Finally

I emailed the city and they got back to me a day later saying the area I reported was in another town so they gave me a number to call. Here everything is conjoined so it’s hard to tell when you enter a new city and where the city boundary line is. It took me about a week to call them because I hate making phone calls. But it turned out well and they are going to take care of those branches that block the traffic light from the driver’s sight.

Also yesterday  I was on my way to the gym when I accidentally took the usual route I always took to get there I have been avoiding. I had been avoiding going that way because of the school zone. But I realized I was going that way so I remembered there was a school zone there so when I see the 20 speed limit sigh, I noticed the words “when flashing” and there were two orange lights above it not turned on. I was so happy they had finally changed it. It used to be Speed 20 school days 7AM-5PM and it would be very confusing. Okay I see cars there so does that mean they are having school? My son doesn’t have school today so do I still need to go 20 and are they having school? When does their school start again? This is what I mean by how confusing this all was until they changed it to lights and now you only go 20 MPH when the lights are flashing. That makes it a lot easier and not so confusing. Plus that takes care of autopilot so no more forgetting to slow down and worrying about forgetting to slow down. That was why I was avoiding go by that school because of speed 20 school days 7AM-5PM sign. I wonder if someone also reported it and they changed it to only when flashing. Now I can go through that area without anymore worries.

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I can now see why my mother hated this show

 

 

When I was 11, my mom tried to get me to stop watching Rocko’s Modern Life and all those years I just thought it was because she didn’t like the show. Just recently I discovered it on TV again and it’s on Nick Splat so I like to record them to watch later. The first episode I had watched when I started seeing it again was where Rocko wakes up one morning and finds his dog Spunky missing. So he is looking for him and then he hears some squeaky sound in the kitchen pantry so he opens the door and there he is with his mop and a white puddle on the floor. I knew what the white stuff was and I knew what he was doing with the mop. But my kids didn’t pick up on it and I wouldn’t tell them. I totally understood now why my mother hated this show. It had adult content in it and this was something kids would not pick up on. They would just think he likes the mop and uses it as a comfort object and his owner is trying to take it away from him like how a parent tries to take the comfort object away from the child. Still I don’t understand the fuss my mother made about the show, did she think us kids would pick up on this stuff?

We watched the whole episode and it had adult content in the whole thing and I knew the mop was more than a comfort object and the pet psychologist was having sex with it and fell in love with it too and took it out on a date while Spunky finds a female dog and falls in love but at the end of the episode it turns out it wasn’t the female dog he was staring at, it was the fire hydrant. I was surprised they would put that on a kid’s show but that also tells me they did that to also entertain adult audience because they figured parents would be watching it with their kids so they will mind as well entertain them too. But I have not noticed any other adult content in any other episodes other than seeing a clip on Nick Spat facebook page about the show and it was where Rocko’s car calls him from the car yard where it got impounded too saying she needed him to come and bail her out now and there was another car saying something to her. The words for the video was how many of us missed this as a kid and I was still confused what I was missing so I read the comments and learned Rocko’s car was about to be raped by the other car and they were making a jail reference because inmates rape other inmates in the cell.

 

But yeah kids do not notice these things and I still don’t understand what parents worry about so they feel the need to ban shows in their home.

Boy how scary

I was driving home from Goodwill after returning something and getting other things in exchange when I get to the stoplight except I couldn’t see it because the trees were blocking it. The reason why I knew the stoplights were there is because I go by there all the time and I saw the red arrow light for the left only turn lane. But it made me concerned about another person, someone else could be driving through there and not know the section well so they might not know there is a stoplight there and by the time they see the light finally, they might not have a quick enough reaction to stop and they would have to slam on their breaks to not go through the red light and that can also cause a collision too if the driver behind them also didn’t know there was a red light. That also made me think someone coming from anything ave could get hit by someone running the red light because they didn’t see it in the right lane they were driving in. Plus even if you know the area well, you don’t even now if the light is red or green if you are in the right lane and you have to look at the arrow to determine what color the light is.

So I contacted the city by emailing them because I couldn’t figure out what number to call. I couldn’t find a number about stoplights or signs being invisible from the road. Also i am not even sure what town this was in because where I live has a bunch of cities in one area and they all conjoin so it’s hard to tell when you have entered another city and where the city boundaries are.  Like do my kids see their doctor in another town or in the city we live in now? I have no idea what town their hospital is in in what city boundary.

But that section sure concerned me. Someone might not be paying attention so they don’t see the arrow light from the right lane or they might not have a quick enough reaction to slam on their breaks and that can also cause them to be rear ended. If I am coming from any Ave, I will mind as well treat that area as a stop sign in case someone comes zooming through the light because they didn’t see it due to the trees.

So glad to have my own room again

It’s like I got my old room back. I remember when my mom moved my husband to the basement and have it meant to be a family area too for our kids and she moved me into my husband’s old bedroom and they moved into my old room from the basement. I realized the bedroom was bigger than the room down in the basement because they could fit all their clothes in there and their stuff than having half of it in the laundry room.  Then when my son turned five, I got moved to the basement and my son got his own room. He moved into my new old bedroom. that was once my husband’s. But for the past year I had been sleeping on the couch in the living room because my husband snores and it was like I didn’t have a bedroom. I got used to not having one because I didn’t need one. I only needed a place to sleep. All my clothes were in the laundry room and my stuff was in the basement too and some of it was in the living room. My mom felt so bad I had to be on the couch but I told her I didn’t get kicked out of my room, my husband just snores. So now I am back in my room and my parents are still moving out of there. All my clothes are up there and my dresser and the TV and my Amiibos and ROB and I have my WiiU in there and the game chair and my Wii and WiiU games and the Wii Fit board and the yoga mat and the Wii controllers and accessories and my Shopkins and keychains. but I won’t get both closets back because my parents will be using one of them for their clothes because they have so many they can’t fit them all out there in their dresser and RV and storage bins. Plus I think they will leave their chest in there and they left their big bed in there. They also left two of their dressers in there so I was able to fit my clothes in there and blankets but I had to put my jeans on the floor in my closet and some shirts because my mom still has her clothes in the bottom drawer and she doesn’t want me touching it. She is someone who likes her things to stay where she has them and not have them moved to another spot for her to go through while my Dad doesn’t mind tossing things into boxes just to get them out of there and go through later. I am the same way. I also got rid of some of my clothes too while moving them all upstairs. I also have too many of them but my mom has more than me. I also got rid of my nursing bras because they got too big for me. I mostly wear sport bras now and I have C cup bras. Nursing shrunk my boobs. Now they are deflated and saggy and when I lay on my back, I look flat chested and they feel like skin when I touch them and squeeze them.

My husband is thinking of moving his computer upstairs to the living room and I told him he better not bring his mess up here. We could move the computer desk up here too and the basement could be his bedroom now and a game room for the old games but I might move the little TV up to my room and maybe one of the IKEA shelves. I am still moving in my new bedroom.

 

Solar Eclipse

Today was the day it happened. I got up early and woke my dad up and my daughter and we all left after eight to drive a little south to see the full eclipse. My husband had the app on his phone he bought for two dollars telling him what zone will be the full eclipse and once we reached that zone, we saw a bunch of cars on the side of the road and we all pulled over and it had already started. It took us less than an hour to get there.

I looked at it through my solar glasses while my kids sat in the trunk and my dad had the cooler out and my husband and my dad stood outside while I sat in the car and waited and I would look at the solar eclipse off and on and the outside got darker and darker and then the moon covered the sun and it was very dark, different than when clouds cover it, and people clapped and cheered and it lasted a few seconds before it started to shine again. Then everyone started to leave and we left too. We tried to get a picture of it but it was too bright. This was the first time I had ever seen a solar eclipse and I hope my kids will remember this too. I hear the next one in the US will be down in Texas so I couldn’t miss this one and thanks to this day, there wasn’t much trash at work or compost or recycling so I figured most people stayed home for the event. So I left work a half hour early because I was done and saw no reason to stay until my shift was over if less people came to work and didn’t make a big mess in the building.

Is this what women complain about?

Ever since I started to go jogging, I decided to wear a sports bra and no shirt and wear work out shorts. I do it to keep cool. But I have noticed some attention like one guy honking at me and then turning back onto the road and then into a parking lot and pulling over and speaking to me in Spanish. Then he drove off fast when I told him I didn’t speak any Spanish. Some guys will honk at me as they drive by or even shout out the window. This doesn’t happen all the time and it only happens sometimes when I work out and it’s really easy to ignore. Is this what women complain about when they show their bodies? Some attention that is so easy to ignore? It’s not like men are following me and calling me names or picking on me. I told my husband about it and he said “You want to get raped?” I said no and I am going to see how much attention I can get and he goes “be careful, I don’t want you to get raped.” I then asked him if that is what women complain about with that little attention and they act like they get it on a daily basis from every person. My husband told me I don’t feel the same way about it as women do and to talk to my mother about it because maybe she will explain it better. I wonder if fat women get attention too or is it only pretty women and thin women? I wonder if skinny fat women also get attention. If so, then that means nothing for my body. I always figure it’s just men being immature so I ignore it.

I decided to move on

I know I would say I would try all week before moving on but since he doesn’t respond to my texts, I decided to just move on so I didn’t call him this morning to tell him I am going for a walk again. I don’t know why he asked for my number and why he said he wanted to run with me but I find it weird he wouldn’t know who I am when I got a hold of him twice and he didn’t fit any of the symptoms for “signs someone likes you more than a friend” (I looked it up) so this was all very strange. He even called me at 5 in the morning yesterday and i didn’t even pick up because I was still sleeping and the phone call woke me up and I didn’t want to talk so I let it ring. I figured it could be him because no one calls this early in the morning unless you have a wake up call requested or if your friends know you are up that early and I told him I get up between seven and eight. But I texted him after I called him that morning and I never got a response. Oh well.

My thin privileges

I keep hearing about thin privileges in the fat community. I realize I take lot of things for granted because I don’t have to go through what fat people go through or even worry about stuff they need to worry about. I have realized what my thin privileges were and they are:

I don’t need to lose 60 lbs or I would be malnourished and in the hospital

When I worked out at the gym and was using the weight machine, the seat was so wide I could set my phone and water bottle right next to me on the chair

I can have my kids sit right next to me on the chair in our house because I am thin enough to fit one of them there

I don’t need to lose weight so quickly when I work out and my weight is dropping because I am not overweight or obese so I can still eat back my calories

I will find my size in clothes in most clothing stores

When I was pregnant, most of my shorts still fit me and my pants so I didn’t need maternity clothes, I only had maternity pants but most of them were big on me and I needed a size small so i went for the smallest size or else the bigger sizes would keep falling down on me and I hate loose pants around my bottom and in my crotch area. I don’t like the feeling of pants falling down and hanging. I do like to wear clothes that are bigger sizes so they feel right on me

I can eat unhealthy in front of people or go to a McDonalds and eat a large meal and not get judged or even worry about it (I don’t order large meals)

I can wear cute clothes

 

 

But then are downsides to being thin:

“Are you on a diet?” when you refuse cake or sweets or ask for a small piece

“You’re not fat” for the same reason above

People assuming you have an eating disorder just because you are eating healthy or not snacking all day or because you refuse sweets or ask for a small piece or because you are having smaller portions

You are working out and people assume you must be anorexic and you are obsessed with exercising

People assuming you don’t eat

People making comments on how much you eat because it’s not a big enough portion to them or because you have ordered a size small. Maybe you just have a small stomach and get full so you don’t want to waste food and money. I am not going to order a large Dairy Queen blizzard because it has all that sugar and 800 calories for a size large? Plus it will be too much ice cream for me and I don’t need all that sugar so I get a small.

Yes my parents make these sort of comments to me and they did today. Comments on my body and saying I am getting too thin and starting to look anorexic and saying I need to eat more food and I told them I eat three meals a day. Plus my weight has not gone down that much. Even my husband is worried about me and thinks I have burned body fat but gained muscle so that is why it seems like I have not lost that much weight.

 

 

 

 

 

I thought I made a friend

Yesterday morning, I met a guy on the sidewalk who lives down the road from me. He wanted to do running with me and he was very friendly and told me about himself like he goes to school and works with computers and told me about it. He also told me how he does track at school but he never feels motivated to work out and was impressed how I can do it everyday and I told him I go to the gym three times a week too and. Then he asked me if it would be okay if he joins me every morning for a run because he does track and he needs to run more often. He also introduced himself and he asked for my phone number so I can call him when I run again. So we exchanged phone numbers and he had me text him so he can be sure he had my number and he called it and it worked.

Evening comes and I call him and I was hesitant to do it because it was eight but I had promised him I would call him when I go run again so I called it and he didn’t answer so I figured he was busy. I bring the phone with me for in case he calls and he did. He didn’t know who I was and he acted like he had forgotten until I told him who I was and we talked that morning and then he remembered me and he said he had to eat so I told him I will call him in the morning and said bye. It was a very quick chat and I liked it because there was no small talk and it was very quick. The reason way I hate talking on phones is because of small talk. People take too long to get off the phone. I already felt I could relate to this guy because maybe we will have things in common. I was also fantasizing once we know each other more, I could start inviting him over and play video games together.

Morning comes and I get up late so I started out late. I still called him and he didn’t answer again so I figured well it’s Sunday so maybe he is at church.

Then I started to think wouldn’t he have told me he wouldn’t be available the next day because he has church? But wait if he wasn’t interested in running with me, why would he ask for my number? Then I started thinking what if he was hitting on me and this was just a speed date he was doing when he ran with me to my house? How can we tell if someone is hitting on us and if they want more than a friendship? Should I assume every man that talks to me is hitting on me? What if it was another woman, would that mean she is a lesbian or bisexual? Or maybe he was looking for a friendship but decided we didn’t have anything in common after that short talk when he asked me questions. But why would he ask for my phone number then and say he wants to run with me?

With autism or OCD we all tend to be analytical. I get analytical when things don’t make sense so I start to overthink things to figure it out. He could have been hitting on me and I didn’t pick up on it. He could have just asked for my phone number and then reject me. Maybe he really was busy on Saturday night and he was at church on Sunday. But it’s too soon to tell if he was hitting on me and just being polite when he got my phone number or if he is just busy. I will try all week calling him and if he never answers, I will move on assuming he was just hitting on me and I didn’t pick up on it. Sometimes we have to make assumptions or we would all be harassing each other. He didn’t call me back this time but it’s Sunday so he could be at church. If he doesn’t ever call back, it’s because it was too late to call me because I already ran. But I won’t know for all week to know for sure. My rule of thumb is if I can never get a  hold of someone and they never call me, move on.

“I tried anorexia”

This is what Megan Trainor said and it got a bunch of people upset especially for those with anorexia and former ones. I just thought it was ignorant. She obviously thinks it’s a life style and a diet choice. She seriously thinks people decide to have anorexia to lose weight but from my personal experience it doesn’t work like that. It happens gradually and then it springs out of control it becomes like an addiction or an obsession and you can’t stop and before you know it, you learn you have an eating disorder or find bones visible on your back or you see your rib cage or you are finding yourself constipated or always tired or feeling like passing out but you are still fat but everyone is telling you you are so skinny and your doctor is telling you you are underweight but you still see these big legs and your big thighs and your big butt and you want to be smaller and everyone is glossing over those things about you. No one decided one day “I don’ like my body so I am going to change it, oh I will have anorexia to get skinny and then my body will be all perfect.” I was diagnosed with anorexia when I was 21 even though I wasn’t a skeleton and I wasn’t skinny like those anorexics we often see in photos but yet I was still deemed underweight by my doctor. I never had a tube down my throat nor have I ever done diet pills or excessive workouts or eat ice cubes or line food up or food cans or roll food on my plate, or do any crazy tricks they do. I don’t consider myself an anorexic and never had. That was just a label that was put on me by a doctor and I don’t consider myself underweight because I look like none of the bodies in the underweight photos. My BMI is normal too.

I found a thread about it on Reddit and it sprung into sarcasm with people saying they will try Bipolar or how they tried OCD when their house was a mess and some were saying they tried anorexia for four years and it got them weak and hospitalized and I figured they were serious there but not about trying the anorexia part. I am sure some comments in that thread were serious because people there were admitting about their ignorance of disorders by saying how they tried a disorder. I tried ODD when I was 16. I was ignorant and I was a kid then and still in high school so I had no understanding of disorders then so I just thought they were labels doctors made to give people for their differences and I was given labels for me being different. But I thought ODD was a thing kids did to get their way and get control and be happy because I saw how much control Frankie had over his mom and how she always gave into him so I tried it. I tried to hit my family and tried to break things and be strong about it to get my way so my life would be easier and there would be no more anxiety and I would feel safer in my own home. But instead that got me a threat of being sent out of the home to a mental hospital if I hit again. So I stopped trying ODD. but because that thread was achieved because it was older than six months, I couldn’t comment.

Here is the thread:

Meghan Trainor: "I tried Anorexia" from rage