My son’s anxiety

Tuesday, August 6th, 2019

My son has always had anxiety but it was inside him and not noticeable. In first grade he mentioned he often had upset stomachs in class but always ignored it. Now they have been getting worse and worse. School got out for the summer and then my parents went out of town so his anxiety got more worse.

First he started saying he was scared and saying he was hearing things. He would even wake up screaming at night. Now he has been complaining about tummy pain and he will freak out over slight pain. When I took my kids to Mount St. Helens, my son freaked out about his tummy and acted like he was in tremendous pain.
When he gets hungry, he also freaks out and acts like he isn’t going to be able to eat at all and there will never be food. He also wants to sleep in my bed and not ever be alone. He says he gets scared. Plus his shyness has just gotten worse. He used to just be able to be in a group and just do it and just respond to people but not he has gone shy and won’t talk at all and it takes him a while to get used to being around new kids before he participates. He wouldn’t even talk to the doctor either when I took him for his anxiety and he used to be able to answer questions. The doctor thinks too much change is the issue here so that was the contribute to his anxiety. She also recommended we spend 20 minutes with him.

He has always gotten upset for stupid things before his anxiety got worse. Tomorrow he finally has an appointment to see a therapist for his anxiety. It will be two hours long.

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How to interact online

Saturday, August 3rd, 2019

After I have been engaging on the internet for seventeen years, I have also been changing how I articulate myself to make it easier for people to understand.

Maybe you have been where I have been before. Maybe you were confused so you try to ask for a clarification because you thought you saw a contradiction in a user and you just wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt but instead they get defensive and get snarky with you for even asking. Maybe someone out of the blue has gotten angry with you and told you you provoke people and you were left in bewilderment. Maybe you have been called a troll from time to time and you are left confused why you would be targeted and randomly attacked. Maybe you have believed you had so many trolls who just liked to target you for some reason and you have been called paranoid or delusional.

I have gotten better at communicating more so I have noticed things have gotten easier online.

1.

“I thought you love cats and now you are saying you don’t like cats?

Say instead:

“I saw you wrote you love cats but on another forum you wrote how you would never own a cat or did someone just take your picture from here and put it in their avatar to use. I am just confused here.”

The first one comes off as an attack and as an accusation and most people do not respond well to personal attacks and to accusations. It just makes it look like you are targeting them so that was probably why you have gotten rude responses.

But when you phrase it the second way, it comes off as not an accusation and not as an attack. You are sticking to their exact wording you felt was a contradiction when they said they would never own a cat. Some people would just assume this person is a troll because of a contradiction they thought they saw than asking for clarification because what else could they be lying about? So just ask before you jump to any conclusions.

2.

“You would be happier at Autism Speaks.”

Say instead:

“There is an Autism Speaks forum and there are many people there who would share your views, have you checked that place out?”

The first one just comes off very negative but the second one comes off as support.

3.

“Is this a new place for you to give advice in?” as a joke in your response to someone.

Say instead:

“It’s great seeing you posting in this section now, do you plan on posting in even more other sections?”

The second one lets that person know you appreciate their posts on the forum and you are happy to see them contributing in another section and hope they contribute further on the forum. The first one could make the person think you are trolling and attacking them.

4.

“Noise cancelling headphones, ear plugs?”

Say instead:

“Have you tried ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones?”

Honestly people thought the first one was fine and the person just wanted something to criticize so she took my comment and used it for something else and assumed the worst in my question. Even my online friend told me what this person did was very dirty and while he disagrees about people blocking others for things they say they don’t like, in this case, this is fine to block this person for this scenario. Sure I could wonder if I had asked it differently, maybe she wouldn’t have treated me so horrible. Story here.
But at the end it doesn’t matter so there is no use thinking about what I could have done different and if the person is unstable, thinking about how to ask this question differently is irrelevant because it is unlikely most people would take it that way. You just block negative people and move on.

2 and 3 actually happened to me on the same forum in 2010 and I got randomly attacked by the people I had responded too. I enjoyed both their posts on the forum but then after that, I never cared for them and didn’t like them anymore and I don’t miss them.

The first one was hypothetical but I really did ask a similar question that was NSFW. I phrased it the second way than the first way and yes he does post at both places and clarified some things I was lost about.

In the end, someone can still get offended or provoked and attack you so that is when you just block them and move on because you don’t need their negativity. No matter how you word things, someone can still misconstrue it and attack or give you a trollish response because some people have problems. Maybe you could have worded it differently but you just keep working on your communication.

On a forum I am on where incident 2 and 3 took place, someone made a appreciation thread on me and I got lot of nice comments. They said I say good things and that I am nice so that told me that I am not the most hated person there and I am not ignored (other members feel that way there too) and that showed me how much I have improved in my communication. I no longer come off as a troll or as provocative. It made my day.

My daughter’s concern about what restroom to use

Tuesday, March 19th, 2019

Back in November, the day after Thanksgiving, my daughter had decided to get herself a haircut. She came in my room and her hair looked awful. I thought it just needed to be brushed so when I brushed it, I thought someone had done a terrible job cutting it. Was it my mom in law that did it? I asked her and she said she didn’t cut any hair.

My son had found scissors in her room and found all her hair in the basket. I gave my daughter a time out for it and told her she was not allowed to play with any scissors or use any.

Her hair looked so awful, it looked like someone had grabbed a knife and chopped it off.

That weekend, I took her to get her hair cut so they can make it look nice. The lady had cut it and made it look so nice. My daughter had straight hair for the first time. I paid the money and we went home. My daughter loved her new hair cut because she didn’t like having long hair so that was why she had cut it. I told her next time to tell us if she wants it cut and not do it herself.

Monday came and I brought her to school and I brought her home and she was already concerned about her gender. She was scared she wasn’t a girl anymore and was scared she couldn’t use the girl’s restroom and she didn’t feel comfortable using the boy’s restroom.

It turns out kids were calling her a boy at school so it made my daughter question herself, she thought having short hair turned her into a boy but my mom reassured her she was still a girl and she could still use the girl’s bathroom. She got over it and was no longer worried about her gender.

Kids got over it too and didn’t call her a boy anymore. And my daughter hates having short hair but I guess this is a lesson she is learning. Don’t cut your hair next time or her hair will get cut again making it short to fix the damage to make it look nice again.

This is how debates are supposed to work

Sunday, December 30th, 2018

Me and my husband were going home after I had picked him up from the store from grocery shopping.

I make a joke about fat shaming and my husband said he wasn’t fat shaming and I told him I was just joking because that is what fat activists would call it. Then I start telling him about activists and how people see things that are not there like fat activists think mentioning medical facts about being fat and how it affects your body is a guise for fat shaming just like how transgender people think people who express concern about the restroom bill about anyone can use any restroom for whatever gender they feel, they say people are saying that out of bigotry against trans.

I told my husband that people are concerned that predators will use the law to go into women restrooms to watch them and stare at them and my husband’s argument was men will do that anyway even without the law. Men were already sneaking in them planting hidden cameras and I told him the concern is men will pose as trans women just to enter the restroom without sneaking. Then I pointed out “that is how debates work, instead of calling someone a bigot or transphobic, you explain why you disagree with their statement which is what you are doing now.”

But anyway my husband mentioned that if a woman gets assaulted or harassed, she can report it and I told him “but the problem is if they do that, they will be the ones charged for harassment because of the law and they would have no way of proving they are not trans.”

This has been an argument on forums about restrooms and who can use them based on gender. Calling people bigots or phobics doesn’t get you anywhere and I don’t think peoples concerns about the restroom bill they are trying to uplift in Massachusetts has to do wit transphobia and I don’t think it’s out of bigotry against trans. No one is saying trans women are just men dressing as a woman to come in women restrooms to peep on them. Women are concerned men will pose as a trans woman to go in there and use the law and the woman will be vulnerable because the predator would be protected by the law that is meant to protect trans people. If someone does say trans women are just men dressed as women and living as one, then that is when you can try and do transgender 101 with them.

I think if people just listen to each other and hear their perspective and drop all the accusations, I bet the topic would be more peaceful and people can actually learn.

Another example I have here is I was once taking my mother in law to the hospital and she expressed her opposition to minimum wage increase. Instead of calling her a bigot and accusing her of not caring about poor people (she is poor herself and on Social Security), I asked her why was she against it and why wouldn’t raising it be a good thing. You can’t live off minimum wage. Her reasons for being opposed to it were out of concern about those on welfare. If their wages increased from minimum wage, it would affect their food stamps and healthcare they get from the state. My argument was people used to live off minimum wage and still be able to pay rent and all their bills and still go to college. My mother in law disagreed that it never was you could live off of minimum wage and still pay for everything. I know that is also true too or else there wouldn’t be social security that started in the 1930’s and food stamps that also started and other welfare stuff. There were even poor people back in the early 1900’s and their kids had to work in factories or work as maids to help their parents. Many of them did not attend school. School was a privilege back then and so was education. Now it’s a right and we make sure every kid can get their education but college is still a privilege. I also know my argument to her was, they can just work less hours then if they need their healthcare. But this could also be another argument about why raising minimum wage would hurt people, it will make people work less and this is what my mom in law said. She is concerned about people who will never get promotions because of low wage jobs they work so therefore they will never get a raise and when they do, it will only be by 50 cents or so and it’s not like they will ever get paid enough to make a living without welfare.

The skit on The Amanda Show.

Sunday, October 28th, 2018

I watched The Amanda Show recently on Amazon Prime. I own one of the episodes and in one of the skits Amanda Bynes plays a student that is a witch. Drake Bell plays a student that knows that she is a witch and all the other students know she is one too. But the teacher is totally blind to her being a witch and doesn’t see the proof she is one even though it’s very obvious she is one.

When I was a teenager, I thought this was a very dumb skit because I couldn’t see the humor in it. All I saw was a student is a witch and the teacher refuses to believe it, how stupid is that?

Being a lot older now and having more experience in life and seeing online how people act and the fact how some people act about Trump still and all this fatlogic stuff about obesity. Some people still think he is a great person and don’t see how bad he is. They believe nothing he says. Some fat activists refuse to believe how excessive body fat can affect you and how much health problems it causes and shows out there like My 600 Lb Life and even BBC has made shows about obesity too and they have all showed health issues each of them had but yet they still refuse to believe it and call anyone fatphobic and call it fat shaming when you mention facts about it. I see this skit today on the show and I finally understood it. It seemed so accurate about humans in life. Something is so obvious and it’s right in front of you but some people still refuse to believe it’s true even though the truth is right there in front of them, it’s very obvious, what more proof would they need? So they made a skit about it making fun of those people. I saw the humor finally and thought it was very accurate. I just couldn’t believe they would put that humor on a teen show but that just shows it’s aimed at adults too.

At the end of the skit, the witch had turned everyone but Drake into lamps and the teacher still refused to buy that her student was a witch. Sadly people are this stupid in real life too you have probably wanted to scream and hit your head on the wall because of how much denial they are in. I am sure you have even been very tempted to call them an idiot because of how angry you are at their stupidity.

Build Your Age disaster

Thursday, July 12th, 2018

I never expected how crazy it would get. I thought I would be spending $11 for my kids to get a Build a Bear. My son wanted a Pikachu. I get to the mall and get inside and get to the first level and the line is long. I talk to the store employee there and she told me the line was closed and didn’t know when it would open again.

Been in long lines before, I knew I would be in it for hours and there is no way my son can wait in it and what if we get hungry or they have to go to the bathroom? Plus I work this evening and I didn’t want to stick at the mall for hours for the line and then wait in it for hours. It would not be possible so we left. My son got upset with me saying I promised him so I told him I did not know this was going to happen and that lot of people were going to show up. I had to carry him through Macy’s when he wouldn’t come and he cried on the way home and fought with his sister. He didn’t seem to understand I did not know many people were going to show up and they would close the line. I also told him he can’t even wait in long lines and what happens if they have to go to the bathroom or get hungry. I would have no way of leaving and no one else is with us to hold our spot.

I came home and put him in his room and he came out and had shaped up. No more fighting with his sister or whining. I also decided to put like $10 away every month so he can get his Pikachu but instead I found a $15 voucher on the website under my account. I thought I was already a member but I lost my account information so I rejoined it by signing in with Facebook. I still have the membership card. So I printed it off and decided I will use that on the Build a Bear for my son for his Pokemon. My daughter didn’t seem to care about all this so she didn’t act up. She just acted neutral and didn’t have behavior.

I came home and found this was a problem all over US, UK, and Canada and many parents and kids were left upset and disappointed. The event was actually cancelled too. I don’t think BAB even expected this would happen because they planned this event and announced it few days prior and only had it for one day. Bam over 1,000 people show up and wait outside the malls hours before opening. At least I wasn’t the only one who had this problem and had one disappointed child. At least I didn’t wait in line for hours to be turned away or drive over an hour or over 200 miles for this event.

Perhaps BAB should do this event for a whole month than for one day. But I have a feeling they won’t do this again or they will only announce it via email to bonus club members to avoid the madness. But I found out they do this for a kid’s birthday who is under 14 years of age so I will look into that when I go to the store next time and see if I have to do the party there for my child to do build a age. If not, I will take my daughter there for her next birthday for her first Build a Bear. But I do not plan on buying any accessories. I want to keep it cheap.

The heat is coming again

Tuesday, July 10th, 2018

Every summer, we get a heatwave that happens for about 3 weeks total all summer long. When it gets up to at least 90, we call it a heat wave. I hear about it in the news, hear warnings about needing to drink plenty of water and being lectured about to keep cool. In Montana, we had hot weather all summer long and not one news anchor would say a word about it other than broadcasting the temperature and the weather guy. There would be no warnings about it or being told to keep cool or where to go to cool down or places to go to to cool off. Everyone just knew what to do in hot weather.

But here, we here all the fuss about this heatwave and where to go to keep cool and what we can do on a hot summer day to cool down and being warned about drinking enough water. How long has everyone lived here now? Shouldn’t everyone now know what to do in this weather? A co worker told me at work maybe they make a big deal about it to draw attention. Bingo, I never thought of that. maybe that is what it is. Make a big deal about 90 degree heat or 100 degree heat and it makes the news more fun to watch. In Montana it would be boring to hear all the time because it’s so normal there. But here because it only happens for a few weeks, it’s fun to hear about it and listen to the fuss.

But there are pros about it here, on hot hot hot days when you go to places, there will be lots and lots of water being offered and free showers to cool down. You won’t see that in Montana. If you want water, you just have to buy it like normal. Pack your own water along. At a family fun center and you need water, just go inside and buy some, they have some there already but you won’t find packs and packs of it. Everyone in Montana knows to bring water. Here in my area, no need to bring any, they will have it there, lots and lots of it.

I hear it is supposed to be hot tomorrow so I was hearing at work, “Are you ready for tomorrow?”

Yeah, we have air conditioned. My kids will want to play in the water.

The Chamber book

Sunday, July 8th, 2018

Spoilers in this post.

I have seen the movie several times so I decided to read the book. The book was slightly different than the movie and it had more details in it and characters. I don’t remember in the movie if Sam Cayhall’s brother Donnie was in it or if he was his partner to bombs the Kramer’s. In the book, it was Rollie Wedge and they were unrelated but worked together. The bomb was meant to go off before the office opened but it didn’t go off when it was supposed to because someone had re timed it and had it set off when Mr. Kramer would be in the office and his boys. Ruth Kramer wasn’t really in the book but only at the beginning and she was then only mentioned in it. Adam didn’t go see her in the book like he does in the movie. Lee didn’t go see her father in prison like she did in the movie and she instead got drunk and drove under the influence and got arrested and then she was gone for the rest of the book until the very end when she decided to burn down her childhood home to destroy the memories in it and the bad stuff that happened there.

The year was 1990 than 1996 and the execution happened August 8th than April 13th. Adam was born in 1964 than 1970ish and he was 16 when his dad committed suicide, not ten. Sam had been in prison for 9 years than 16 years. Adam never gave that one speech in the capital about Sam never having a chance because his dad was a Klansman and so was his grandfather and great grandfather so all he knew was hate. Sam’s brother came and saw him in Prison and gave him the clothes he bought him, Adam brings in Eskimos pies during the visits.

Rollie Wedge never gets caught like he did in the movie at the very end. Sam refused to say his name in the book, he could have right before his execution so Adam could dig into the case and bring proof to catch the man.

Adam never got beaten up in the book like he did in the movie by the KKK.

Adam also had a sister, I don’t remember if he did in the movie, but she came and visited her grandfather in prison and then flew back to California.

Adam never ran from the prison during the execution, he got escorted by Lucus.

The book never mentioned the details of Sam being executed in the chamber like the movie showed.

One thing I learned about the book is John Grisham worked as a lawyer for real and went to law school and the book made me wonder some things. Do states really carry out executions to impress their state residents and to compete with other states that do executions? In the book, the state of Mississippi wanted to keep up with Florida and Texas so they needed to do an execution and picked Sam because of notoriety due to the Kramer bombing. More details were mentioned about his family in the book like his siblings and his wife and his parents, his wife died of cancer in 1977 and Sam took care of her before passing and she despised him in the story but yet never left him. He was about to run off to South America but waited too long because he was already being watched by the FBI when David McAllister decided to reopen the Kramer case. The reason why he didn’t run was because he thought it was all over but by then things were different in 1981 than they were in 1967. So he got convicted and sentenced to death.

But if a US state does decide to do an execution to compete with Texas and Florida, it wouldn’t surprise me. I have heard of plenty fucked up things in politics, one of them was that Arkansas wanted to execute 8 inmates in one month because the lethal drugs were about to expire. To me that just sounded messed up. But the federal judged halted it so that didn’t happen.

One thing I found ironic in the book was Sam hated Jews but yet there were Jews that have actually kept him out of the gas chamber, Jewish lawyers that is. Ironic that Jews would actually defend him to fight to keep him alive behind bars because they were opposed to capital punishment. It took Sam years to fire them all. The book also explained why Sam hated lawyers. They don’t really care about him, they care about getting in the press and making money off him by fighting for him. The lawyers were just doing it for notoriety and Sam hated how he was being used for it. Adam reassured him he was not like those lawyers and it wouldn’t happen and he won’t talk to any press and give them any details. So Sam made a contract and had him sign it or else he is fired if he breaks his promise. Sam also decided to just let him take him as his case for him to practice on.

My son the responsible dog owner

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2018

My brother went to Montana for a wedding so he left his dog at our house. He is a Shih Tzu and he and his ex had him before my son was born so he is that old.

My kids took a like to him so they played with him and liked holding him and my son took him out frequently so he could go potty and he also fed him and had him sleep with him part of the night.

My son has wanted a dog since he was little but I never wanted a dog because I don’t want to house train it or even want to take care of it but he has shown he can do all that. He told me he wanted a Dalmatian and I told him that could be a good dog for him because I bet he could relate to one. They are hyper like he is and they get into lot of trouble when they are bored just like him.

Now I need to see if everyone else in the house wants a dog and a big one. Then I would have to see where I could buy one and also consider vet bills for shots. I know he would potty train it because he would always be watching it and taking it outside and giving him treats each time he pees or poops out there.

Then my brother came back and picked the dog up.

Sorry, Trump supporter, I can’t be your friend anymore.

Thursday, June 28th, 2018

I also feel the same way. I used to give them the benefit of the doubt but now either you are an idiot or you just are a hateful person.

Lucky Otters Haven

bobandsally

Cartoon Credit: Unknown.

A few days ago, I unfriended an old Facebook friend because I couldn’t handle her constant pro-Trump memes and posts anymore.  Later, she asked me why I unfriended her.  I decided to be honest.  She replied that she thought I was being silly for unfriending people over something as shallow as politics.

But she missed the point.   I didn’t unfriend her because I didn’t agree with her politics.  Because it’s not about mere politics.  It’s not about Democrat vs. Republican.   It’s not about liberal vs. conservative.   It’s not about right vs. left.

It’s about good vs. evil.

It’s about whether you’re on the side of the bullies and sociopaths and applaud their scorched earth terrorist tactics vs.  being a decent fucking human being.  It’s about whether you’re on the side of a wealthy group of selfish criminals vs.  the average Joes and Janes just trying to get…

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