would prefer for their special needs kids to be with “normal” kids. Everyone has their own rules and everyone has their own needs and limitations so it would be confusing for a special needs child. I am not against self contained rooms because some kids do better in them than they do in mainstream and not all special needs kids are copycats and mimic others. I didn’t do good for me because they didn’t give me normal school work and they weren’t teaching me anything new and not giving me anything to learn other kids my age were learning and I was acting up and mimicking inappropriate behaviors because I thought it was normal behavior and it was school behavior. I was smart enough to know I could do it in school but not at home and school had different rules than at home my mom had set so I followed my mom’s rules at home and I followed the school rules in school.

I was even skeptical when I heard about a Oregon family being kicked off a flight due to fear of autism. I thought there had to be more to the story because to kick someone off because they are autistic is really fucked up. So I read it and sure enough I saw it was due to the mother, she said that her daughter might try and scratch and that is what got them kicked off. She basically told them her daughter was a danger to others and violent. It is the captain’s job to ensure all his passengers are safe and airlines take things so seriously, even anything that is more than 8oz is considered  a weapon so they take it from you and throw it out or anything that looks sharp or even a pair of tweezers or scissors and if someone has a meltdown, they won’t let them on the flight either. What if the girl were normal and she had anxiety or something and her mom said that about her and they still got kicked off the flight? Would people be crying anxiety discrimination? What about someone who is just dramatic and over reacts or has diabetes or Bipolar or just someone who is violent and has no medical issues? Or what about some 15 year old with crazy hormones so it made her get aggressive sometimes? But my thoughts did not change about it because of a label. I say it should have been “Tigard family kicked off flight due to fear of violence” because the mother said her daughter could try and scratch. But media you know, they always do these things and will report someone’s condition if they commit a crime or do anything wonderful. My cousin told me they do it for money and attention and my mom said they do it for reactions and to get more attention. They do the same about race and nationality and I always wonder “How is that even relevant to what they did?”

There was a time in the UK when a man with Asperger’s confronted a bicyclist who was riding on the sidewalk and he got punched hard in the face and fell back and hit his head and died of a head injury. People with autism were calling it a hate crime and saying how he was targeted and how he did it because he was autistic and i say no it was no hate crime because the man didn’t know he had it so how can it be a hate crime. I hear that the aspie called him a racial slur so he got punched. That still doesn’t justify the assault but I doubt this all happened because he was autistic. There is no way of telling who has it just by looking at them. But I can see where other aspies are coming from with it because they were saying if he didn’t have it, he wouldn’t have confronted the bicyclist about riding on the sidewalk because that was against the rules of the shopping center and we tend to be adherence to rules but I certainly wouldn’t confront anyone about it unless I know them because I never know what can happen and I know you are more likely to be assaulted by someone you know than by a random stranger. So that man just rolled the dice unfortunately because he got assaulted by a random stranger, not by the bicyclist, by a different person. But my thoughts still didn’t change about the whole thing and I thought “Wow four years for manslaughter” and I still would have thought that if it were a normie that got assaulted and died.

Then there was another one about an aspie being bullied in school and parents and the principal said he deserved it and it turns out he was the bully according to the comments and that really made me upset. I had been wondering all along why do they think he deserves it and I still would have thought that with a normie kid. But then I got my answer in the comments. I was more upset that people automatically assume someone is innocent just because of their disability and they leave out the fact he bullied other kids and picked on others. I thought about posting those two links on Wrongplanet but didn’t bother. The thread had been dead and I decided to just leave it dead and did it really matter about showing them a different side to the story? Would it have looked like I was trying to stir up some drama so I could watch people argue and fight and be upset about it too? But it did turn into something in the comments because people argued about how aspies can be bullies due to misreading cues and stuff and thinking people are being mean to them and assuming everyone is mean to them. It looked like they were all justifying it as if aspies are not capable of being a bully unless they were bullied first and that it’s all unintentional. Yes I can understand how an aspie can come off as a bully because they might treat others how they were treated and not even realize it’s being mean because they were basically taught to act that way or they can say things like “you have gotten big” and other kids might assume they did it to be hurtful so bam they get disrespect. So those people did have a point too so who did the bullying first, the kid or the other kids? Or the kid could have just been a jerk and anyone can be jerks. But were kids bullying him because he was aspie or because he was a bully? Why not stop all bullying than saying the kid deserved it? If the kid is a bully, do something about it, if other kids are bullies, do something about it too. There, now it would all be even and everyone is happy than making it okay that other kids can bully him but he can’t do it to others.

I have lost faith in the media which is why I am glad I don’t watch the news anymore. Apparently things I read online are reported differently in the media.

And a bonus thing, I had a choir teacher who was a worst bully ever because she was one of those bullies who will only pick one person to go after and bully that person only to make them look crazy so no one will believe them because she is nice to everyone else but to that person. I didn’t know she even did this until she did it to my brother and I lost deep respect for her. I was already out of high school at the time and I realized she did it to other kids too and no wonder I would see kids talk bad about her and I just thought they were being disrespectful and wouldn’t follow her rules. Now I know. But I was surprised she didn’t go after me and I wondered if it was because if she did that, everyone would automatically assume she was doing it because I am in special ed and it was obvious I was different because of the way I functioned and acted and they saw me everyday in school so it was noticeable. This is my point about people with disabilities and races, people automatically assume someone is a target because of their autism or whatever or because of their race. So that would be why my choir teacher dared to not go after me and have me be her target or she would look bad and people would make the wrong assumption about her and also because she knew my aide would stand by my side so that would make me look like the victim and that I am being honest or why else would another adult lie about it by saying the same thing I am saying? So she was smart to leave me be. But I heard she had retired and now the new teacher is having a hard time because the kids really liked the other teacher and they miss her so they don’t like the new teacher. This was last summer when I was told this by my former aide when I went out to Montana to visit and we had dinner together. It doesn’t really surprise me that they liked the old teacher because she was a sneaky bully so lot of kids wouldn’t know about it. I sure didn’t know until it happened to my brother and then I put all the pieces together when I looked back in my school years and now all those signs had been there and I just didn’t see them, no one could which is why the victim suffers in silence and might not tell anyone or no one would believe them and it’s a form of gas lighting I swear because they make the victim look crazy and they even start questioning themselves because no one else is having a problem with that same person but them so it must be them and what are they doing wrong. This bullying is really difficult to spot until it happens to you or anyone else you know you are close to. If this had happened to me, people would have assumed she was targeting me and picking on me because I am different not because it’s who she is and that is what she does to kids and she picks one person so they would have assumed the worst. If I didn’t have an aide, would I have been her target, who knows and would it be due to my disability, who knows. My parents were confused about it too what was happening until they talked to other parents and they discovered the teacher did the same to their child so I bet that made them feel relieved because it wasn’t their son with a problem, it was her. But it did tell them what a bully she is. But I do look back and I wonder if she did things to me I was not aware of because she knew she would get away with it because I wouldn’t have noticed. She had my trust. I remember the time, my choir class put on a little show to our parents and we were in the choir room. We were about to do the Charleston Dance and my teacher told me I couldn’t do it because I didn’t know it enough so I sat out, then at the end she was apologizing saying she thought I was a senior, not a junior. I forgave her, mistakes happen. There was another time when we were going to Spokane to see a play and she talked me into not going, it was pretty clear she didn’t want me coming because she said I wouldn’t understand the play so I would be asking questions, I didn’t go and she knew more than me so I didn’t go because I wouldn’t have enjoyed the play anyway. There were other petty things she did that I overlooked and now I wonder if those were all intentional. She may not have bullied or harassed me but she probably did it differently so I wouldn’t have noticed and knowing what kind of person I am, she took advantage. I finally said something about it to my mother when we were talking about how she treated my brother and I mentioned to her how I used to hear kids talk bad about her and what I thought then about it and the time this girl named Sarah was having issues with her and I thought it was all a misunderstanding because she was a good student so it’s unlike she would be doing anything wrong so I suggested she quit show choir and she did. Then I mentioned if she sort of do it to me too and listed those examples but she did it in a way so I wouldn’t notice. But it’s in the past so I am not mad about it and it didn’t affect me. It wouldn’t surprise me if anyone thought she targeted me for my disability if I told them this story but that is if they know about me. That is an automatic assumption most people make.

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