I had to drop off my computer at fed Ex for it to be shipped out and then I had to get more baby diapers. I stopped at Target and got a case that had the most diapers in it and they all had a sale on cases for $24.99. I got Luvs because they had the most in them and others had less in them. I go to the checkout and pay for them and I also got a protective case for my New 3DS and it came with three touch pens and other stuff. The total came to $34. something and I thought it would be more than that. I pay and then look at the receipt and saw diapers were only twenty bucks rounding. I said “These were cheaper than I thought” and I right away noticed I had said a bad word. Cheap isn’t really as bad word but it’s an insult so I have to keep remembering to not use that word. I found out the hard way at age 24 that cheap is an insult and it had a negative meaning to it. I said it about my aunt and uncle and everyone laughed and then I said it to them in a thank you card thinking they will find it funny but instead it backfired. No one told me what I did and then I had to find out the hard way and then I was mad that everyone in my family laughed about it instead of telling me and they had me believing I told a joke unintentionally. But I had misread the situation and I thought they were laughing because I had said something funny, not because I had said an insult and their laughter was “I can’t believe she said that” and I can remember my mom asking me who taught me to say that and I said “dad” and my mom starts saying his name and my dads denies he ever said it and everyone was looking at him. I also missed this subtle cue too that I had said something wrong. Now whenever someone laughs when I talk, I am left wondering if I was funny or did I say something wrong again. I can’t tell the difference. Then I decided after that to never say the word cheap again and it’s a bad word and all along my parents had been insulting me because my mom calls me a cheapskate and my dad calls me cheap. I have been told I can still use the word but it depends on the context. I find this confusing because when is it okay to say it and when is it not okay. The rule just changes so it’s best to not use this word at all. problem solved. No anxiety about if it would be acceptable to use it or not. But that word still slips out of me because it doesn’t come natural to not use it. That is like having to remember to jump up every time you say the letter “a.” That was an analogy an aspie used on Reddit for what it’s like to use social skills. To me it’s like having to remember all the rules in a classroom setting the teachers make for her students. It took me a while to learn personal space. I had to keep remembering the arm length rule and I would be telling myself all the time “Oh I am too close, back up back up back up” as I was baking away from someone and always sticking my arm out to see if I am too close. Now I don’t have to do that anymore because that started to come natural once I got into that arm length rule habit. It wasn’t easy but it took me a while. I had to keep remembering. Pretty soon not using the word cheap will come natural too. It’s like a terrible habit I have created for myself.
But it’s been six years since the incident so shouldn’t I already be doing this already naturally, it didn’t take me this long to learn the arm length rule after I finally understood the reason for it. I was getting way too many complaints at work because no one would tell me where to stand and where to put my laundry cart. They were like expecting me to read their minds.